Two Realities
by Latenightmom
Summary: What if the shooting took place one day earlier while Alicia was waiting in court for Will? Who would get shot? Will, Alicia, or both? Who lives? Now there are two realities. Which one is real? Which one isn't? What if the two collide somehow?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N I had this idea come to mind a few weeks ago. Two realities, which one is real, will they collide somehow? I am missing the personal side to the show right now, so I had to add some personal for my benefit. I promise this one has a happy Will/Alicia ending. Let me know what you think. **

**Chapter 1**

**The Shooting**

Alicia and Cary were sitting at Alicia's desk. She's about to ask Cary if he will be her lawyer for the Dubeck deposition. But then the phone rings.

"Alicia Florrick, No, Mr. Grant, your son is mid trial. Mr. Gardner is Lockhart Gardner's top litigator. I'm sorry, but you're in good hands." She hung up, and looked at Cary.

"Wow, what are you doing?"

"Just trying to cool the waters Cary." She says standing to leave.

"Where are you going?"

"To court"

"Why? You don't have a trial today."

Alicia just looks at him, then turns to walk out of the office. Once she gets to the court house she finds the court room where Will's trial is. She hesitates before opening the door.

_This is not a good idea Alicia, Will is going to be pissed when he sees me. I have to tell him. I have to let him know the Grant's are thinking of finding new council. I will just tell him they called when he gets a break, and then leave. We don't have to have a long conversation. He may not even let me tell him. But it's worth a try. _

She opened the door and walked in taking a seat a few rows behind the the defense table. Will turns and looks at her with that all too familiar glare she's gotten used to over the past few months.

_Maybe this wasn't such a good idea._ She thinks to herself.

Will turns back around, caught off guard with Alicia in the courtroom. _What in the world is she doing here? Probably trying to throw me off my game. Real low Alicia, real low. How did she even know I was in court today?_

Things move along. Some time later the judge calls Will and Finn to the bench. As they approach, Alicia looks down at her watch, 11:00am,

_Maybe the judge will break for recess soon. I can't wait here all day. _

While the two lawyers are talking with the Judge, Jeffery turns and looks at the guard next to him, specifically the gun in its holster. He's nervous. The detective whose testifying just put at least one nail into his coffin. And he's tired of getting beat up in holding.

Before anyone has time to blink Jeffery grabs the gun and starts shooting. The first bullet hits the detective, then more bullets. Things are in chaos, bullets flying everywhere. People are screaming, and running. The glass at the back of the court room shatters.

Will, Finn, and the Judge duck, but just as Will goes down he remembers Alicia. He doesn't know what to do. All of a sudden he's forgotten this ridiculous feud they've been in, and is only concerned for her safety. He stands back up, he can't see her. Just then a bullet hits him, then another. He falls down, and Finn tries to pull him to safety.

Alicia is terrified. She doesn't know how it happened, one minute she was looking at her watch now she's lying on the floor. Someone next to her pulled her down when the gunfire started. She see's blood, blood coming from her but she can't tell where.

_What is going on? Gun shots, I hear gunshots. Where is all this blood coming from? Pain, I feel pain. Did I get shot? I think I've been shot. Will, I can hear Will, he's calling my name. _

"Will, Will," she tries to answer back, but she can't. More blood, she's not feeling well now, things are spinning. _I need to know if he's okay. Someone help me please, I need to find Will._

"Will," she tries to call again, but she can barely breathe. Her eyes are growing heavy, but she see's someone next to her, a women. She grabs the woman's arm, and tries to speak again. But then everything goes dark.

"Alicia, Alicia, where are you?" Will called again.

"Mr. Gardner, stay down." Finn grabs Will preventing him from standing. "The officers will get this under control in a minute. You have to stay down. You can't risk getting shot again."

"But I need to know if she's alright." He tries to get up again, but his leg hurts, and then he notices the blood coming from his shoulder, _no his neck_, he can't tell. He starts to feel faint, but fights it. He has to know if she's alright. He starts calling for her again.

"Alicia, Alicia, please answer me."

"Will, I'm sure she got out. I think we are the only ones left in the court room, and Jeffry's gun is empty now," Finn said, to try and reassure him.

He continues calling her name, but it gets harder and harder to stay awake. He soon falls into unconsciousness.

/

"Kalinda, what's going on?" Diane asks, as she peeks through the door from courtroom down the hall. "Was that gunfire?"

"I don't know, I think it came from Will's court. Stay here I'll go check it out."

"No, I am coming with you."

"Okay, come on,"

The two women head down the hall. The police have been in, and bring Jeffery out in cuffs.

Kalinda walks up to one of the officers whom she is familiar with. "Where are the lawyers? Did they get out?" Concern written all over the two women's faces.

"Two of them have been shot, and aren't doing well. The paramedics are on the way."

"Both lawyers were shot?" Diane asks

"Yes, well no. There were three lawyers in the courtroom. Two of them have been shot. I'm sorry, but I really need to get back to this." The officer turned his attention back to his task.

Kalinda and Diane look at each other puzzled. "Maybe they had another ASA in court this morning. Will didn't have any one else with him." Diane offered.

"Do you know the names of the lawyers, the ones that got shot?" Kalinda asks, interrupting the officer once again.

The officer turned and looks at her, but doesn't say anything. Both women know from the look on his face that one of them must be Will. Kalinda pushes past him, and Dian follows. The officer pretends to try and stop them, but let them through.

They enter the courtroom and walk down the aisle. There are traces of blood splattered all around. As they get to the first person lying on the floor they both gasp, and look at each other shocked and confused. Alicia lying on the floor covered in blood, and a women sitting next to her trying to stop the bleeding.

"Please, can you help me? I can't get the bleeding to stop. The paramedics need to get here quicker. I don't think she will make it without some real help," she said in desperation, tears streaming down her cheeks. "This is the Governors wife isn't it?"

"I… um… yes. Is she still breathing?" Diane asks, bending down, placing a finger to Alicia's neck.

"Yes, but barely, please can you help?"

Kalinda kneels down next to her. Diane grabs Alicia's coat from the floor and tries to help stop the bleeding coming from Alicia's neck. Then she turns to Kalinda.

"What was Alicia doing here?"

"I have no idea!"

"Find Will."

Kalinda stands, and walks down to the front of the courtroom. She turns and sees Will lying on the floor, also unconscious, and bleeding. Finn is holding his hand, but can't do anything because he was shot too.

"Please, he needs help. I can't help him."

Kalinda leans down, and tries to put pressure on Will's shoulder wound to help slow the bleeding.

"Diane," she calls. "He's over here. He's in as bad a shape as Alicia."

"Kalinda what are we going to do?"

"Just hold on Diane, the paramedics will be here soon, and then we start calling everyone."

They both stick to their tasks, tears falling from their eyes.

/

Two hours later Diane, Kalinda, Cary, Eli, Peter, Robin, Grace, Zach, Owen, Jackie, and Veronica are all sitting in the surgery waiting room at the hospital. They have been given a private room since there are so many of them. Then Grace notices one of the doctors walking towards them.

"Which surgeon is that? The one for mom, or the one for Will?" Zach asks.

"I can't tell." Peter responds.

Everyone holds their breath when the doctor enters, and removes his face mask. Their hearts sink. He wears a very sullen look across his face.

"Will's just come out of surgery. It doesn't look good. He pulled through surgery. But at this point, I am not willing to say either way whether or not he will make it through the night. He lost so much blood, they both did. And the entry wound in his shoulder was very near crucial arteries. The wound in his leg was not bad. It will heal up just fine if he makes it. I am very sorry."

Everyone's eyes remained glued to the surgeon.

"And what about Alicia?" Kalinda asks

"She is still in surgery. The wound in her neck was much worse than Will's. I need to get back in and help with her. Again I am very sorry."

They sat and waited for another hour.

"How long is this going to take Dad?" Grace asked her father.

"I don't know honey. But hey, it probably means she will make it. If they didn't think that, they would have given up by now," he said, trying to reassure her. A few minutes later two surgeons walked in. They held the same sullen look on their faces as the first one had an hour before.

"Alicia has come out of surgery, but she barely made it. The bullet was lodged in her neck in a spot where we couldn't leave it. It was very complicated to get out. Even if she does pull through, there is a very high chance of neurological damage. The next twenty four hours will be very crucial for both of these patients. And we have to be honest with you. There is not a very good chance that either of them will make it. They are both in the recovery room, but unconscious. Alicia has been put into a medically induced coma for now. You are welcome to go in and see them. But please only two at a time. Please feel free to ask us any questions you may have, and if you need anything please let the staff know."

After the surgeons left they all sat in the room, and just looked at each other. No one knew what to say. No one wanted to think about what would happen if one, or both died.


	2. Alicia Lives

_**Four Months Later. ****Alicia's Reality**_

Alicia and Cary stood outside their offices, mid-argument over merging their firm with Diane.

"I'm tired Cary," Alicia said exasperated.

"You're not tired because of work!"

"What is that supposed to mean?" she said, defensively.

"You know what that means. You put on a good front Alicia. You have done a better job than most would have. You recovered from those bullet wounds faster than anyone expected. You fought through and came back to work a month after it happened - a medical miracle. To most people you seem fine. But Alicia, at some point you have to face the fact that even though that bullet didn't kill you, a part of you did die that day!" It was time for brutal honestly, and he wasn't backing down to the glare she shot him.

"Will died, he's gone, and you have to face that. Top it all off with the fact that your oldest son is leaving for college in the next few days. When was the last night you actually got enough sleep? Alicia, this merge is just an easy out for you because you're worn down from all the personal trauma in your life!"

"So you think my wanting to merge with Diane is because of Will? Because you think I am looking for an easy out? You think I'm tired because I haven't gotten over Will being gone? How dare you Cary!" She pointed a finger at him.

"I have moved on from Will. You weren't there all the nights in the hospital after hours of physical therapy when I cried myself to sleep. I cried enough in that month to last a lifetime. I had hours to think about him, and to make my peace with his death. I closed that book three months ago when I left that hospital. I'm tired because we are barely floating above water. We have worked endless hours for seven months, and it isn't working. I want to merge with Lockhart, Gardner, because it's smart. It's smart for both firms. With you and I and Diane on the same team we can vote Canning out. Then it will be our firm anyway. Having Diane as a third partner is smart. So don't you dare blame my wanting to merge on my personal life."

"What if Canning and Lee can pull together more votes than the three of us? What happened to running _our _firm the way we want? Working our way to the top?"

"We will make it to the top faster if we merge. Look Cary, I don't want to argue anymore. I think it's smart to merge. Let's just put it to a vote tomorrow. I have to get some things done for work, and then I have to go attend my son's graduation, and dinner party. Which may or may not be a disaster by now because I couldn't take the afternoon off to prevent my mother and mother-in-law from taking over!"

"Okay, tomorrow then."

Alicia turned to walk back into the building

"Alicia"

"What?" She turned and looked at him, her features more calm.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought up Will."

"Cary, it's okay. It's part of what makes our partnership work. We are both honest with each other, and not afraid to tell the other one what we think. If there's one thing I've learned the past four months, it's that you should always tell the people you care about the most, what you really think. You may not get a second chance."

/

Later that night after everyone had gone, and Grace was in bed, Alicia sat on the sofa pondering what Cary had said.

"_You're not tired because of work." He's right. I feel like I'm suffocating. I'm so extremely tired. I feel like I haven't breathed for months. I have put Will out of my mind for the most part, but today was one of the hard days. One of the days I just wish he were back, still alive. But this tiredness has come on strong the past week. Along with the recurring pain in my neck. It's probably just stress. If it's not gone by next week I'll go see the doctor. No need to worry anyone if it's nothing. _

She got ready for bed, and fell into a deep sleep, brining on a very vivid dream.

"_Alicia" _

"_Hey Will!" _

"_So how's your first week with us been?" He stepped into her office and sat on the chair across from her. _

"_It's been good, really good! Thanks again for hiring me!" She smiled over to him._

"_No problem! You're doing a great job on this case for Diane."_

_She looked away. "I don't know about that. Does she yell like that to other associates?"_

_He chuckled, nodding his head. "Yes, actually she does. But only when she feels threatened, or thinks someone is overstepping their boundaries. Don't worry about it. I thought the whole thing was hilarious. It's not often that I get to see Diane scramble. Keep up the good work!" _

His smile seemed so real, she could almost reach out and touch him. He seems so close she could smell his cologne. But this was only a dream. Her mind jumped to a few months later when he'd come and sat next to her outside the court house after Peter lost his first appeal. All he'd sad then was that he was sorry. Now in her mind he was saying more. Probably things she'd wished he'd said.

"_I'm sorry. I really am. Are you okay?"_

"_Thank you, and yes. I wasn't really sure I was ready for him to come home yet. I mean I planned on him being in prison for ten years." She turned and looked at him._

"_Well for what it's worth, what Peter did to you and your kids, wasn't okay. I just wish I could take all the pain and hurt away. I wish I could make it so that he would never be able to hurt you again. You put up a great front, but your eyes deceive your words. I learned all to well how to read those eyes back at Georgetown. You deserve someone who really loves you, who really cares about you."_

"_What are you saying Will?" Completely caught off guard she turned to face him. _

"_I'm saying that…" he paused. "I'm saying that I care, and if you need someone to talk to, I hope you know you can talk to me. You deserve to be happy Alicia!"_

Her mind jumped ahead again to nearly a year later.

"_You want to know what my plan is? My plan is I love you. I've probably loved you ever since Georgetown. So call me back."_

_She imagines calling him, and waking him up in the middle of the night. _

"_Hello"_

"_Will," _

"_Alicia? I… I didn't think you would call me back tonight. What time is it?"_

"_It's three in morning. Will, I'm sorry to wake you, but I'm standing outside your front door. Could you come let me in?"_

"_You're here?" he said, pushing the blankets aside, heading for the front door. _

"_Yes" _

_As soon as he closed the door behind her she kissed him. The next thing she knew they were in his bed together. An hour later as they lay there together tangled up in each other, he was the first to speak. _

"_So I take it you got my message?" A broad grin spread across his lips. _

"_Yes, and we need to talk. But I am tired right now. So can we just go to sleep and talk about things in the morning?"_

"_Alicia, it is morning!" She rolled her eyes, and playfully slapped his arm. _

"_I know!" She closeed her eyes curling her body into his. _

"_I have to tell you something before you fall asleep," he said. _

"_What?"_

"_I love you, and I am not going to let this go. I am not losing you again."_

"_Again?" Her eyes opened again. _

"_Yes again. I lost you to Peter once at Georgetown, and I'm not losing you to him again. I am going to fight for this Alicia. What ever it takes, I'm here. I am willing to make as many plans as we need. I'm willing to fight through all the "noise". I want to go to the parent teacher conferences, and the soccer games. I'm willing to do whatever it takes. I want to be with you… because I love you." They fell asleep in each others arms. _

When she woke in the morning she was still in her bed, at her apartment. The other side of the bed was still made, the sheets cold.

She was struck by how real the dream had seemed._ It was like he was right here next to me. Cary is right, I am not over him. What am I going to do? No time to ponder. I've got to get to breakfast with Diane, and Cary._

She crawled out of bed._ Darn neck pain. I'd really rather just stay here and sleep all day._

**A/N; Will's reality in Chapter 3. **


	3. Will Is Alive

**A/N; Wow! Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews, and encouraging comments. I have to warn you this chapter is depressing nearly to the end. So don't stop reading in the middle of this chapter. Hang in there with me. I promise things get happier for the most part after this. Please review! **

_**Will two months after the shooting**_

"You ready to head home big brother?" Aubrey asks, as she entered the hospital room.

"Yes, I just need to make one stop first."

"What?" Aubrey asks, a little confused. "You've signed all of the discharge papers, and you are getting around on those crutches pretty well these days."

"I want to see Alicia," he says, looking over to his sister who is shocked now.

"You think you're ready for that?"

"Yes, I've been avoiding it for six weeks, ever since the doctors let me out of this bed to start physical therapy. It's time to face reality Aubrey."

"Okay I will come with you. She's just up one floor." They move out into the hall.

"No, I need to do this alone. Will you just please wait for me in the car downstairs. I'll try not to be long."

"Okay, but Will, you need to know she doesn't look like herself. She's hooked up to all kinds of machines that are keeping her alive." She doesn't think this is a good idea at all, but who is she to tell her older brother what to do?

"I know. It'll be fine. Don't worry."

"Okay" Aubrey headed down the hall with his bag. Will started his walk to the elevator. When he got to her room, he paused at the door.

_Maybe I'm not ready to do this. Stop being an idiot. If it were me she would have been here everyday - probably. I haven't even been to see her once. What am I so afraid of?_

He's brought back out of his thoughts by a voice calling his name.

"Will"

He turned to see who it was. "Oh, hey Peter."

"Don't even think about it!" Peter said sternly, as he reaches Will.

"Excuse me!"

"Don't even think about going in there!" Peter moved to block the door to Alicia's room.

"What? Peter look, we have our differences, but I was her friend. I just want to see her."

"No, I'm not going to let you see her just so you can rid yourself of the guilt."

"Guilt about what?"

"You know this was your fault. But you recovered your going home today. Seeing her is just your way of not feeling guilty about leaving this place, and her not being able to."

"Oh yeah, how is her being in a coma, and on life support my fault?"

"Because, she still had feelings for you. The only reason she went to court that day, and didn't phone instead, was because she wanted to tell you about your client in person. She felt some sort of responsibility, like she owed you something. She wouldn't have felt it necessary if she didn't have feelings for you. She didn't owe you anything. Especially, after the way you treated her." Peter's face was within inches of Will's. Will backed up.

"Look Peter, I am not about to get into this with you. I'll go, but this is not my fault. If anyone is to blame it's you. You were still State's Attorney when that murder took place. It took over a year for your office to investigate, and finally bring it to trial. So don't blame me!" Will turned and headed back down the hall. He was angry now, but not willing to put up the fight today.

"Wow! That was fast," Aubrey said, starting the car.

"I didn't go in," he said, sighing heavily.

"What? Why?"

"I couldn't. I'm not ready yet." It was a partial lie, but he wasn't ready, or willing to have the discussion with Aubrey.

"Please Aubrey, let's just go home. I'm tired, that's more walking at one time then I've done in weeks. I need to rest."

She didn't push the issue, and drove them home in silence.

_**Two Months Later**_

"Diane, you have a call from the Governor." Diane's assistant informs her.

"Okay, put him through."

"Hello Peter, how are you?"

They talked for a few minutes, then she gets ready to hang up.

"Okay, thank you so much for calling. I will let everyone know. And Peter, I am very sorry, I really am." She hung up the phone, and sat allowing the eminent gloom come over her. She glances across the hall to Will's office. Then notices Kalinda walking past, and calls to her.

"Kalinda," she calls, standing from her desk.

Kalinda stops, and comes into her office. "Hey what's up?"

"Come with me. There is something I need to tell you, and Will."

Kalinda noticed the concern on Diane's face, but didn't say anything. They enter Will's office as he finished up some final paperwork for his trial that day.

"Will, we need to talk," Diane said, as they entered his office. She closes the door behind them.

He doesn't even look up, continuing his work. "Okay, but I have to go to court soon, so it will have to be quick."

The two women sit in the chairs in front of his desk. When Diane remains silent, he looks up.

"What?"

"Will, I just got a call from Peter."

"And what does Peter want today?" he said, with a hint of irritation in his voice, looking back to his paperwork.

"Will, he's agreed to let the hospital take Alicia off life support in a few hours."

He stopped reading his notes and looked up. He stares at her with a blank look in his eyes, speechless.

"When?" Kalinda asks.

"Peter wanted to give anyone who wanted to, a chance to see her one more time before they do it. So he was thinking around two this afternoon. But it's not for sure. Once he thinks everyone's seen her, and said their goodbyes, then they will do it. The doctors don't think she will live more than an hour or two once the machines have been turned off."

"What made him finally decide?" Kalinda asks.

"She hasn't made much progress since she came out of surgery that first day. But we all knew that. Peter and the kids don't want to keep her on the machines any longer just in the hopes that someday she will make some progress. They need to move on, and they don't feel it's fair to her."

Both women turn to Will, waiting for him to say something, but he doesn't.

"Kalinda, will you let everyone know please. Then if you want you can ride to the hospital with me."

"Sure" She gets up and leaves Will's office.

"Will, you need to go see her!" Diane said, sternly.

"No Diane."

"If you don't, you will regret it for the rest of your life."

"Diane, I have a trial today. I need to be there, not at the hospital waiting for Alicia to die."

"It's an excuse Will. You know as well as I do that someone else could take care of court today. Your second chair for instance. And since we're on the topic of work, when in the past two months have you cared, really cared, about work?" Diane folded her arms across her chest.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Will said, standing from his desk and moving towards the window.

"You know what that means. You have been back here in the office for nearly two months, but we both know that your head hasn't been in it."

"Do you really want to have this discussion now Diane?" Will said, raising his voice.

"Yes, we need to!" Diane stood, and walked closer to him. "I don't get it. I don't understand why you haven't once gone to see her. You were one floor below her for two months, and you never went to see her."

"How do you know I haven't gone to see her?" he shot back.

"I know! You wouldn't be acting the way you are if you had, so why? And don't tell me it's because you just can't do it. You just can't bring yourself to do it. I know you love her. I've always known it. And not going to see her before she dies isn't going to do you or anyone else any good. It will just make things worse. You owe it to yourself and her to say goodbye."

He lowered his tone before continuing. "First of all Diane, I have been doing plenty of work the past few months."

"I didn't say you hadn't. Your billable hours have been through the roof. I just meant that I need your head back in the game. I need you here every day making decisions with me for the firm. I need your opinion on cases, your honest opinion, not the easy opinion. I need your support again at staff meetings. Will, I want my friend and partner back."

"Look, I am sorry if I haven't been supportive the past few months. I have a lot of respect for you Diane. And I appreciate how supportive you have been. As far as me not going to see Alicia, you're partially right. I have avoided it. But I have avoided it for a few reasons. Yes, I do love her. I have loved her for half my lifetime. I feel guilty for the way things were between us before the shooting. I will always regret not being able to tell that I'm sorry. I don't know if I can handle seeing her the way she is now. I don't want for my last memories of her to be images in that hospital. I'd prefer to keep the good memories that I already have. When Peter called did he name the people he thought should come, or did he just say anyone who wanted to? "

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I went to see her the day I was released from the hospital. I tried to anyway. Peter stopped me. He said he wasn't going to let me see her. He blames me for her being shot."

"He what?"

"He blames Alicia's feelings for me, as the reason she was in court that day. Therefore, it is my fault she got shot. And you know what? He's probably right. I don't have any right to go see her when I'm the one that put her there in the first place." He turned and stared out the window.

"Will, that is the most ridiculous, absurd, thing I've heard in a long time. I can't believe you would let Peter put that nonsense into your head, and that you would believe it. It is not your fault Alicia got shot. You got shot too. You can't blame yourself. Jeffery is the one who pulled the trigger on that gun. Not you. Peter said anyone who wanted to, was welcome. And it's been two months since you've seen him. I'm sure he's not thinking that anymore. Even if he is, you can't let that get in the way. You need to see her Will."

He walked back to his desk, and grabbed his briefcase. "No, and once she's gone I am leaving."

"You're leaving? On vacation?"

"No Diane, I leaving Chicago. I'm leaving the firm."

Diane tried to say something, but he put his hand up to stop her. "Everywhere I go I see her. I have memories of her everywhere in this city. The courthouse, my favorite bars, and restaurants, my apartment, this office." He looks around. "Especially this office. When I am in here sometimes it seems like she is too. It is the strangest feeling. I almost think I can feel her. It's like we're working in here simultaneously, like it's her office too. She and I spent a lot of time in here not just working. Talking, and…" He sighed and looked away.

"Well what you two had was more than just friendship, or love. You two were meant to be together. Despite what I have said in the past, and I'm not backing down, but I am very sorry you two didn't end up together."

"I need to start over. I can't keep living someplace where all I want is for her to be with me. I haven't left yet, because I guess I figured there was a little hope. That somehow she would wake up. But that isn't going to happen now, and I need to move on. I will stick around for as long as you need to make a smooth transition. You deserve that. You deserve more than that, but I can't, I just can't be here anymore. You should think about trying a merge with Cary."

"With Cary?"

"Yes, he's a good lawyer Diane, and he'd be on your side. Now that his firm will be without Alicia. he'll need some help. Convince him and his all their clients before it's to late. Not to mention getting Chum Hum back wouldn't be the worst thing in the world either!" He smiled and headed for the door.

"Will I"

"Diane we can talk about this more later, but I am going to be late for court."

"Will"

"No Diane, I won't do it." He exited his office and headed for the elevator.

/

By eight in the evening, the waiting room in the hospital looked much the way it had four months earlier. The same people were sitting together waiting. There were far more swollen eyes than there had been the last time. It had been six hours since the machines had been turned off. Diane turned to Kalinda.

"Kalinda, come walk with me. Kurt, I'll be right back." The two women stood and walked down the hall towards Alicia's room.

"So what's up?" They stopped at the door to Alicia's room. Diane turned to Kalinda.

"She's waiting for him."

"What do you mean?"

"Kalinda, she's been alive four hours longer than they thought possible. She's barely alive, but she's holding on. I know this sounds crazy, especially coming from me. In fact I can't even believe I'm saying it, but we need to get Will here. They both need to let each other go."

Kalinda nods and pulls out her phone. She got his voicemail.

Will was sitting in his office when his phone buzzed. He glances at the caller ID. He's pretty sure he knows what the call is about so he doesn't answer. It beeps again a minute later indicating he has a message. He reluctantly holds the phone to his ear, and listens.

"Hey Will, it's Kalinda. Listen, Alicia is still alive - without the machines. You really need to come see her. Everyone is here. You should come. Call me back."

He hung up, and continued staring out the windows.

An hour later the doctor came to speak with the group. "Her vitals haven't changed in seven hours. We have no reason, or indication, to believe that anything will change before morning. I guess what I am saying is that I think you all should go home and get some rest. Mr. Florrick, I promise if there is the slightest change in her I will call you immediately. It's been a long day for all of you, go home and get some rest." Everyone was hesitant, especially Zach and Grace, but being reassured by the doctor eventually pushed them to all leave.

An hour later Will entered the hospital. He headed up to the floor where Alicia was.

"Excuse me, but can you tell me which room Alicia Florrick is in?" He asked the nurse at the nurse's station.

"I'm sorry sir, but visiting hours are over for the day."

"Please, I just need to see her for a minute."

The attendant, not aware of Alicia's circumstances, insisted he couldn't. But then one of the nurses who was aware, and recognized Will, approached them.

"It's okay Janice. He can come on back. Will, come with me."

He followed her down the hall to Alicia's room. The room was dim, and quiet. Will was surprised no one else was there.

"The only machines they have hooked up to her are keeping track of her vitals." The nurse informed him. He stood near the door at first, hesitant to walk further.

"How is she?"

"Considering she was supposed to die seven hours ago - really good! But her vitals are very slow. She is barely here. Quite frankly the doctors are surprised she's holding on. If she is still this way in the morning they will re-insert the IV for fluid, and nutrition."

"Is she in pain?"

"We don't have any way of knowing. I will leave you alone." She turned and left him to his thoughts. He moved closer to the bed, and pulled up a chair. This was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do. He sat and watched her for a few minutes before saying anything.

_You're still so beautiful. So peaceful, so perfect. Why did this have to happen? You shouldn't have been hit in the cross fire._

He reached up and took her hand into his. It was warm, not what he was expecting. He didn't know what he was expecting, but it wasn't to feel her so warm.

"Hey Leesh," he had to pause to swallow the huge lump in his throat.

"It's me. It's Will." This was going to be harder than he thought. He knew he wasn't going to get a response, but this was unbelievably painful. She looked like she had all those nights after she'd fallen asleep in his arms.

"You never knew I stayed awake for as long as I could the nights we spent together did you? I didn't want to miss a single moment we spent together. I loved watching you sleep. You are so beautiful when you're sleeping."

He paused taking in a deep breath. "I'm sorry I haven't come to see you sooner. It was stupid. I should have been here for you. I was just so scared of losing you I couldn't bare the thought. I still can't bare the thought. Please Leesh, please wake up." If he were to ever feel the need to beg for anything in his life this was the moment.

"I need you. I need you so much. I am so sorry. I am so sorry for everything. Just wake up so I can tell you. There is so much I never told you. Even after you left the firm, I still had a sliver of hope that we would be together. So please be strong. You're the strongest person I know. Even more than Diane, and Kalinda, and that is really saying something! Prove the doctors wrong, defy science. I haven't had time to tell you how I really feel. You need to fight. Fight for me please. I love you so much. I have loved you for so long. I should have told you years ago, but I didn't want to make things more complicated for you. So please give me the chance to make things right. I know I don't deserve it, but I want the chance to fight for you. What ever it takes I want the end of all of this to be you and me together. We can work through the mess, we can do anything if we are together." He brought her hand to his lips, and placed a gentle kiss on it.

"It's time to tell you everything. I may not get another chance. It's time we had our talk. This time you can't run away, or avoid, or ignore it. It's time you know how I feel. So I am going to tell you everything I've wanted to for the past five and half years. I just have one rule. You can't leave until I'm done."

Meanwhile out in the hall at the nurses station, Amy the nurse that took Will to Alicia's room, had been staring at the monitors for twenty minutes.

"Hey Amy, you need to go check your other patients."

"Yeah, just a minute," she said, continuing to stare at the monitor. "Look at this."

"How long has it been like that?" the other nurse asked.

"Just since Mr. Gardner went into see her."

"We need to go in and check on her. Maybe the machine is acting up."

The two nurses headed into the room. Will turned and looked at them when they entered.

"Is everything alright Amy?" he asked

"Yes, we just need to check her vitals. It's just routine. You know the drill."

"Yes, I do all too well," he said, sighing.

The two nurses checked her heart rate, they checked the heart monitor. They checked her blood pressure, and a few more things. But they don't say anything.

"Okay, we're done. She's all yours again."

They leave the room. "What do you think?" Amy asked the other nurse.

"I don't know. Let's keep an eye on it. It might just be a fluke. And there is no need to wake the doctor or family in the middle of the night if things are getting better. Just keep an eye on her."

"Okay"

About ten minutes later Will came out.

"Hey, I am going to get something to drink. I will be back in a few minutes."

"Okay, Will." Amy looked back at the monitor, and sighed. "Hey Sarah, it must have been a fluke. It's back down to where it was before." Amy said, disappointed.

"Darn, I was really hoping."

"Me too" They went back to work. Fifteen minutes later Will passed and went back into the room. A minute later Amy looked back at the monitor.

"No way!" She said out loud.

"What?"

"Look, it's happening again. You don't think she's responding to him do you?"

"Amy, come on. That's ridiculous. She's had visitors all day. She's had visitors for months. There is no way that one person could have that effect on her. It wouldn't make any medical sense. If it were a family member maybe. But he isn't related to her in any way. They just happened to be in court the same day, and both got shot."

"Yeah, you're probably right." But deep down she didn't believe that. She thinks that Alicia is responding to Will. There was no other explanation for her vitals to have improved so much so quickly. That was the best her vitals had been since she was air lifted her to the hospital four months ago. Amy begins to wonder if there is more to the relationship than she's aware of.

After Will grabbed a drink and returned he started talking again.

"Okay Leesh, here goes. Let's start at the beginning. Five and a half years ago when I stopped that elevator door from closing, and you walked back into my life after fifteen years. I was so excited to see you. I tried to play it off, but I was really excited. When I told you to call me sometime that day I really wanted to ask you for your number so I could call you! Seeing you flipped my whole world upside down. I was a wreck, and you didn't have any clue." He chuckles and takes a sip of his water.

"I pulled out all my Georgetown stuff. I told you that remember? You couldn't believe I had done it. Those were good times back at Georgetown. If we could go back, I would do it differently. You know you said to me one night on the phone a few days after we kissed for the first time at work, that if it had been you and me at Georgetown it would have just been life. Well Leesh, I wish it would have just been our life. A normal and crazy life filled with Thanksgiving dinners, birthdays, baseball, and soccer games. You and I sitting at the kitchen table helping our kids finish up homework, and the two of us going to parent teacher conferences. You always said you wanted to travel. I would have taken you to see the world. And I would have made every anniversary a memorable one. I would have liked that. Life with you would have been a good one. Ups and downs and arguments yes, but a good life, our life. I would have always made you feel loved. I will always make you feel loved."

He leaned in and whispered into her ear. "It can still be our life. You just have to wake up."


	4. Long Weekend

**A/N I am overwhelmed by all the great reviews! Thank you so much. Keep those coming! I forgot to mention in the last chapter that my knowledge on accurate medical terminology is about zero. So take anything medically related in this story with a grain of salt! I have no doubt it horrifically inaccurate. **

**Long Weekend**

_**Alicia, five months after the shooting.**_

Diane walks into FLorick Agos to meet with Cary and Alicia.

"Hey Diane."

"Hello Cary"

"Where's Alicia?"

"On the phone, she'll be right here."

Alicia notices Diane walk in, and finishes up her phone conversation. "Okay doctor thank you, and I will see you in the morning." She hangs up and heads over to Cary's office. "Hi Diane."

"Hi Alicia, so everything is final! Thanks to the two of you as of six tonight we are officially Florick, Agos, and Lockhart. And everyone is free to move into the office tomorrow. Canning, Lee and Associates have to have everything moved out by midnight."

"That's great Diane" Cary says.

"We will just need to decide which offices everyone wants. That can be taken care of tomorrow. If you two don't mind I am going to go home at a reasonable hour and spend the evening with my husband." Diane smiles, and gets up to leave. Cary and Alicia stand up as well.

"We should all go home and get some rest. It's been a hectic four weeks." Cary grabs his briefcase, and starts to head out as well.

"Diane, Cary, I am going to be late tomorrow. I just wanted to let you know. I won't be in until after lunch."

"Okay, everything is still alright isn't it?" Cary asks concerned.

"Yes, I just have to go in to see the neurologist in the morning."

"The neurologist? Alicia what's going on?" Cary says

"It's just my monthly checkup Cary." Diane glances from one to the other. "Your monthly checkup?"

"Ah, yes Diane, I forget you haven't been in the loop for more than a few weeks. I have to go in once a month and be checked out. Recovering as quickly as I did the doctors just want to make sure everything is still good. The doctors say that at six months They will back it off to every three if things remain the same. Thank heavens, I don't enjoy all the poking and prodding, and once a month seems a bit much. But doctors orders right?" She smiles and starts to head back to her office.

Cary stops her "But Alicia you don't usually meet with the neurologist."

She stops for a second she better come up with something fast. "It's a different doctor every time Cary, they are all on the same team. It just happens to be the neurologist tomorrow. Don't worry, everything is fine. I will come to the new offices, well old offices, you know what I mean. I will come in after lunch, and we can decide on offices." Now go home. We all deserve an early evening, even if that means seven thirty at night.

"Okay, see you tomorrow." Cary and Diane leave. Alicia gets her things together, and heads out.

_I hate lying to them, but this is probably nothing. They don't need to worry. I just want to get home, see Grace, and get to sleep. Sleeping has become my reprieve lately. _

When she gets home, she makes dinner for she and Grace. They watch their favorite show together snuggled up on the couch. Then head to bed. Alicia can't wait to get to sleep. Her dreams have been her saving grace the past month. And tonight is no different.

/

"Hey Will" She stops reading the pile of paperwork on her desk.

"Hey, listen the kids are Peter's this weekend right?"

"Yes" She says seductively. "Did you have something in mind?"

He laughs "Well actually yes I did. Pack a bag, and come spend the weekend at my place."

Now he really has her attention. "Will" "Alicia don't argue with me. You need to take a break from life for a few days. And you can't do that at your apartment. I love your apartment, I love being there with you, but we don't have any work that has to be done before Monday, and if your home you'll come up with a million things you need to do. So come stay with me."

"Is this the reason you left early today?" He laughs again, "You are so perceptive! Now go home, and pack a bag."

"But Will I still have two hours worth of work to do."

"Alicia, I am your boss. It's six o'clock at night on a Friday. I am telling you to go home, and finish your work on Monday. It can wait, but I can't."

"Okay see you in an hour or so." They hang up and she heads home to pack a bag for the weekend.

An hour later she knocks on the door to his apartment. When the door is opened she is greeted with a smile. As soon as the door is closed he pulls her in for a kiss. "Mmmm. I like ending my work week like this." He smiles bigger, "I do to" Then he leads her in to the living room. "Put your things down, and come with me." He picks up his phone, and car keys and heads back to the front door.

"Will I just got here. Where are we going?" It's a surprise, he says with a loving smirk. "Now come on" "But" "Alicia remember I already told you not to argue with me." She gives in and they head out.

Once they reach their destination Alicia tries to protest again. "Will we can't eat here. We already talked about this. You and I can't go to dinner together." He shakes his head and smiles again. "Alicia for the rest of the weekend every time you try to argue with me about something, I am going kiss you. Whether we are out in public or not, so stop being a lawyer and enjoy yourself. I know we shouldn't be seen in public having a romantic dinner. But you need to trust me on this okay?"

She sighs, and gives in just as he plants a kiss on her lips. "Okay I trust you" they get out of the car, the valet parks it. When they get inside Alicia is reminded of how much she loves this restaurant. It is at the top level of a fifteen story building. The views are amazing, especially the ones that overlook the lake. They walk up to the front.

"Good evening, what's the name on the reservation?"

"Gardner party of four." Alicia turns and looks at him, but doesn't say anything. Would you like to wait for your other guests, or would you like to be seated?" "We would like to be seated please." The attendant walks them through most of the restaurant, and over to one of the tables that is pretty secluded, but next to the windows. Here you are, and here is our wine list. Your waitress will be right with you."

"Thank you" Alicia looks at Will "Party of four?" "Yes, if anyone asks, or looks at the table, they will see we were expecting two other guests. Very important clients! Now stop worrying, relax, and look at the menu! In twenty minutes I will put my phone to my ear, and kindly tell the waitress our clients are not going to be able to make it!" She smiles, and relaxes for the first time the whole evening. "Clever, very clever! And this is fantastic. The view from here is amazing!"

"It sure is!" He says looking right at her.

They enjoy a nice long dinner talking, eating, drinking, and enjoying the view. Will pays the bill with the firm credit card. "Will you can't do that" She protests, but quickly realizes her mistake, as he starts to lean over the table. "Oh no Will, look you can kiss me all you want once we get to the car, but not here." He sits back in his seat. "Okay, but you owe me two kisses for waiting, and I will take care of the charge on the card next week."

Once they leave the restaurant they walk outside to the warm summer air. "Hey lets walk along the lake for a few minutes" he says. "It's dark, and I won't hold your hand, although that is what I would really like to do!" She agrees, and they start to walk. Neither of them says much, it's just nice walking together, enjoying each other's company.

He looks over at her. "You are starting to relax." She turns to him, "I am, and thank you so much for dinner!" "Well it is my goal to have to have you completely relaxed by the end of the weekend." She closes the distance between them. "That sounds wonderful, what else do you have up your sleeve?" He stands closer to her, his face just inches in front of hers. "Let's go home, and I will show you."

They can barely keep their hands off each other on the drive home. Once they get to his apartment the clothes come off quickly, and soon they are all tangled up in each other. Awhile later she's resting her head on his chest. His arms are wrapped around her. They are totally content. Before drifting off to sleep she whispers, "Thank you for dinner, thank you for the weekend in advance!" Then her eyes flutter closed.

He stays awake, and watches her sleep until the tiredness of the week catches up to him, and his eyes close.

The next morning he wakes to an empty bed. His first thought is alarm, but he can smell coffee, so he gets out of bed, and heads to the kitchen. He stops before she notices him, and stares at the beautiful women standing in her pajamas in his kitchen. He walks up behind her and puts his arms around her. "Good morning" "Good morning" he says as he gently kisses her cheek.

"How did you sleep?"

"Well, and you?"

"Really well, how long have you been up?"

"Not long" She turns and kisses his lips enjoying her first taste of breakfast. "So what do you have planned for today Mr. Gardner?" He pulls away, and gets two mugs from the cabinet. "Another surprise! You are at my mercy this weekend remember?" She rolls her eyes, but smiles. "Okay, just let me know what I need to wear." "Nothing for awhile" he leans in and kisses her, then he picks her up, and carry's her to the bedroom.

A few hours later he stops the car in the parking lot near the boat arena. "What are we doing here?"

"You'll see" He gets out and leads her a ways down the dock. They stop in front of a small yacht. "Well what do you think?" "What do I think about this boat?" she looks at him questioningly.

"Yes this boat"

"It's nice, real nice."

"Do you know how do drive one?" She rolls her eyes. "No, but I bet you're going to tell me that you do." He laughs "As a matter a fact since you brought it up, I do." She shakes her head. "You will never cease to amaze me. Just when have you had time to learn how to drive one of these things in the past sixteen years?" He grabs her hand, and starts to lead her on board. "Well I do have the weekends off sometimes. Being a name partner has its perks!"

Once they are settled on board and headed out she asks "So is this yours?"

"No, I just rented it for the day!" She shakes her head, and walks over to him. "Well let's see what kind of a ships captain you make!" She leans in and kisses him on the cheek. She sits on deck as he drives just enjoying the fresh air hitting her face.

About an hour later they pull into a secluded cove. "Are you hungry" He turns and asks her as he anchors the boat. "A bit" He goes below deck and comes back with a picnic basket. "I am never going to be able to go back to reality if you keep this up." She says eyeing him up and down. "That's the point Leesh. He sets the basket down, and starts pulling out the meal he's brought along for them.

After they eat they sit next to each other feet up, snuggled into each other, just enjoying the fresh air and each other. "I could get used to this." She says as she lays her head against his chest. "Me to. You know we could just run away. Head down to Florida, buy a bigger version of this, and sail away. You and me, never look back."

"Mmmm that would be nice. But I have children remember?"

"They could come with us!" He says as he holds her even tighter.

"Yes, but that would ruin the romanticism. And Diane would kill you if she ever found us!" He turns to face her. "Always the realistic, practical one aren't you?" Then he kisses her. His hands start to move up and down her body. "Come on" He stands up and takes her hand. They go below deck and head to the bedroom. "I don't know if I can get any more relaxed than I am now" She whispers in his ear as he lays her on the bed. "Oh I think you could be much more relaxed." He whispers in her ear as he starts to undo her top.

Awhile later she lies asleep on his chest. He loves watching her sleep._ So perfect everything about her. I love you so much. I wish you would let me tell you. I wish you would let me have the conversation we need to have. But I will wait. I've waited sixteen years I can wait longer. But some day Leesh you are going to know just how much I really love you. Someday…_He closes his eyes, and they sleep.

An hour later they wake. It's getting late, and they have to get the boat back. "Do you want to drive for awhile?" He asks her "No, I like sitting here watching you do all the work!" She flashes him a smile, which makes her both of them laugh.

Once they are back in the car she turns to him. "Will, thank you for a wonderful day!" He reaches over and puts his hand in hers. "You're welcome" They drive the rest of the way in silence hand in hand..

Once they get back to his apartment he asks, "How about we order pizza for dinner?"

"Sounds good. You order, I am going to go jump in the shower." She heads down the hall. Forty minutes later they are sitting together on the couch pizza in front of them, and a movie they found on T.V. He has one arm around her, the other one is holding a piece of pizza. "You smell so good." He says as he breathes in the scent of her freshly washed hair. She turns to him and kisses him. "You taste like pizza!" They both laugh, and then turn their attention back to the movie. Two hours later the movie ends. Alicia is asleep in his arms. He moves carefully so as not to wake her. Then picks her up and carries her to the bed. She wakes a bit, but is mostly still sleeping. He lays her on the bed, and then climbs in right next to her. He puts his arm around her. She's pretty much back asleep.

He whispers in her ear "You need to get more sleep. A nap earlier today, and your asleep again at ten pm. I'm going to have to talk to your boss about all the late hours you're putting in. I think he's working you to hard!" She's barely awake, but manages to whisper back. "You do that. I didn't realize how sleep deprived I am!"

He nuzzles his head next to hers. "First thing Monday morning!" "Will thanks for today, and I…" But before she finishes she's fast asleep. He leans over, and gently kisses her forehead. _See you tomorrow_ he thinks to himself and he falls asleep with her in his arms.

When she wakes she looks around trying to orient herself. Then she realizes once again that she is back in her apartment in her bed. And remembers the morning she's about to have. As she gets ready she tries her best to stay calm. _Stop over worrying this. The pain in my neck, and lightheadedness is just stress. Everything is going to be fine. _She gathers her things and heads out to see the neurologist.

**Will five months after the shooting**

He puts a gentle kiss on her forehead. "I'll see you tomorrow Leesh." Then he lets go of her hand, and walks out of the dimly lit hospital room.

"See you tomorrow Amy." He says as he passes the nurse in the hall. "Will can I talk to you for a minute?" "Sure" She leads him back into Alicia's room. "What's up?"

"I'm not supposed to say anything, but I really think you need to know."

"Need to know what?"

"You have been coming here nearly every night for the past month." He starts to get a little nervous. "Yes, and you are wondering why right?" She shakes her head. "I can put two and two together. But that's not what I need to talk to you about. We've been monitoring Alicia for the past month."

"Monitoring Alicia? Aren't you always monitoring Alicia?" she looks a bit nervous. "Yes, but the first night you came to see her I noticed a change in her vitals. You remember Claire and I came in and took her vitals while you were in with her.?" He thinks back to that night a month earlier. "Yes, I remember, but wasn't that just routine.?"

"Yes, and No. I noticed that when you were in here talking to her there was a dramatic increase in her vitals. More than we had seen since the day she came to the hospital." He looks at her intrigued.

"We thought it was just a fluke. You know we had just taken her off all of the machines. And we thought we had confirmed that fluke when you left that night. Once you had gone her vitals went right back down to the low levels they had been at."

"And?"

"I watched it for the next week. Every night when you came into this room they went right back up. Then as soon as you left like clockwork they went right back down. I told the doctor about it. Not about you, but that I notices each night that her vitals went up. So he started monitoring it. He was thrilled to think that there might actually be some hope. He monitored her every time anyone came to visit. Her kids, her husband, co workers, friends. There was no change except for at night when you were here."

He thinks he knows where this is headed, but continues to listen. "Look Will I don't know for sure what kind of a relationship the two of you have, or had. But I just thought you should know that what ever it is, I think it's making a difference. The past week the neurologist has been monitoring her brain activity. It's been up some during the day. But at night the levels come close to normal. I think she's fighting Will. I think she's fighting for you. So don't give up. Whatever that connection is between you two it's pretty powerful." She turns to walk back out of the room. He grabs her arm. "Thank you Amy. Thank you so much." She nods, then leaves him in the silence again.

He walks over to her bedside again. He puts her hand in his. He can feel the lump in his throat. "Come on Leesh, wake up, just please wake up. I'm fighting for you too."


	5. The Wrath of Alicia

**A/N There is a scene in here where Alicia walks into Will's old office. Think about that scene a few episodes ago where Diane and Alicia go back to LG. I can't do Julianna's amazing acting justice. Also I was pretty angry after Sunday's episode, and wasn't planning writing the Peter and Alicia scene here, but Alicia really needed to say more, and it will help my storyline. **

**Chapter 5**

**The Wrath of Alicia**

**Alicia later that morning**

As Alicia sits in the waiting room at the hospital she finds herself getting more and more nervous. _Stop worrying, everything is fine. What if everything isn't fine? I just want the headaches, and the dizziness to go away. _

"Mrs. Florick" The nurse calls. Alicia looks up, and follows her. After the nurse has checked her heart rate, and blood pressure she turns to leave. "The doctor will be right in." She nods, as the nurse leaves the room. A few minutes later the doctor enters.

"How are you Alicia?"

"Good, and you?" He smiles at her, "I'm well thank you. Now tell me more about these symptoms you've been having."

"Well it started about four weeks ago, just after I was in the last time." He stops her, "This has been going on for four weeks, and you're just coming in now?"

"Well yes, work has been very busy to say the least. My firm just merged with another, my partner was arrested a few weeks ago. My son graduated from high school, and left for college. Not to mention my husband is the Governor which leads to all kinds of interesting… Shall we say situations? I just thought this was all due to stress since as you can tell I've had a little over the past month."

She sighs, and looks away from him. "I have been extremely tired. I have neck pain frequently where the wound was, I've had a few incredibly painful headaches, and I have had more frequent bouts of dizziness, and nausea over the past week."

He had been taking notes, but once she stops talking he looks up at her. "Okay, well we need to run some tests." She's about to protest, but thinks better of it. "Tests, what tests?"

"Well this could be as you stated, just stress. But it could be something else. I need to make sure that everything in that head of yours is still flowing correctly."

"Something else? Like what?"

"Well it could be a number of things. There could just be some fluid that isn't getting to where it needs to. That would possibly be related to the wound, which would explain the pain there. But Alicia I have to be honest with you. There could be some blockage."

"Some blockage?"

"Yes you could have a tumor." She stops breathing for a second and just stares at him. "A tumor like as in cancer?" She puts her hands on the bed to support herself.

"Well if it is a tumor it would likely not be cancerous. But with all of the trauma you sustained some tissue could have built up, and could be causing some blockage of fluids."

"If it is a tumor what is the risk of surgically removing it?"

"Well removing a tumor is always risky, but our surgeons are some of the best in the country. You would be in good hands. Lets not jump to that conclusion yet. I want to run some blood tests, and do a CT scan before we start talking about removing a tumor okay? The symptoms you are having may not even have anything to do with your brain or the injury. I want to check everything before we draw any conclusions. Do you have time to do the scan this morning?"

"Yes"

"Okay then I will have the nurse come in and draw some blood, and we will do the scan." He starts to head to the door. "How long before you know?" she asks hesitantly. "A few days, I should have some answers for you by the end of the week. In the mean time you should try to reduce your stress level a bit! That kind of stress isn't good for anyone!" He smiles and leaves the room.

Once all the tests are taken care of she leaves and heads over to the new offices. She calls Cary to let him know she is on her way. When the elevator opens she walks out and pauses for a moment. It's strange to be back in the building. It's even stranger to be back in this building to work. She walks over to Diane's office where Diane, and Cary are waiting for her.

"So how did it go?" Cary asks.

"Just fine" She sits down in the other chair across from Diane's desk.

"So Cary and I were talking, and it doesn't really matter to either of us who ends up where. Cary said he would take David's old office, so that leaves this one, and Will's old office for the two of us." She says hesitantly.

"I am happy to move across the way if you would like this one!"

Alicia looks at her eyes wide "No Diane, I wouldn't hear of it. I will be fine taking the other office. Besides, it would be too strange to see you over there everyday!" They all chuckle.

"So it's settled then." Diane and Cary glance at each other, but then Diane speaks again. "Okay well most of the furniture is still here. We will just need to make a list of other items we will need to purchase."

"Okay good, then we should get to work." Alicia stands up, puts her bag over her shoulder, and walks over to her new office. Diane and Cary watch as she gets there. "Do you really think that is going to work for her?" Cary asks Diane. "I don't know." She says not needing to say anymore. They both know what he means. They continue to watch her.

Alicia pauses at the door. The memories start to take over. She stares over at his desk for a minute thinking to herself. _Oh boy I didn't think this was going to be so hard. So many memories in this office. It will be odd having this as my space now. _She looks around. She can still picture him, and everything the way it was before he was gone. She shakes her head, and then walks over to the desk. She turns to sit in his chair. She does it slowly almost hesitantly. She'd never sat in his chair before. It had always been where he sat. But as she sits she relaxes a little. It is comforting in a way to be where he once was..

Awhile later she's buried in her paperwork. Trying to avoid the nagging dread she's felt all day. Her assistant walks into her office.

"Alicia this just came for you." She hands her an envelope. "Okay thank you." She puts the unmarked envelope on the desk, and ignores it.

About an hour later she needs a break. So she sits back to relax for a few minutes. Noticing the envelope she picks it up and opens it. As she flips through the contents she feels herself getting more and more angry. Diane and Cary are in Diane's office discussing a case. They both look up when they hear Alicia. She is having a heated discussion on the phone. Something quite out of the ordinary for her.

"No Eli, I am not going to calm down. I don't care who he is meeting with. He could be meeting with the President of the United States for all I care. You tell Peter I am coming right now, and he better be available." She slams the receiver down, grabs her bag, and starts to head out of her office. Diane, and Cary are both concerned, they get up and walk over to Alicia's office.

"Alicia is everything alright?" Diane asks. Alicia stops and looks at them.

"No, everything is not all right. I am sorry but I need to leave again. I will be back in an hour." She pushes past them.

"Where are you going?" Cary asks. She turns back around just for a second

"To end my marriage." Then she heads to the elevators, and leaves. Cary and Diane both look at each other, neither one had a chance to say anything before she stormed out.

"She's going to end things with Peter?" Cary says almost to himself. "

What was that all about?" Diane says, "Do you really think she went to see the doctor this morning?"

"I don't know, but what ever is going on it must be bad if she's willing to end things with Peter." She nods in agreement. "I know I've been out of the loop, but I thought things were going well between them."

"So did I, but Diane you know as well as I do that Alicia is an expert at hiding anything personal." Neither one says anything for a few seconds.

"We're going to have to get her to talk somehow. If she really is going to leave Peter it will have an effect on the firm." Cary nods in agreement.

"And it all falls down. This should liven things up around here. Not that we needed any more livening up. I'll be in my office. Let me know when she gets back." Cary says.

Diane starts to go back to her office. "I will"

Twenty minutes later she storms into Peter's office. Peter and Eli are both there waiting for her. "Eli get out." She says with a raised voice. He gets to the door, but she stops him. "Actually Eli wait, you need to hear this, because you are going to have to start damage control in about five minutes." Eli looks very worried, but walks back to the couch. Alicia turns to Peter.

"Alicia what is going on?" Peter walks over to where she is standing.

"No Peter, stay right where you are. How could you?"

"How could I.."

"No you don't get to say anything. I am going to say everything I came here to say, and then I am going to leave. You don't get to talk, there is not going to be any apologizing. I'm not giving you a chance to explain." Then she lets him have it.

"You have treated me so wrong for so long. I thought you were sorry. You told me you wanted to change. Numerous times you told me you wanted to change, and that you had changed. And I believed you. You told me right before I left the hospital that almost losing me made you realize your mistakes. That you loved me more than you ever had before. You told me you were going to be there for me. I realize that three months ago I told you I needed some space. That I needed to figure things out, and that I needed to decide if it was really you I wanted to still be with. But that gave you no right to do this Peter. I was still in the hospital when you did this. The date is right here on the evidence." She holds up the envelope in front of him.

"It was all lies Peter. All of it was a lie. You have hurt me deeply over the past six years. I had put most of it behind us. But I was fool in doing so. I am done being hurt. I am done thinking that I am the problem. I done thinking that the reason you go to other women is that I'm not good enough for you. I'm done putting my life on hold for someone who doesn't, maybe never really loved me. Did you ever really love me Peter?" She stops for a second.

"Alicia I don't even know what I did. Yes, I love you. Let me help you figure this out."

"When I was pregnant with Grace were you sleeping with her then too?"

"What?"

She's angry, but tears form in her eyes. "When I was pregnant and on bed rest for three months so that I could bring our daughter into this world safely, were you sleeping with her?" She glares straight into his eyes with so much hurt. Eli looks terrified, and Peter just looks like he got caught.

"That pause answers my question. I should have never married you. I was a fool to think you loved me, and that we would have a great life together. And I was a fool three years ago. I should have ended it then. I should have divorced you then. I should have spent the last years of Will's life with him, instead of running from my real feelings for him." The tears are falling now.

"But I was a believer in our marriage. I believed that the promises we made to each other twenty years ago were exactly that promises, and I don't break my promises. You have left me standing alone one to many times. I am not standing by you this time. I am not going to be the good wife anymore. I'm done. This will not hurt my career, but it will hurt yours. And I don't care anymore."

"Alicia"

"No Peter, I will have divorce papers on your desk by the end of the week." She throws the envelope down on the table in front of him and leaves. Eli and Peter are left standing in the dust. Eli doesn't know what's in that envelope, but Peter has a pretty good idea.

When Alicia gets back to the office, she tells her assistant she doesn't want to be disturbed. She sits back at her desk, and continues her work. She's still very angry, but for the first time in years she feels very relieved, almost happy. She shakes her head she's sure it will hit her at some point. The consequences of what she just did. But for now she feels relieved.

"Hey what's up with Alicia?" Kalinda asks as she walks into Cary's office. "What do you mean?" "Her assistant said she wasn't to be disturbed no matter what." He looks up from his work.

"Look all I know is about three hours ago she left pretty upset, and said she was ending things with Peter."

"And she came back to work?" Kalinda queries questioningly.

"Yes, my guess is work is the only way for her to keep her mind off of it."

"Well have you or Diane tried to talk with her about it?"

"Diane tried about an hour ago. But Alicia wouldn't even let her in the office."

"Speaking of offices, how is she handling being in Will's old office?"

Diane walks in as he answers. "I have no idea. She hasn't even been here most of the day. And now she's shut all of us out."

"We're talking about Alicia?" Diane asks as she sits on Cary's couch.

"Yes" Cary acknowledges.

"Give her some time, and space. She'll open up. She always does." Kalinda smiles as she says it.

"Since when is Alicia an open book?" Cary puts right back to her.

"Your right Cary, she's not." Kalinda gets up to leave. "One of you might have to get her drunk if you really want to know what's going on! See you tomorrow Diane. See you in an hour Cary!" She winks at him, and then leaves.

"Well I guess I know how much longer you'll be here tonight!" Diane says as she gets up to leave his office.

"I figure you can hold down the fort for the rest of the night!" They both laugh, and she walks back to her office.

Around nine Diane gets ready to leave. She glances over at Alicia's office. Alicia isn't at her desk anymore. She notices a lamp still on, but the rest of the lights have been shut off. She figures Alicia has probably gone for the night, she just hadn't noticed. But as she starts to turn out of the office area she sees Alicia sitting in a chair staring out the window. She watches her for a minute. Noticing how distant and sad Alicia looks. She knocks quietly, but doesn't get a response. So she opens the door, and walks in.

"Alicia" She says quietly. She starts to walk over to where she is sitting, and notices the tears falling. Alicia turns and looks at her. Sadness, written all over her body. "I… Do you want me to leave you alone?"

"No Diane, it's okay. Please sit." She gestures to the couch that sits near the window. Diane hands her a tissue box before sitting.

Diane goes first. "Long day huh?" Alicia sighs wiping away the tears. Then shakes her head. "A very long day."

"Do you want to talk about it?" She pulls her lips together, she is on the verge of crying again. She takes a deep breath before saying anything. "I don't know"

"Okay, I am going to go get us something to drink. While I'm gone decide whether or not you want to talk about today, or something else. Okay?" She gets up and walks back out of the office. Alicia moves over to the couch and takes her heels off. She leans back and closes her eyes. A few minutes later Diane comes back with two bottles of Perrier. She hands one of the bottles to Alicia, and sits next to her. "Thanks"

They both open their bottles and take a sip. "It's still strange for me to be in this office without Will." Diane says as she takes a drink from her bottle.

"Really? Even after nearly six months?"

"Even after six months. It took three months to get used to seeing Canning in here. I will definitely prefer seeing you in here!"

"I bet" They sit in silence for a few more minutes each pondering the man whose office they are now sitting in.

"I ended my marriage today." Her eyes are closed, and she doesn't turn to look at Diane.

"Yes, I heard rumors of it earlier today from a very enraged woman." Alicia smiles, then opens her eyes, but holds her gaze across the room. "Yeah, you're not the only one. Sorry about all of that today."

Diane chuckles, "It's okay. Remind me to never double cross you though! So are you okay?"

"Yes, actually I feel really good about it. I'm sad in ways, but it's time. I think I'm just in shock, you know that it will actually be over. Twenty years is a long time."

Diane nods in agreement. "Twenty years is a very long time."

"Peter cheated on me again." She says. "He's been sleeping with his new legal council, how convenient." She says with a hint of spite in her voice and a roll of her eyes. "She was my friend. She'd been a family friend for years. And it turns out this isn't just a new affair either. He was sleeping with her seventeen years ago when I was pregnant with Grace. Who knows how many other times he's slept with her over the years."

Diane isn't surprised at the news, but is surprised at how open Alicia is being. "Alicia I am so sorry."

"Thanks" She says and she turns and looks at Diane. "I really mean it Diane."

"Is there anything you need? Do you want to take some time off?"

Alicia shakes her head. "No, that will just give me more time to think about it. What I need is a good divorce attorney. David would have been a good choice, but.."

Diane laughs "Yes I don't imagine he would be to keen on being your divorce attorney right now. I will put some names together for you."

"That would be great, and I do need to take it a bit easier for awhile. With work I mean."

"Doctors orders?"

"Yes, I've been having some pain in my neck, headaches, and dizziness for a few weeks, too much stress. I'm just glad you're here now to help Cary with the work load."

"I am too. Lets have a meeting tomorrow and we can reassign some of your cases."

"Okay, thanks." She starts to get up from the couch. "Listen I'm really tired. I think I'm going to go home now. Thank you for the drinks, and for talking. I really do appreciate it."

"No problem, and if you need to talk again I'm just across the hall." Alicia nods to her. Then Diane gets up and leaves. Alicia gets up, grabs her things, and heads home to get some sleep.


	6. What?

**Chapter 6**

**What?**

**Will, the next day**

The following morning as he gets ready for work he is feeling good. The hopeless feeling he's had for months now has dissipated some after talking with Amy the night before.

_Maybe there is some hope. Maybe going to see her hasn't all been in vain. _He shakes his head as he grabs his coffee, and heads out the door. _What a mess this will be if she does wake up. I'm going to fight for her though. Peter is not going to get her back. If and when she wakes up I will be the one taking her home... Me taking her home, that'll be the day. Stop kidding yourself. She's been asleep for five months I'll be lucky if she ever wakes up. _He pushes the thoughts out of his mind as he gets to the office. He has some work he really has to take care of today. No time for distractions.

He rides the elevator up with Diane. "Good morning" "Morning" He smiles at her. "Well you seem to be having a good morning!"

"I am Diane, things are looking up."

"So you've decided to drop this crazy idea of leaving me sometime in the unforeseen future?" He laughs, "Well I wouldn't say that, but let's say that I have put that idea on hold for now." They step off the elevator, and walk towards their offices. "Alicia is still alive, so I plan on staying put for now. But remember once she is gone I will leave."

"I heard she is doing better." They stop just outside their offices. "Yeah, I heard that too." He says eyeing her. "So you finally got the guts to go and see her?" She eyes him back

"Is that a question?"

"Yes, but I don't need an answer. The look on your face when I asked was all the answer I needed!" She smiles and walks into her office.

After lunch he is sitting at his desk getting ready for a deposition. But then something catches his eye. He looks up towards the door. He rubs his eyes, he is sure he isn't seeing what he thinks he's seeing. At the same moment Diane walks towards his office to talk to him about this big case they are on, but stops right before she gets to the door. She can't place the look on his face. He's staring at something, but it's not her. There is no one in the hall, and the conference room is empty. She turns to see if she can tell what it might be, but there isn't anything. He looks far away, deep in thought. But he's definitely watching something. She waits another minute watching him before she enters his office.

"Is everything okay?" She says as she gets closer to his desk. He's brought out of his thoughts slowly as she speaks. "What, yeah" He says slowly. "I just thought I saw…" He shakes it off. "It was just a memory." He gets right back to business not giving Diane a chance to question. But in the back of his mind he's thinking, _that was not a memory. I watched Alicia walk into my office a million times, but never like that, never with that look on her face. I've never seen that look on her face before. She looked so sad, and hesitant.. Ah, I need to get more sleep._ He brushes it off, and keeps working.

Later that evening he is sitting in his leather chair, Kalinda is across from him on the couch. They are going over some evidence she just found for their case. He's tired, so zones out for a minute, he doesn't notice Diane walk in. "Will, hey Will" Kalinda says "What?" he turns to Kalinda, "Will did you just hear a single word I said?" He leans over and puts his face in his hands, then looks back up. "No, sorry I'm just tired. Not enough sleep the past few weeks."

"What have you been staying up half the night!" She says jokingly. He just gives her a half smile "What were you saying?" Kalinda starts again, but two minutes later she looks up at him for a response, but he's lost in his thoughts again. She turns to Diane. Diane meets her eyes, and then they turn back to him. His eyes start to wander slowly from his desk to the empty chair across from him. They both look in the same direction to see if they can see what he's seeing, but there is nothing. It's the same look he had earlier when Diane saw him. Kalinda looks at Diane confused, but neither of them feel the need to interrupt his thoughts.

_Alicia? What's wrong? Why is she crying. Why does she look like the whole world just fell apart? Alicia stop crying. I'm right here. I can fix it. I want to fix it, just look over here. _His gaze continues to wander when he thinks he sees her move from the chair to the couch. Diane sits in the empty chair.

"Will" Kalinda calls. "Hey Will" He has a look of sadness and concern written all over his face. But he's once again brought back out of his thoughts. "Will what is going on?"

"Nothing, what time is it?" Diane looks at her watch. "A little past nine." All of the sudden he feels a sense of urgency. He gets up quickly and pulls his suit coat on. He's in a hurry now. "We need to finish this tomorrow." He says as he starts to walk towards the door. "I'm sorry, but something has come up. I need to go."

"Will' Diane calls

"I need to go" and he rushes out of his office. Kalinda turns to Diane. "What was that all about? He looked like he'd seen a ghost." Diane nods. "I know, he did the same thing earlier today. He's worried about her. I think his feelings are starting to catch up to him. He's pushed it away for so long, but there had to be point when it hit him. That was it starting to hit him. I need you to brief me on the evidence. I need to be able to take over if he isn't able too." Kalinda nods in agreement, and they go back to Diane's office. 

Fifteen minutes later Will rushes into the hospital. He hurries as fast as he can. He sees Amy at the nurses' station.

"Hey Will you're a bit early tonight."

"What's wrong?" are the first words out of his mouth. She looks at him confused. "What do you mean? Nothing is wrong." He rushes over to her room, and Amy follows. He stops when he gets to the bed. Out of habit he picks up her hand and places it in his. "Something is wrong" he simply states. "When was the last time you checked her?" Amy is a bit confused, but does her best to calm him down. "Just fifteen minutes ago. Look Will she is fine. There haven't been any changes since you saw her last night."

"Something's changed. Look I know this sounds crazy Amy, but I just have a… feeling. You yourself told me you thought we had a powerful connection, and I'm telling you something is wrong." He looks at her almost pleadingly. "Okay, Will calm down, I will check everything again in just a minute, and I will go over her chart. But I'm sure she's fine. You probably just need some sleep. You spend half the night here, and I can't imagine you can go into work at ten every morning. It's not a bad thing. It just means your tired."

"You could be right, but I'll feel better if you check her." She nods, "Thank you" He feels a little relief, and pulls up his chair and puts her hand back in his. Amy comes back and checks all of her vitals.

"Everything is normal, but I did notice in her chart that the doctor had a CT scan done this morning."

"Why would he do that?"

"Well my best guess is that he just wanted to get a better picture of what's going on in there. With the changes we've seen in her, when you're here. He probably just wanted to get a better look at things. But if I hear anything different I will call you Okay?"

"Okay, and thank you. You're probably right, I just need some good sleep." She smiles at him. "I'll leave you alone now. Don't worry."

He sits and watches her for a few minutes. Even though the nurse told him everything is fine, he can't put the uneasiness he feels to rest.

"Leesh, I'm here. Everything is okay. You know what I think you need? I think you need to be reminded of a time when you were very happy. A time you told me you were happy! So let's talk about that trip to New York. You can't deny that was one of the best trips you ever had. Neither can I. Remember how great it was to get off the plane in a city where no one would recognize us? I finally got to get a glimpse of what it would be like to really be with you. You were so care free, you had put everything at home on hold. I almost didn't recognize you. You weren't afraid to hold my hand, you didn't scope out the entire restaurant for people we may know before you even sat down for a meal. I don't think you stopped smiling the whole time we were there.

Remember the night we got there? We checked in, separate rooms of course. We had to leave a paper trail for work. Man those rooms were amazing. Not to mention the balconies that overlooked the city. You told me you were going to get ready for dinner. But ten minutes later I get a knock on my door. "I'm feeling like a pre dinner appetizer" You said. Then before I can even respond you have most of our clothes off. You were like that the whole weekend. Being away from life really relaxed you.

The next day of course we had to work. Neither of us could keep our hands off of each other. You know that darn Ashbough if it hadn't been for him we wouldn't have ever had that weekend. But that weekend came back to bite both of us last December. I'm sorry for that by the way. I was really angry. I was hurt. I really did love you, and even though we had been fighting I couldn't help but think you still had feelings for me. I'd tried so hard to push the feelings I had for you away, but I couldn't do it.

Remember walking through Central Park? That was the best day we had there. Not that we had any bad days there. That day I will never forget. It was our last day there wasn't it? We were done with work. We had the whole day to ourselves. I remember waking up with you right by my side. The sun shining in through the windows. I could have stayed there all day. You looked so happy, when you opened your eyes as I was placing soft kisses up and down your arms, and all over your face. Then our lips met. That was the beginning of a great day. We ordered room service for breakfast. We stayed in bed all morning. The ease of the whole thing took me by surprise. It was like we were together. Not just having our "thing" but really together. Having breakfast, sitting in bed talking. I imagine that is what couples do. I've never really been a couple before, but I imagined that is what it would be like.

Then you tell me you want to see New York. I protested, I told you we didn't have enough time to see New York. But you insisted we see as much of it as possible. The funniest thing about that is that by the time we had our little stroll through Central Park which by the way had taken four hours, you said you were tired. You wanted to go back to the hotel, and order room service for dinner. But I had a surprise for you. We went back to the hotel. You wanted to make love, but I was going to make you wait. You didn't know I had made reservations at that upscale restaurant. You should have seen the look on your face when I told you it was time to put on that formal dress I told you to bring along. Ah admit it Leesh you loved getting all dressed up. You protested vehemently but you loved it. And you didn't mind seeing me in a tux either!

Then we went to dinner. We were wined and dined like royalty. You were so worried about how much it was costing. I wasn't. I would have spent ten times that to keep that smile on your face. Our conversation was light, and friendly. And then I surprised you again by taking you to that Broadway play. Front row seats. I loved watching your face as we got nearer and nearer to our seats. The look of surprise was priceless. I loved holding your hand through the whole thing. Then the cab ride back to the hotel, you had your head on my shoulder, my arms were wrapped around you. And you told me thank you for such a wonderful evening. All I could think about was how much I wanted to give you a lifetime of wonderful evenings.

Of course once we got back to the hotel… Well I'd made you wait the whole afternoon and evening. "You have driven me completely crazy in that tux Mr. Gardner. Now it's time for me to reward you for such a wonderful evening." You said to me as we walked back into my room. I started leading you to the bed, "No out on the balcony, it will be so romantic!" You said as you started unbuttoning my shirt." 

He stops talking to her for a minute. He lets the memories of that day take over for a few minutes. He starts to rub his thumb in circles around her hand. "You know that was the best love we ever made to each other. It wasn't the act itself though that made it the best. The reason it was the best is because for that one night you and I had given ourselves to each other completely. It really was just you and I. It wasn't an act of betrayal, it wasn't out of spite, or pure lust. It wasn't because we could get away with it. It wasn't because we hadn't been together for a week, and couldn't keep our hands off each other after staring at each other across the conference table. For that one night we weren't hiding anything. Not even our feelings. We were in our own world, and nothing else mattered. Making love that night was love, our love for each other. All the years of not being with you seemed to almost be made up for in that one night. I will never forget those words you whispered in my ear. "This is the happiest I've ever been" If I would have confronted you about it later you would have said that was one of many happy moments, not the happiest. But that night you meant every single one of those words. And even though I didn't say it that was the happiest I'd ever been.

He stops talking and leans back in the chair. He closes his eyes as he thinks about that weekend, as the memories continue he falls asleep.

He's awakened by the sun hitting his eyes. It takes him a minute to remember where he is. As he sits up he starts to feel the pains of sleeping in a chair for the whole night. He notices a blanket fall to feet.

_Amy must have put that over me last night after I fell asleep! _He

stands up, and looks at his watch. It reads eight. He shakes his head. _ I can't remember the last time I slept until eight. I better call Diane I'm supposed to be in the office now to start the depositions. _

He turns to Alicia, "Well good morning Leesh. It was lovely spending the evening with you, but I am sorry I have to go now. Diane is going to have a four letter word with me in about an hour when I get to work! But if she doesn't kill me between now and this evening I'll see you tonight.

As he turns to leave the door opens, and in walks Dr. Young.

"Good morning Will! I trust you slept well?"

Embarrassed Will answers "Well I must have considering the current hour."

"Will normally I wouldn't be willing to share this information with someone who wasn't family. Legally I shouldn't. But considering what Amy and the other nurses have told me I think it's appropriate." Will looks at him, that uneasiness he felt the day before hits him again. "Are you sure you should be saying things like that to a lawyer?" he replies jokingly.

The doctor smiles, but then gets serious. "Will I did a CT scan on Alicia yesterday. I found a mass at the top of the brain stem." Now fear starts to set in.

"A mass?"

"Yes"

"So what does that mean?"

"Well as much as I and the nurses would like to believe that you being here is the only reason for her increase in brain activity, it may be partly due to the mass. A tumor can have all kinds of effects on the brain and body."

Will turns back towards Alicia. "So will you remove it?"

"That isn't up to me. I have to ask Peter if that is what he wants."

"And if he says no?" he can barely breathe already knowing the answer.

"If he says no the mass will get larger, it's growing very rapidly. I would give her about a month."

Will continues to stare at Alicia, and doesn't say anything.

"Will don't give up hope. Put a little bit of faith in Peter. I think there is merit and value in you coming to see her. I would continue that. I'm also going to tell Peter that I think there is a good chance she would wake up if we remove the tumor. That tumor may have saved her life, it may be part of the reason her body didn't shut down when we took her off all of the machines. She's a fighter. I have no doubt she's fighting as hard as she can.

Tumor aside I can't explain her increase in brain activity, and vitals when you are here, and the drop when you aren't. So don't give up. She needs you." He turns and walks out of the room.

Will continues to look at her for a few minutes. "Ah Leesh, I knew something was wrong. It will be okay. Everything will be okay." He kisses her forehead, and walks out. He needs to call Diane.

**A/N Welcome to my new readers. Thank you all once again for the beautiful reviews. Let me know what you think! The next few chapters we will be making some good progress so stay tuned!**


	7. The Two Best Things

**Chapter 7**

**The Two Best Things**

**Alicia**

"Grace" Alicia calls as she enters the apartment, and sets her bag, and keys down. There is no answer. She walks over to Grace's room and knocks on the door. "Grace"

"Oh, hey mom, what are you doing home so early?"

"It's Friday and thought I would spend the evening with my daughter." She says smiling

"Ahuh, and when was the last time you came home from work at five in the evening mom?" She says rolling her eyes.

"You're right, but I have a surprise for you!"

"A surprise?"

"Yes, you and I will be picking up your brother from the airport in a few hours."

"Zach is coming home? He's only been gone a month."

"Well I bought your brother a plane ticket and he is coming home tonight."

"Mom, what's going on?"

Alicia wants to wait until Zach gets home, but she knows Grace can tell whenever something is wrong. "I just need to discuss a few things with both of you. And I'm missing Zach, so I thought it would be fun for us to spend a few days together. We didn't really have any time to spend together before he left." _Well that was mostly the truth. _She thinks to herself.

"What things?"

"Grace, I would really rather wait until your brother gets home to discuss this okay. In the mean time will you help me make some lasagna for dinner?"

"Zach's favorite! Sure" They head to the kitchen and start preparing the meal.

Later that evening the three of them sit at the kitchen table. The two teenagers can't stop talking about all that's gone on in the past month.

_You would think they'd been apart for a year_._ I'm so glad they are so close._ Alicia thinks to herself.

Zach tells them about the job he landed at Georgetown. Grace talks about her friends, and the new boy she's dating. Alicia just sits back and listens enjoying uncomplicated ease of the conversation. She loves these two more than anything. But when she starts to think about that she gets a bit teary eyed.

Noticing, Zach stops his conversation with Grace, and turns to his mother. "Mom what's wrong?" She knows she can't avoid this conversation forever so she may as well get it all out so they can enjoy the weekend together.

"Let's move to the living room okay?" She gets up and heads to the couch in the other room. The two follow giving each other a concerned look.

"Here sit next to me." She sits in the middle of the couch Grace on one side, Zach on the other. She puts her arms around both of them.

"You two know how much I love you right?" They both nod their heads.

"About a month ago I started having some problems."

"What kind of problems?" Grace asks hesitantly

"Physical problems. I've had some bad headaches. I get pretty lightheaded at different points during the day. I'm very tired all the time, and sometimes the area where I was shot hurts." Zach and Grace are looking at her nervously now.

"On Tuesday I went to see Dr. Young. He ran some blood tests, and did a CT scan. Yesterday he called to tell me about the results."

"So what did he say?" Zach asks

"He told me that I have a tumor near the top of my brain stem." Tears start to form in Grace's eyes. "So what does that mean mom?" She asks.

"Well you two are old enough to understand how serious this is. First of all it's not cancerous. That is good news. But it does need to be removed. These symptoms I am having are likely being caused by the tumor. So removing it will hopefully get rid of the symptoms. Dr. Young wants to remove it next week." She gives them both a minute to process this and ask any questions.

"So what day next week?" Zach asks

"Wednesday or Thursday. He will let me know tomorrow. One of his best surgeons is at a conference, and will be back next week. Dr. Young wants him to help assist with the surgery. I'm not going to lie to both of you. There are some serious risks involved with the surgery. But the risk of leaving it there is much greater than the risk of taking it out. So do you guys have questions?"

The two question her for a few minutes, but once she's answered their questions, and put them at ease Zach says

"You need to do what's best mom. We just want you to be okay." Alicia pulls both of them in tighter. "Okay, but if you have any other questions just ask. I love you guys so much." They sit there for another minute enjoying the closeness.

"Now there is something else I need to talk to you about." Grace and Zach turn their heads up towards hers again. "Let me finish before you interrupt okay?" They nod in agreement.

"I filed for a divorce today. I found out on Tuesday that your father has cheated on me again. You both know he and I have tried to make things work. We have tried for a long time. But there comes a point sometimes where there's just nothing else you can do. Your father and I have reached that point. So we are going to end the marriage."

"Dad cheated on you again?" Grace says

"I'm sorry mom" Zach says

"Listen both of you. Yes your father has hurt me. But remember three months ago I asked him for some space. We aren't just divorcing because of this new piece of information. As you get older you will realize that sometimes you fall out of love. You can fall back into love, but sometimes it's just best to leave things at an end. Your father and I have chosen to leave it at an end. We both love you very much. Your father loves you very much. I don't want either of you putting blame on one of us over the other. It's just time for both of us to move on. You're both old enough to make decisions for yourselves. You are free to do what you want. Your dad and I will try to make this as smooth a process for both of you as we can." The two nod in agreement.

"You need to always remember that none of this is your fault. None of it has ever been, nor ever will be your faults okay?" They both nod, and the next five minutes are spent in tears between all three of them. "It's going to be okay I promise" She tells them reassuringly. "We're going to get through this."

The next two days are filled with together time. Saturday morning Alicia is able to sleep in, and when she wakes up she is greeted with a pancake breakfast the two have made. Both kids need a few things so they spend the morning and early afternoon shopping. At one point Zach, who has had enough shopping, says to the two women. "Can we please get some food?"

Alicia and Grace turn to each other, then Grace says, "oh no Zach we have about four more hours of shopping, and mom and I really need to get our nails done! I'm sure they will have some great magazines at the salon you can look at!" She and Alicia laugh, Zach rolls his eyes.

"Actually honey, I really need to eat too, and I need to rest. So let's stop at that café you guys like, and take lunch home with us okay?"

He shakes his head. "Okay sounds good!"

When they get home they eat. Alicia lies down on the couch, and Zach and Grace hang out on the computer for awhile. That night they order in pizza, and watch a movie snuggled up together on the couch. Alicia is enjoying this for a few reasons. One she knows now that they are both getting older their moments like this will become fewer. But in the back of her mind she also knows that there is a small chance she may not make it through the surgery next week. She only lets this thought cross through her mind for a moment. She can't bare the thought of not being there for their college graduations, their weddings, and her grandchildren. She quickly pushes this thought out of her mind, and turns it back to the happy moments she is having with them now.

Sunday they spend a lazy day at home together. Alicia makes French toast for breakfast. They play a few games together. In the afternoon Grace pulls out some of the old photo albums.

"You two were so cute!" Alicia says as she turns through the pages.

"Hey, we were cute?" Grace says jokingly.

"You're grown up cute now!" Alicia says.

"Hey look here are pictures of that day Zach and I helped Dad wash the car!" Alicia shakes her head.

"You mean the day we had the biggest water fight ever, that ended up with me getting soaked, and my beautiful hard wood floors needing to be dried when you guys were done?" They all laugh. They flip through more photos. There are photos of them on various outings when the kids were younger. Pictures of the kids in school plays. There are photos of Grace playing soccer, and Zach playing little league. There are many of Thanksgivings, and Christmas holidays past, and lots of family vacations.

"We've had some good times together haven't we?" Alicia says as she closes the last album.

"Really good mom, really good" Zach says. Then they just sit together on the couch Alicia's arms around them, and for those few minutes all seems right in the world. "I love you both so much. Don't ever forget that you two are the best things that ever happened to me, and that I love being your mother."

After dinner they get ready to take Zach back to the airport.

"Mom I should stay until after the surgery."

"No Zach, you just started a new job. And it's going to be fine. I will probably be in the hospital for a week, and then home recovering for awhile. I don't want you to worry. It's important that you get on with things." She says smiling.

"Okay, but tell Dad that he has to call as soon as your in the recovery room."

"I will, and I'm sure he will anxious to talk to you." She pulls him in for a hug, and kisses his forehead. "Now we need to go so you aren't late for your flight."

As she watches Zach go through security and down the hall towards his terminal she is overcome with emotion, she's terrified that that may be the last time she sees him. She holds onto Grace she wants to watch him for as long as she can. But once he's out of sight Grace sensing her mother's feelings, takes her hand and turns her around towards the exit. "Mom, it will okay" she says reassuringly.

**Monday**

The next morning she calls Diane and Cary into her office.

"I need to talk to you two about something." She look nervous, they can both sense something is wrong.

"Does this have to do with the divorce?" Cary asks. It had been all over the press that morning.

"No actually it doesn't. Last week I had some blood tests, and CT scan done. I've not been doing so well the past month." She doesn't wait for a reaction.

"The doctor has found a tumor near the top of my brain stem. He wants to remove it this week on Thursday."

"A tumor, is it cancerous?" Diane asks

"No, thank heavens. But that does mean that I will need to take some more time off. We need to reassign all of my cases for awhile. I will finish up the Dubeck trial tomorrow. But everything else will need to be reassigned." Cary and Diane look at each other, and then back at her.

"That's fine Alicia, but how are handling this?" Cary asks.

"And why didn't you tell us you haven't been feeling well?" Diane adds.

"Because I thought all the symptoms I was having were due to stress. But when I started blacking out for a few seconds two weeks ago, I thought I'd better have things checked." She contemplates her next words before speaking.

"I am handling things as best I can. I flew Zach home for the weekend. We had a great weekend together! I know it's silly, but I'm actually happy, but also terrified. I am probably more relieved than I should be over the divorce. It will be good to close that chapter of my life." The other two agree.

"The doctors tell me that the surgery should run smoothly. They don't for any problems. Some of the top doctors in the country will be doing the procedure." She hesitates as if she wants to say more, but doesn't. She just looks at them waiting for a response.

"But" Diane says. She knows Alicia has more to say.

"But… there is a chance won't make it through the surgery. Do you know what it's like to think that you may only have a few more days to live?" She looks at them. The fear she didn't let the kids see, is now evident in her features.

"The risk is low right?" Cary asks

"Yes, but I'm scared to death. I'm not ready to die. What do I even do in three days?"

"You just keep living Alicia. You can't let it take over your life. You have to keep your mind on the important things." Diane says

"Diane I need to draw up a new will. With the divorce I… I just need to make sure everything is taken care of. Can you help me with that?"

"Alicia I'm willing to do whatever you want, but don't worry. I'm sure everything is going to be fine. Your strong, you'll get through this, and in a month when your back here sitting in that chair we will celebrate your new life!"

"Okay, thanks, thank you so much both of you. You are the best partners I could ever ask for. I promise to make it up too you."

"Hey you would do the same for us." Cary says "Remember we are here for you."

"I know, and that means the world to me." Alicia stands up, and Cary and Diane follow suit. She hugs each of them, and then they get back to work. But none of them can dismiss the gloom they are each feeling.

**Wednesday**

Alicia is in her office finishing up case notes for the cases she is going to hand off later that day. Oddly she is in a good mood. Her spirits are high. In fact she hasn't felt this good mood for months.

Physically she's not feeling so well. This week has brought on bouts of nausea coupled with her other symptoms it's very unpleasant. But she's pushing through it. She's going to make the best of this day as she can. So she decides she will go walk to the restaurant around the corner that she particularly likes for lunch. She gets up from her desk to go see if anyone else would like to join her. But as she stands up and walks around her desk she is overcome with dizziness. She grabs onto her desk for support. She bends over at the waist eyes closed until it passes. Once it passes she looks over towards the conference room. She notices the concerned eyes watching her, so she smiles at them as she walks towards the door to her office.

Cary, Diane, and Kalinda are in the conference room working on a case.

"And that is why we will need you to investigate…" He pauses,

"Did you see that?" Kalinda turns to look at what the other two are seeing.

"Yes" Diane says concerned. "She's been doing that all week."

"I know" he responds.

"Good thing the surgery is…"

Just then Robin comes around the corner and happens to look into Alicia's office. At that moment Alicia starts to feel dizzy again, and things go dark, she reaches for anything, something to support her, but there's nothing. She can feel herself falling, but there is nothing she can do. Before she hits the floor everything is quiet, and dark.

Robin is the first to get there, followed seconds later by the other three. "Alicia, Alicia," Robin calls. No response.

"What just happened?" Cary asks

"She passed out" Kalinda says. She's unconscious. They are all kneeling over her.

"Kalinda call 911. I'll call Peter" Diane says

"Already on it" she replies while dialing. They all look at each other, they can't wake her up.


	8. It Will Be Okay

**A/N Welcome to my new followers! Remember take anything medically related with a grain of salt! This chapter is really long. But I didn't want to split it into two. Keep those reviews coming, they are very helpful!**

**Chapter 8**

**It Will Be Okay**

**Will Friday**

"Will… Will" Diane calls again.

He turns and looks at her. He was thinking of Alicia again for the millionth time that day. For some reason he can't get her out of his head today.

"Yes what?"

"Did you hear?"

"Hear what?" He is really not interested in any sort of conversation tonight.

"Peter and the kids decided to have the tumor removed." She watches him waiting for a reaction. He doesn't give her one. Inside however, he feels like the weight of the world has just been lifted from him.

"Good" Is all he says.

"Good" she says incredulously. "Really that is all the reaction I'm going to get? You have been moping around here all week, I give you the good news I know you've been waiting for, and a good is all I get?"

"Yes, and I haven't been moping." He is not in a good mood.

"You have been moping. So keep on moping. I am going to leave you and your cloud of gloom to yourselves." She starts to walk back out of his office.

"Diane wait" He says just as she gets to the door.

"Thank you"

She turns back to face him with her arms folded. "Your welcome. So what's wrong? You should be happy about this?"

He stares at her for a minute before responding. _She is the master at knowing when something is wrong. _He thinks to himself.

"What if she does wake up?" Diane walks back over to his desk and sits down.

"What do you mean what if she does wake up? Isn't that what everyone is hoping for? Isn't that what you are hoping for?"

"Yes, but it will very complicated."

"Complicated because you love her?"

He is still showing no emotion. "Yes, I know this will sound crazy but I have spent the past six weeks falling in love with her again."

"Just the past six weeks?" Diane eyes him. "Will you've loved her from the day you set eyes on her haven't you?"

He can't help but smile at that. "Yes, but that isn't what I mean. I spent four months hating her. I spent the next four letting her go. And now I've spent nearly every night for the past six weeks with her, falling in love with her all over again."

"What do you mean you've spent the past six weeks with her?"

He smiles again, but looks away a bit embarrassed. "I've been going to see her every night after work, and visiting hours are over since they took her off life support. I sit next to her bed and talk to her." He says as if this is no big deal.

Diane can't believe it. "You mean to tell me that nearly every night for the last six weeks you've been at the hospital? I knew you'd been to see her! That's why you left Monday night wasn't it?" She laughs "You're a hopeless romantic. But why did you rush out of here so quickly?"

"Now you'll really think I'm crazy, but that day I thought I saw her in my office." Diane looks skeptical. "I know what you're thinking. Just wait until I finish. At first I thought it was a memory I was having of her. But it wasn't a memory. It was like it was happening right then, or had just happened. The look on her face was… I've never seen Alicia look so… defeated. I couldn't place it, I've never seen those sad eyes before, and she was crying. It was like déjà Vu. I was worried something had happened to her so I left and went to the hospital. I had to make sure she was okay. I fell asleep there. That's why I was so late on Tuesday."

Diane just looks at him for a minute deciding how to respond.

"You two have always had a strange mind thing going on. Sometimes it seemed like you two could read each others minds. Sometimes you two didn't even have to say anything to know what the other one was thinking on cases. It drove me crazy, you two would figure out the strategy without saying anything, and I would be left in the dust."

"Hey, great minds think alike!" he chuckles

"It was the next morning the doctor told you about the tumor wasn't it?"

"Yes"

"So something was wrong, you were right."

"Yes, but that isn't the issue here. What if she wakes up and she's still really angry at me? I've had nearly six months to realize what's really important. But she hasn't. If she wakes up she will still be in the same place she was in March, hurt, and angry. Of course who could blame her, I really treated her badly. I think she wanted to smooth things over, that's part of why we are in this mess, but I wouldn't let her. Not to mention she is still married to the Governor of Illinois, and has two fantastic kids who mean the world to her."

"Will first of all I don't think I'd worry about all that right now. The important thing is her waking up. We don't have any way of knowing what her state of mind will be if she wakes up. For all we know she won't remember any of it. Secondly, Cary told me there is a rumor going around that Peter, how should I put this, has tried to move on."

"Tried to move on?" he says with a hint of anger.

"We all thought she was going to die six weeks ago, and well, I'm sure you can draw your own conclusions. If the rumor is true, it's going to be Peter causing the bigger mess if she wakes up."

Anger rises in his features. "So let me see if I have this right. Let's say I'm married. My wife gets shot and ends up in the hospital, and is unconscious for months fighting for her life. There is little chance she will recover, but there is a small chance. But me thinking she will not make it, just decides to move on to the next woman while my wife is still alive? Wow I am speechless. He's still hurting her even in her current state."

"I don't know if the rumor is true, and I can't imagine if it is true that her children are too happy about it."

"No, that's got to be awful for them. All of this must be really hard on them." He turns back to the window, and starts to think about Grace and Zach even though he hardly even knows them, he suddenly wants to get to know them.

"So when is the surgery?"

"Wednesday" she says as she gets up to leave.

"Okay, thanks for letting me know."

She stops just as she get to the door. "Will" He turns and looks at her, "if she does wake up I'm sure it will all work out. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I've seen the way you always looked at her. I also saw the way she always looked at you. And even when things were bad between you, no one can deny those telling looks you two gave each other. If you really love her, and I have no doubt you do, you have to prepare yourself for what may lie ahead. It won't be easy, and if she is the one you really want, you can't back out once she wakes up, no matter her condition."

"I know"

"If you hurt her, know that your days are few my friend!" She says as she leaves his office.

Later that night he walks into the hospital pizza in hand. He says Hi to the nurses as he goes to her room. He puts the pizza down, gets his chair, and sits. "Hey Leesh. I brought pizza. You could have some if you were awake!" He says half teasingly half seriously. He opens the box, and pulls out a slice.

"You know we've had some pretty good times over the years with pizza. Remember our first date at Georgetown? You were not impressed with the idea of having pizza after I had messed up our reservation at that restaurant. I really had to think quick. I thought you were going to insist I take you back to your apartment right then. That ended up being a pretty good night. We went back to my place I ordered pizza, and then we got a blanket and went outside spread it out on the grass. I was lucky there was courtyard in the middle of my complex. It was the perfect evening. You relaxed almost immediately once we were settled on the blanket with the pizza, and I think it was lemonade we ended up drinking. I really needed to go to grocery shopping!

The only light we had were the ones on the outside of the buildings. We were supposed to go see a movie, but we got so carried away in conversation when we looked to see what time it was the movie was half over. So we just lay there on the blanket talking for hours. I was lucky it was a warm autumn night. I loved talking to you. It's always been easy to talk to you. I never felt like I had to prove anything to you." He sits back thinking about their first date.

"Then of course there was our first dinner together after you came to LG. That was great. Although I am sure the rumor mill was going wild after that. I didn't think that through. I just did it spontaneously. I just really wanted to have dinner with you. But us in your office having dinner together, probably wasn't the smartest thing for killing peoples notions that we had a thing. I didn't care though. I was determined to have a meal with you that didn't involve work. Funny because work is what interrupted the dinner. You know I meant what I said that night too. We always have options Alicia. I would have given you a long list of options if you would have just given me a chance.

You and I talking over pizza, it's kind of our thing. I just wish sometimes I could hear your voice again. That voice sends tingles up my spine. I always took it for granted. I took a lot of things for granted, but not anymore."

He sits and watches her as he eats his pizza. When he's done he starts to talk again.

"Hey I have to ask you something." He pauses. "Okay thank you for not objecting! I was wondering if it would be okay for me to get to know your kids? I just feel like it would be nice to know and understand that part of your life. I mean even when we were together I never had the opportunity to really get to know them. That was okay, I understand why you didn't want me to be in the middle of things. But I would like to know them better. They seem like really good kids. Not that there was any doubt that you would raise exceptional children." He sits as though he's going to get an answer, but of course doesn't.

"Okay then it's settled since you haven't objected, and I am the judge and jury here I herby grant me permission to get to know Zach and Grace a little more!"

Later as he leaves he stops to ask Amy a question.

"Hey when do Zach and Grace come to see her?"

"Sporadically during the week, but I'm pretty sure they are always here on Sunday afternoons."

"Okay thanks" He says and then leaves.

**Sunday**

Will arrives at the hospital around two in the afternoon. He doesn't know what to expect. He's hoping to be able to see Zach and Grace, but doesn't know if they are there, and if they are there if they will be willing to talk to him. As he gets closer to her room, he can here talking. He pauses as he gets to the door, he stays out of sight. He listens for a minute before entering.

"So are you nervous to go to Georgetown?" He identifies that voice as Grace's.

"No, I'm just worried about mom. I have to leave in two weeks. I have to get settled into my apartment, and look for a job. And I have freshman orientation. I just hope this surgery works, and that she will wake up so I can see her before I leave. Actually I was thinking of talking to Dad about delaying a semester."

"Zach you can't. Mom wouldn't want you to do that."

Will is encouraged by the fact that it seems to only be Zach and Grace in the room. So he enters the room. Grace and Zach turn to see who just walked in.

"Hey Mr. Gardner" Grace says

"Hey, and call me Will okay" Grace nods.

"Did you come to see mom?" Zach asks. "I did" He says hesitantly, "but I can wait outside until you guys are done if you want." Inside he's really hoping they will want him to stay.

"No, it's okay. You can come and sit with us if you want." Grace says with a smile. So Will pulls up a chair next to the bed close to Zach, and Grace is on the opposite side of the bed.

"So how is she today?" Will says very casually. "The same as always, hell bent on not saying anything right?" The two teenagers look at each other, and laugh a little. They can tell Will is trying to make things comfortable for them.

"Yes, not saying much today!" Grace responds

"Well that's good then right? No worse is a plus! You know I keep telling her if she would just wake up none of us would be worrying about her so much. You know how she hates it when people are worried about her? But I haven't convinced her yet, looks like you two haven't either."

They look at each other, Zach speaks with a hint of laughter in his voice. "No we haven't been able to convince her either. But you know how mom is when she gets her heart set on something."

"I do" He gets more serious, "so how are you two anyway?"

"Good" Grace says, she's not sure she wants to open up completely to this semi stranger.

"Zach is leaving to go to Georgetown in a few weeks. That's where you met mom right?"

Will smiles, "Yes, that is where I met your mother. But I was a crazy semi-immature kid then. And your mother was ten years more mature than any of the rest of us. Did she ever tell you how we met?"

"No" Zach says.

"Would you like to know?"

"Sure"

"Well it was at an orientation pool party. I of course was doing cannonballs in the pool. Your mom walks in with a group of friends and spends half the night poolside drink in hand chatting with nearly everyone there. She was like a magnet. I don't think she had to get up from where she was sitting to get a single thing the whole night. Food, drinks, nothing, it just showed up for her. I'd wanted to talk to her all evening. Your mom wasn't just the smartest person in our class, she was the prettiest too. So in an attempt to get her attention I cannon balled into the pool right across from her. She looked shocked when I came up out of the water. She wasn't that wet, but a little. So I pretended I hadn't seen her before I jumped into the pool. Then I jumped out and went over to her, and apologized handing her a towel." They all laugh

"So what did mom do?" Grace asks

"Your mom is one of the kindest people I know. She could have really let me have it. But she just smiled, and said, "No big deal. We are at a pool party after all, and thank you for the towel. I'm Alicia." Then she puts out her hand for me to shake. I probably sounded like an idiot. I don't even remember what I said back to her. But I remember how nice your mom was."

"So did you like being at Georgetown?"

"I did, very much. You'll love it there." He says, and starts to ponder their years there together.

"Yeah mom was going to come with me when I moved out there. She said she wanted to see her alma mater. I kept insisting she didn't need to. You know the whole mother at college with you thing. But I kind of wish she could now." Sadness is now evident in his voice.

"I bet she would have really enjoyed that." Will says with real sincerity.

"Dr. Young told us he thinks you are part of the reason mom did so well after they took her off life support." Grace says, catching Will completely off guard.

"Well I don't know about that. All I did was come and talk to her. It's your mother that's doing all the hard work staying alive and all. I've never known your mother to give up very easily." He's looking at Grace straight in the eyes.

_She has her mother's eyes. Just as piercing and telling as Alicia's are._ He thinks to himself.

"Well thank you" She says simply.

"Your welcome"

The three talk easily for another hour. Will is surprised at how easy and smooth the conversation is.

"Well I'll leave you two alone." He says as he gets up to leave, "It was good to see you guys again. Thanks for talking with me, and for what it's worth I think your mom will pull through this." Deep down he's hoping she will, but logically he knows there is a good chance she won't.

Grace and Zach nod, "It was good to see you again Will." Zach says as he leaves the room.

"He's a nice guy." Zach says

"Yeah, and he cares about mom."

"I know" They both sit in silence watching their mother, both hoping she will be awake by the end of the week.

**Tuesday**

"You've got great kids Leesh." Will says as he stands staring out the window at the dark city skyline. "Really great." He moves back to the chair next to her.

"I saw them the other day. They were here visiting you. They're worried about you. You probably already know that. I hear a mother's instinct is pretty strong." He smiles, and then gets very serious.

"Leesh we need to talk about a few things." He sits back and takes a deep breath. "I'm scared Alicia. I'm so afraid that tomorrow will be it and I… You know I was thinking about the past few years today. I was thinking about that day you broke things off between us." he pauses again.

"I was going ask you what you wanted for us that day. I was going to tell you I was ready to make that plan with you. You know the plan you told me you needed nearly two years earlier. I was ready to commit to you, and everything that came with that. But before I could say anything you broke it off. I wasn't mad, I was really sad. Okay lets be honest, I was heart broken. The funny thing about that was that Diane thought I was the one who broke it off. Little did she know that I didn't care anymore, and that I was ready to make things a huge mess if that's what it took. See that was the thing, even though there were a million repercussions, many of which would have been bad, if we would have made things official. I wanted to work through all the mess with you because I wanted you. I wanted to be with you. I was willing to take more heat from Peter, and help you through the divorce process. I was willing to face the press. I would have needed pointers from you. You are the expert at facing the press.

I wanted to let the rumor mill at work be validated. I was willing to sit through the lengthy lecture Diane would have given both of us! I mean someone has to take the parent roll sometimes right! I wanted the chance to get to know Zach and Grace, and have the opportunity to show them how much I cared about you. But I didn't want to make things harder for you. So I didn't say anything. I just let you go.

The next year and a half was a roller coaster for me. I had to much time to think while I was suspended for six months. I was worried about you, I thought about you ten times a day. I didn't need to worry, you're fully capable of taking care of yourself. But once you came back into my life I was always concerned about you. I was really happy to come back to the office after a week. First of all my sisters could tell something was going on, they thought Kalinda and I were a thing! They were driving me crazy.

Secondly, by being in the office I could still be near your everyday, and make sure things at the firm didn't get to out of hand.

Next topic, let's talk about one of my happiest moments, but one that I didn't realize would be a path to our destruction in the long run. I will never forget the look on your face, or the reaction you had the day we made you partner. Diane and I had been discussing it for a few weeks. First of all let me say that making you a partner was part of the plan all along. It was that time of year where we decide on who makes partner. Once again Diane and I were caught trying to make a decision between you and Cary. But Diane had grown to respect you, and Cary hadn't been back very long.

Sadly the fact that your husband was likely going to be the Governor made things easier for Diane. But then we had all that financial trouble, and yes we made all the fourth years partners to help with the finances. But we would have made you a partner anyway. Even though making a fourth year a partner is rarely ever heard of, you had really proven yourself. You're a really good lawyer Leesh! But lets get back to the happiest moment. You were so excited. I had rarely seen you that excited about something other than me before. All I was thinking when we told you was that I had finally done something to make your world a better one.

If it had just been me in that office telling you, I would have handled it differently. I would have stood right in front of you staring into those beautiful eyes and told you. Then when you reacted the way you did I would have hugged you, and part of me would have been very tempted to kiss you. But with Diane sitting there it didn't seem like the appropriate thing to do! That was a good day, a really good day.

But then everything came crashing down. The next six months were filled with ups and downs, and moments of bad timing. Some of the worst bad timing we had ever had. I had tried so hard to move on, but then that kiss after our heated argument, I shouldn't have kissed you, but you kissed me back. Then that night during the whole ballot box thing. You were trying to talk yourself out of your feelings, but it didn't work did it?" He gets up and walks around the room for a minute. Then he turns and looks at her.

"I know why you did it." He turns away from her, and walks back to the window, and fold his arms across his chest. "I was hurt, and that's why I hurt you." He goes back to the chair next to her, and holds her hand. Tears start to pool in his eyes.

"Alicia, I need to have this conversation with you. Not this unconscious you, but the awake you. Since I may never get the chance I just have to say it. I just have to tell you how incredibly sorry I am. I should have handled you leaving better. I should have talked to you about it. I should have never made you walk past everyone when it was over. That was shameful, and really wrong.

But I was really angry, and hurt. I thought you were going to be my other name partner. I really thought it would be you and me and we would build our firm all the way to the top. And I… I thought that was going to be the answer. The answer to us. I thought that if we were partners at work, we could work through the mess of everything else together."

He sits rubbing her hand.

"So there I've said it. You hurt me, and I was angry. But I'm sorry, and I forgive you. I just hope you'll give me the chance to explain my side to you, and maybe if I'm lucky you'll forgive me. So please Alicia… Please give me the chance to fix things." The tears start to flow freely.

"Please don't leave me tomorrow. Please don't leave me in this world alone without you. I can't bare the thought of living without you in the world. It would be worse then being apart after Georgetown. It would be worse than the loneliness I felt after we broke up a few years ago. And it would be worse than how lonely I felt nine months ago when I walked you to that elevator. That loneliness would be more than I could bare. If you dying is the end of all of this, it should have been me. It should be me lying in this bed. You are stronger than I am, so much stronger. You would be okay in a world without me, but I don't think I can make it in a world without you. I love you Alicia. I love you more than life itself." He hold both of her hands in his "Please don't leave me."

/

**Alicia**

"Alicia, Alicia, can you hear me? If you can hear me squeeze my hand."

She starts to come out of the darkness. As she slowly opens her eyes she starts to feel a little panic. She can't place her surroundings. Things are spinning and her head is hurting more than she can ever remember. She closes her eyes again. She realizes this is the first time in months she awoken having not been dreaming of Will.

"Where am I?" Is all she can get out, she feels like she's been beaten up, everything hurts. She feels groggy.

"You're on an ambulance. We are taking you to the hospital."

"Okay" she says, and then she falls back asleep, and all the familiar memories come rushing in again.

As she starts to wake up again she can't get rid of the hazy, groggy feeling, her head is pounding. But she can hear familiar voices. She tries to open her eyes.

"Mom, mom, it's me, Grace, mom wake up."

She tries harder to open her eyes. It's become increasingly harder to wake up in the mornings the past week. Her body just wants to sleep, and her mind just wants to stay where Will is. When she sleeps he's there all the time. She's happy, and she's not in any pain. She tries harder, and as she forces herself awake and opens her eyes, she can see Grace sitting on the bed next to her. Peter is there, as well as Diane, Cary, kalinda, and Robin.

"Where am I? What happened?" Everyone turns to Diane.

"You blacked out at work about an hour ago."

Alicia smiles, and trying to make light of things says, "well that's embarrassing!" Everyone smiles.

"You gave us a real scare there Alicia." Kalinda says

"You're not the only ones. Have you ever blacked out before? I wouldn't recommend it."

"Mom how are you feeling?"

"Terrible honey, actually, really terrible." She isn't up to pretending today, so she answers honestly. "Everything hurts. I feel like there is a cloud around me. I feel really groggy. But honey everything is going to be okay. I just need some medicine. What does the doctor say?"

"The doctor says you're not going anywhere Alicia." Dr. Young says as he enters the room and walks over to her bed.

"Alicia we need to get that tumor out, and sooner rather than later. Especially after the events of the past hour. Our medics had a very difficult time bringing you back to consciousness."

"That doesn't surprise me. I've had a really hard time waking up the past few days."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that in the morning my alarm goes off, and I hear it, but I can't wake myself up. It's like I'm stuck in the land of sleep. I have to concentrate really hard to wake each part of my body up. Does that make any sense?"

"I think so. It's got to be the tumor affecting your consciousness. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I'd prefer to do the surgery today instead of waiting until tomorrow.

She closes her eyes again. She would prefer to not think about this, but is resigned to the fact that it is inevitable.

"Okay" Is all she says. Everyone in the room looks at each other with those knowing stares.

"Okay, good. We will start preparing things. We should be ready in about an hour."

"How long before she will wake up after the surgery?" Grace asks. It occurs to Alicia she doesn't know the answer to this either, nor had she really thought about it.

"Well we will keep her in an unconscious state until tomorrow. We need to monitor everything for twelve hours after the surgery to make sure things are running smoothly before we let her wake up."

Grace nods, she's doing her best to hold back the tears.

"Okay I'm going to go get things ready now." The doctor walks back out of the room.

Alicia's eyes fill up with tears.

"I love all of you so much." She reaches out and grabs Grace's hand. "So, so much" Now everyone has tears in their eyes.

"If I don't make it…"

"Alicia, we won't hear of this. You are going to be fine, and we are going to be here when you wake up." Diane says. She walks closer to Alicia, and takes her other hand. Shaking her head she says almost in a whisper, "you're going to be okay." Alicia nods in agreement.

"Now we are going to leave you to Grace and Peter." Diane says. She leans over and hugs Alicia, and then in turn Cary, Kalinda, and Robin hug her. They all turn and head towards the door.

"Diane, could you stay for a minute please?" They turn back around. Diane nods her head.

"Grace I need to talk to Diane and your Dad for a minute okay. It will just take a minute I promise."

Grace agrees, and gets up to walk out with the others.

"Hey Alicia" she turns to look at Cary "See you tomorrow partner!"

Alicia smiles, and says "Only if you promise to stay out of prison partner!" He laughs. "Good one" She will never forget the smile on his face as he walks out of the room.

The room gets quiet. "Alicia… I don't know what to say." Peter says. She can see the hint of remorse in his features.

"Peter, promise me that you'll take care of our children."

"Alicia your not"

"No Peter, promise me." She is holding his gaze. He comes over to the bed and sits in the chair next to her. Diane sits in the chair on the other side of the bed. He takes her other hand.

"I promise"

"Good, now I need you two to make me another promise." Peter and Diane look at each other.

"Anything you want Alicia, what is it?" Diane asks.

"Diane I have come to really respect you over the past six years. You're always honest, no matter what the situation. You stick to what you believe in even if it isn't the most popular of opinions. You always look for the best in people, but you push people to be their best. You're witty, funny, and let's not forget classy! You are one of the strongest people I know. I have come to really appreciate your friendship."

"Alicia I appreciate all of that, but what does this have to do with anything."

"Just let me finish okay" tears start to form in Alicia's eyes "Grace needs a woman to look up too. A woman who has her head on straight, someone with a solid foundation in who she is." She turns to Peter "I'm sure that whoever you end up dating, or even marrying again will be a good role model for Grace. But Peter I can't think of a better woman to be there for Grace than Diane, not even my mother. So promise me, both of you" She turns so she can see both of them "Peter promise me that you will make sure Grace gets to spend some time with Diane."

"Of course, I will. I respect Diane as much as you do. Why do you think I use Diane for debate prep huh!"

"And Diane please watch over her. She still has so many things to go through before she gets to where we are. I will just feel better knowing she has a woman she can always count on."

Tears are streaming down Diane's face. "I promise'

Alicia wipes the tears from her eyes. "Okay, thank you both of you. Now will one of you please go and het her, and the other one call Zach for me?"

Grace comes back in a minute later, and goes and sits back on the bed. "Mom I'm scared" She leans over and lies on Alicia's chest. Alicia puts her arms around her holding her tight.

"You don't have to be scared. I'm right here. I love you Grace. I love you more than life itself. It will be okay honey. I promise."

As she holds Grace she's struck by how comforting those words sound. But she can't figure out why. She brushes it off, and spends the next hour enjoying the warmth and love of her daughter.

When they come and start wheeling her down to surgery, she actually feels at peace. She knows that if she doesn't come out of this that everything is taken care of. And if she does come out of this she'll be ready to face things head on, but not take the everyday little things in life for granted. She just hopes that while she sleeps she will dream of him.


	9. Awake

**Chapter 9**

**Awake**

**Alicia**

She can feel her body starting to wake up. It's a very slow process. She tries to move her feet, her legs, her arms, her hands, it feels almost impossible. _Why are my muscles so weak? My limbs feel like led. It's got to be all the medication. I'll just lie here a little longer and wait for it to wear off some more._

In a way she feels like she's had the best nights sleep ever. She feels an overwhelming sense of relief flood over her. On the other hand she feels groggy, it's as though she's trying to find her way out of a deep fog. .

_I'm alive! At least I think I'm alive. If I could just wake all the way up. I feel stuck. My head is pounding. Okay focus Alicia. Let's just try moving our fingers. _She manages to wiggle her fingers. _That worked. Good! Now let's move to the hands._ She is able to lift her hands a few inches off the bed._ Success. They must really have me drugged up right now. I'll try again in a few minutes. _She lies there a few more minutes, stuck in this tunnel between asleep and awake.

A few minutes later, _Maybe if I could just open my eyes. They feel heavy too. This is unbelievable. Try again. _She forces her eyes open. Everything is blurry at first. She blinks a few times trying to get her eyes to focus. Then she looks around the room. There is a little bit of light coming in through the window. Morning she guesses, but is unsure. _Morning… maybe… So what day is it? _

She slowly turns her head in the other direction. There isn't anyone in the room. The only noise she can hear are all the monitors beeping. She notices the IV in her left hand. She turns to look at the side of the bed for a call button. But just then someone enters the room. She's still having a hard time focusing, but as the figure gets closer she can tell that whoever it is has scrubs on.

_A nurse, thank heaven. I am really thirsty, and my head is pounding._

"Nurse" she says. It comes out as a whisper. She could barely hear herself. The figure turns towards her so she tries again. "Nurse" It comes out louder that time, still quiet, but the figure walks over to her.

"Alicia" she sounds surprised. "You're… awake" The nurse looks surprised. She looks over at the monitors, then down at Alicia.

"Yes, I need something to drink. I'm thirsty, and my head hurts"

"You're…" she smiles and shakes her head. She looks relieved.

"Just a minute, let me get the doctor. He's going to want to see this! And I'll get you some water." The nurse smiles at her again, and then hurries out of the room.

_I'm so tired. That would make sense, with all the medication. _She closes her eyes again.

The nurse comes out of Alicia's room, and heads down the hall to find Dr. Young. She looks concerned, the other nurses notice as she passes.

"Hey Amy what's wrong?" One of the nurses says as she passes them. She stops and looks at them.

"She's awake! Alicia woke up! I have to find Dr. Young." She turns back around and hurries down the hall. The other nurses look at each other. They can't believe it. The three of them standing there hurry to Alicia's room. They want to see this for themselves.

When Amy finds the doctor he is busy with another patient.

"Doctor"

He turns and looks at her. "Amy I'll be done in a minute."

"No doctor, she's awake. Alicia is awake. You need to come now!" She says with urgency.

He stares at her for a minute trying to register what she just said.

"She's awake?" He says. "Yes, just a minute ago." He stands up, and tells the other patient he'll be back in a few minutes. They hurry back to Alicia's room. When they enter the other nurses are there. The doctor walks over to her bed with a huge smile on his face.

"Alicia I'm" She cuts him off.

"Dr. Young I'm very thirsty. Can one of these nurses get me something to drink please? And why are they all asking me so many questions? And why do I feel like I got run over by a truck?"

He laughs a little, and then pauses, the grin on his face fades. "Wait what? Alicia how do you know my name?"

She looks at him and rolls her eyes.. "What do you mean how do I know your name? You're my doctor. Why wouldn't I know what your name is?"

The doctor looks over to the nurse next to him. She just shrugs.

"Alicia, how are you feeling?"

"Honestly, awful. I'm thirsty, and my head is pounding. I feel really weak. I can't lift any of limbs. I didn't expect that. Can I have something for the headache, or do I even want to know what kind of drugs you've already got me on?"

He continues to watch her taking mental notes to write down later.

"Actually Alicia we don't have you on that many medications right now. I will have the nurses add something to your IV for the pain. But I am sure the more you wake up the less medicated you'll feel. And someone can get you some water. Can I ask you a few questions?"

"Sure" she responds. He turns and assigns one of the nurses to get her a drink. Alicia feels uneasy watching everyone else. No one can seem to keep their eyes off of her.

"So was the surgery successful?" She asks, as the doctor turns his attention back to her.

"What?"

"Were you able to get all of the tumor out?"

He starts to respond, "Yes, but…" He shakes his head, and looks at her even a bit bewildered. He decides to go with, "Yes, the surgery was very successful! We were able to get all of it."

She turns her head, and lets out a huge sigh of relief.

"Okay thank you. That is such a relief. If you don't mind I would rather answer your questions in awhile after the pain medication has had a chance to kick in. I don't feel like I'm fully mentally awake yet. I would like to rest before I answer any questions."

"Yes, that's fine. I'll have someone bring you the water. We will add a pain reliever to your IV."

She nods. "Will you call Grace and Peter for me please? I bet they are worried, especially Grace." And then she closes her eyes again.

He smiles again, "I will definitely call them! I'm sure they will be VERY anxious to see you." She barely hears him. She just wants to go back to sleep.

Awhile later Grace, Zach, and Peter rush into the hospital. Noticing the doctor just down the hall from her room, they hurry over to him. "Dr Young" Peter says "She's really awake?" He says with disbelief.

"Well she's resting right now, but yes she woke up about an hour and a half ago. Removing the tumor must have been the missing piece to waking her up. But listen she seems a little confused. It's to be expected. We didn't know what her mental state would be when she did wake up. I just want to warn you, if she says anything that doesn't seem quite right, it's nothing to worry about. It's just going to take her mind awhile to… readjust." He says.

"Okay thank you." Peter says.

"Can we go in and see her now?" Grace asks

"Of course, I'm sure she will be very happy to see you!"

As they enter tears start to well up in Grace and Zach's eyes. As they walk over to her bed she begins to stir. Hearing commotion in the room she turns her head towards them, and then she opens her eyes, blinking a few times to focus.

As soon as her eyes open they run over to her. "Mom" Grace says through her tears and leans over and hugs her tight. She continues to cry. Alicia tries to lift her arm up to hug Grace, but she can't so she lifts her hand up and places it on Grace's back.

"Hi sweetheart" She says. Then Zach goes to the other side and leans in to hug her. Even Peter gets teary as well. They stay that way for a minute.

Noticing the overwhelming amount of tears from the two she says, "hey, how come so many tears you guys?" They both sit up and look at her. She smiles at them.

"Mom we didn't know if you were ever going to wake up." Grace says. Alicia gets tears in her eyes. "Yeah, I was worried too. But look I told you it would be okay, and it is. I'm right here. I love you guys so much." She turns to Zach.

"Zach, why did you come home? I told you Dad would call as soon as he knew anything."

Zach, Grace, and Peter look at each other, and then back at her.

"Mom, come home from where?"

She smiles, "Haha funny Zach! Why did you come home from Georgetown? You were supposed to start your new job this week."

Zach turns to Peter, Peter shrugs. Then Zach turns back to Alicia.

"Mom, I haven't been to Georgetown yet. I leave in another week." She turns away from him shaking her head. "Okay, you got me! The doctor put you guys up to this didn't he?"

Zach even more confused says, "Put us up to what mom?"

"The doctor told you to test me, on facts didn't he just to see if I could remember right?" She looks at Zach. He looks back to Peter who pulls up a chair. He looks confused as well, but just shrugs.

"Mom, how do you feel?" Grace asks.

The doctor walks back in as Alicia responds. "Better than I did a few days ago honey. Although I have a huge headache, it seems to be fading some now that I have some meds to help. But I'm so weak. I guess that's why they figured I would be in the hospital for awhile recovering."

"Yes, Alicia this is to be expected. The muscle weakness you are experiencing is due to the lack of use over the past five and half months."

She was only half listening her focus still on Grace and Zach, but when he says that she jerks her head towards him.. "Doctor what do you mean lack of use. I just came in…" She stops and looks away for a minute as if she's trying to remember something. Suddenly she's unnerved. _Wait how long have I been out? Did he really just say five and a half months? _She turns back towards him.

"Doctor what day is it?"

Everyone looks at the doctor. "It's Friday." He hesitates Friday August eighth." He watches her waiting for a reaction.

The tension immediately leaves her features. She lets out a sigh of relief. "Yes, as I was saying I just came in two days ago. It must have taken a little longer for me to wake up than you were expecting. But it hasn't been five and half months."

Everyone in the room looks from one to the other, then back at her. She can tell something is wrong. "What?" she says.

The doctor speaks first. "Alicia, do you remember what happened to you?" His hand is placed under his chin, arms folded.

She laughs, "Do I remember? How could I forget? It was so embarrassing!" questioning eyes look from one to the other.

"Tell me what you remember?"

"Okay" She says not understanding why he would want her to tell him this.

_He knows exactly what happened_. _He's just testing me. He wants to make sure everything is working properly. _She thinks to herself.

"Two days ago I got up from my desk at work, and was headed to lunch. I got light headed, and then I passed out. An ambulance came, and brought me to the hospital. Then late Wednesday afternoon you put me under the knife to take out this tumor that you found last week." She says matter a factly.

Before the doctor can respond Zach says, "Mom you've been unconscious since March."

She looks at him for a minute. Not knowing whether he's serous or joking she can't help but laugh. "Okay guys enough of the mind games. I'm pretty sure the doctor can tell that I'm fine. We don't need to try and trick mom anymore okay?" She looks to the doctor waiting for him to back her up. When he doesn't say anything she stops smiling. She looks from one person to the other they all have the same look on their faces. She looks back to the doctor. Now she's starting to feel very tired again, she doesn't know if it's due to the medication they have given her, or if she doesn't want to hear what she's about to hear.

The doctor pulls up the chair next to Peter, and sits in it. He looks her straight in the eyes. "Alicia you were shot five and half months ago. You've been in a coma up until eight this morning." He says calmly, and waits for her to answer. She can feel the frustration rising in her.

"No" She shakes her head. "That isn't true." she says feeling very insecure. "Yes, I was shot at the beginning of March. Trust me I remember. I will never forget that day." She says with bitterness "That day has left a scar on me that will never fade." She turns and looks at Peter with a look of hurt, and then continues. "But I recovered in a month. Remember doctor you're the one who told me I recovered quicker than anyone thought possible. I went back to work a few weeks after being released from the hospital. I have come here once a month since then so that you and your team could check me out. Six weeks ago, when Zach graduated," she turns and looks at Zach, "I started having some problems. So last week I came in for you to check me out, and that's when you found the tumor, and that is why we are all here now having this ridiculous conversation. But I have not been unconscious for five and a half months." She looks from one person to the other. Grace and Zach don't know what to think.

The same questioningly looks are unsettling her. "What?" she says.

Peter speaks up next. "Alicia, we aren't playing games with you. You have really been" she cuts him off.

"No Peter, you of all people are not going to lie to me. Remember our discussion last week?" Peter looks very confused. "Alicia"

"No Peter, nothing has changed. If you think that this little game is is going to change my mind about us you're wrong. I talked to Grace and Zach over the weekend. Those divorce papers you received on Friday were real. You should know that. The press has been following all of us around all week long. In fact they are probably outside the hospital right now."

"Alicia what divorce papers?" He says. The tension in the room is rising.

She bites her lip. "Peter you cheated on me again, while I was in the hospital." The kids turn to Peter, he looks stunned, but guilty.

Zach speaks up first. "Mom Dad didn't" he stops and looks at Peter. "Dad" he says questioningly. But Peter doesn't deny it.

Grace looks very hurt. "Mom what are you talking about?" Alicia can tell Grace is upset. "Oh honey, come here." She says and Grace leans over so Alicia can put her arms around her again. Tears well up in Alicia's eyes. This is too hard. It's too much, and now she's frustrated. She turns her attention back to Peter. "Peter I'm not having this discussion with you again." She simply states.

"Alicia, what discussion? I love"

"No don't even say it." she says exhausted. "If you really loved me you wouldn't have done this to me and our children again. I am too tired to play these games right now. My priorities right now are regaining enough strength to get out of here, and our children. If you want to talk about this again, you're going to have to wait. I need to rest. Call Diane and Cary and ask them to come down here. I am sure they will "remember" the details."

"Why would Diane and Cary know the "details?" he asks She just glares at him. "Just call them Peter." She turns back to the teenagers.

"Guys I love you, and I want to spend some more time with you, but I'm really tired okay. Give me a hug. You can stay here if you want too, but I need to rest now."

Grace and Zach hug her again. "Mom we need to run some errands. I need a few more things before…" He pauses briefly, "We will come back later this afternoon."

"I love you mom. I am just glad you're okay." Grace says

"I love you too. I'll see you in awhile okay?" Alicia says. Zach and Grace leave the room. Peter stays behind.

"Alicia this is crazy. I love you."

"Peter I don't know what you're trying to pull here, but it's not going to work. Now please I need some sleep." She closes her eyes, and waits for him to leave. A few minutes later she opens her eyes again, and stares out the window. All of sudden she isn't feeling so sure of things. She's a little unnerved. She wonders if she is still under anesthesia and this is all a dream.

_Five months? That's ridiculous. But what if it's true? Five and a half months just gone? No, there is no way I didn't actually live through everything the past five and half months. It's impossible. Diane and Cary can back me up when they come. I'll just go back to sleep, things will be fine when I wake up. _She closes her eyes exhausted, and sleep takes over.

**/**

Cary is in his office. His assistant beeps him to let him know he has a call.

"Cary the Governor is on the phone."

"Okay thanks." He picks up says hello. When the call is finished he sits back in his chair and a wave of relief comes over him. He gets up, and walks out of his office.

"Hey everybody listen up, I have some news" He waits for everyone to come closer. There were some advantages to not having many walls in the office. And this was one of them.

"I have some good news." He's got a huge grin on his face. "The Governor just called. Alicia woke up!" Cheers rise up, and there's hugging. Someone asks when. "At about eight this morning. Peter says she's doing okay."

Robin comes over to him. "So looks like you won't be running his place by yourself much longer."

"Yeah I guess not. I'm going to tell my partner I'm taking a month's vacation once she's back" They both start to walk back to his office.

"Great idea, are you going to go down and see her?"

"Yes, I'm headed out now. Do you want to tag along?"

"Sure"

"Okay, well let's go have a long awaited discussion with my partner about her need for "calming the waters" that got her into this situation in the first place!" he says smiling. They get their things together, and head out.

**/ **

Diane is in her office on the phone.

"Okay I will come down in about an hour. Thank you so much." She hangs up the phone and sits back in her chair relieved. She looks over to Will's office, and then picks up the phone again. As she dials Kalinda passes by. She waves her into her office. Kalinda sits in the chair across from her desk.

Will is on a lunchtime run when the phone rings. "Diane what's up?" He answers but keeps running.

"Will…" he can tell by the sound in her voice something is up. He starts to slow down.

"Yeah what?" No answer he stops. "Diane"

"She woke up." She can feel a lump in her throat, Kalinda looks shocked. "Will, Alicia woke up."

He looks around staring at nothing particular. He has to process this. "What?" It seems like time stands still, everything is frozen.

"She's awake Will"

He turns slowly, and notices a bench nearby. All of the sudden his legs feel like jelly he goes over to the bench and sits.

"Will did you hear me?"

"Yes, I heard you." He's looking out at the lake now.

Kalinda is waiting for her to get off the phone, Diane looks at her quizzically. She's waiting for more of a response from Will. "Will are you okay?" No answer, "Will" She shakes her head at Kalinda. "Will Kalinda and I are going to the hospital in about an hour. Do you want to come with us when you get back? I will tell Julius he needs to argue for you in court this afternoon."

Will is barely hearing anything she's saying.

"Will' Diane says again.

"Yeah, but I will meet you there." Is all he says. He hangs up. He just stares out at the lake. He doesn't know what to do. Should he jump up and down? Should he be excited, scared, or nervous? Should he get there as quick as he can, or take his time? He's stuck. He puts his head down for a brief minute, and a few tears fall. He decides the tears are the overwhelming feeling of relief. This is hope, and a love he's only imagined, but now I could be real. For months now he's been caught in a world full on uncertainty, no clear path. Everything was in flux, his health, his career, his whole life. But now the one thing that had turned his life into such chaos over the past few months was the one thing that was bringing it back into focus now. And it only took one word. "Awake"

This is the thing he'd been hoping for. This would end the sleepless nights, filled with doubt, and pain. The one thing that could give him hope and peace was lying in a hospital bed just twenty minutes from where he now sat. And now she was awake, she was actually awake. He had to wrap his mind around this. After months of hoping for a miracle he had one, and he hadn't even realized he'd been hoping for one. He doesn't think he'd ever felt such gratitude and hope in his whole life. Everything would change now, everything. He knows he's about to put his heart on the line, but he's ready. He's been ready for weeks. All of his hopes, his dreams, were about to be laid out for her to see. No more hiding. He just hopes that her hopes and dreams are similar to his, and that they will become their hopes and dreams. Awake he keeps repeating over and over in his mind as he stands up, and starts running again. His picks up his pace, all he wants now is to see her. Awake, Alicia's awake. That word will be music to his ears for the rest of his life.

**A/N Okay I hope you are all okay with this. I have the next chapter mostly written. It was going to be one chapter, but combined with this one, it was nearly forty pages long, so I chopped it into two. Thanks for all the reviews. Please let me know what you think of this chapter. **


	10. Promise Me

**Chapter 10**

**Promise Me**

Opening her eyes once again, she looks around. It's the same room she fell asleep in as far as she can tell. She's feeling less hazy, and the headache is noticeably less painful now. She's starting to feel better physically, but mentally she is very unsure of things, and has comes to the realization that for the first time in weeks she didn't dream of Will while sleeping. It unsettles her.

_What if my whole life the past six months was a dream? But why wouldn't I still dream of Will. He's still dead. Maybe everything everyone said earlier was true. I'm so weak, if I really have been out of it for nearly six months that would explain the muscle weakness. Six months? Six months of my life just gone? It can't be. It was so real. Where do you even start if you've missed six months of your life? I really need to talk to Cary and Diane. _

Her thoughts are interrupted by the opening of the door.The nurse walks over to her. "How are you feeling?" _Same nurse as before._ She thinks to herself.

"Better"

"Good, do you need anything?"

"Yes, could you get me some more water please?" The nurse picks up the water next to her. She instinctively tries to reach her arm for it, but can't. This is frustrating. She is not used to needing help from anyone. The nurse holds the straw to her mouth. "Do you need anything to eat?"

"Yes, I'm a bit hungry." She admits.

"Okay, I will get you something. How is your pain level on a scale of one to ten?"

"Somewhere in the middle, it's not near as bad as it was earlier."

"Good. I am just going to check things, and then I will get you something to eat. Also you have some more visitors if you feel up to it."

_Visitors, good it's probably Cary and Diane. _The nurse continues her heart rate, and blood pressure checks. She finishes up and gets ready to leave. Alicia turns to her, "tell whoever it is they're welcome to come in."

"Okay I will let them know."

A few minutes later Diane, Kalinda, Cary, and Robin walk in. She turns her head towards them as they come closer. They are all smiles. Each one in turn leans over and hugs her.

Once they have all sat Kalinda says, "so how are you feeling?"

"Okay, I guess. Really, really weak though. I wasn't counting on that.." She says.

"Well that's to be expected I guess. How long until you'll be able to go home?" Alicia ponders this for a moment. "I don't know. I haven't asked. Originally they said it would be a week. But I doubt that now. Unless there is some sort of miracle between now and then I think it will be a little longer." She smiles trying to ease the noticeable concern she sees in everyone's faces. Cary speaks up next. "So will they move you to a rehab facility first?"

_Rehab? Yes, that would make sense with the weak muscles._ "I would assume so." She says.

"Well partner once you're back on your feet you owe me. And I'm never letting you go to court to calm the waters again!" He says jokingly. Alicia smiles back. _Calm the waters? He must be referring to the day of the shooting. I did go to court to try and calm the waters with Will. But we have already had this discussion. No we haven't? _She really dislikes this feeling of uneasiness and uncertainty. She is still not completely convinced this is real. _What if it was all a dream? What if this is a dream? Let's test the waters. _

"So how was court yesterday?" She asks Cary. He looks at her a bit bewildered, but responds. "Uh, court was good. We won." He looks at Robin, Diane and Kalinda look at him. "Cary you won?" Alicia says surprise written all over her face. He turns back to her,

"Yes."

"Cary that's great. So the judge must have dropped all the drug charges." She says enthusiastically. Cary looks at everyone else. He isn't sure what to say. The doctor told them Alicia seemed a bit confused, that she seemed to be living in two different worlds, but he doesn't know how to respond. Robin steps in, "Alicia what case did you think Cary was arguing yesterday?"

Alicia looks at them, she doesn't say anything. Now feeling more uneasy. _Here we go again. The same blank stares everyone else has been giving me. When is this going to end? It's not. When am I going to wake up? I am awake. Everyone is going to start thinking I'm crazy. Try not to be specific Alicia. Skirt around the subject. _"Diane and Cary were going to argue the Bishop case yesterday."

Now Diane looks at Cary. Alicia watches them. _Yep, they think I'm crazy. _

They have no idea what she's talking about. Neither Cary nor Diane is willing to ask the question, so Kalinda does. "Alicia, why would Cary and Diane be arguing a case for Bishop together? He's your client now."

They all look at her waiting for a response. She realizes she's been caught. Or have they? She responds slowly. "You know why" she says. They all exchange looks again.

"Because, Cary and Diane were working on this case together."

"Alicia why would I be working on a case with Diane?" she doesn't respond, so he continues. "At any rate I was in court with Clarke yesterday, and we were arguing against Canning on a medical mal practice suit." Before she thinks about it she says, "Cary didn't you go to your hearing yesterday?" It comes out with a great deal of concern.

"Alicia what hearing?" Frustration starts to rise in both of them. Cary is doing his best to go along with this, but it's tricky. He has no idea what she is talking about.

"The hearing on the drug charges against you. You can't just not show up for court. You'll be arrested again. Diane how could you not insist he go to his hearing?" Diane shoots Cary a look. Then she turns to Alicia. "Alicia, what drug charges?"

She can't do this again. It's too confusing, and clearly no one except for her has any recollection of her life the past six months. She feels defeated, and she wasn't even trying to battle.

Kalinda chimes in, "Okay hold on everyone. Alicia we aren't going to ask any questions for a few minutes. Why don't you tell us, and the doctor who just walked in exactly what you remember, and then maybe we can clear a few things up."

"Okay there is some good logic in that." Alicia says. "Where should I start?"

"How about six weeks ago" the doctor says. "This seemed to be the point of some confusion earlier in the day." He wants to hear what she has to say, and this is the point at which her brain seemed to wake up again. The doctor pulls up another chair.

"Fine, but can someone help me sit up a little. I feel like I'm being interrogated lying down like this." The doctor and Cary help her sit up some more, and adjust the incline on the bed.

"How's that?" Cary asks. "Much better thank you."

Meanwhile Will gets to the hospital. The closer he gets to her room the more his heart starts racing. He's excited but nervous. He stops abruptly just outside her door when he hears her. Putting his hands to his face, _I can't believe she woke up._ He decides to stay outside and listen for a few minutes before he sees her. He wants nothing more than to look into those eyes that he hasn't seen for months, but he is still worried about how she will react when she sees him.

Back in the room Alicia covers Zach's graduation, and Cary's arrest. Everyone realizes this is the reason for Diane being Cary's attorney. Everyone is thinking how crazy this sounds, but are fascinated with how vivid and matter a factly she states it. Then she gets to the merge of the two firms. "So just three weeks ago all of us became one firm again." When she says this everyone laughs a little. Yes, they had mended the fences over the months, but the idea of them all belonging to the same firm again sounds ludicrous.

Will puts his hand under his chin. _Interesting idea. But it would never work. Or would it? No, too many broken bridges. _He turns his attention back to Alicia.

"Oh come on it's not as crazy as it sounds." Cary shifts in his chair, "Yes Alicia it is crazy. No offense Diane, but I am not working for LG again, not after being fired twice!"

"No offense taken!" she says laughing a little. Alicia rolls her eyes.

"So then two weeks ago we moved back to the Lockhart Gardner offices. And well then the tumor diagnosis came. Then two days ago I passed out at work and here we are." She stops and looks at everyone. They all look like they are trying to process what she just said. Cary speaks up again.

"We moved back to the LG offices? This just gets better and better." He rolls his eyes now. "If we did that, and let me be clear, we didn't. But if we had merged we would find new office space. You know neutral ground for all of us. I would still feel like I was under someone if we worked back in our old offices." They all agree.

"So I will admit that if I really have been unconscious for as long as you all say, and none of this did happen, then it…" she hesitates "it does sound a little out there. But this head of mine really thinks this is the way things were, are. But the more I talk with everyone the more real this seems. But that seemed just as real. I can't help but wonder if I'm still under anesthesia in the other world, and I'm just dreaming this." Everyone quiets again. They all know this is real, but clearly Alicia is still questioning it.

"Okay" Kalinda says. "So here is our version of events." Alicia is at least willing to listen to this. Honestly the more she hears the more believable it sounds. Meanwhile Diane is thinking to herself, _Where does Will fit into all of this? She hasn't mentioned him once. It's odd how she would imagine him just agreeing to all of this, without much of a fight. But... _Then it hits her, she makes an audible gasp, and puts her hand over her mouth. Kalinda stops talking and everyone looks at her. "Is everything alright Diane?" Kalinda says.

She pauses for a minute, "Yes, I just need to go make a call." She gets up and walks out of the room. When she sees Will standing there she pulls him out further into hallway. "Will, how long have you been standing there?"

He looks at her "just a few minutes."

"So you've heard what she thinks has happened?"

"Yes, why?"

"Well don't you think it's a bit odd that she hasn't mentioned you even once?"

He looks down at the floor, "No, she's obviously still angry at me."

"No Will, she thinks your dead. She thinks you didn't make it."

He looks back up at her with blank eyes. "No, she doesn't… She couldn't…" He stops and thinks about what she just said. "No, she's probably still so angry at me that her mind pushed me out while she was asleep." He states.

"Will, that is not what she is thinking. She thinks you didn't make it. She said nothing about you after she said you two were shot. He just looks blankly at her. He'd been so worried she was still angry at him, and he was alive, that it hadn't occurred to him that she would think he was gone. And if he were gone in her world he didn't think it would matter to her.

When Diane doesn't get any answer she says,

"First of all we need to talk about these one sided conversations we have been having lately. Secondly, I'm going back in there. You decide when your ready to face reality. But when you do that woman in there is going to get the biggest shock of her life. " She looks back towards her room. He doesn't say anything so she goes back in. He walks back to the door, and listens again.

"Wait, at least tell me this." Alicia interrupts. It occurs to her that she may have made a mistake earlier in the day if this is all true. "I have a question."

"Sure go ahead" Kalinda replies

"If I have really been unconscious since March…" she pauses, all eyes focus on her.

"What?" Cary says

"Did Peter cheat on me while I've been here?"

Will can't take much more of this. She may be a little confused, but if the rumor is true he can't imagine the hurt this woman he loves will have to endure, again. He also wonders how she could know that?

Everyone looks at everyone else. Alicia shakes her head. "That long pause tells me all I need to know." She says bitterly. "At least I didn't imagine that."

Diane speaks up. "Alicia, we don't know for sure. There was a rumor a few weeks ago, but I don't know that it has been confirmed." She turns and looks at Cary.

"Yeah, Alicia I heard the rumor too, but, have you talked to Peter about it?"

Will listens carefully to the answer. "No, I haven't. But this morning when I saw him, and inquired as to how the press was handling the divorce, he acted like I was crazy. However he didn't exactly tell me he hadn't cheated on me."

Will's thinks to himself,_ Did she just say she is willing to divorce Peter?_

"Okay so by the looks I'm getting from all of you, you clearly think this is, or was all in my head right?"

The doctor speaks up. "Alicia I can show you the medical charts. You like evidence right?" She nods, and then turns away. "We are telling the truth when we say you have been unconscious for nearly six months."

They can all see the grief and confusion in her face. "I don't understand how something that seemed so real could have just been a dream."

The doctor speaks up again. "Alicia the mind is s strange thing. We know so much, yet so little about how it works. It's possible that you were," he pauses, "taking in information while you were sleeping. It's possible that when people were here talking to you, or to others in the room, that your mind internalized it, and processed it as a reality, in dream form. Does that make sense?" he asks.

She sighs, and looks over to the window. "Yes it does. But if it was, if that life I thought I've been living for six months was just a dream how come the one thing that hurts the most has to be true?"

Diane looks over to the door, and then says, "Alicia what one thing is that?"

Will's heart nearly stops. _What if Diane is right?_

"Even if all of that is true… You can't deny the fact that…" She fights back the tears. She doesn't want anyone seeing her like this.

"The fact that what?" Robin says. She continues to stare out the window.

"Alicia" Diane says calmly. She turns and looks at Diane. The two had become closer since the shooting. She felt like they had rebuilt the trust that had been lost all those months ago, but now, if that wasn't real where did they stand? Yet looking into her eyes she senses concern. "It's the fact that you think Will is dead right?" Diane says.

Everyone looks at her now realizing what the look of grief was.

"Yes, the fact that Will is still gone." She says forgetting anyone else is sitting right there.

Kalinda speaks up first. "Wait Alicia, you think Will is dead?"

Alicia doesn't say anything for a few seconds; she looks like she's remembering something. Will is waiting for her response his heart is beginning to break. _Diane was right. _

Finally she speaks a hint of bitterness in her voice. "Yes, kalinda, Will is dead. He was shot the same day as I was. You all know that. I lived, and he died. And I… I have… " She is really fighting the tears now.

"I visited his grave a dozen times the past six months. And every day I think it will get easier. Everyday I think the emptiness will be less empty." She quiets down again. _What am I doing? Falling to pieces, that's what I'm doing. I can't do this in front of all of these people. I can't. _She turns her head away from them. Diane moves to the other side of the bed sensing she's going to shut this conversation down, but knowing she needs to get it out.

"Alicia" she says looking her straight in the eyes, then almost in a whisper, "Tell me about Will" She contemplates this, then decides she will continue. It might make it better.

"For the past six weeks every night when I fell asleep I would dream of him. I could hear him talking, breathing. I could feel him right next to me. And everything seemed okay. It was always memories of him, of us. But then I wake up. And he's gone again, and I have to live through the same agonizing whirlwind of emotions again, and again. And I don't know how to make that go away. It was supposed to get easier over time. That's what all of you told me. But it hasn't, it's gotten much worse. So much worse that sometimes I just wanted to sleep, and never wake up. And that is awful." Overwhelmed by the pain her tears begin to flow.

"I have two children I love, and would never want to hurt them. But sleep was so much better than awake." She moves her head back and forth, "But if all of that, or all of this was a dream? I just need this ache to go away. It's unbearable."

Will's heart beats faster, _I was so worried about what life would be like without her. I was so glad she wasn't going through what I was while she was asleep. But this is worse. She has been living a life without me, and it mattered. It mattered so much to her that she's torn apart. And to think she's been feeling this internally for weeks, months for all we know. I'm so sorry Alicia. I never meant for you to feel what I feared feeling. _Now he's the one fighting back the tears. He decides it's time to stop this agony for both of them.

"But Alicia" Kalinda says

"No kalinda, don't, just don't. Nothing any of you can say will make this go away." She leans her head back on the pillow, and closes her eyes.

"Alicia" Cary tries "Alicia, look at me." She won't "Alicia Will isn't dead. You've got to believe me. Will is"

He walks into the room and finishes Cary's sentence. "Alive"

Everyone turns except for Alicia, she heard it, but refuses to believe it, and keeps her eyes closed. _Will? No, no, no, there is no way. He's gone, this is my mind playing tricks on me again. Everything is so confusing._

Tears begin to fall down his face. He walks slowly over to the bed. _Leesha please look over here, please. _

He sits right next to her. He lifts her hand and places it in his just like he's been doing for weeks. Time seems to stop for everyone in the room. They are all anticipating her opening her eyes.

"Alicia" He says in a whisper. Her head moves from one side to the other her tears get heavier. _No it can't be. I want this to be real, but it's not, wake up, wake up. I can't do this anymore. _

"I'm right here. I didn't die."

She holds her eyes shut, she begins to shake. The tears are flowing now. "No, this is just a dream. Why do you always have to be so real in my head?"

He squeezes her hands tighter. "No, Alicia this is not a dream. This is real. This is so real" He leans over and touches his forehead to hers their noses an inch apart just like they've done so many times in the past. She feels him, she can hardly breathe. Her dreams were never this real. _Could this be real? Is he really sitting here, holding my hand? Did he really survive? _She thinks to herself.

He takes her hand and lifts it to his chest. "Do you feel this?" He asks. She nods. As she feels his hand on hers against his chest she can feel him breathing. As he holds her hand to his chest the all familiar rush of sensations floods her. The excitement, the contentment, healing she has longed for, for so long it's right there, she just has to accept it.

"Alicia open your eyes." He whispers to her.

"I can't. If I do you'll disappear."

"Alicia, please open your eyes." He's almost begging. He's longed for this moment for so long, and he can't wait any longer. He needs to see for himself that she is alright.

"I haven't seen those beautiful eyes for so long. I promise I will not disappear. Please just open your eyes."

"You promise?" she says.

"I promise"

She slowly opens her eyes. Tears keep pouring out. And when their eyes meet for the first time in so long all the memories flood both of them. The fear both of them had visibly drains. He smiles at her. She can now see his tears. All they want is to make the other one feel better. They gaze at each other tears streaming.

Everyone else in the room while teary eyed, and enjoying this moment decide they should leave these two alone. "Guys I think that was our cue to exit." Kalinda says. They all get up and walk out.

"Will, how? I can't," he puts his finger up to her lips to quiet her. Then he pulls her in and puts his arms around her. She buries her head in the crook of his neck. She breathes in the scent she's longed for. She can feel his breath, and tears in her hair. In an instant the hurt seeps from both of them. She is audibly crying now. They revel in the warmth and closeness of each other. He holds onto her as if it were a life or death situation, and for them it's both. Death the one thought had come, and death the other feared. But it's also the life and second chance they never thought they would have.

"Its okay" he says to calm her. "Leesha everything is going to be okay."

"I thought I lost you." she says

"I know, but you didn't I'm right here."

Once their tears begin to subside, he sets her back against the pillows. "Will, I thought I lost you. It hurt so much. It's funny how something hurting so much makes you realize how real that thing is. I didn't even realize until I thought you were gone how much I need you. How much I wanted to be with you. How much I…" she stops and looks him in the eyes again. "How much I love you" He holds her gaze. "I know, I need you too. I want to be with you. I am so, so sorry that your mind had to go through that. He lifts his hand to her face and holds it. "I love you Alicia. I love you so much." They stare at each other for a minute. The tears have disappeared except for a few stragglers running down her cheeks. He grabs a tissue, and wipes the tears away.

"What are we going to do Will?" he looks down for a second, and takes both of her hands in his. Then gazes back up at her.

'It doesn't matter. Not anymore. We'll work it out, and we will work it out together. We will take it one day at a time. One hour at a time if we have too. Okay? We will make a plan if that's what you want. But I'm never letting you go again. I've spent too much time over the past months trying to live my life without you. You were never supposed to make it Leesha. They took you off life support six weeks ago." She looks at him scared. "What?"

He tears up again. He can sense the fear in her voice. "Do you really want to know now?"

"I…" she looks away. "Life support?" she questions him.

"Yes, but we don't have to talk about it right now."

"No, Will I need to know Do you know how odd it is to realize you've lost nearly six months of your life?" He considers this, Odd would be an understatement. "Okay, but if this gets to be to much you have to stop me okay?" She nods in agreement. He sits back a bit, coninuting to hold her hands in his.

"You were in pretty bad shape when they brought us in that day. Your surgery lasted hours longer than mine."

"So you did get shot?"

He looks at her oddly, but then realizes she's probably doubting every single thing she dreamed the past six months. "Yes, we both did, and so did the ASA. He pulled me to safety actually. The detective on the stand was killed."

"Awful" She says.

"Yes, So when they brought us here they had to do surgery. You had lost so much blood, and the angle of the bullet that hit you was nearly impossible to remove. At least that is what I was told. After surgery they were worried about swelling in your brain so they medically induced a coma. But when they tried to bring you back out of it you didn't wake up. You were so weak. They had you on all sorts of machines keeping you alive." He stops to assess, he wants to make sure this okay for her. She turns her head from him.

"Are you okay?" He lifts his hand to her arm.

"Yes, please keep going."

"They left you on life support for four months. That was six weeks ago."

_Six weeks ago. _ She thinks to herself. _That's when the headaches got worse. That's when everything got worse. Except the dreams of him became frequent, more real. _She listens to him as he continues.

"Peter and the kids decided that it wasn't right to keep you alive in the state you were in. You had shown little progress over the months. Everyone had hoped for a miracle, but there hadn't been one. We all thought you were gone. The doctors didn't think you would ever wake up." He stops to let her process everything again.

"You mean I almost…" she's shocked and scared. She turns her head back towards him. He looks away. He can feel the tears welling up again. Turning back to her he starts to run his hand up and down her arm, hoping to comfort her, and trying to calm himself. "Yes, you were supposed to die. Everyone came and said goodbye to you. Then…"

"Then what?" She looks at him. Waiting for him to respond, she can tell he's trying to hold back his emotions. "Will, what happened."

A tear escapes, "Then they unplugged everything he simply states." _I was a fool for not coming before they unhooked her. _Guilt streams through his body. Their eyes meet again. She can see the pain in his.

"Will, it's okay!" she smiles "I am right here." trying to comfort him now.

A few more tears fall down his cheeks. He smiles at her. "I know. You didn't give up. You've always been a fighter, and you fought. You were barely here for hours. But you kept on living. You are a medical miracle. And I'm eternally grateful for that, because I'm not as strong as you. I don't know that I would have fought so hard to stay alive." Her eyes pierce his.

"You would have" she says, "and you know why?"

"Why?"

"Because, you would have had something to fight for, just like I did."

"What is that?" he smiles at her again. Oh how she has missed that smile. She squeezes his hand as best she can.

"Love" she simply states. He smiles at her, then leans in close, and kisses her. When their lips touch it's gentle. Gentle as it may be, this kiss is filled with more emotion than any they've ever shared. It's salty from the tears. But it's sweet. Both realize what they almost lost, what they both believed they had lost. This kiss is a second chance, at everything. She's now believing this is real. He can't believe it is. It's a realization that all of the feeling they have ever had for each other are real. When he pulls away they look at each other.

"I can't believe you're awake." He says

"I can't believe you're alive." She returns smiling. She gets serious. "Will if this is going to work we have to agree on something now, and I'm the bigger offender. But we have to agree." He looks at her a little confused, but he realizes that as good as this has been, things are going to have to come back to reality soon.

"Okay what's that?"

"We have to agree to be completely open and honest with each other. I'm the one who would never let you tell me how you really felt, and I'm the one who would never say what I really wanted. I'm the one that was to nervous and afraid to find a decent time last year to…" she stops.

He looks at her, he knows exactly what she's talking about. He gets up from the bed, and walks around to the window and places his hand under her chin. This unsettles her. She doesn't know if she should be hurt, or not. She can't see his face now, so she doesn't know what he's thinking. Her heart starts to beat faster.

"Will"

_Back to reality like a slap in the face. _He thinks. He turns back towards her, he goes back over to the bed, and sits next to her again. He takes her hand.

"Will I" he cuts her off.

"No Alicia, I need to go first." She looks at him confused.

"But"

"Alicia don't argue with me." He smiles, but then it fades. He looks deep into those hazel green eyes. "I'm so sorry." He says. She was not expecting this. Over the past months in her reality she had come to the sad conclusion that all that had happened between them, all that had ever ended up badly between them was her fault. She'd placed all the blame on herself. And now she was ready to face the consequences. But why was he apologizing? She holds his gaze.

"You're sorry for what?" she says.

"Please tell me you didn't forget what led up to the shooting." He says with a smile, she knows he's joking. She rolls her eyes.

"No I didn't forget. But I am the one who should""

"No Alicia, let me finish. I am ashamed at the way I treated you. It was immature, and hateful, and spiteful, and I will fully understand if you are upset with me over that for the rest of our lives. I will never be able to apologize enough for the way I behaved that day, and in the months that followed. So I am sorry. I am so, so sorry."

"But Will"

"Alicia let me finish. This need to counter argue is part of what makes you such a good lawyer, but you have to let me finish." She smiles, "You're right I am a good lawyer!" He laughs under his breath. "Yes, and you interrupted again! That aside you have to understand how hurt I was. I never saw that coming. In fact I thought things were about to be better than ever between us. I mean after the kiss in the car, Diane leaving, you being a partner. What else was I supposed to think?" He looks away and shakes his head, then looks back at her. She can see the hurt in his eyes, and it kills her. "I had asked you to be the other half on the letterhead. My other half." She lets those words sink in. _Did he really just say his other half?_

"Will"

He puts his fingers to her lips. "I'm not done." She knows it's no use trying to argue with him.

"But over the past few months I have had a lot of time to think about that awful day, and the months that followed, and I realized a few things. First of all, I was running faster than I should have been. With the idea that Diane would be out, don't get me wrong I love Diane, but the thought that I was going to have control over the firm was exhilarating. All I could think about was expanding. Secondly, I realized that you probably tried to talk to me about leaving a half dozen times, and I never gave you the chance. For that I am agonizingly sorry. If I had just given you a chance to tell me… Maybe things would have been different. The third thing, and probably the most painful thing I realized was that I had hurt you. And I had vowed a long time ago that I would never hurt you in the way I know you have been hurt. And don't deny it, I can always tell when something is wrong. Those eyes of yours are a dead give away. So from the bottom of my heart I am so sorry for hurting you." tears fill his eyes again. "I should never have hurt you, I am so sorry Alicia. And some day I hope you will find a place in your heart to forgive me. I promise I will never, ever, hurt you again." He stops, tears have filled her eyes again. "Ok, so you can talk now if you want to.' He says.

"Will, it wasn't your fault. I am the one that needs to apologize." He can now see the hurt in her eyes she saw in his just a minute ago. "So now it's my turn, and no interrupting!" she manages to form a small smile on her lips. "Do you know why I left?" Letting out a audible sigh he says, "Yes. But I didn't at that time. And that was the most maddening, angering thing of all. I couldn't figure out why in the world you would leave."

"But you know now?" she says questioningly eyeing him.

"Yes" is all he says, he needs to hear it from her.

"Will hold my hands again." She says as she gestures her head to her hands." He moves his hands to clasp hers. .

"This is going to drive me to madness not being able to move like I want to." She says shaking her head. "Now look at me." His eyes look up from their intertwined hands.

"That night we kissed nearly a year ago scared me to death." He rolls his eyes, "glad to have such an effect on you." She rolls her eyes back in frustration. "That isn't what I mean. I realized that night that I still had feelings for you. I knew I had feelings for you, but I hadn't realized how strong they still were."

"Still were?" he interrupts.

"You're interrupting" she smiles.

"Right, sorry."

"After we kissed at work, you know after we had argued? My heart opened up again. And I didn't know how to handle it. I spent the next weeks zoning out when I saw you. Sometimes all I could think about was how much I wanted to kiss you again. How much I wanted back everything physical we had had nearly two years earlier. But I was worried that was it. That it was just physical. But then that night in the car, I realized something. I realized how comfortable it was to sleep in your car. How normal it was for you to come into the car, and tell me to go back to sleep and get some rest. I realized how the silence between us was comfortable and never strained, and how rarely it ever had been between us. I have never felt comfort like that Will. The thing is I have never felt the need to not be myself around you." she smiles "your like the girlfriend everyone woman wants."

"What is that supposed to mean?" he says laughing a little.

"That means, I never had to be anything but myself around you. That yes, I wanted to always look good for you. But it wasn't because I felt like I had too. It was because I wanted too. I always felt like I could say anything to you, even though I never told you everything I wanted. The fact that I felt like I could tell you things, that I wouldn't tell Peter was very hard for me. You are supposed to be able to tell your spouse everything. But I never felt completely comfortable with that around Peter. I always felt like I had to put on the politicians wife front. Face the press, the campaigns, with a happy smile. I didn't mind it at the time. But that night all I wanted was a private life again. I realized that I didn't have to put up any front for you. I realized that life with you would be comfortable all the time. And that scared me."

"Why?"

"Because Will when I'm with you I feel contentment. I feel at ease. I'm not worried about anything, and I couldn't decide if what I was feeling that night in the car, or the following days was a fairytale in my head, or real, or just something I wanted, but because of choices I made I knew I shouldn't have. And the only way I could figure a way out of it was too leave the firm. To ultimately leave you. I knew if I stayed that everything would change. It would have to change. That meant ending my marriage. It meant ending, and starting something that I have fought my emotions on for so many years." She looks in his eyes searching for how he may be feeling. Then turns away.

"I wanted to tell you. I meant to tell you numerous times in those three weeks. I am so sorry I never meant to hurt you either. When you asked me to me take Diane's place I almost stayed. I thought long and hard about that. But I couldn't." She looks down, and bites her lip, the lump is forming in her throat. When you came into my office that day, and started yelling, and threw everything off my desk I was… stunned. I had never seen that side of you. It did hurt me, and it made me really angry. You were in war mode, and I went into war mode, and we never got back out of that. We used it in court, we used it outside of court. But it was easier to be angry at you then to let the real feelings I have for you in. I am sorry. It didn't work by the way. Trying to shut out the feelings.'

"I know, we just used them against each other, and that brought back so many memoires.'

"Yes, and it was almost unbearable sometimes. That day you questioned me in court, I could see the hurt in your eyes, and I felt so horrible. I meant every word I said to you that weekend, and I felt awful because I knew that day in court you doubword of it."

They both look at each other neither knows what to do, or say. The silence is comfortable though, and both feel closer having had this discussion.

"Will when I woke up…" she sighs, "When I thought I woke up all those months ago, and I learned you were gone… I was angry. Not at you, at myself. I realized that day that I loved you. I had never let myself believe it was really love. But it was, and I was angry for all the wasted time. I was angry at everyone. The way I dealt with it was by proving everyone wrong in recovering. I fought harder in court, I never stopped. I did everything I could for the kids, for my firm, for Peter. I drank a lot of coffee, and slept as little as possible. It hurt too much to stop and let the memories have a chance to creep in. But then one day I couldn't physically do it anymore. I crashed. The weekend before Zach graduated I went home from work and slept. I slept for nearly eighteen hours. And I spent most of the rest of the weekend in bed. That was when the dreams started, along with the headaches, and the dizziness got worse. I just… I can't believe…" She looks away from him.

"Alicia, what?"

"That would have been about six weeks ago, and was probably when…" He understands. That was when they unhooked her.

"So what made you keep going?" he asks

She thinks on this for a minute. "You" she simply states. She can see the confusion in his eyes. "Will that was when my dreams of you started to seem like more than dreams. I can't figure that out. The dreams were so real. It was all so real Will. I can't believe none of it happened." She says nearly whispering, then turns and looks at him again. "I'm scared Will." A few tears cascade down her cheeks. He lifts his hand to her chin, and strokes his thumb against her cheek.

"First of all, lets agree to accept the other's apologies okay?" she nods in agreement. He puts both of his hands on her arms. "You don't have to be scared. I'm right here. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

"But Will what if when I fall asleep again, and I wake up in the world I thought I was living, and your still gone? What if this is some horrible trick my mind is playing on me?" He understands what she's so afraid of now. He leans in like he did before.

"Alicia, I'm not going anywhere. I promise you I will still be here when you wake up. Just promise me that you will wake back up."

"I promise" and before she can say anymore he kisses her again.

**A/n I am sorry this took a week. I spent some time in the hospital with one of my little ones this week. All is well now. I hope this chapter did their reuniting justice. Thanks so much to all of you readers, I continue to be grateful for the support! **


	11. Owen

**Chapter 11**

**Owen**

Owen steps back abruptly from the door when he sees his sister, and… _Will? Kissing? _ _Okay, I'll give this a minute. Obviously I've missed something here._

He walks over to the chairs in the corridor and sits. Once he decides its safe he walks back to the room.

As he walks in he says, "So I heard a rumor that the patient in this room decided to wake up from her six month nap! He says. Alicia turns and smiles at him. Will is sitting in one of the chairs next to her.

"Owen!" she says with a smile.

He strolls over to her bed. "Now let's see." He says putting his hand to his chin. "You look like my sister, same hair, same eyes, same…" he looks over to Will. "lips, but the last time I saw her she decided she needed some beauty sleep! And she'd decided it was more important than, well you know the rest of us awake people!" he smiles. Will is grinning, he always liked Owen's sense of humor.

Alicia rolls her eyes. "Owen, just hug me okay."

"No, no convince me you're my sister first!"

"Owen" she rolls her eyes again.

"When I was five, and Mom and Dad thought I'd been kidnapped and called the police, where did you finally find me sound asleep?"

She shakes her head, "Under your bed curled up under some blankets. You were pretending to be the lookout for bandets, but you fell asleep."

"Right, to easy." He sits in the other chair next to the bed. "How old was I when I had my first kiss?"

"Ten, you kissed Maggie on the playground at school as a dare from your friends."

"Too obvious. Okay, last question. Four years ago when you helped me move back to Chicago what password did I tell you to use in order to get Wi-Fi on the road so you could help this gentleman sitting next to you?' He points over to Will.

"You mean illegally get Wi-Fi?" He just looks at her. Will laughs,

"I'm not the one being questioned here."

"It would have been illegal. It was, gotorotterbear2."

"Hmmm" Alicia chuckles. "Right!" He smiles, and then gets up and hugs her.

He sits back down and turns to Will. "How are you Owen?"

"I'm good, really good now that my stubborn sister here decided to wake up!"

"Hey I'm not stubborn."

"Excuse me, strong willed." He says rolling his eyes.

"She is that." Will says "And just a little stubborn!" Alicia turns to him. "If I could punch both of you right now I would." The men both laugh. While only slightly irritated, she is happy to see how well these two get along.

"Well I should leave you two to what ever shenanigans Owen has up his sleeve." Will stands up, and pulls his suit jacket back on.

Owen see's the sad expression cross Alicia's face.

"Will, you don't have to leave just because I showed up." Owen says.

Will turns and looks at Alicia. "No, I have some work I need to finish at the office." He stares into her eyes, and she stares back. She doesn't' want him to go. He senses it.

"Liesha I'll come back tonight. And without even thinking about it he leans over and kisses her forehead just like he'd done every time he'd left her over the weeks. By now it had become second nature. She's a little caught off guard, but doesn't say anything, and Owen just smiles.

As he turns to leave he realizes what he'd just done, but doesn't say anything, and heads out the door. _What was I thinking? I can't do that in front of her family. No yet. Twenty one days to form a habit. Sure enough. _

Back in the room, "so how are you Alicia?"

Looking at him concerned, "Honestly Owen I don't know."

"Does this have to do with Will, or being asleep for so long?"

"Will? What do you… No. This has been a long day, and it's only three in the afternoon." She sighs, and leans back in the bed.

"Owen I…"

"Alicia what?"

"I can't believe any of this." She says simply. "I can't believe that so many months are just gone. Months I thought I was living, and none of it was real."

"What do mean?"

"I dreamt while I was asleep, but it seemed so real. I lived every single day in another world. I can't just accept that none of that was real. I mean obviously it wasn't, but…"

"It scares you." She turns and looks at him. "Yes, and I'm not one to be scared Owen. Maybe scared isn't the right word. It makes me uneasy. I don't like not having control. So other than I have a minor headache, I can barely move on my own, and I'm a little uneasy. I'm fine." She smiles at him, "How are you?"

"Oh well you know, now that I no longer have to worry about burying my only sister I'm pretty good. I start teaching classes in a few more weeks. That will limit my late night summer activities, but you know. I've got to work sometime!"

"Owen I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine how horrible this has been for you, and Mom."

"Well it pretty much scared me to death. But your okay now, and I don't want to talk about it. Mom on the other hand will want to talk about it for hours. So be prepared when she comes. She will sob, and lecture you on getting shot, even though it wasn't your fault. I'm pretty sure she is going to try and prevent you from ever entering a court room again. Which will be very entertaining because…' he stops, she looks at him. "Hey how do you feel about that anyway? You are going to keep lawyering aren't you?" she looks away.

"I… Yes, I guess I hadn't even thought about that. It shouldn't be a problem. I mean in my other world I went right back to it." She drifts away for a minute. _I don't remember… _

He notices the distant look on her face, "Alicia"

She turns back to him. "I don't remember thinking about it. When I went back to court for the first time I mean."

_Odd, you would think I would remember something like that. _

"When you…" He looks at her trying to figure out what she's talking about. He lets it go.

"How is Mom anyway?"

"Mom" he hesitates "Well she kind of went catatonic. The whole idea that you would die before her really shook her up."

"How so?"

"Well she started dating regularly."

She laughs, "More so than she used too? Is that even possible?"

"Well she got more exotic, no adventurous." He smiles.

"what does that mean?" she rolls here eyes.

"Let's just say she went over seas to find love. In fact she is flying home from Culebra even as we speak."

"Culebra?" I've never even heard of that. He smiles.

"Well apparently it is a small island in Puerto Rico. With crystal clear waters, leatherback turtles, and good looking men! She met a native while she was in Venice."

"Venice" she eyes him. "She really did go catatonic."

"Yeah well traveling and men are her way of dealing with stress."

"When does she get in?"

"Late tonight, you should get to sleep early, because she will be here bright and early!"

"Mom, bright and early, are you kidding me!"

"Well you know ten, elevenish!"

Alicia laughs, and shakes her head.

"I have really missed talking to you Alicia." He says more seriously. I mean I talked to you, but you never responded. She just nods in agreement.

"Owen how are the kids? I mean how are they, really?" She's wondered all afternoon.

He sits back in his chair hands folded in his lap. "It was pretty ruff for them. Even though they're mostly grown up they had a hard time at first. Both of them did. I mean how do you think they were? The one person they could always count on was… not available. And that's hard for teenagers, even if they would never admit it, they still need their mother." She sighs,

"They were both excused from school for a week, but they went back after a few days. I think it was the only way to keep their minds off things. But you have good kids Alicia. You raised them well. They never gave up hope. They were the ones that convinced Peter to go through with the tumor surgery."

She can feel the tears starting to well up again. "Did Peter step up. I mean did he take care of them?"

"Oh yeah Alicia, he was actually really great. He loves the kids. They moved most of their things to the old house. Since you know he never re sold it. He moved as much of the Governor stuff as he could here so he could be here for them, and so they could be close to you. I know they've been to the apartment a few times, but I think it was too hard for them to be there without you. And when Peter had to be away for a few days their favorite uncle got to hang out with them." He says smiling.

Tears start to stream down her cheeks.

"Hey, hey, it's okay sis. They are fine, you are fine. They have their mom back, and kids are pretty resilient anyway. This was hard for them, for all of us. But I think what they will gain from the experience will only make them better in the long run. If it had been you and me in this situation," he pauses "Well you would still be great, but I would probably be in prison somewhere!"

She smiles at that. "Could you get me a tissue please." He grabs one, and wipes the tears for her, and then sits back down.

"So onto a more pleasant topic." He says with a huge grin on his face. "I may be mistaken, but I would swear I saw Mr. Georgetown kissing you awhile ago!"

She looks at him with warning that it's none of his business. "Yes, he did kiss me on the forehead, and it was purely innocent."

"No, I mean I saw him kissing you on the lips. So let's hear it sis. I want all the details!"

She rolls her eyes. "I don't know Owen."

"What do you mean you don't know? Obviously something happened, because six months ago you two hated each other, and now six months later you are kissing. And did I forget to mention that you were "unavailable" the past six months. So spill it."

She looks at him defeated. She knows there is no getting out of this one if he saw that kiss. But he doesn't need all the details she thinks.

"Okay, I thought Will was dead." He interrupts. "Wait you thought he was dead as in, in the ground dead?"

"Yes, and if you interrupt me again I am not telling you anymore." He puts his fingers to his lips and pretends to lock them.

"I was torn up over it, in my "world". When I learned he was gone I realized how I really felt about him. That made it worse. I knew I loved him, but I didn't realize how much. That's why I had to leave the firm."

"I told Will that you know."

"You told Will what?"

"That the reason you left the firm was that you loved him."

"You mean while I was unconscious?"

He smiles, and looks away, "No last year a few weeks after you left the firm." She doesn't know if she should be shocked or angry, or just let it go.

"I wish everyone would stop meddling in my personal life."

"Alicia we love you, we just want you to be happy."

"Let me finish. Once something you love is gone, and you realize it's too late to do anything about it, it hits you like a ton of bricks. The problem was I couldn't move on. I couldn't get past him. In fact as the months went on all I could think about was him. I dreamt of him and I every night." Owen nods his head.

"Then he showed up today. It was like seeing a ghost. Do you know how surreal that was? I will never be able to describe what seeing him today was like. I really thought he was dead. You don't just get second chances like that. Ever." She looks at him.

"Wow" is all he can say.

She smiles "you can say that again."

"He obviously has feelings for you as well."

She nods her head and turns away. "Yes, Owen what am I going to do?"

"Alicia we are not having this conversation again."

"What conversation?"

"The one where I tell you what I think you should do, what you know you want to do. But then you give me a million reasons as to why you can't have what you want." She knows he's right.

" You know what you're right. You did get a second chance. Not just at love, but at life. It's time to start living the life you want again, instead of the life you think is responsible."

She turns back to him. "That will mean divorcing Peter."

"Yes it will. Peter loves Zach and Grace. I've seen that first hand the past few months. I believe he would do anything for them, just like you would. But I don't think you or he is happy with your marriage."

"Why do you think that?"

He holds his lips together for a minute, and looks very serious. "I'm fairly certain he slept with someone while you were."

She sighs, "It's okay, I already know." She looks down. "That will make it easier." She says sadly.

"No, you know what will make it easier?"

"What?"

"You'll have someone who really loves you standing by your side."

She looks back up at him. "Do you really think he and I can make it work?"

He looks her straight in the eyes. "Alicia he loves you. I see the way he looks at you. I've seen the way you two have always looked at each other. And I know for fact if he didn't love you he wouldn't have spent nearly every single night the last six weeks here with you."

She looks surprised, "Wait he what?" Owen looks just as surprised.

"You don't know?"

"Know what?"

He smiles. "The doctors think Will is the reason you stayed alive after they took you off life support."

She turns away. This is too much to process. And now she's confused. "I don't understand."

He sighs, "Will never came to see you before that night. At least that's what Diane told me. I asked her where he was when everyone had come to say goodbye. She said it was too hard for him, he felt guilty. She told me he was going to leave Chicago once you were gone." She turns towards the window,

_Leave Chicago? Leave everything he'd worked so hard to get? Guilty about what?_

"Kalinda called him hours after you were supposed to have been gone. After we had all left I guess he finally came. That night while he was here you improved. Once he left all your vitals dropped back to where they had been. But he kept coming. Like I said almost nearly every night from what I heard. When ever he was here it was like you were trying to wake up, then when he would leave everything went back down. You gradually improved, enough that the doctors felt like they could perform the surgery. I don't know what it is Alicia, but whatever it is between you two it's pretty strong. You've never had that kind of connection with Peter."

She still can't believe this. "So he came, here, every night? And did what?" she can't imagine what could possibly occupy his time night after night.

"The nurses say he talked to you."

"He had a one sided conversation with me every night?"

Owen gets a puzzled look on his face. "I… sure. I don't know. That's what we all did. Why don't you ask him? He was probably just telling you all the ways he would love to make sweet love to you!" He says jokingly.

She looks embarrassed. "If I could slap you right now I would!"

_Every night? Well I can't doubt his commitment to us. What could he possibly have to say to me that would cover so many hours? Probably just work. That would take hours to cover, and I certainly wouldn't be breaking any confidentiality. He kept me alive? Of course he did. He was the thing I was fighting for. _

"Alicia all I know is that you have a second chance. So take it. You of all people deserve to be happy. It's time for you to let go, and do what's best for you, instead of what's best for everyone else."

**A/N I like the nickname Leesha because Will, and others use it throughout the show. But I can't decide how to spell it. So what do you all think? Leesha, Liesha, Licia or some other version? Thanks for the input! **


	12. A Long Road Ahead

**Chapter 12**

**A Long Road Ahead**

It was after ten, but Alicia didn't feel like sleeping. That was probably due to the fact that she had napped on and off all day. She'd rested after Owen left, and she had rested after the kids had come and gone again. It hadn't been a deep sleep, but enough that she wasn't feeling sleepy now. She'd had a long conversation with the doctor about what was coming next in her recovery. That was daunting indeed. But it was quiet now for the first time that day. She reveled in the quiet. The quiet was peaceful, and it gave her a chance to think. Not to mention Will had said he would come back, but she hadn't seen him yet. She decided to wait a little longer before she tried to sleep for the night.

_I cannot wait to get out of here._ _No more poking and prodding._

But she new was wishful thinking. After talking with the doctor earlier, she knew she had a long road ahead of her physically, before she would be able to return to the peacefulness of her apartment.

She opened her eyes a few minutes later when she heard footsteps entering the room. A content smile crossed her face when she saw him. \He walked right over to the bed and sat down next to her, taking her hand into his. 

"Hey, I didn't mean to wake you." he said quietly.

"You didn't wake me, I was just thinking."

"Yeah, lots of time to think in here. I'm sorry it's so late. We got a new case this afternoon, and it's moving really fast. I couldn't get away."

She smiles, "its ok, I completely understand! You're probably exhausted though. You should have just gone home to get some sleep."

"No, I told you I'd come back. I don't intend to ever lie to you again." Their eyes lock on each other, she can't believe how content it is to look into these eyes she never thought she'd see again.

"How was the rest of your day?"

"Busy. After Owen left the kids came back."

"How are your kids?" The last time he had seen them was nearly a week ago, and even though he'd only spent a very short amount of time with them he found himself concerned for their well being.

"They are good. Well good now that I'm awake. You know I can't believe how fast they've grown up. It seems like yesterday that I was leaving Zach at kindergarten, and now he's leaving in a week for college. It all goes by to fast."

He looks down at their intertwined hands. "Well you have really great kids Alicia. I'm sure they will do great things with their lives just like you."

She smiles. "I guess that is the hope of all parents. Raise them in a way that will allow them to do great things once they aren't in your immediate care anymore. And just hope you don't mess them up too much along the way."

"How are you feeling?"

She sighs. 'My head still hurts. Tired actually. I'm really tired, but not sleepy. I can't believe the physical exhaustion. You would think that lying in bed all day wouldn't be so tiring, but it is."

"Well it will probably take awhile for all those muscles to regain their strength."

She looks at him disappointed, "What is that look for?" he asks.

"Nothing, I just talked with the doctors earlier. They said it could take three to four months for me to get back to walking, and everything else." He nods in understanding.

"Will four months? I am going to go crazy in that much time. It's so frustrating to not be able to do anything for myself." She looks at him as if he can make it all better, even though she knows he can't.

"Licia, you'll do it in half that time." he says to reassure her.

"You said you weren't going to lie to me!"

"Don't think about it in terms of a huge chunk of time. Just take it one day at time. That's what I had to do. Physical therapy is actually very exhausting. But it will help the days pass by more quickly!"

"You had to do physical therapy?"

He smiles. He realizes she doesn't know what had happened to him after the shooting. "Yes. I was shot twice." She holds his gaze,

"The first bullet hit my upper thigh. I went down immediately, Finn Polmar the ASA was shot in his arm. He came down right next to me, and we tried to take cover. But I called out to you, I was so worried Alicia. At that moment none of that stupid feud mattered, I just wanted to know you were alright. When you didn't answer I tried to get back up to see if I could find you. As I started to try and stand, Finn grabbed me, and tried to keep me down. He didn't have to try very hard, my leg was really hurt. If he hadn't the second bullet probably would have been more fatal. It hit right near my shoulder on the left side." He takes his hand and shows her where the bullet hit. She shakes her head. "You really did almost die didn't you?"

"I was very lucky."

She turns her gaze from him. She's trying to remember that day. "I don't remember anything about the shooting." she says. "I remember looking at my watch, but that's it. I don't remember anything else."

"Well I don't think that is a bad thing. The woman that was sitting next to you said you had looked down just as the first bullets were fired. Seconds later the bullet hit you. She pulled you down off the bench to take cover. She said you kept calling for someone, me. But then you passed out from all the blood loss. "

She concentrates on his words and tries to remember, but nothing comes. She looks back at him. "I can't... I don't remember anything Will." He can tell this has worried her.

"Alicia, it doesn't matter. It's probably not a bad thing that you can't remember. It was horrible. And it's in the past now. Lets just focus on the future okay/"

"You're probably right." She says, but this lack of memory does bother her.

"So back to the topic. I was here for about six weeks doing rehab. Don't worry, I have a whole list of things that will help you occupy the down time, and you're better off than I was!" he says grinning.

"Why is that?"

He leans in close to her, "because you will have me to talk to." She smiles at the way he looks at her.

"Maybe they'll let me argue on cases from here. What do you think?" he laughs.

"That might be pushing it! But we could do a little role playing. You can be my opposing council the days before I have to go to court!"

"That would be good practice for when I do get out of here, you know practice at beating you in court!" she smiles and leans her head forward to touch his. "I'm the better lawyer." He says touching his nose to hers. "I know, but that is about to change!" He laughs, "This is nice." she says. "It is" he responds.

"I should probably let you get some sleep now." he whispers, their eyes still locked on each other. But then she gets an uneasy look on her face, and pulls back.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm just tired." she releases her gaze from him.

"Licia, look at me. What's wrong?"

She turns her head back to him. "Will I'm..." He can't figure out what's got her so worried, but then he remembers their conversation from earlier. He lifts his hand and rubs her arm.

"Licia, you don't have to worry. I will come back tomorrow. It's Saturday. I only have to put in a few hours at the office in the morning. You can have someone call me when you wake up if you want. And I will be on the other end of the line okay?"

She nods. She knows this seems silly, but this is a real fear. She is really worried that if she lets herself fall back into a deep sleep that she will wake up in that other world, and this day will all just be another heart wrenching memory.

He can tell she is only half convinced. He gets up from the bed, and pulls a chair over. He grabs her hand. "You know what we're going to do?"

"What?"

"We are going to talk for as long as you want. Then when you're ready to sleep, I'll keep holding your hand, and I'll stay until I'm sure you're asleep."

"I feel like a five year old."

"You don't need to feel like a five year old. This was a traumatic experience. This is your first day dealing with that reality. It's okay to feel scared. It will get easier. I promise it will be okay."

They continue to talk for nearly another hour until she can barely keep her eyes open. And just like he'd promised he held her hand and stayed until he was sure she was asleep. Once he was sure he stood up, leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Goodnight, I will see you tomorrow." he whispers to her. As he straightens back up he watches her. Aside from being the most beautiful thing he can imagine he notices how there is now color in her cheeks, color that had been lacking for so long. This brings a smile to his lips. There is life in her again. Life he'd longed for, for months.

**One week later**

It had been a long week. Long in that it had been physically and mentally exhausting. She was determined to get out of the hospital as quickly as possible. They had decided to keep her at the hospital. There was a good physical therapy unit there, and the doctors wanted to keep an eye on her for awhile. There had been a constant string of people coming and going. Her room was now filled with flowers from people she didn't even know wishing her well. A hazard, or blessing of being the first Lady of Illinois.

Physical therapy had been hard, really hard. The amount of effort it took just to try and lift her arm was unbelievable. The physical therapist Mark, had asked her how quickly she wanted to recover. She'd responded with "as quickly as possible." He told her it would be tough. She told him to push her as much as he felt it was safe, and he had. He was relentless. But that's what she wanted. They would work on things for an hour, and then he'd say they should take a break. She said no, and would go another thirty minutes before exhaustion overtook her. When she wasn't with him she was constantly doing small exercises like squeezing things to make her fingers and hands stronger. She would concentrate on trying to move her toes, and her feet.

To occupy her mentally she had insisted on being conferenced in for their weekly staff meeting, and told Cary to call when any decisions needed to be made in regards to new cases. Cary spent an hour every day going over current cases, and letting her give her thoughts, and opinions on them. She longed to be back at work.

By the end of the week she could bend her arms at the elbows, and lift them a few inches. It was slow but steady progress. It was hard having to be fed for every meal, she had to ask someone to get her a drink every time she was thirsty, a tissue every time she needed to blow her nose. It was the everyday things she needed help on that were the hardest.

Will had come to see her over the weekend, and every night after work. It was usually late. Things had been good between them. They talked casually for hours. She didn't know how he did it, staying so late with her, and getting up so early in the mornings to work. They hadn't talked any more about their relationship. They hadn't kissed since that first afternoon, and they hadn't said I love you since. They weren't avoiding the topic, they just needed time to sort things out. As emotional as seeing each other again had been, they had some pretty tough times months earlier. They had been enemies after all. They were willing to move past it, but this wasn't going to be a quick fix.

His visits helped occupy her late evenings. She loved, and looked forward to seeing him every day. But there were a few hours after dinner until he came that left her to herself, to her own thoughts. It was a block of time not occupied by anything. This gave her time to think, sometimes to much time to think. And once she fell asleep after he left, her nights became bombarded with her other life. The life without him. The dreams were so real, and carried on in the same time frame she was experiencing awake. She'd come out of surgery right where she'd left it. In her other reality it had been just over a week since the surgery. All the dreams started the same, her waking up from surgery, or in the mornings, to the reality that he was gone. In her other reality she recovered quickly, she could move. She would leave the hospital in another day. Each night when she finally went to sleep in that world she immediately woke in this one. She couldn't get over how real those dreams seemed. She new they were dreams, mostly from that fact that she felt rested when she woke. But it was very unsettling. She didn't tell anyone about this. It bothered her immensely, and she didn't need the doctors adding a psychologist to her list of treatment plans.

But this span of time on this Friday night was occupied with Grace and Zach. They had brought pizza to celebrate. Zach was leaving for school the following day.

"Are you sure you have everything you need?"

Zach rolls his eyes. "Yes, mom I'm sure. And if I don't I can either buy it, or Dad and Grace can send it to me."

"You know where your dorm is? And your classes?"

"Dorm yes, and I will find my classes. I have orientation the middle of next week. Mom stop worrying. I'll be fine."

"I know you will, but it's my job to worry. I'm your mother. Promise me you'll come home for Thanksgiving. I should be out of here by then. We can have a nice Thanksgiving dinner, and spend some time together that doesn't involve anything medically related okay?"

He smiles, "Sure, I'll come home then."

"She gets serious. "Come sit by me both of you okay." They get up from their chairs, and sit next to her one on each side of her. She takes one of each of their hands, and holds them in one each of hers.

"I need to talk to you both about something. How would you feel if I decided to divorce your Dad?"

They both look at her a little shocked, but they aren't surprised.

"Would you be okay with that?" she asks.

Zach speaks first. "Mom, we love both you and Dad."

She can feel the tears starting to swell in her eyes, "I know honey, but I think it's time for both of us to move on."

"It's okay with me." Grace says. Alicia turns to her, she thought Grace would be the one to object not Zach. "Mom, we want you and Dad to be happy. And it's kind of obvious that Ramona isn't just hanging around the house to help Dad as his legal council."

Alicia is speechless for a minute. She has to process what Grace has just said. "Ramona, as in our family friend Ramona?" She turns to Zach, he nods confirming what she just said.

"I can't believe your father would"

"Mom, its okay. We are grown up. A few years ago you told us that grown ups have complicated emotions. Dad thought you were going to die. It didn't start out as romantic thing. She was a family friend, she wanted to know how we were. She would make dinner for all of us some nights, and watch movies with us. It was kind of nice to have her around. It doesn't excuse the physical relationship, but you weren't happy with the way things were before the shooting anyway right?" Zach says.

She is still trying to process this. "When did you two get so grown up? It isn't fair to mothers." She smiles at them.

"You are right about that. It was hard having your Dad in Springville, and me working here."

"And face it Mom, you guys never really got back into the swing of things after Dad's scandal. You tried, but it hasn't ever been the same." Zach says.

She nods thinking of this good point. "Yes, I guess your right. I just want you two to be happy. I want you to know that your Dad and I both love you very much. We just don't love each other that way anymore. I promise we will make this as smooth a transition as possible for you okay?" They nod in agreement.

"When are you going to tell Dad?" Grace asks.

"Probably tomorrow. He said he'd come and see me then."

Grace leans over and puts her head on Alicia's shoulder. They all cuddle for a few minutes, shedding just a few tears. Partly, due to the divorce, partly due to the stress of the past six months, and partly due to the fact that their little family of three is about to be broken up with Zach leaving.

"I love you guys so much." she says as she kisses Grace's forehead, and squeezes Zach's hand. I want you to know how much I love being your mother. Don't ever forget that. You two are one of the best things that ever happened to me."

They stay that way for a few minutes just enjoying the nearness of each other. They talk for another hour. Then the kids have to go. Zach has some last minute packing to do. As they get ready to leave Will comes in.

"Oh hey you two. How are you?" He says. He hadn't expected anyone to be there when he'd arrived.

"We're good!" Grace says smiling at him. "How are you Will?"

Alicia thinks this is a good sign. But is caught off guard with how friendly they are being. They seem to know each other better than she would have thought. _Clearly I missed something over the past months. _She thinks to herself.

"When are you leaving for school?" Will asks Zach.

"Tomorrow!"

"Well congratulations! You're going to love it there." he says smiling looking over at Alicia. "And hey you should call me once you are there. I can tell you where all the best places to meet girls are!" Alicia rolls her eyes, "But I shouldn't do that in the presence of your mother over there."

Everyone but Alicia laughs,

"Education first, girls second, or third, or fourth!" She says smiling.

"I know Mom, we have been over this a thousand times."

"You'll stop by on your way out of town tomorrow?" she says putting on a brave face, and holding back the tears.

"I promise."

"I love both of you, drive home safely okay?"

"We love you too." Grace says, and then they leave.

Will walks over and sits in one of the uncomfortable chairs.

"You know you could use a couch in here. People might want to stay more often if they had someplace comfortable to sit!" he says smiling.

"You think your going to get off that easily Gardner?"

He feigns shock, "What did I do?" he says with a huge grin on his face.

"You'll tell Zach where all the great places to meet girls are?" She's trying to pretend to be offended, but it's not working, she's about to burst out laughing.

"Hey I'm just the friend who doesn't have to lay down the law. You're the one who has to be the responsible parent."

She'd be angry at him for saying this, but she knows if he were to ever become their step parent at some point he would be a responsible parent.

He gets more serious. "So how are you handling it anyway, Zach moving away?"

Her smile fades as she looks at him. "The same way all mother's of soon to be freshman college students handle it. I'm torn up, I'm happy for him, but I will miss him so much. I am excited for him to get into the world, to make a life for himself. But he is my baby. Part of me doesn't want to let him go. I swore I wouldn't be that way. But all I want to do is cry."

Will smiles, as a few tears trickle down her cheeks. "Spoken like a true mother." he says, as he moves next to her on the bed, and holds her.

"Well you're handling it better than my Mom did." he says trying to cheer her up. "You should have seen her. She was a wreck. My buddy Dave was waiting in the driveway at my house, my mom walked me out, and then hugged, and kissed me. But she wouldn't let go. She just started sobbing. My Dad had to come and pry her off of me. It was really embarrassing at the time. But I knew she loved me."

Alicia laughs, "My Mom would have done the same thing, but I didn't give her the chance. I left early the next morning after graduation. I told her the night before, she cried, and hugged me to death then, but it was a clean get away the next morning!"

He pulls away, and wipes the tears form her cheeks.

"So how was your day?" he asks.

"Tiring, but hey watch." he sits back down and watches as she bends her arm, and lifts it slightly.

He shakes his head, "See I told you, you would make a quick recovery. One more week I bet you'll be walking out of here!"

She rolls her eyes, "maybe two! Let's not get to greedy!"

The smile quickly fades. "Will I need to talk to you about something." he gets worried, he notices the smile vanish.

"Sure what?"

"I've decided to divorce Peter."

He is pretty sure his heart stopped beating for a few seconds. He doesn't say anything. She looks at him waiting for a reaction. Their eyes are locked, but neither one says anything, at least out loud. He's thinking

_I can't believe she just said she is going to divorce. Should I be happy? Yes, I am very happy. Jump up and down happy. But she doesn't seem happy about this? Does this mean she wants us, our thing, whatever it is right now to be more, or nothing anymore? Don't say anything, let her lead this conversation. _

At the same time she is thinking

_Did you hear what I just said? No reaction? He must be in shock. Surely he's happy about this? Why are things so complicated? What if he doesn't want all the mess? This will be a mess for a few months. He will be the one dodging the press. No, no one has to know about us. Is there an us? Am I divorcing just so I can be with him? No, it's time to let got of this marriage. I've thought lone and hard about this. _

In unison "Will" "Alicia" they both chuckle.

"Alicia I don't want you divorcing Peter because of me." He says very seriously.

"Will, I'm not doing this because of you. I'm not doing this because it's what everyone thinks I should do. I've thought long and hard about this. It is time for me to move on. This whole experience, not just this past week, but the past six years has been hard, and I'm tired of all the complications. I'm tired of the press waiting for the next big news story. I'm tired of the campaigns. I'm tired of wondering if I love Peter or not, and if he loves me, or if I'm just the token wife to wear on his shoulder for the good of his career. I'm tired of that life. I love being a lawyer, I love being a Mom, I just want to do those things, and not worry about all the rest of the mess. It's time for me to start over. I'm doing this because it's what I want. I'm putting me first for the first time in a long time."

"Okay, I think that sounds like a good plan." He hesitates. "So is there room for me in this new plan?" They continue to look into each others eyes, the fact that she doesn't look away is a good sign he thinks.

_Why am I having such a hard time reading her? I'm used to being able to read her. She is so complicated._

She smiles, "I would like it to include you, if that is what you want. But I don't want you sticking around out of some sense of guilt. I want you to stick around because you know I care about you, and that you care about me. This will be messy for awhile. We still work for opposite firms. If the press gets even a whiff of a rumor that I'm divorcing Peter to be with you, you will be the one taking the blunt of it. They can keep the press out of here, but they will camp out at your office, and your apartment. If you're willing to put up with all of that, and all of this," she looks down, "then I would love for you to be a part of my new life."

He smiles and takes her hand. "I would love to be a part of the mess with you and your new life."

"It's a long, hard road ahead Will." He puts his finger to her lips.

"This is just like the first time you came into my office and gave me a hundred reasons why I shouldn't hire you." she smiles, "Stop trying to talk me out of this. I want to give us a chance. I'm not going anywhere. I want to be with you."

"Okay, then I want you to be with me."


	13. A Change of Seasons

**Chapter 13**

**A Change of Seasons**

**Six weeks later**

Fall had definitely come. The leaves outside were changing. There was a chill to the air. Alicia had been moved to a more comfortable room near the rehab area. It still cried hospital, but there was a couch next to the window that overlooked the small hospital courtyard. It was late afternoon. She was done with physical therapy for the day. Grace had come to spend some time with her after school.

"Here I need you to sign these forms for me." Grace says. Handing Alicia some permission slips. A smile crosses her face as she signs them.

"I never thought I'd enjoy sighing school papers so much." She says, and then hands them back to Grace.

"Yeah, you're doing pretty well these days, full movement in your upper body. I'm proud of you Mom!"

"Come here." She gestures for Grace to come sit closet to her. Then she puts her arms around her. "I'm proud of you. Even with all of this going on you're doing great in school, and with everything else."

"How much longer are you going to have to be here for?"

"I don't know. Maybe another month, to six weeks. I have been able to move my legs some, but I am not even close to being able to walk again. I have to be able to at least stand on my own, and walk some before I can think about going home."

"What about a wheelchair?"

"I don't know, we will have to see once I'm able to get in and out of one on my own. My arms have to be stronger before I can lift my weight enough to move in and out of a wheelchair."

They sit in silence for a few minutes.

_I want nothing more than to go home. The peace and quiet at home would be so nice. My own bed, my own sofa, and my shower. My own space. Freedom to do what ever I want. Sometimes I feel so claustrophobic here. I just want to go out for a walk, and enjoy the fresh air on my own two feet. _

She looks over towards the window. She's been out in the courtyard which is nice, but she'd love to leave the premises for good. With her head turned she doesn't notice Will come in. He notices the distant look on her face as she gazes out the window. 

"Hey Will" Grace says, this brings Alicia out of her thoughts.

"What are you doing here at, she looks at her watch, five? Did you fire yourself because I'm pretty sure there is no way you would have left the office anywhere close to five!"

He smiles as he sits down in the chair across from them. "No, I'm on my lunch break."

"Ah it's been one of those days." She says knowing all to well how the life of a lawyer goes some days.

"Yes, and I have to go back in awhile, this case is going to kill me. But I wanted to come see you now since I have no idea when I will be leaving the office tonight."

"How is school Grace?"

"Good, I have really interesting classes this semester."

"Good and how is your Mom today?" he says as he looks over at Alicia.

Grace smiles, "She seems to be doing pretty well today. She just signed a bunch of school forms for me. I think it was the highlight of her day! Although I think if she doesn't get out of here soon she is going to go crazy!"

"I thought that had already happened!" he teases.

"Hey, I'm sitting right here you two. I think I can answer for myself!" she says rolling her eyes.

"Well sure you can now, but the week before you woke up I had to ask Grace for your update, and I figure she will tell me the truth!" he says looking at her.

"Well I would prefer to answer for myself now if that's okay with both of you."

"Okay so how are you today?" he asks more seriously now.

"I'm good," she says sighing.

"See that's why I have to ask Grace, you say your good, but then let out a huge sigh."

"It wasn't a huge sigh." She glares at him for a second. He just looks at her almost ready to laugh.

"I suppose you're right. I'm really tired today. I didn't sleep well last night. But I am fine, better now that I have both of you here."

"Yeah, well I have to go Mom. I have some homework to finish up. Should I come here tomorrow for the press conference?" she asks.

"It's up to you honey. You can stay at Dad's, or you can come here."

Grace grabs her backpack, "Okay, I haven't decided yet. I'll call you tomorrow and let you know." She leans over and the two embrace. "I love you Grace."

"I know, I love you too."

"It will be ok." She says trying to reassure Grace. "It will be old news in a week. We just have to get through this next week."

"Mom it will be fine. I will talk to you tomorrow." Then she leaves.

"So are you ready for this?" he asks

She leans back against the pillow behind her and takes a few deep breaths. "I am!" she smiles at him, "I will sign the papers in the morning, and Peter will hold a press conference tomorrow evening. In less than twenty four hours I will no longer be married, or the first lady of Illinois." She closes her eyes. He moves over to the couch and sits next to her with his arm around her. .

"Are you okay?" he asks with concern.

"I think so. I just can't believe it's actually going to happen. After twenty years I will be single again. Twenty years is a long time. It's what I want, It just hasn't sunk in yet."

"Okay" he says. They sit in their comfortable silence for a few minutes.

"How are you?" she asks turning to him.

"I'm tired too. It's been a long week at work."

"It sounded like it."

"It's going to be a long week again. I'll probably work all weekend." He says as he leans back against her and puts his feet up on the couch. "This client is very demanding, and things are moving really fast. Maybe I'll lay here and take a nap. You can watch me sleep for once!" he closes his eyes. She does watch him for a few minutes.

_A little bit of normalcy. I guess it could be normal if that's what he wants. That's what I want. We really need to work out more of the details of our relationship. I hate being in here in limbo. _

"You should probably avoid coming here for a week or so." She finally says. He was nearly asleep, but he opens his eyes and looks up at her.

"Will, you know what the press will do to you if they see you coming and going every day. We can still talk every day. I'll call or you can call, we can text. I just think it would be better for both of us if…" she looks away,

"You're probably right." He sighs.

"Just think of how many extra billable hours you can put in!" she says trying to lighten the mood. He chuckles.

"That's what I have associates for!"

"I will miss you." she says as she looks back towards him.

"I will miss you too." She watches him as he closes his eyes again, and drifts off to sleep. She closes her eyes as well for a short cat nap.

Thirty minutes later, they are awakened by the ringing of his phone.

He looks at the caller ID. "It's Diane." He answers. Once the phone call is finished he sits up and runs his fingers through his hair. "I have to go soon." He says sadly.

"It's okay you can go." She says staring into his dark eyes.

"Okay, you'll be okay tomorrow?"

"Yes, I will be fine. Don't worry."

"I'll call tomorrow night." He stands up to leave.

"I'll look forward to it!" she flashes a smile for him. He leans over and kisses her forehead, then grabs his suit coat and turns to leave.

"Why do you always kiss me on the forehead before you leave?"

He turns around, and looks at her a bit puzzled. "Why do I…" he smiles at her. It had become such a habit he didn't even think about it anymore. He goes and sits back down next to her.

"Why do I kiss your forehead?" she nods "I don't know really. I mean I started doing it the first night I came to see you, and I've done it ever since. I think out of habit now." He thinks for a minute.

"I think I did it that first night because I wanted you to know I cared, even though I knew you probably had no clue I was even here." He looks off in the distance and thinks about this. "It was probably more for my benefit than yours." He looks back at her.

"Do you want me to stop?"

She shakes her head, "No, I like it. I just wanted to know why you did it. Did you really come to see me every night those weeks before I woke up?"

He gets an embarrassed grin on his face. "I did"

She continues to stare into his eyes, "What did you do all those nights? I mean I couldn't talk to you."

"I did the same thing I do now. I talked to you."

"About what?" she still wonders what he could have possibly had to say all those nights.

"I told you about everything. I started from the beginning. Well I started from when you came to work for us. I told you everything I had wanted to tell you over all those years. If you were going to die, I wanted to tell you how I really felt" He watches her as she takes this in. Then she remembers,

"You really did save my life." He looks at her a little bewildered.

"No, you're the one who woke back up."

"It all makes sense now." She looks away from him.

"What makes sense?"

"My dreams. In my dreams at night when I would fall asleep I would dream about you, about us. About everything we had gone through. But sometimes it was odd, because you would say things to me that I'm pretty sure you had never said to me before. I must have been able to hear you, when you were here. My mind must have been processing what you said and turned it into a dream for me. I longed to go to sleep every night. That was what kept me going. I didn't realize it was literally what was keeping me going."

He sits back with his arm around her.

_I never thought coming all those nights would make a difference. It must have, if what she is saying is true. And to think I almost didn't come. _

"Will, thank you." she whispers. "You're welcome" he says. Then he leans in and their lips touch. It's sweet. She loves the taste of his lips. Even though they had spent countless hours together over the past weeks they hadn't been physically close, other than him holding her hand, and the occasional snuggling on the couch. She was starting to long for more, they both were. But both were hesitant, they still had to figure out the real direction of this relationship. Things would be different when she left the hospital. Both were hoping for the same thing, but one was worried about being a burden, and the other was worried about coming on to strong.

Once they pull away he gets back up, "Okay I will talk to you tomorrow." She smiled back at him. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

**/**

"_Why do you hate me?"_

"_Well I don't like you. Hate's probably to strong."_

"_Wow it never ends." _

"_Don't ask the question if you don't want the answer." _

"_We could never make it work." We could never make it work, we could never make it work._

She wakes up abruptly, her eyes dart around the room. She's filled with a sense of dread. Her dreams had been different the past few days, ever since the announcement of the divorce. Instead of the life after he was gone, the life just months prior to the shooting had flooded her memory while she slept. Some good, but last night had been filled with the heartbreaking ones. As she lay there in the bed she didn't want to get up, she didn't want to try today. So she closed her eyes, and tried to block out all the noise, all the hustle and bustle of a hospital in the morning. Noise she'd grown weary of.

"Alicia" she's woken by Mark's voice.

"Hey, are you ready?"

She looks over at him. "No, I'm tired."

"Alicia, you told me to push, let's get you out of bed. You'll feel better once your up and moving."

She knows he's right, but she isn't feeling the fight today. The walls seem more confining today.

An hour later they were mid session. She'd woken up more. Her attitude had changed some. But her thoughts kept drifting to the previous night's dreams, and then she started replaying the morning of the shooting over and over in her head. She lost focus on the therapy.

_Why can't I remember anything from the shooting? I told Cary I was going to calm the waters. I went to the courthouse, I sat down, I looked at my watch. _

"Alicia, Alicia" She turns and looks at Mark. "You are really somewhere else today aren't you?"

She smiles, "Yes, sorry."

"It's ok, do you want to take a break?"

"No, let's get back to it."

"Okay, I want to see if you can pull yourself up to a standing position today."

She looks at him with a huge amount of doubt, but the idea of standing, actually standing gives her some hope. They try for thirty minutes. She's exhausted.

"Let's just try one more time okay."

"I can't do it Mark"

"What?"

"I can't do it." She says defeated.

"Alicia, I've never heard you say you can't. Just try one more time. I think you can.!" He's smiling. She rolls her eyes,

"One more time, but I'm tired we are going to be done after this."

Just as she gets to almost standing there is a loud popping noise caused by she isn't sure. She freezes she can't breathe, and then the memory she's tried so hard to remember comes flooding into her mind.

_She looks at her watch, a popping noise. Gunfire? She looks up there is chaos all around her, then pain in her neck. Someone pulls her down. She sees the blood. She can hear Will calling for her. Then everything went black. _

She looses her grip on the bars she been steadying herself on. She's falling as the vision plays over and over. Just as she's about to hit the ground she passes out.

"Alicia, can you hear me?"

As she opens her eyes she can see Mark, a doctor, a nurse some others standing over her.

"What happened?" she manages to get out.

"You passed out."

She looks around her head hurts. "I don't…" she closes her eyes again.

"Alicia we are going to take you back to your room okay?"

She nods, but doesn't respond. She just wants to sleep.

She wakes up a few hours later, she notices the IV in her arm. She looks around again. Her head is pounding. It's hard to keep her eyes open. She closes them again. She starts to feel empty, very empty. She just wants to sleep.

"Alicia" someone is calling her name again. She opens her eyes. It's dark outside now.

"Alicia, look at me." She turns her head, she sees Dr. Young.

"Alicia, do you remember what happened?"

"Yes, I think so." She responds in a whisper. "My head hurts."

"You bumped it, when you fell. What happened?"

"I don't know" she does know, but she doesn't want to talk about it.

"Okay, I think you may have been dehydrated. I have an IV running to get some more fluid into you. I'll get something for the headache. Do you need anything else?"

"No, just sleep." She turns from him and closes her eyes again. The doctor tells the nurses to keep an eye on her. She doesn't appear to have any injuries, but he wants to make sure she doesn't fall into unconsciousness again. He tells them to wake her every two hours.

Two hours later she's awoken by her phone. She looks at it. A text message from Will. She opens it

_Hey, how was your day? Three more days to one week!. I'm coming Friday whether you like it or not!_

She types back

_Tired, long day. Talk tomorrow. _

She turns the phone off, and goes back to sleep.

The dreams continue for the next two days. All their battles in court, all the manipulating, the lying, and the shooting play over and over in her mind.

She wakes up just after seeing him throw everything off her desk, yelling at her, and making her walk past everyone once she'd been fired. It had been two days since she'd fallen. She hadn't been back out of bed since. She hadn't said anything to anyone. She didn't want to. She didn't want to try anymore. She was tired of trying. She didn't care anymore. Will had continued to send her texts each night, she responded with only a few words. Telling him she wtoo tired to talk. He'd been too busy at work to think about it much. He figured she probably was tired. He was planning on seeing her in a few days anyway, and they could catch up then.

The doctors had become more and more concerned. Physically she seemed fine, but when she wouldn't answer their questions, or just gave one or two word answers they wondered if she'd hit her head harder than they'd expected. But they had come to the conclusion she was depressed. They had seen this before in patients with long recoveries. They would push and push, and then they would go through a down phase. It was a process recovering. But this was depression like they hadn't seen in a long time. Dr. Young wondered if they should get a psychologist to talk with her. He decided to give her one more day.

Grace was out of school this Thursday and Friday, so had come to see her. But after spending thirty minutes trying to get Alicia to respond to her she got worried. She'd never seen her Mom this way. Alicia just lay on her side, and looked blank.

"Mom, Mom. Please say something. What's wrong?" she turned to the doctor with pleading eyes. He gestured to her to follow him out of the room.

"What's wrong with my Mom?"

"I think she's depressed Grace."

"Well what are you going to do?"

"This is a pretty severe case. I think she needs to talk to a psychologist. I don't know what else to do."

But then Grace has an idea.

"I'll be back in awhile doctor. I may know what to do." She hurries out of the hospital.

She walks out of the elevator on the twenty eighth floor. She'd only been here a few times. She walks up to the reception desk.

"Is Mr. Gardner here?" the receptionist is about to respond, but Diane happens to walk past.

"Oh Grace, what are you doing here?" Grace turns and looks at her. "Is Will here?" Diane can see the concern and fear in her eyes.

"Yes, he's in a meeting, but he should be done in a few minutes. Come wait in my office." She follows Diana to her office. As they pass the conference room Will happens to look up and notice her. He starts to worry.

Once seated on the couch in Diane's office the two women start to talk. "So how is your mom doing?" Grace hesitates, she really just wants to talk to Will. As she's about to answer he walks into the office.

"Grace what are you doing here?" he asks clearly concerned.

"Will I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have come to your office, but I didn't know what else to do."

"You're welcome to come to my office anytime, but what's wrong?"

Tears start to trickle down her cheeks. "Mom fell on Tuesday, she passed out. She's been in bed ever since. She won't talk to anyone, she won't do anything. She looks like a ghost. She won't even talk to me."

"Whoa wait" Will says, "She fell how?"

"She was trying to stand in therapy, but then Mark said she blanked out for a second. She passed out."

"Was she hurt" he looks at Diane who has the same look of concern on her face.

"They don't think so, but like I said she won't talk to the doctors. Dr. Young says he thinks she's depressed. He thinks she needs to talk to a psychologist."

"They're probably right." Diane offers.

"Will can you come?" she ask pleading in her voice. "Please, can you come see if she will talk to you? You are the one who helped her before. Please, I'm scared." More tears trickle down her cheeks.

"I" he looks over at Diane,

"I'll take care of your meetings this afternoon, you should go. She might be right." She says as she looks over to Grace.

"Okay, come on Grace." He puts his arm around her, and they head back to the hospital. They don't say much on the drive to the hospital.

_Licia what is going on? It's not like her to give up like this. I'm glad Grace trusts me enough to come and get me, but she won't even talk to Grace. Licia, Licia, what happened? _

They hurry into her room. He walks over to the bed, and pulls up a chair. The blank look on her face is rattling. He's never seen this in her before.

_No wonder Grace is scared. _He thinks to himself.

"Alicia," no response. He turns to Grace who's looking at him with all the hope she can muster.

"Alicia, say something. Blink, look at me, do something Alicia."

She sees him, she can hear him. But she's really angry. She's angry at him, and at the whole situation.

After trying to coax her to do something for ten minutes he gets frustrated. He didn't mean too, but it had been a really long week at work, and he hadn't slept much.

"Okay fine if this is how you want to play this, then this how we will play this. You told me a month ago that no matter what I was to push you. I was to not let you give up. I thought it was a funny request at the time, but I see why now. So, I'm going to push you, but I'm tired Alicia." He raises his voice a bit.

"Alicia you need to keep going. You can't just stay in that bed, for… for the rest of your life." He leans down to make sure she can see him. "I'm not going to do this anymore. You have to snap out of this. All you have to do is say something. Just say something Alicia. But I can't go through this again. I'm not going through the silence again. You can hurt me all you want. But your hurting Grace, and I know you wouldn't ever want to do that."

Then something clicks inside her. She rolls over, and sits up. The doctor, Grace, and Will all think this is a good sign. She glares right at him. "You think I want to be this way?" she yells. "You think I want to be here, not able to work, or to take care of my own children? Well you're wrong Will. I hate this, I hate this so much. I'm tired of this" He's taken off guard by her raised voice.

"Then get up, and do everything you can to get out of here." He throws back at her.

"This is too hard. You make it sound so easy."

"This is not easy Alicia, this is not easy for anyone, and if you think that you're the only one who this is hard for you're sorely mistaken." He gets up and moves to the end of her bed.

"Why did you push me out the way you did? Why did you embarrass me in front of everyone at the firm?" he stares at her.

"What?" he looks at her confused.

"Why, Will?"

He can't figure out where this is coming from. He's trying to cool down, but he doesn't manage to enough before he says, "Why did you wait so long to tell me you were leaving, especially after I'd asked you to take Diane's place? And speaking of Diane, it was really wrong for Peter to take the judgeship from her."

"That wasn't my fault" she says continuing to yell.

"No, you didn't have any influence over Peter then." He says pointing his finger at her.

"That's right I didn't, I never did. That was part of the problem with he and I. Peter always did what he wanted."

Grace doesn't know what to do. This is not what she had intended when she went to get Will.

"Mom, Will, Stop please stop." She says loud enough for them to hear over their yelling. They both look at her as if they'd forgotten she was in the room. They both become silent. Will looks over at the window. Then he has an idea. He turns to walk out the door.

"So that's it, your just going to leave?" She says bitterly

He turns back around, "No, I'll be right back." He says in a whisper.

A few minutes later he returns with a wheelchair, and a nurse in tow. He wheels it right over to her bed. He turns to the nurse,

"Hold it steady while I move her into it. If she fights I might need your help."

She looks at him, "what are you doing?" he doesn't say anything, he puts his arms around her as best he can and lifts her into the chair. He grabs a blanket off the bed and sets it on her lap. He turns to Grace, and the doctor. "We will be back in awhile." And he turns and wheels her out the room.

Neither one says anything as he heads down the hall. She thinks he's going to take her out to the courtyard, but when he passes that exit, and heads towards the exit in the rear of the hospital she gets concerned.

"Will where are we going?"

"For a walk."

"Will, we can't, what if the press sees us?"

"I don't care if the press sees us, but since you are so concerned, I know for a fact that they don't watch this exit." She looks a little surprised. _How would he know that? _

As they exit the building the fresh air hits her. It's a fairly warm autumn day. And even though she has been feeling lower than she can ever remember, feeling the sunshine on her face, and smelling the crisp autumn air lifts her spirits a little. He continues to push her in silence. They walk a few blocks, and then she thinks she notices where he is headed. She can see the park another block away. She didn't realize there was one so close to the hospital.

Once they get to the park he finds a quiet spot with a bench. He stops the wheelchair in front of it, and then he walks around to face her. He leans over, "put your arms around my neck so I can lift you up." She does, and he lifts her up and sets her on the bench. Then he moves the wheelchair over to the side, and sits next to her. He puts her hand in his.

"Licia what is going on?" he turns to her. She doesn't look at him, and she doesn't say anything.

"I need to understand where all of this is coming from. I can't help you, if I don't understand."

"I…" she looks down. "I can't get it to stop." Now he's really confused.

"Get what to stop?" she looks up at him, he can see the pain in her eyes. "The dreams." she can see the confusion written all over her face.

"You know how I dreamt I was in another reality while I was unconscious?" he nods, "well the dreams have continued. Every night when I go to sleep I'm right back there. I'm right back there living that life. The scary thing about it Will is that it seems so real. I'm not…I'm not confined in that world. I can feel myself moving. I go about my day, just as I would. But it's not a happy place. I try to make it better, but I can't. Your still gone, Cary is likely going to prison. The divorce with Peter is awful." She looks at him, "Will Zach's girlfriend had an abortion, and I didn't even know it for three months. He would never do that to me. I don't understand why it has to be so awful, and so real."

He looks away. "Alicia, why didn't you tell me about this before?"

"Because I thought it would go away. Besides, it sounds crazy, and the last thing I need is you thinking I'm crazy, and for the doctors to think I need to see a psychologist. And I didn't want you to worry."

"First of all," he looks back towards her, "I don't think you're crazy. Secondly, Licia, I want to be here for you. I want to know what you're thinking; I want to know what your fears are. The only way this is going to work is if we are both open with each other. We've tried it the other way, and it didn't last. I want this to last."

"I want this to last too, so if we are going to be honest with each other answer my questions from earlier."

"Okay, but first tell me what happened the other day. What happened that has gotten you to the point that you won't even talk to Grace? She came to the office today scared to death."

"I remembered the shooting. One minute I was doing therapy, and then something must have dropped it crashed it must have sounded like the bullets. As soon as I heard it I froze. I was scared to death. And then I watched it unfold. The bullets, the screaming, I saw the blood." Tears start to escape, and roll down her cheeks. I was terrified. He reaches over and embraces her. She feels safe in his arms.

"It's PTSD Alicia."

"What?"

"The flashbacks, the inability to move when you hear something that sounds like it, the inability to breathe. I have the same problem sometimes." She looks up at him. "You do?"

"It's gotten better as time has gone on, and it's mild. But I know exactly how that feels. It's pretty scary not having any control over your mind sometimes."

"So what do you do?"

"I just wait it out. I recognize when it's happening, and I wait it out. You should have seen me the first day I went back to court though. It was a disaster. As soon as I got the door of the courtroom I froze. It's a good thing Diane was with me. That was my worst performance in court ever. Diane had to finish arguing for me. So just know that I am here, and I understand how that can make you feel. It will get better."

"I'm so sorry."

"For what?"

"I can't imagine how hard all of this has been for you. You're the one working the endless hours, and then you come and spend time with me. You're always positive; you're always asking how I am. I'm sorry I haven't been there more for you. I know this has been hard for you. I didn't mean to hurt you when I said all of that earlier. It was selfish of me. The last people in the world I want to hurt are you and Grace. But I lost all interest in everything. After I fell, and the…" she stops, remembering why she was so upset with him in the first place."

"The what?"

"The dreams changed the other day. All I have dreamt about for a week is the bad things that happened before the shooting."

"Ah, now I know why you were so mad at me awhile ago."

"Will if we are going to make this work we have to work this out. I know we talked about this, but clearly there are some things that are still bothering both of us. We have to put that to rest if we are going to really move on."

"I agree so let's talk about it. You want to know why I was did what I did that day?" she looks at him again, and nods. "Let me say this, if I could go back in time, I would do it differently. That being said, I was really hurt Alicia, I mean really hurt. But I was also angry at Diane. She had damaged the firm by talking to that reporter; well she'd damaged my reputation. I was angry about that. So when she told me you were leaving I flipped out. I was already going faster than I should have been. It was a power trip. I was suddenly in charge, me, I could run the firm any way I wanted. I wanted you to run it with me. Then in a matter of seconds that was crushed. And what made me even more upset was that two days earlier we had had a "moment" with the whole Chrissy suite, and I thought things were good. So I blew. The two women that meant the most to me, other than my mother, and sisters were suddenly walking out on me. I wanted to punch something out of frustration, but there wasn't anything to punch, so I threw everything off your desk instead. And what I said after was… it was wrong. Now as far as making you walk past everyone to get to the elevator, that was just spiteful, and shameful, and I wanted you to feel as betrayed as I felt. But there is no excuse for it. I shouldn't have done it. I am so sorry Alicia." She leans into him further. Suddenly a wave of relief comes over her. "It's okay. I forgive you. I just needed to know why."

"Now it's your turn" he says.

"The reason I waited was that I hadn't totally made up my mind to leave. We already talked about my feelings for you. But when you asked me to take Diane's place I almost did it. I wanted to do it. It was safe, and easy, and I loved the idea of building something with you. But when I saw the way you treated Diane I had second thoughts. And then Cary told me if I took the partnership I would always be under you, not an equal. I didn't really believe it, but it was somewhat of a concern. But the real kicker was they way you were treating Diane. What ever happened to respect, and love for someone who'd been more a part of your life than anyone else for ten years? After that last meeting we had with Diane, I knew I couldn't stay. I didn't want the same thing happening to me ten years down the road. Not that it would have been the same, but it made me nervous. Will that was a ruff time for all of us. We all had too many cases we were working on, no one had time to think about anything but work. Poor Diane get's married, and then deals with that mess the rest of the day. We both owe her by the way! She didn't deserve any of that that day." she says smiling. He nods his head in agreement. "Yes we do, remind me I owe her a vacation."

"I wanted to tell you, I hadn't made any of the calls to clients that weren't already mine. Cary and the others were anxious. They'd been planning the move for months. I really had only considered it for the three weeks prior to leaving. So I am sorry. I should have just told you, and gone sooner. And as far as all the fighting in court, let's just call it even okay. We are both to blame for that."

He chuckles a little. "Okay, I forgive you too." They sit there on the bench her in his arms. They both feel like a huge burden has been lifted from them. A burden they didn't know had been theirs to bare.

"Why did you bring me here?" she asks, "Because when I was watching you, and then you said how much you hated being there, I remembered how it felt to be all cooped up in there day after day. I realized you probably just needed to get out for awhile. You probably just needed to feel like a normal person for awhile. You needed to feel free again." 

"You were right. I will never get over how well you read me, or how you always seem to know just what I need."

"Believe it or not you do the same for me. I'm happy when I'm with you Licia. You make everything right in my world, no matter what storms are brewing around me."

"You do the same for me." They sit contently for a few more minutes. "Will, we need to make a plan."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean we need to make a plan for us. For when I get out of here, there." She says looking back towards the hospital. We've gotten so used to this life, but that is going to change hopefully in a few more weeks. I'm not saying plan our whole lives out, just a plan for the next few months. It doesn't even have to be very detailed, but…"

"But what?" he looks down at her, she looks back up at him.

"But I love you, and I just need to feel secure about what my future looks like in the coming months."

"Well I love you too, so let's make a plan. I think that's fair, and it would probably help both of us feel more secure about everything."

"Okay then we'll make a plan." She says. "Thank you for bringing me here."

"You're welcome. But next time let's skip all the drama. Just tell me if you need to get out for awhile okay?"

"Okay"

**A/N Well this can't all be a smooth road. I hope this chapter was okay for everyone. Thank you so much for the encouraging reviews. Keep them coming, even you don't like A/W arguing! **


	14. Home and Apple Pie

**A/N Here's a little holiday cheer! Thank you for the continued support and reviews. Only twelve days to the winter premier. I wish anyone I know watched this show so I could commiserate with someone. LOL. Happy Holidays!**

**Home and Apple Pie**

Alicia sits on the couch as Grace hands her the few things she's kept at the hospital during her stay.

"When is Will coming?"

"He should be here soon. He didn't have to go into the office today, for the first Saturday in months. No Judge wants to go to trial the week of Thanksgiving unless absolutely necessary." This brings a smile to her face. It means she can go home in the morning instead of late afternoon, or early evening.

"Is he going to move in with us?" Alicia stops packing and looks up at her taken off guard. "No, he and I need to try our relationship out of the hospital, in more normal circumstances before we would be ready for that. For now he will keep his apartment, and I will keep ours. But he will probably be spending a lot of time at our place, especially until I get stronger. How do you feel about that?" she asks as she now realizes that she and Will had discussed this, but she hadn't talked to Grace about it. She starts to feel nervous waiting for Grace to answer.

"It's fine Mom. I like Will. He's nice, and he makes you happy! I was just wondering"

"He does make me happy! But Grace, he will be spending time with us, with you and I. It won't just be he and I this time. You need to be honest with me, and Will. If we do something that bothers you, you need to talk to us about it okay? It will be different having him around. You are the most important thing to me, and Will knows that. I want to make sure you don't feel left out, or think that I don't love you.

"I will let you know, but Mom it's really ok. I do really like Will. He kind of reminds me of Owen."

"Of Owen?" she looks at Grace twisting her lips.

"Yeah, he's like another Uncle. You know fun to hang around with, but a guy you can really count on if you need him."

"Well I guess you're right about that." she chuckles to herself, and shakes her head as she turns back to packing. A few minutes later she looks around the room. "Do we have everything?"

"I think so." She says as Will walks in.

"Hey" he says as he sits next to Alicia on the couch. I brought you some coffee, and you some hot cocoa." He says as he hands each of them of cup.

"Coffee that didn't' come from the hospital cafeteria? I haven't had good coffee in months. Thank you!" she says breathes in the sweet aroma.

"Yeah, well I guess I haven't brought you coffee since you've been here. I never came to see you in the morning did I?" she smiles as she places one of her hands on his leg. "No, and I'm impressed you remembered exactly how I like it!"

He smiles, "well drink up, it's freezing outside today." I hear we are in for a real big snow storm later which is all the more reason to get both of you home and settled sooner than later. "

A smile streams across Alicia's face, "I can't believe I'm leaving this place today. I feel like a pre-schooler waiting for Santa to come!"

"Well you deserve to be excited. I for one am looking forward to not coming here to see you anymore!" placing his hand on hers.

"Are there reporters out there?" Alicia asks dreading his answer.

"Only a few. The ex-governors wife leaving the hospital isn't nearly as big a story as it would have been a few months ago. Are you sure your okay with me driving you home?"

"Will I don't care anymore. I'm not married, and I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm leaving the hospital with a friend. If the reporters want to make it more of a story then let them. Are you okay with that?" she looks over at him knowing this could effect him.

"I'm fine with it." He smiles at her just as the doctor walks in. "So today is the big day!" he says as he pulls up a chair. We just need to get a few signatures, and go over a few things before you leave. Alicia, it will be tempting to get back into a fast paced, regular routine. But you have to take it slow. You can do some work around the house, as much as you can maneuver, but you won't want to try and clean the whole thing in one day. If you want to go into work you can, but I'd only recommend half days for now, and absolutely no court appearances. You're stronger, you can walk some, but the up and down, and stress of arguing in court will be too hard on your body for awhile. I'd wait until January. No driving, until you're coordination is better. If you feel tired, take a break, we still don't have a good idea as to the damage the coma could have had on your internal organs. You of all people know how easily you can become fatigued. It's important to listen to your body when you get tired.

One thing you'll want to watch carefully for awhile is being in public places. Your immune system will take awhile to build back up, and it may never be what it used to. It will be very easy to get sic. And a common cold can turn into a serious problem in a matter of hours. So if anyone in the house gets sic they should wear a mask, and you should keep as much distance as possible." She turns and looks at Will remembering the time they both caught colds after they'd kissed at work.

"Mark gave you a list of exercises to work on while you're at home?" She nods in agreement. "Good, keep that up, and as we discussed you will still come here two days a week for PT. Now do you have any questions for me?"

"I don't think so. Thank you so much for all you've done for me while I've been here. I'll always be indebted to you and the staff."

He smiles at her, "Well you have certainly given me all sorts of new medical data to go through, for which I thank you. Five months ago I didn't think I would ever see you awake again, let alone walking out of here on your own two feet. But I still think that this gentleman sitting next to you had a greater effect on you're recovery than any medicine, or medical gadgets. I'd hold onto him if I were you!" he says looking over to Will who is now turning red from embarrassment.

Alicia turns and looks at Will. "Well I certainly will if he's going to keep bringing me coffee this good!" They all get a chuckle out of that.

"I have the car waiting out front." Will says "Do you want me to go get a wheelchair to take you out?"

"No, I'm walking out of here on my own two feet. It will slow, but I'm walking." She says with a determined look on her face.

"Well then," he says as he stands up, and hold out his hand to her, "let's go home."

She smiles as she takes his hand, "Let's go home!" She pulls herself up using him as support, and wraps one of her arms around one of his, and the other one around one of Grace's, and they proceeded to walk out to the front entrance. As they got closer, she can see small flakes beginning to fall.

"Hey we don't have a coat for Mom." Grace says stopping at the door.

"It's okay Grace, the car is right there." she says pointing to the car just outside the door noticing the few reporters.

"Yes we do." Will says, pulling his off, and wrapping it around her. "You're Mom has one of the coldest body temperatures I know off! She'll be an ice cube before we get her into the car without this."

Alicia rolls her eyes. "I am not"

"Licia, you wear your nice wool suits till nearly July." He says teasingly, as they walk out into the cold. The cameras begin to flash, but Will does a good job of keeping the two women guarded from the reporters.

"I do not, and even if I did it's not to keep warm, I look good in those suits." Will opens the car doors and lets the two in. He goes to the other side and gets in.

"You do look good in those suits." He says turning to face her. "But they keep you warm too!" She rolls her eyes, turning to face forward.

"Mom, you're always wearing a sweater, or cardigan at home. Will's right, you do get cold easily." Grace says smiling.

"Is this how it's going to be with you two? You two in cahoots against me?"

They all laugh as Will put's the key in the ignition and starts the car.

"You better get used to it Mom, your stuck with us!"

As they get closer to her building feelings of excitement, and relief food over her.

_Home, finally home, after nearly nine months. Nine months? More than half a year. _She shakes her head. Will reaches over and takes her hand. "Hey you okay, you look far away." She turns to look at him. "I'm good, really good." She says smiling.

"When does Zach fly home?"

"Late Tuesday night after his classes are through. Peter said he'd pick him up, and bring him over on Wednesday."

"Good."

"Mom I heard Zach has a girlfriend."

"A what?" Alicia says turning to Grace.

"A girlfriend! He met her at orientation."

"At orientation?" she says as she turns to Will. She can tell he's thinking the same thing. She rolls her eyes, but smiles.

"I may need to have a talk with your brother about girls he met at orientation." Will says, "They're the hardest ones to get, and keep track off. They're the most work!" He says smiling at her. She reaches up and softly slaps him on his arm. "Excuse me!"

"Hey, you cannot deny the fact that it was hard work. It took me twenty years to convince you to give me a real fighting chance." She rolls her eyes, but she knows he's right.

"Well I'll have to have a discussion with him about getting an education, and not one that involves everything about girls." She turns back around and leans back in her seat.

A few minutes later they are parked and in the elevator. As they get off and walk towards the front door Alicia stops taking the moment in.

"It hasn't changed Mom." Grace says as she opens the door and they walk in. She steps inside a few feet, and looks around. The warmth and familiarity is comforting. She feels like she can breathe again. She looks at the photos, the books on the shelves, into the kitchen. It doesn't smell like home. "Did you come and clean Grace?"

"No, we hired a nice cleaning lady. She came yesterday when I brought some of my stuff back from Dad's. She will come once a week until we don't need her anymore. Her name is Nancy."

"Okay, good. I hadn't thought of that."

"It was Will's idea." she says, as she heads towards her room. Alicia turns and looks at him. "It was your idea?"

He smiles sheepishly, "She comes and cleans for me once a month. I just thought it would be helpful for awhile."

Alicia nods slowly, as a wave of exhaustion hits her. "It was a great idea. I need to sit now." She says patting him on the arm.

They go into the living room, and she sits on the couch with her legs propped up.

"Do you need anything?" he says as he puts his coat over the back of the chair, and sits at the other end of the couch.

"No, I just want to sit here and enjoy it! I have missed real furniture." she says smiling. Grace comes back out of her room.

"Let's make a grocery list?" Will says "I'll run to the store and pick some things up. The snow is coming down harder. We should do it before it gets worse."

"Do you want me to come with you?" Grace says "I know the closest place."

"Sure that would be great if you want too." He says turning to Alicia. "We'll let your Mom rest for awhile."

Once they are gone, Alicia takes in some deep breaths, leans back on the couch and closes her eyes. _Home at last. _She thinks as she falls to sleep.

After they had eaten dinner, and Will and Grace had cleaned up. They were all sitting together in the living room talking.

"Will, are you going to be here for Thanksgiving?" Alicia and Will look at each other,

"I..."

"Grace, Will and I haven't talked about it."

"Well, you should come. It's always lots of fun! Unless you have somewhere else you need to be." she says questioningly.

_Grace is pushing this relationship faster than I am. _Alicia thinks to herself.

"No, I don't have somewhere else I need to be. All of my family is in Baltimore. If it's alright with your Mom, I would be honored to come have Thanksgiving dinner with you guys." he says as he looks at Alicia.

"It's fine with me. I don't know how grand an occasion it will be this year, but we will throw something together."

"Mom, Grandma, and Owen are coming. I'm sure Grandma has lots of things planned."

"Oh good" she says sighing, "I'm sure your right, Grandma always has lots of things planned. Will, you'll want to bring something strong to drink!"

"Oh come on, it can't be that bad. It will be fun. I like your mom and Owen."

"After I tell you about Thanksgiving two years ago you may change your mind. Of course we won't have Jackie this year to add to the drama." She looks over at the fireplace. "I think I need something to drink!"

Will snickers, "I'll get you some wine, but only one glass!"

After Grace had gone to bed Will and Alicia were still on the couch. She was lying up against his chest. His arms wrapped around her. "I like your apartment." He says.

"I do too." She says eyes half shut. "I am really going to enjoy sleeping in my own bed." She turns her head into his chest, and closes her eyes. "What kind of pie do you like?" she asks.

He looks down at her all snuggled up to him. "What kind of pie do I like?"

"Yes, it's almost Thanksgiving, and I don't know what kind of pie you like." She says half asleep. He looks back up, and thinks for a minute. "Apple. My Mom makes the best caramel apple pie. It's been years since I've been home for Thanksgiving." He wraps his arms around her tighter. He starts to think of Thanksgivings long ago, as he feels her start to go limp against him. A few minutes later he says outloud, but to himself. "I'd love to eat mom's pie."

He moves gently out from under her, and leans over to pick her up. "Will you stay?" she whispers. "I will if you want me too." He whispers back. "Mmmm" is all she gets out as he lifts her and walks to the bedroom. He lays her down, and pulls the covers up around her, then turns to walk out of the room.

"Will I want you stay." She says sleepily.

"I'll be right back. I'm going to turn out the lights."

When he gets back, and undresses to his undershirt, and boxers, he climbs into the bed next to her, and puts his arm around her, pulling her in close. The reflected light outside from the new fallen snow shines through the windows just enough for him to see her. He watches her sleep for a few moments before leaning over to kiss her forehead. As he settles next to her, he presses his face to her hair. He loves the way she smells. He loves the way she feels in his arms. He loves to feel her breathing right next to him. He loves how this feels like home.

**/**

"What time is it?" she says as she rolls over to see him dressing.

"It's early, go back to sleep." He says as he comes over to her side of the bed and leans over to kiss her. "I have an early meeting, and I have a lot I need to do at the office today. Will you be okay with Grace here?"

She rolls her eyes, "I will be fine, I am not as bad off as you two think I am! And Peter is going to drop Zach off at ten."

"Okay, call me if you need anything. I will be working late tonight, so I'll probably just stay at my place. It's closer to the office. And it will give you some time to spend with the kids."

"Okay, I've been told dinner is at six tomorrow. Don't forget to bring something strong for us to drink!"

He smiles back at her, "I wouldn't miss it. I'll come over in the afternoon. Zach and I have some football to watch. Oh, and basketball. Turns out we have favorite teams apposing each other in both sports tomorrow!" she shakes her head.

"Well this will be interesting. You haven't seen how competitive my children are." She says as she pulls up onto her elbows.

"If they're anything like you then I have a clue!"

"Just wait until they bring out the board games. They are much worse than I am!"

He leans over and kisses her one more time. "I'll take you all down! I will see you tomorrow." He gets up and starts towards the door.

"Will" he turns back towards her. "I love you"

"I love you too. I'll call you tonight."

Zach, Grace, and Alicia spend the day at home relaxing, enjoying being together at home again, and getting ready for the next day. All except for the quick trip she has the two run to get what she needed for the surprise she had planned for Will the next day.

**/**

He came around noon, and as planned he and Zach watched the games together. Alicia and Grace worked on some food prep, Alicia at the counter, Grace doing the moving around the kitchen. Veronica was coming to do most of the prep, but there were a few things Alicia needed to finish. She smiles to herself as she listens to two in the living room bantering back and forth.

_I'm thankful they get along so well. He really is like a favorite uncle. _

Once she and Grace have finished they move into the living room with the other two. She sits on the couch between Zach and Will.

"Do you guys need any help in there?" Will asks

"No, we're done until Mom gets here." She leans back against him. He puts his arm around her. "I think I'm going to rest and enjoy the calm before the storm. I can't believe how exhausting it is to spend an hour in the kitchen."

"You're getting there, and we can all help when Owen and Veronica get here so that you can enjoy the meal too."

A few hours later the other two expected guests arrive. Just before the meal Alicia finds herself alone in the kitchen with Veronica.

"He's a good man Alicia."

She looks up from the glasses she's filling. "Yes, he is."

"He treats you better than Peter ever did."

"Mom, we aren't getting into this. Peter treated me well for many years." She looks back down and continues to fill the glasses.

"Yes, but honey Peter,"

"Mom"

"So is he moving in?"

She looks back up frustration starting to rise inside her, "No, not for now. I've only been out of the hospital for less than a week, we want to try the relationship before we make any big decisions." She says as she crosses her arms in front of her. "And it's none of your business anyway." Just then Owen walks into the room. He can tell Alicia's ready to pop. He moves over next to her and grabs a few of the full wine glasses. "Talking about Will are we!"

Alicia turns and rolls her eyes at him. "So have you guys, you know, slept together yet?" he says then backs up when Alicia turns to slap his arm. "No, and again, it isn't any of your business." She says pointing from one to the other. "Now let's go sit down." She grabs the other glasses and heads to the dining room. Will notices the unsettled look on her face. He walks over close to her, and puts his hand on her back. "Everything alright?"

"Yes, everything is fine, just a little family discussion going on in the kitchen. It's time to pull out the stronger liquor." She says as he pulls out her chair for her. She sits, and then he sits in the chair next to her.

After they eat, they all retire to the living room. Awhile later Grace announces it's time for pie.

"We have pumpkin, chocolate, and apple. Zach and I will serve!" She turns and grins at her mother. She knows what's coming next.

As they all chat and eat their pie Grace keeps waiting for Will to say something. After they are done, Grace goes around and takes everyone's plates from them.

"Grace that was the best pie I've had in a long time. It tastes just like my Mom's. You did a great job making it." He smiles up at her. "I didn't make it, Mom did." She says as she gather's the other plates. He turns and looks at Alicia. "Well thank you, it was delicious. You must have a similar recipe to the one my Mom has."

"You're welcome, I'm glad you liked it." She says as she moves closer to him.

"Mom aren't you going to tell him?" He looks down at her. She doesn't know what to say. "Tell me what?" Everyone's eyes turn to her.

"Mom, called your Mom and got the recipe from her."

A wide grin begins to cross his lips, "You called my Mother?"

"Yes, how else was I going to make her apple pie for you?" she grins back at him.

"How did you get her number?"

"Let's just say I have friends in high places. But we owe Kalinda a piece of that pie!" He leans over and kisses the top of her head.

"I can't believe she gave it to you? That recipe has been a family secret for years!"

"I know we had quite the chat before she was willing to give it to me. But I assured her it wouldn't leave my hands, and that I would only use it for your benefit!"

"Wait you had a chat with her? Should I be concerned?" Alicia laughs now, "Don't worry I told her you've been behaving, and I like your mom, she seems like a very nice woman! I'll have to meet her in person sometime."

They all continue to talk and play games for awhile. Will can't believe how thoughtful the pie was. He didn't even think she was awake listening when he had mentioned it.

"Well darlings, Grandma is going to be off." Veronica says as she gets up from her chair.

"Mom, please take some of the food with you. There is enough for an army in the kitchen. You to Owen."

"Mom Zach and I are going to spend the night at Owen's if that's okay." Grace says.

"You're going to what?" she looks over to Owen.

"Spend the night at Owen's. When you were in the hospital we would spend the night at Owen's sometimes. Its fun, he stays up late with us. We play video games, and watch movies. Dad said he would pick us up from there tomorrow."

Owen throws his hands up in the air. "Hey I can't help it if I'm the favorite uncle."

"Uh, okay. When will you be coming back home?"

"We're doing Thanksgiving with Dad, and Grandma tomorrow night. Dad had some things he wanted to do with us on Saturday. So we will be home Saturday night." Zach says.

"Okay, as long as I get to spend a little more time with you before you leave." She says.

"I don't fly out until Sunday night. We will have all day Sunday." He leans over and hugs her.

Veronica leaves, and then Owen and the kids leave. She stands in the entry way as the door closes behind them. She's a little sad to see them go. Will comes up in front of her and puts his hands on her arms. "You look like you just sent them off to Kindergarten." He says a small smile forming on his lips.

She looks up at him and smiles back. "I know, some things never change."

He steps in closer to her. "Thank you for Thanksgiving, and the pie. This was the best Thanksgiving I've had in a long time. I loved it."

She looks up at him and stares into his dark brown eyes. "You are welcome. Why don't you show me how much you loved it." She says as she reaches for the buttons on his shirt. He leans in and pulls her close, and kisses her as he starts to undo the buttons on her blouse. "Are you sure you're up to it? It's okay if… I don't want to hurt you." she reaches her fingers to his lips. "You won't hurt me. I'll be fine. And I took a nap earlier. I can't promise I won't be completely worn out when where're done, but I want this Will. I need to feel this close to you."

He continues to place small kisses on her neck they can both feel the surge of want running through their bodies. They can each feel the other reacting as clothes are gently peeled away. They've both longed for this moment for months. He wraps his arms around her, lifts her off the floor, and carries her to the bedroom.

He lays her on the bed, their eyes never leaving each other. The remaining clothes come off, and he begins to kiss every inch of her, and eventually slides into her. It's slow, and sweet. Yet this is most passionate love making either has ever had. Now that she doesn't belong to someone else, and he isn't wondering if she really loves him this means more, so much more. And as he thrusts into her harder and harder, and they eventually come to, they both know that after twenty years of being together, and apart, and almost loosing each other, they will never be separated again. 


	15. A Better Decision Tree

**A Better Decision Tree**

Alicia had just gotten out of bed after reading some files from work, and was in the kitchen making coffee when the front door opened.

"Mom, go back to the bedroom for a minute." Grace says as she enters the kitchen."

"Grace I thought you had a study group this morning."

Grace is grinning, "Mom, just go back to the bedroom for a few minutes!" she says as she looks towards the front door. Alicia eyes her, "What's going on Grace?"

"Nothing bad, just go okay. I'll come get you in a few minutes!"

"Okay?" she grabs her coffee mug and goes back to the bedroom and closes the door. Grace goes back to the front door and opens it up for Will and the tree he's carrying.

"Okay, she's in the bedroom."

"Good." He pulls the tree through the front door, and into the front room.

"Let's move the chair next to the fireplace and put it there." Grace moves the chair, and Will puts the tree in its place.

"Okay, lets go get her." he says. They open the door to the bedroom. Alicia looks up from the files she's reading on her chair in the corner.

"Will? What are you doing here? I thought you weren't coming until tonight to take me to the party."

He just smiles. "We have a surprise for you!" Will reaches his hand out to her to help her up. "What are you two up too?"

"You'll see, just come on." he says as they walk to the front room. When Alicia sees the tree she doesn't know what to say. "Surprise" says Grace.

"It's… a tree. A really big tree." she says turning to look at them. She shakes her head. "Wow, it's..." _too big for the apartment, but "_beautiful."

"Yes, and we are going to spend the morning decorating it." Will says as he walks over and kisses her.

"You have to put the lights on." she says. "I hate putting the lights on. That's why when we moved here I bought a pre lit tree."

"I can put the lights on! And I've heard about this tree. Grace and I decided you needed something bigger than a scrawny five foot tree!" he says. She rolls her eyes and folds her arms across her chest. "I happen to like my tree. Thank you very much!"

"And I'm sure I would love it too, but we thought it would be fun to have a real tree."

"I do like it, and I love the way a real tree smells." She says looking from him to the tree.

"Good then it's settled. Now where are the ornaments?"

Grace pulls out their ornaments from storage in the basement of the building. They spend the next few hours getting it all ready Once it is finished, and Will tops it off with the star, he sits next to Alicia on the couch.

"It looks pretty good!" he says smiling. "It does. It's too big, but it does look good." she says moving closer to him. "Hey go big or go home right!" he says as he kisses the top of her head. He looks down at his watch. "Okay, I actually do have to go to work for a few hours, but I will be back at six to pick you up." he gets up from the couch.

"Okay I will see you at six. And Will" he turns to look at her, "thank you! The tree is beautiful." he smiles at her, and then leaves.

**/**

"Grace" Alicia calls, "Yeah mom?" she says as she walks into the bedroom. "Do you think this dress is okay?" Grace notices the pile of clothes on the bed, and the chair, and chuckles. "Mom you look good. What are you so worried about? It's just an office holiday party." Alicia looks up at her as she slips on her heels. "I know I shouldn't be worried, but I used to work for that firm. And this is the first time Will and I will be out in public as..."

"Boyfriend, girlfriend!" Grace says smiling.

"Well, yes."

"Just think of it this way, you are going to do the same thing to Will next week when he goes to your office party." Alicia laughs a little. "I guess you're right. But I guarantee he won't try on ten different suits to get ready. At least the parties aren't on the same day this year."

"Well that's probably because two of the name partners at each firm thought they'd like to take the other to their holiday parties this year!"

Just then there's a knock at the door. "I'll get it." Grace says as she turns and heads out of the room. A few seconds later Will walks into the room. He stops and stares as she stands up. The one piece dark red dress that hits just above her knees, and accentuates all of her sexy curves leaves him speechless.

"What?" she says smiling at him.

He shakes his head and walks over to her putting his hands on her arms. "You look amazing!"

"It is our first date isn't it? I mean our first date outside of this apartment. I had to look good!" She leans in and kisses him. They stand there enjoying the moment for a few minutes. Then she pulls away. "We need to go, we will be late."

"It doesn't matter if we're late. It's my party remember?" and he leans in and kisses her again. A minute later they pull away from each other. "I cannot wait to take this off of you tonight." he says running his hands up her back.

She smiles. "Well we'll see about that." she says teasingly. "I haven't had much rest today between decorating a tree I wasn't expecting, and trying to get ready for "your party! But I'll see what I can do!" She looks at him seductively, and then turns to walk out to get her coat.

This is her first time to his office since before the shooting. They say hello to people on their way to his office to put their coats down. But as they enter his office she freezes. He doesn't notice her stop, and continues to go in, and hangs his coat up. Still continuing with the conversation they were having he turns to take her coat, but stops. He's seen this look before.

"Alicia" he says as he walks back to the door where she stopped. She doesn't seem to notice him. He can tell she's staring at something. He turns to try and see what it is, but can't figure it out.

"Alicia"

What he doesn't know is that as soon as she stepped into his office she started having flashbacks to the few weeks before her surgery when this office had been hers. When she had walked in there for the first time and this space was no longer his, and how difficult, but bittersweet that had been. And then how she'd sat where his couch is crying after she'd been to see Peter about the divorce.

"Alicia" This time she hears him, and looks over at him. "Huh, what?" she says. And then the memories fade. "Sorry, what?"

He looks concerned. "Are you okay? Do you need to sit down?"

"No, it was..." Just then Diane and Kurt walk in.

"Alicia" Diane says as she walks over and gives her a hug.

"It is so good to see you!"

"It's good to see you too." returning the smile.

"So how is this guy treating you anyway?" she says as she looks over to Will.

"Well you know, he is pretty persistent in making sure I rest, and go to physical therapy. A little annoying actually now that I think about it!" she says smiling over at him.

"Hey I just do what the professionals tell me is best for you!"

"How are you feeling?" Diane gets more serious.

"Pretty good, I'm getting there. I can move and walk without thinking about it most of the time. But sometimes my body just won't move. It's like there's a disconnect between my brain and my arms and legs. But that's what the therapy's for. If I could just get over being so tired so easily I'd be happy. But I can't complain considering where I was a few months ago. I hope I haven't distracted this one from work to much."

Diane smiles, "No, actually his work has been much better the past few months." Diane says eyeing him. He knows what she's referring too, and she is grateful he decided to stay.

"We should get out there." Will says

"It's good to have you here Alicia! The four of us should have dinner sometime." she says as she turns and takes Kurt's arm.

"That would be great!" Alicia says.

"We'll be there in a minute Diane." Will says. "Here let me have your coat." he takes her coat and walks over to hang it up. "What was that a few minutes ago?" he asks walking back towards her.

"Nothing, I'll tell you later." she says as she kisses him on the cheek, and heads for the door.

A few hours later after they've eaten, drank, and talked to nearly everyone at the party they are back in his office sitting on the couch his arm around her.

"Thank you for coming." he says. "You are welcome. I miss the LG parties. It's pretty high class around here." he chuckles "It's something that's for sure. But if I'm not mistaken you always disliked coming to these parties."

"Well, I always felt like I needed to be home, but I always liked the food, and drinks!" She says holding up her glass.

"I'm looking forward to coming to your office party next week."

"Yeah, remember how they were on the same day last year" she says. He looks down, "yes, well I may have had a little something to do with that." He says sheepishly.

"Just a little something?" she says smiling at him. He smiles back.

"Yes"

He gets up, and goes to his desk and brings back an envelope.

"I have something for you." he says as he sits back down next to her. "What?" she says looking at the envelope. "An early Christmas gift." he says as he hands her the envelope. She takes it from his hand. "Will we said we weren't going to do gifts."

"I know, it's not really a Christmas gift Alicia. It's for after."

"After" she looks at him confused, then opens the envelope pulling out its contents.

"Will this is plane ticket." she says looking at him.

"I know." He says reaching for her hands.

"But I can't go on a plane Will, think of all of the germs floating around on a plane."

"Licia just hear me out. This time last year I sat at that desk over there, and wished you happy holidays on the phone after I'd cross examined you in court." She sits back and remembering that day.

"That was the low for me. I had officially hit the bottom. The holidays are supposed to good, happy times. But last year they weren't."

"You mean because of New York?"

"Yes, because of New York, and because that was the first time I had taken enough time to really think about why you left. The real reason. And I was hurt, and angry. Not angry at you, angry at the circumstances that had put us in the situation we were in. Angry that I had never just said what I wanted to say to you when I'd had the chance. Angry at…" he puts his head down avoiding eye contact.

"Peter" she says. He looks back up at her.

"Yes, I'd watched him hurt you over and over. I know you loved him. I am sure he was a good husband for a lot of your marriage. But I couldn't understand why after all that had gone on previously you wouldn't give us a try. Especially if what you told me in New York was true."

"Will"

"Licia, It doesn't matter now. What matters now is that we start over. It's not my reality or your reality anymore. It's our reality, our life. And I want to start our reality off in the place that you once told me," he looks down he can feel the lump in his throat.

"Was the happiest I'd ever been." She whispers, tears starting to form in her eyes. He looks back up at her. "Did you really mean it, when you told me that three years ago did you mean it?"

"Other than giving birth to my children, Yes, I meant every word of it."

He relaxes. She can see the anxiety in him wash away. "But Will it could be a death sentence for me to fly right now." He smiles at her.

"Just listen to me. I already told you I'm going home for Christmas. I promised my mother months ago I would come. The fact that she almost lost her son has made her insist that I see the family more."

"Yes, we discussed this."

"So after Christmas on the twenty ninth I've chartered a private jet to fly you to Baltimore." She cuts him off.

"Will a private jet? That must cost a fortune." He laughs under his breath.

"It's small, and I'm a name partner at one of the largest law firms in Chicago. We have offices in New York. I'm a single guy who until recently had no girlfriend. My only expenses are rent, food, and the occasional nice suit. The firm covers my game tickets. Now my savings were depleted some while I was on suspension a few years ago, but I can afford to splurge sometimes. I want to do this. I want you to do this with me, and I want for it to be safe for you."

"I want to do this with you, but why am I flying into Baltimore?"

A broad smile crosses his face. "Well you got yourself into that one! It turns out that my mother has great interest in meeting the woman who called her a few weeks ago and talked her into giving out a family secret!"

She smiles, and nods her head up and down. "I did walk myself right into that one didn't I?"

"So we will spend a day or so in Baltimore and then drive the four hours to New York. I want to start our new year together in the place that was happiest for both of us. I need to make new memories this year, ones that won't haunt me anymore. And I need to check on the office there anyway."

He can see she tempted, but hesitant. "I already worked it out with Zach and Grace. You'll spend Christmas however you had planned, and they will go stay with Peter when you leave. Turns out they wanted to spend New Year's with him anyway. There are perks to being the Governors children. We will fly home on the fourth. Zach isn't going back to school until the eighth."

"Okay, then lets do it." She says moving closer to him and kissing him. When they pull sway she says, "Let's go home. I think you have some unfinished business if I'm not mistaken."

He leans in and rests his forehead on hers. "I do, I could finish it right here. We are the only ones here."

"Yes, but I would sure hate for that to almost get out like last time, and things could run longer if we're at home!" then she kisses him.

A few hours later they are laying in bed together her head on his chest, and his arm around her.

"Hey it's time for you tell me what happened earlier tonight." He says.

"What happened…?"

"Yes, was it the shooting again?"

"No" she starts to feel uneasy. He can feel her tense up. "Licia, tell me what happened."

She sits up, and he sits up next to her, and puts his arm around her. "I told you in my "dreams" that our two firms merged." She turns and to look at him.

"Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"We moved into the LG offices."

"You told me that."

"I did, but I didn't tell you that your office became my office."

"My office became your office?" he looks off into the distance trying to picture this. "What were you thinking? That must have been torture on you."

"No, no it wasn't. It was comforting in a lot of ways. I changed it to fit my personality, but it was still your office. I liked being in your office. I always liked being in your office. I don't have any bad memories in that office. But tonight when we got to "your office" I started seeing that reality again. I froze. All I could see was the office the way I had made it, and all I could feel was the loss again." He leans in and embraces her.

"It's so real sometimes Will. It scares me."

"Are you still having the dreams?"

"Only sometimes." She leans back into him, feeling the comfort of his arms. "It's mostly flashes of that world now. It hits me at the oddest moments I'll be doing something, like in the kitchen for instance, and then all of sudden it's like I'm right back there."

They don't say anything for a few minutes. "Why did you and Grace decide to go and get a huge tree?"

"I asked Grace the other day if you had a tree. I thought it would be nice for us to set things up for you. She told me about the one you have. But then she told me about how you used to go and get a real one each year when you lived in Highland Park. And how much fun you and the kids had decorating it. She said it hadn't been the same since you moved here. She said she knew you had tried to make it fun, but it wasn't the same. You and I aren't the only ones that need to make new memories this year. I just thought it would be fun for Grace, Well for both of you, it sure was fun for me."

"It was fun, thank you."

They lay back down she curls up next to him as close as she can get. He kisses her forehead, and watches her fall asleep.

_I wish I could make all those memories go away. There's got to be a way to make her feel safe and secure. _And as he drifts off to sleep it hits him.

**/**

Six days later they are at Florick, Agos for the holiday party. They hadn't changed the firm name. Partially due to the fact that it would take loads of paper work to change. Partially due to the fact that Alicia hadn't decided if she would change her name. Many women she knew who had divorced after long marriages had just kept their ex-husbands last names. It was easier, and the people who knew them knew of the divorce anyway. But in the back of her mind she knew the real reason for putting it off was that she wondered if her last name would eventually be Gardner. And if that was to be the case, why go through all the name changing twice?

During the party she got a call that could possibly turn into a bump along this happy road they had been on the past month. She knew it was going to happen eventually, it was unavoidable. She looked over at Will who was chatting with Robin.

_We are going to have to talk about this. We've been avoiding it. We could avoid it. Not anymore. It will be fine Alicia. It will be fine._

"Hey you okay?" Will says as they drive back to his place. Grace was staying with Peter for the weekend.

"Tired" they don't say anything for a few more minutes.

"Will we have to talk about something." She says as he parks the car. He looks over to her concerned. "What?"

"You are the one on the Parkinson divorce case? You and Diane since David is swamped."

"Yes, why?"

"Because, Mrs. Parkinson hired us tonight to be her divorce attorneys. Specifically she wants me to be her divorce attorney." She looks at him now waiting for a reaction.

"Alicia I don't see why that's a problem." He gets out and comes around to her side to help her out.

"Will we just need to agree right now that neither one of us will bring work home when we are on opposing sides. For that matter we need to agree to not let what goes on at work influence what goes on when we aren't at work."

They get into the elevator. "I agree." She's a little taken off guard at how this doesn't seem to bother him at all. He sees the stress in her features. "I promise to not let what happens at work influence what happens outside of work." He says grabbing her hand, and looking at her so she knows he means it."

They walk into his apartment. "Will it isn't that I don't want to talk to you about work. In fact I will need to talk to you about work. It's such an enormous amount of our time. We just can't,"

"Alicia you're over worrying this. I'm not worried. We just happen to both be lawyers who are in a relationship together. We will do our best for our clients, and the relationship. That's it. Now how does a nice warm bath in my oversized jetted tub sound?"

She smiles up at him. "That sounds nice. I'd forgotten how nice your tub is." She follows him down the hall to the bedroom. Once they get there he turns and embraces her. "I'll run the water." He says placing a kiss on her lips.

"I might even let you join me, if you are going to run the water." She says kissing him back.

"Might?" he says teasingly.

"You were a pretty good date tonight. I suppose I will allow it." She says as she begins to unbutton his shirt.

"I better get that water going then." He says pulling away from her. As he walks into the bathroom she sits on the bed trying to push the worry from her mind.

_I hope your right. If we can't oppose each other in court without some sort of civility, this will never work. We will never work. _

She's brought back out of her thoughts by Will calling for her. She undresses, and pushes the thoughts from her mind as she walks towards the other room.

**A/N I hope this filler chapter was ok, but I had to set a few things up. What does everyone think they should do in NYC? I have a few thoughts, but I'd be interested to know what you all think. Thanks again for the reviews! **


	16. Baltimore

**A/N I know you were all expecting NYC next, but I got totally carried away with Will's parents. My intended short synopsis of Alicia meeting his family turned into pages. So here it is, and NYC really will be coming next. I'll be curious to see what you all think of his parents. **

**Baltimore**

As she steps off the airplane into the warm winter sun she can see him waiting for her. It's like a breath of fresh air. She hasn't felt this free in a very long time. As she gets closer to him he can see the sparkle in her eyes, and it warms him to the core. They haven't seen each other in nearly a week, and after everything that has happened he lives for looking into her hazel eyes.

Once they reach each other he pulls her into to him, and kisses her before she can even say anything. The passion of this kiss is evidence of the past week spent without each other.

"How are you?" she says smiling up at him.

"Better now that you're here. How was the flight?"

"Best flight I've ever had. I could get used to that." Turning her head towards the plane. He chuckles under his breath.

"I missed you." he says still holding onto her as tight as he can.

"I missed you too. We should get my luggage."

"I suppose your right." Pulling her in for another kiss.

Once they are in the car on their way to his parent's house she starts to feel nervous. As she holds his hand he can feel her tension. "You're not nervous are you?" he says smiling.

"Yes I am. I want to make a good impression. What if they don't like me?" He can't help but laugh. "I'm serious Will." He laughs some more. "Will this isn't funny."

"Alicia my mom already likes you, and everyone else is going to love you as well. You don't have anything to worry about."

"Everyone else?" she looks over at him even more nervous now. "Yes, my father, and my sisters." He takes his eye off the road for a second to look at her, "and my brother in law, and my niece and nephew, and Aubrey's boyfriend." And then he laughs again. She rolls her eyes, "they are all going to be there, all of them when we get to your parents house?"

He knows he's getting to much pleasure out of this, but he can't help it. "Yes, it's the holidays, and they all want to meet the only woman I have ever brought home since high school. Aubrey has seen you. She came and stayed with me for awhile after I left the hospital. My parents flew out right after the shooting, but never saw you. So they are all curious to meet the person that could settle me."

"Settle you?"

"Yes, you know actually stop to think about a relationship for longer than a few months."

"You mean to tell me that in the past twenty seven years since you left for college you never, not once, were in a relationship that went far enough to bring a girl home to meet the family?" she looks at him skeptically. He gets quiet for a few seconds. "Alicia I started loving you in college. After college I never found anyone that made me as happy you did. I tried, I really tried, but I never forgot the way you made me feel. And I couldn't find anyone that made me feel the same. It's more than love Alicia. You and I have more than love."

"What else is there other than love Will?"

"I don't know, but it's more, at least for me it's more." Just then they turn onto a driveway hidden with trees. She wouldn't have even noticed it if he hadn't turned. As they get closer to the house Alicia starts to realize how little she knows about Will's family. They pull up to a large colonial set back off the road. The property is large, two or three acres she'd guess, secluded by tall trees.

"Well here we are." The landscaping had been covered in a fresh blanket of snow the night before. With the sun now reflecting off the snow it's breathtaking. "You grew up here?" she says holding his hand tighter. He gazes out the car window. "Yes I did."

"Will it's beautiful. I guess I never imagined it would be so big" He looks over at her. He'd never really thought about how the house looked. He had grown up here. It was just home to him. But seeing how it catches her eye gives him a new perspective. "It must be amazing in the summer." Looking back at the scene before him, "It is"

"A kid could have a lot of fun playing in this yard."

"I did, we did. I was pretty lucky growing up Alicia. My parent's worked hard to give us a good life, and to make sure we made something of ourselves. Are you ready?"

"I think so." He gets out and comes to her side of the car to help her out. As she stands up he puts his arms around her, "They will love you. Don't worry." He reaches down and takes her hand, and leads her to the house. As they enter Will is struck by how quiet it is.

"Here let me take your coat." She hands him the coat. "Where is everyone?"

"I don't know." Then they hear voices coming from outside. They walk over towards the large kitchen and the French doors that overlook the yard. Outside they can see presumably Will's family building a snowman. "Oh honey I didn't hear you come in." They both turn towards the voice. They are met by a friendly smile, and the same dark brown eyes that Will has. "You must be Alicia."

"Yes, it's very nice to meet you in person Joan." She says holding out her hand to the woman in front of her. "Handshakes are for acquaintances Alicia." She steps over and hugs her. "After all the William has told us about you, and after speaking with you on the phone I feel we've know each other for a long time."

"Well thank you. You have a very nice Home." She says taking in more of her surroundings. The house has been updated, but still holds its colonial charm. "There are sandwiches and salads in the refrigerator. You two should eat before the mob comes back inside. I promised Adam we could have homemade cocoa and marshmallows when they were done with the snowman. I better get started."

"Ok, I'm going to bring Alicia's luggage in. Where is Dad?"

"He's in his office on the phone with a client. It's almost tax season you know."

"I'll be right back." He touches her elbow, and then goes back out of the house.

"I thought Will told me your husband was retired Joan."

"He is, but a retired CFO still likes to get his hands into things during tax season. He has a number of friends, and clients who were thrilled when he retired so that he could do their taxes for them! He barely comes out of his office from January through April. But he loves it, and it keeps his mind busy. And years ago he promised to take me on a trip after tax season each year to make up for all the long hours. He still keeps that promise every year."

"So you and William went to college together?" she says getting out the cocoa, and milk, and setting a saucepan on the stove. "Yes we did. Here let me help you." Before Joan has time to question her more the back door opens and two rosy cheeked children walk in.

"Anna, Adam say hello to Alicia. This is the woman your uncle Will has been telling you about. Then go to the mud room and take those wet snow clothes off."

"Hello, I'm Anna." The nine year old says, "I'm Adam" the five year old repeats after his sister. "You are pretty, just like Uncle Will said."

Alicia blushes, "Well thank you Adam. That is a pretty great snowman you built out there."

"Thanks, we just need to put the scarf on him then he will be finished. Uncle Will said he had one we could use, but then he went to get you."

"I have it right here." Will says entering the room again. "Do you want to come help me put it on?"

"Yeah, but I'm freezing. Can we have Grandma's hot cocoa when we come back in?" Will smiles as he reopens the back door. "I bet it will be all ready when we get back inside. But let's get your Mom and Aunt Aubrey with snowballs first okay." The boy gets a big grin on his face. "Yeah lets get em." And then he runs outside. "I'll be right back, again." He says smiling at Alicia. She nods, and watches as Will and Adam pummel the other adults outside with snow balls.

Later as Alicia sits with Will on the sofa in the large family room just off the kitchen she can't get over how "normal" if there is such a thing they all seem. She didn't know what she was expecting but it wasn't this. He and Aubrey had just finished playing their guitars. She didn't even know Will played the guitar. Will's parents clearly did a good job raising their children, and love having the grandchildren around. There's the occasional sibling bantering, but they clearly love each other. It reminds her of Grace and Zach. Even though she's only been in the house for half a day she's been made to feel like part of the family. She admires the love she sees in his parents. Even after being married for so many years it's clear to her they love each other a great deal. She had to chuckle to herself when she met his father Paul. She is pretty sure that he looked exactly like Will thirty years ago, and that Will will look just like him when he's his father's age.

After Sara and Aubrey had gone, and his parents had gone to bed they were still sitting on the couch in front of the fire. "This is a big house for just two people." She says. Will looks around. "I guess it is, but they will never sell. I keep telling them it would be easier to move to a condo with no yard, but they won't hear of it. Dad likes the open space, and Mom likes having room for everyone. That and they bought this house right before I was born. Sara was only three. My guess is the real reason for not moving is that there are to many memories here."

"You have a really great family Will."

He turns to her, "Enough about my family. Let's go to bed." He says then leans in to kiss her. "I've been waiting a whole week to get you into bed with me again. I'm tired of waiting." He takes her hand, and leads her upstairs. Once they are inside the guest room, that used to be his old room, they can't get their clothes off fast enough. As they fall onto the bed together she says, "We should be quiet Will. I don't want your parents hearing us." He continues kissing her. "Their bedroom is on the main floor on the other side of the house. They won't hear a thing."

Laying on the bed tangled up in each other breathless Will says, "I really missed you." she laughs she can imagine the grin on his face without even looking. "I missed you too."

The following morning when Will wakes he puts his arm over and hits cold sheets. He opens his eyes, and surveys the room to try and find her. He sees her sitting in the oversized chair next to the bay window wrapped up in a blanket looking out at the back yard. It faces east, and the sun shining in on her makes her look beautiful. He gets out of bed and moves next to her. She looks far away. He puts his arm up around her, and kisses her cheek. "Did I wake you?" she says. "No, are you okay?" she smiles at him. "I am. I was just thinking. I woke up awhile ago, and couldn't get back to sleep. It's so quiet here."

"All the trees help with the noise. It looks like a nice day again. I better get ready. Adam will probably want a rematch from that snowball fight yesterday!"

"You're probably right!" she says, "But you aren't pulling me into that one. Anna has a craft project she wants me to help with today."

The day moves by quickly. Sara, Aubrey and the kids come back. There was indeed a repeat snowball fight but this time it included Will's father. Alicia did several projects with Anna, and Joan. And they ended the day with a wonderful meal in the evening.

"Will how can you grow up in a house where the cooking is this good, and not learn a thing?" Alicia says teasing him. Everyone gets a good laugh out of that. "I've only ever had to cook for myself. There is no need to put good cooking skills to use if it's just you." Everyone laughs again. "So are you telling me you do know how to cook?"

"Well I wouldn't go that far. But I can put a few things together."

"Well you might need to start putting those skills to use now that I know you had such an excellent instructor."

"William" Alicia loves that his mother calls him by his full name. "You have never cooked for Alicia?"

"No I haven't, but thanks to your good cooking it looks like I'm going to get a chance to in the near future."

**/**

It was around midnight when Alicia unable to sleep got quietly out of bed to go make some tea, thinking it would help her sleep. As she moved quietly down the stairs and walks towards the kitchen she notices the lamp on in the family room. Paul is sitting on the sofa with his laptop out. He looks up from his work when he hears her footsteps.

"Couldn't sleep?"

"No, to much on my mind I suppose." She says approaching him. "I was going to make some tea would you like some?"

"That would be great. Thank you." She gets it ready, and brings back two mugs with her. After handing him his she sits with her legs curled up under her on the loveseat across from him. "You couldn't sleep either?" she says sipping some of her tea. "No, I'm a night owl. Joan isn't. Some nights I stay in bed and read, or work on the laptop. But some nights the light's too much for her to sleep so I come out here." She turns and watches the fire. "Can I ask you something Alicia?" she turns back to face him. "Of course." She's grown to really like this man even though she's only known him for a day and a half.

"What was it like to wake up from a coma you'd been in for so many months? I mean despite the physical obstacles. I can't imagine waking up one day and realizing that I'd missed so many months of my life."

Just a few minutes earlier Will had awoken, realizing Alicia wasn't in the bed he'd gone looking for her, but just before he turns the corner to the kitchen he hears his father, and stops. He moves slowly back so he won't be seen, and listens to the conversation.

"It was… scary. Really scary actually. To just have that much time gone, and no recollection of it. The difficult part has been trying to realize that what I thought had gone on never actually happened. Sometimes I'll have a memory, and then realize it never happened. That probably sounds crazy." She says setting her mug on the coffee table. "No, it doesn't sound crazy. It sounds logical."

"Can I ask you something now?" she says. "Sure, he says closing the laptop, and laying it on the coffee table in front of him.

"What's your secret?" he looks at her questioningly. "My secret?"

"Yes. You and Joan. How have you made a marriage work so well for so long? It must be close to fifty years by now. So how did you do it?"

Will was about to enter when she asks this, but he wants to see where this is going. He wants to know why she's asking.

"I'm not exactly a good example of making a marriage work. My parent's divorced. My mother's parent's divorced. My ex-husbands parents didn't divorce, but he passed away about ten years ago, and I'm pretty sure he was cheating on his wife. I guess I'm asking because I am not close to anyone who has had what you and Joan seem to have."

"And the thought of marriage scares you now, or unsettles you?"

Will's heart sink's Even though they haven't talked about it yet, he's seen this as their future. But what if she doesn't?

"Yes, no. I'm not scared to marry again." Relief floods all over Will when he hears her say this. "If I were to get re-married, I don't want to fail at it again."

"Alicia did you really fail at it?" she hadn't considered this. She'd just thought of her marriage as a failure because it ended in divorce. "I only know what Will's told me, which isn't much. But from what I've heard you did try to make your marriage work. You are an amazing mother, and have raised two terrific kids. I wouldn't consider that a failure. Marriage only works if both people are willing to work at it every single day. Just because Joan and I will have been married for fifty years in June doesn't mean it's been a bed of roses the whole time. Marriage is hard. It's very rewarding, but it's hard work. In fact I just found out a few years ago that Joan had considered divorcing me years ago. "

Will can't believe what he's hearing. Then he hears his father calling for him. "Will you can come in here now. Stop hiding in the other room." Alicia looks over to the kitchen in surprise as Will comes around the corner obviously embarrassed as he sits down next to her.

"You should have learned by now that you can't hide there."

"I know." He says sheepishly. A small grin crosses over Alicia's face. Will looks like he just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"You know he used to hide there when he was younger if we were watching a movie he wanted to see, or eavesdrop on a conversation that was going on in here. But obviously he's forgotten that his mother and I can detect his footsteps no matter where he is in this house." Alicia's a little annoyed by him but she can't help but laugh at his father's comment.

"You know I'm enjoying the role reversal here, you getting a lecture from you family instead of me!"

"It was bound to happen sooner or later." He says as he puts his arm around her and then looks back to his father.

"Mom almost divorced you?" Clearly Will had no clue. "Well it never got serious. She never looked into getting a lawyer or anything. But as you know I can get frustrated sometimes, and unfortunately on occasion that has come out as anger. You remember when we bought that old desk I used to have in m office"

"Yes, the one you got rid of a few years ago?"

"Yes, well the day it was gone you're mother told me she was glad to see it go. For her that desk represented the argument we had gotten into while moving it into the house. It represented a very low point in our marriage. I said some very mean things to her that day, things that I didn't mean, but that hurt her deeply. She barely talked to me for a week after. "

"I remember, I was about twelve."

"Yes, and unfortunately the three of us in my opinion weren't strong enough to get the desk into the house, and moved how I wanted it, or thought it should be done. I should have gotten help from someone stronger, but I was in a hurry that day, and didn't want tot take the time. The problem was that the memories of the few times in the past where I'd blown up at your mother before and blamed her for my frustration all came back to her that day full force. Your mother is patient, and very forgiving, but she had had it that day. She decided she didn't deserve to be treated that way. Life was too short to have a husband who she knew would never harm her or you kids, but that would say things that hurt her. I realized later that week that I'd been wrong. I vowed never to talk to her that way again, and I haven't. Now if we have a disagreement and I feel angry, we don't talk to each other until we can do it civilly. Then we figure it out, and we talk until it's worked out. Sometimes that has taken days. I never knew until that day a few years ago how close I'd come to losing the one person in this world that I love more than life itself. The one person I've loved since high school. I love you kids, but what your mother and I have is more than love."

_More than love? That's exactly what Will said. _Alicia thinks to herself.

"Your mother and I are soul mates. We were from the day I set eyes on her in biology. We didn't know it at the time. We dated other people, we went to different Universities. I know that sounds cliché, but some people in this world are meant to be together, their souls are bonded together. They may drift apart at times, but they will always end up right back together at some point. Not every marriage or relationship that lasts means that the two are soul mates. Plenty of good relationships last a whole lifetime. Those are good fulfilling relationships. But if you're lucky enough to have more, it's a beautiful thing."

Alicia can feel Will's arm tighten around her. "So Alicia you want to know what our secret is. Well it's a lifetime of trial and error. It's a lot of rewarding hard work, its love. It's wanting to make someone happy every day of your life. It's standing by that person in sickness, health, and whatever whirlwinds this life throws at you. And for Joan and I, well, we were always meant to be together. Now it's late, Will I have one more thing I want to tell Alicia. So go on back upstairs. It will only take a minute."

Will's taken aback, "What could"

"William don't argue with me. Go back upstairs, and don't ever tell your mother that I told you that story. She's kept that a secret and she never meant for you or anyone else to know about it."

Will gets up and goes back upstairs. Alicia isn't sure what to think. What could this man possibly have to say to her that he doesn't want Will to hear?

"Alicia I asked Will about eight years ago why he'd never brought a girl home for us to meet. He's had some serious relationships. A few that lasted awhile. But he never brought a single girl home to meet the family. I couldn't understand why."

He has her full attention now. She'd been wondering the same thing. "I thought maybe it was the distance. But it wasn't. He told me that once he'd found someone who could make him as happy as his mother made me then he'd bring her home. That anyone worth meeting his family in the place he grown up would be someone that he truly loved. And that he felt he could make a marriage last as long as ours had. He said anyone that couldn't do those things for him wasn't worth our time. I tried to tell him that there were lots of women who could make him happy, provide him with a good marriage, and family. But he said he knew there was someone out there that could make him happy, make him feel fulfilled. And that until he had that person he wouldn't be bringing anyone home to meet the family. He probably told you that Joan was the one who insisted on meeting you." she nods her head, "Yes that is what he told me."

"He called a few days after Thanksgiving and got both of us on the phone. He told us he wanted us to meet you, and he asked if it would be alright to bring you home over the holidays. I don't know if you two have discussed marriage. It's none of my business. And even if your relationship doesn't end up in marriage I just want to thank you for making my son so happy, and for giving him the love he's always wanted. It's been a long time since I've seen the smile across his face that I've seen the past week."

As she walks slowly back up the stairs she's overwhelmed by what this visit clearly means to Will. It's a little unsettling. Could she really be everything he's always wanted? That's a lot of pressure. But knowing this does increase her love for him. Will is sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for her when she enters the room. "What did he tell you?" he says as she moves over in front of him. "Shhh" she says placing her hands just under his cheeks and leaning in to kiss him. When she pulls away he looks into her eyes, he sees something new in them. Some of the fear and hesitancy he seen in them over the months is gone. "What did he tell you?" She pushes him slowly down against the warm sheets beneath him. "Maybe someday I'll tell you. But all you need to know right now is that I love you, and nothing else matters."

The next morning New Year's Eve, he sits next to her on the bed he rubs her arm. "Licia, Licia, wake up." She slowly comes out of the deep sleep she's been in. When she opens her eyes the sun is bright, and he is fully dressed. Still groggy she says, "what time is it?" he smiles, "it's nine thirty." She lets this sink in, "Nine thirty? Why did you let me sleep so late?"

"You probably needed the sleep. And when I tried to wake you with kisses a few hours ago you didn't even move! We need get on the road pretty soon."

"Okay, but I really need to do some of my therapy exercises first. I can barely move this morning." She says trying to wake her body up.

"Is that because you haven't done them for two days, or because of other late night activities you've participated in the past two nights!" he says grinning. She lets out a small chuckle. "Probably both! Now help me get out of bed." She says putting up her hand for him to grab.

Two hours later they are out on the front porch saying their goodbyes. "William I almost forgot I made sandwiches for you two to take with you. Come back in the house and get them." He turns to her, "Mom we don't need"

"Just come back inside for a minute." He follows her back into the house. She pulls out the lunch she made for them. "Alicia is a very good woman. Don't let her get away. Do you understand?" She says not letting him take the lunch. "I know Mom. I understand."

"No, I don't think you do. They don't get better than that. I can see she loves you. I can see you love her. But there is hesitancy in her. There is still a part of her that she's keeping locked up. If you intend to marry her you're going to have to find a way to calm that unsettled fear in her. I think you can do it. But it might not be the obvious path. Don't give up on her. Remember that some of the best things in life take work, and constant care and attention. I love you. Follow your father's example and you won't go wrong." She embraces him. "I love you too Mom."

As they drive away Alicia turns to him. "Thank you for sharing that part of you with me."

He turns and looks at her for a few brief seconds. "Thank you for being someone I could share that part of me with."


	17. New York

**A/N I am sorry for the delay. This has been by far the most difficult chapter I have ever written. There is a lot of pressure writing these two in New York and I wanted make sure everything was accurate from places they visit to Will's mom being able to finish her degree in the appropriate time period so I had to do some research! I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint! Thank you all for your suggestions, and encouragement I really appreciate it! **

**New York**

"Will this is the same hotel we stayed at when we were here before." She says as they pull up to the hotel valet. He turns to her and smiles. "I know, where else would we stay?" A small smile crosses her lips. "Don't tell me it's the same room too."

"No, it's a different one. Ours was already booked, but it's on the same floor, and has the same spectacular view!" he says opening the door to get out.

As they walk through the hotel after checking in the she's reminded of their previous visit. She feels the same sense of excitement and freedom she'd felt in the past. There was something about being here, not just in the hotel, but in the city that was calming which in New York is probably a contradiction in terms. Maybe it was just the fact that no one knew her here.

The suite is just as spectacular as she had remembered from before with a large living area, and small kitchenette. The bedroom was large with floor to ceiling windows, a large bathroom with jetted tub, and of course there was the private terrace with sitting area. It would be freezing to sit out there this time of year, but the views were amazing. As she stares out the large windows she remembers morning coffee there, and of course she the night's they had spent out there. _This is the happiest I've ever been_. All wrapped up in a blanket together. It really was the happiest she'd been in such a long time. Standing there now watching the winter sun fade waiting for Will to tip the bell hop, she ponders the city again. There are no ties here. No press waiting to get a photo, No one knew them here. It was a fresh start, just like he'd said. Here they could just be them. But what were they? Where was all of this going? Certainly they were together, they were a couple. They loved each other she knew that. Marriage? She wasn't ready to be married again. She didn't know if she would ever want to be married again. And if she didn't was it fair to Will? His own father had said that the woman he brought home was the one he thought he could marry. They hadn't talked about it. She felt closer to him than she had ever felt to anyone else. But what was he thinking? What did he want? Would they just continue in this world of being a couple who lived in separate apartments, and argued against each other in court, but spent their evenings and weekends together sharing the same bed? Or would she someday share his last name? Would they take the step and vow to be each other's for life? He wanted it she knew he did. So what was she so afraid of? Why was she so hesitant to let him love her completely?

"Hey what are you thinking about?" he says stepping behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist taking in the same view she'd been staring at the past few minutes. Coming out of her thoughts she turns to face him. "How nice the view is." She says looking into his deep dark eyes. "How nice this view is." She says placing her hands on his shoulders looking him up and down. He leans in and kisses her.

"How about if I slip into something more comfortable." She says fingering the buttons on his shirt. "I think that sounds like a good plan." He says leaning in placing his lips to hers once more. "But don't get too carried away we have dinner reservations in a few hours."

"Are you going to tell me what we are going to be doing this weekend, or is it all going to be a surprise?" He lets go of her, and starts to unbutton the rest of his shirt. "I haven't decided yet."

"You know how much I like a plan."

"I know, there is a plan, and that's all you need to know."

Awhile later they are laying among the soft down pillows and plush sheets wrapped up around them. "I'm assuming we'll be up late tonight." She says laying her head on his chest. "You assume correctly. I intend on ringing in the New Year with you wide awake!"

She laughs "Then I should rest for awhile. If tonight's anything like that was I'll need my energy!" He leans over to kiss her. "That is probably a good idea. We have a few hours to dinner anyway." She's nearly asleep before he even gets done making his statement.

Forty five minutes later she awakens to an empty bed. He'd turned on the lamp in the room. She can hear the television in the other room football of course. He and his father had gone on and on about all the college bowl games that would play out this week. The thought causes a smile to cross her face. She loves how close he seems to be with his parents.

"Will I'm going to jump into the shower. What time do we need to leave?" She waits for a response but doesn't get one so she walks out of the bedroom in the satin robe she'd found. She looks around, he isn't there. It doesn't concern her he probably just went to grab newspaper or something. She goes back into the room and then notices the note on the bed side table.

If you wake before I get back. Don't worry I just had to grab something for tonight! Love you, Will

Just as she finishes reading she hears the door open and close. She walks out to meet him. He had changed into one of his nicest suits. "Something for tonight?" she says smiling holding the note up for him to see. "What is it?" she says as he puts his arms around her. "It's a surprise." He says kissing her forehead. "That you won't get until later."

"To bad you already got dressed for dinner Mr. Gardner I was just about to step into the shower." He lets her go. "Well I will still have plenty of time in the next few days to enjoy a warm shower with you."

"I better get started. Beauty doesn't just happen in a matter of a few minutes." He smiles again. "You are beautiful in anything, and nothing. I'd take you to the restaurant looking like this, but they probably wouldn't approve of your choice of attire."

She turns and walks back towards the bedroom. "You're probably right. I guess I better put on the new dress I bought last week!" He follows her to the bedroom. "You bought a new dress?" She stops both of them at the door. "Yes especially for this occasion. And you are just going to have to sit out here and wait to see it." She says as she closes the double doors on him.

An hour later she thinks she's ready. Hair twisted up in the back, immaculate makeup, heels, diamond stud earrings and of course the dress she knows will drive him crazy all night. Its red floor length, form fitting and sleeveless. The material was soft and gathered some at the waist to show subtle layers draping on her left side. It flowed beautifully when she walked. One last look in the mirror, and she walked out just as he was calling for her. When he set eyes on her he smiles and walks over to her. "The restaurant will definitely approve of that attire!" They stand there for a minute so he can take all of this in running his hands along her arms. "We should go, don't want to be late right?" she says to bring him back to reality. "Maybe we should just stay here!" she rolls her eyes and heads back to the bedroom to grab the warm black wrap she brought to keep her warm in this freezing weather. He's still staring at her so she grabs his hand and pulls him out the door.

Once they are seated at the restaurant, one of New York's finest. She turns to him, "How did you get a reservation at this place on New Year's Eve? I've always wanted to eat here, but you have to book this place three months in advance." He looks up from the wine list he'd been reading. "You have Diane to thank for that. She just signed the owner/chef as clients a few weeks ago."

"You're kidding?"

"No, why do you think I keep her around? Diane knows people." they both laugh. "You keep her around?" she says with raised eyebrows. "Doesn't it work the other way?"

"Hey I could run the firm without Diane." He says smiling back.

"Yes you could, but having Diane's connections is definitely a plus."

"Yes it is, and I kind of like having her around, but don't tell her that. I have a reputation to keep." He says turning his attention back to the menu.

They order their food, and continue this conversation. "You and Diane have always made a good team. You work so well together."

"As apposed to what? You and Carey?"

"No, Carey and I work well together too. I think anyway. We've barely had a real chance to test the waters."

"Well I have to hand it to him. He held that firm together like a pro while you were out. You chose wisely Licia."

"Well that is definitely the other way around. He's the one that chose me. I am looking forward to getting back to it all. I've missed the law. Working half days, and from home isn't the same."

"Your planning on full days when we get back aren't you?"

"Yes, it's time."

"The law suits you Licia just like it does me. That's why we are both so good at it. But remember I'm the better lawyer!"

"Ah yes, but remember I'm planning on changing that!"

"I'm ready for the battle!" he says taking her hands and grinning.

_The battle, I know he doesn't mean it that way, but what if it does become a battle? A battle we can't get past. _She realizes this is some of her anxiety. If they can't work out the divorce case they are both on through negotiations it will have to go to court. And then they will have to face each other on opposing sides. She knows it's silly to worry about this, they will work through it. Maybe it won't even be an issue. _I'm over worrying this. It will be fine._

"Hey you okay?" he says noticing her eyes wonder to that place they do when she's deep in thought. "Yes, I'm good." She says pushing the thoughts aside and turning her attention back to him.

"Wow, remind me to thank Diane when we get home. That was one of the best meals I've ever had." She says as they leave the restaurant. "Some of the best wine we've ever had too." He responds.

"So what's next on the agenda?" she says stopping and turning to him. "Well I thought we'd head over to Rockefeller Center and see the tree. Then head back to the hotel before it gets to crazy out here." She looks at her watch. "Will it's ten already, I don't think we will be able to avoid the New Year's Eve craziness!"

He grabs her hand, "You're probably right, but it's not to far from here, so I thought a little evening stroll would be nice! And it's unusually warm tonight." He says despite the fact that small snow flakes begin to fall as they start walking.

"It's beautiful" she says as they stand among the crowd before the enormous evergreen. "It really is. But I bet we can get an even better view from the observation decks." He says looking up. She turns to gaze up as well. "I'll bet your right. Let's go up!" So they start in that direction but then she stops. "Will I bet we need tickets to go up. That will be impossible to get at this hour on a holiday." He smiles, and turns to her opening his jacket pulling out two tickets. "I told you I had a plan!" She smiles shaking her head. "Is that the surprise you had to go get while I was asleep?"

"Yes, that's what I went to get while you were asleep. The concierge had them for me. But that isn't the surprise. Now come on I can't wait to see the view from up there." He puts his arm around her and they continue to walk.

Once up top on one of three observation decks they take in the view. It is spectacular. Turning from side to side they point out various landmarks. Then they stand taking in the view with his arms around her. This helps keep her warm. But standing there together looking out at the city skyline, with the snow lightly falling on them is pretty romantic she thinks. A few minutes later he tightens his grip around her turning her to face him. "I have something for you." She tilts her head to the side, "My surprise?"

"Yes" he says letting go of her and pulling a small box from his jacket. When she sees the box she panics and tears start to well up out of no where. She takes a step back from him. "No Will, you can't. I'm not ready to…" He's confused, but then looking at the box he realizes what's got her into such a panic. He cuts her off "Licia, it's not." He can't help laughing a little. "It's not a ring. Calm down." Reaching for her he pulls her back to him the relief clearly evident on her features. He pulls out a handkerchief from his pocket and wipes her tears away. Then he opens the box. Inside rests a beautiful silver pendant in a horizontal figure eight design held in place by two silver chains. She doesn't know what to say. She's still trying to calm the nerves from what she thought was going to be a proposal. Which she is realizing she is clearly not ready for.

"I wanted to get you something to remind you of us. Something to start our new beginning with." He says pulling it from the box. "Something for you to keep close even when I'm not with you. A reminder that I'm always with you." He reaches up and puts it around her neck. The tears start to fall again. She knows his unspoken reason as well. It's to be symbol of this reality of this life. It's something tangible for her to hold onto when the other reality hits and panic sets in. And if he's not with her at those moments she'll have this to pull her back, and make her believe in this reality.

"Licia say something."

She realizes she's left him standing there wondering if he's just made a huge mistake. She smiles moving in closer to him. Now it's his turn for relief to flood his features. "It's beautiful. I love it. Thank you." And then she leans in closer to place a gentle kiss on his lips. A few whistles and cheers come from the crowd that has gathered around them. They both blush a little as their lips release, and foreheads touch. "Let's go back to the hotel Will."

"I think that sounds like a good plan." He whispers back to her.

Once they are alone back in the hotel elevator he can't resist any longer. He pulls her into him and kisses her passionately. She responds with equal passion. They can't keep their hands off each other now. Their lips release only long enough to get into the room. Clothes start to come off as soon as the door closes as they make their way to the bedroom intermixed with their lips catching each other. In the past few weeks their love making had been gentle, loving, slow. But they both knew this would be more aggressive. Still gentle, still loving, but aggressive. As they both fall to the bed hands continue to move all over touching the most sensitive of areas. They've learned what drives the other to the breaking point and this is ten times more intense. Sometime later amongst the kissing, and intertwined limbs the clock turns from one year to the next without their acknowledgement.

Awhile later he has driven her to the point she wants, but he's teasing. All she wants is to feel him in her. She can't take it much longer.

"Please Will, I need you, I _really_- need you." she says breathless. Hearing these words he gives in. He needs to feel her wrapped around him just as much.

A few minutes later trying to calm their breathing she turns and curls into him. "Happy New Year!" He looks down at the necklace still dangling from her neck. "Happy New year."

The next morning as he opens his eyes he takes in the view before him. A view he will never tire of. Her backed up against him wrapped in the blankets bare shoulders, and her soft silky hair. He smiles to himself as he looks at the clock on the bedside table. She isn't a morning person. He knows this, and it's ten times worse since she came home from the hospital. But the mornings are hard for her. If she's lucky enough to have peaceful sleep without all the memories it's better, easier for her. He's noticed she hasn't mentioned it since they've been away together. He hopes it's getting better. While away she hasn't woken up and reached over to him a little panicked only to be calmed when she feels him next to her. She hasn't talked in her sleep. He hasn't told her she does this, and that sometimes it breaks his heart. He doesn't want to worry her. They are just dreams after all.

There is always a brief period in between waking, and getting out of bed where she has to retrain her muscles. They stiffen during sleep. And getting up is a process. But he's grown to love watching her focus all of her attention on moving. She gets so upset when she catches him watching her and doesn't offer to help. He chuckles to himself as she begins to stir next to him.

"What time is it?" she says yawning. "A little before ten."

She tries to turn to her back it takes some effort so he helps her roll over. Staring up at the ceiling she says, "Going back to real life in a few days is really going be brutal."

"Yes, let's not think about it." He says getting out of bed and heading to the bathroom. "I'm going to shower. You're welcome to join me if you can get that body of yours out of bed!" he says smiling knowing he'll be in trouble for saying it but stopping to look at her. "You know you could be a little more helpful getting me out of bed. This is the second day in a row where I can barely move. And I'm pretty sure its your fault." She says smiling over at him. "I could" he says but then turns and continues into the bathroom and turns the shower on.

"Will" He pops his head around the corner with a sly grin on his face. "What?" He can tell by the look on her face he's about to get it. She's had enough of his teasing for one morning, and it's only been two minutes. A sure sign she's having more trouble this morning than most.

"If you have any intentions of repeating what we did in this bed last night you better get over here and help me up." He pulls on a robe and goes over to the bed. Removing the blankets from her he reaches under her and lifts her up. "Will what are you doing? I'm cold and I need to do some exercises to get moving."

"You asked me to help so I'm helping! Come on the warm water will help wake those muscles of yours up. You can do your PT after we shower."

**/**

Later in the afternoon they went for a carriage ride through Central Park. The sun was shining but Alicia was still glad to have the warm blanket a top them. The first time they'd come here they had walked for hours. It was nice to ride this time. It looked so different all covered in snow. They sat close to each other his arm around her in their comfortable silence for awhile just enjoying the warm air and sites. Then she gets curious.

"Will how did your parents end up together? Your father said they went to different universities."

He looks off into the distance. "Yes, and they were on opposite sides of the country. My mother attended Stanford, and my father attended NYU."

"Yes completely different worlds, so how did they end up together?"

"They dated some during high school. They had the same group of friends. They will both give you different accounts from that time. But there is one fact they don't disagree on."

"And that is?"

"My father always knew they were supposed to be together just like he told us the other night. My mother wasn't always so convinced. But there was one instance she was glad he'd listened to his instincts. My mother had been asked to the senior prom by someone who wasn't part of their group. It was a bad date all the way around for her. By then my father as you know had decided she was the one for him. But she wasn't the type to put all of her apples in one basket. She was leaving shortly after graduation and didn't want to be committed to anyone. That night at the dance her date was flirting more than she cared for. My father could tell she wasn't happy even from across the room. During the dance she left to freshen up. When she came out of the restroom her date was waiting for her and had plans to get her in bed with him even though that isn't what she wanted. When they didn't return to the dance my father got worried. He was dancing with his date having a good time, but he felt like something was wrong. He shook it off at first, but the feeling returned. He always knows when something is wrong with her. So he and his date, one of their good friends, went looking for her. They found her out in the parking lot they got there just in time. My mother's date was trying to force her into the car."

"So he saved her?"

"Yes, they became closer after that. They wrote while they were away at school for awhile, but then they both got busy, and fell out of contact. Once they had both finished their bachelor's degrees my mother remained at Stanford to finish her medical degree. Not thinking about it my father had applied all over the country to get into a top business school. He had been accepted at Stanford and Harvard. He told both schools he'd attend with the intention of dropping one at the last minute. He was leaning towards Harvard, but as he will tell you fate took him to Stanford. That fall they were both at a…" He stops and laughs.

"What?" she says not understanding what's so funny.

"They ran into each other at a pool party for graduate students near campus."

"You Gardner's and your pool parties." She rolls her eyes.

"Anyway, they rekindled their relationship with a little encouragement from my father. They got married after he finished his business degree. They had Sara while my mother was doing her residency. They moved back to Baltimore a few months before I came along."

"That's a good story and ambitious of your mother to have a child during her residency." She says leaning into him. "Well she was a pediatrician! She loves kids, and couldn't wait to have her own."

"You're a lot like her." She says as the carriage ride comes to an end. Once they out of the carriage and walking again he continues this conversation. "What do mean I'm like her?"

"You are a completely different person around kids Will."

"How so?" he hadn't really ever thought about it before.

"Take Anna and Adam a few days ago. They adore you. They adore you because you you're not like a parent. You're more like their…" She stops remembering what Grace had told her barely over a month ago.

"I'm what?" he stops walking and faces her.

"I was going to say favorite uncle, but you are their uncle. "

"Why is that so odd?"

"Because it's exactly how Grace described you the day I came home from the hospital. Anyway they like to be with you because you ruff house with them, throw snowballs at their parent's. You would let them do things that their parent's wouldn't normally allow. But on the other hand you're responsible and stern when you need to be, and they respect that. And I've seen that soft heart of yours whenever we took a case involving a child. You're a tough lawyer, but you have a soft spot for kids."

They continue walking as he contemplates this. "Don't worry Will, I'm the only one in Chicago who knows you have a really big heart. And I won't let it get out into the legal world!"

Later that night they are wrapped up in a thick blanket out on the terrace. It was partially covered and Will had convinced Alicia they could stay warm wrapped up together. And even though it was truly freezing she couldn't resist being out there with him. Some of their most vivid memories from the previous trip had been out on a terrace just like this one. So they had grabbed some wine, and the thick comforter off the bed and headed out of doors.

"You know this really is romantic." She says taking a sip from her glass gazing out at the city below.

"Yes it is. Are you warm enough?" he asks pulling the blanket tighter around them.

"I'm fine now, but you may have to find a way to warm me up in awhile!" she says turning to kiss him.

"I think I can handle that." He says returning the kiss.

"Will we haven't…" she can't decide if she should bring this up or not. He looks at her and can see the concern on her face. "Licia what?"

"It's just that last night when you. We haven't talked about our-_long_ term plans."

"I don't want you to think that I'm not open to the idea. I just…" He pulls her in closer. "Licia we promised to be honest with each other. I love you. I love you more than I ever thought I could love someone. I'm not going to lie and tell you I've never thought about you being Mrs. Gardner. I don't want anyone else. I don't think I could love anyone else, in fact I know I can't love anyone else as much as I love you. Believe me I've tried. But I understand the need to be cautious. The past year has been unbelievably difficult for both of us. I also understand not wanting to rush into anything so soon after divorcing. I don't see my future without you in it. Maybe that's naïve and selfish but I picture my future with you. I don't know what you want. I don't know if you'll ever want to marry again. I can probably live with that as long as we're together. But if I had asked you to marry me last night would you have said yes?" He knows he just moved into dangerous territory. He's not naïve. He saw the way she looked at him the previous night when she thought he was going to propose.

She sighs and turns her head from him. "Will that isn't a fair question."

"Maybe not, but would you have said yes?"

She doesn't say anything for a nearly a minute. She knows she has probably caused his heart to sink, but this makes her feel very apprehensive. The whole topic of marriage makes her uneasy. The fact that she feels this way is probably just that she recently divorced, but she doesn't think that's all.

She turns back to him and squeezes his hands tighter. "I love you. And I know that you want an answer. But I'm not ready to give you one. Will I'm- Yes, I think I would like to be Mrs. Gardner some day. But I can't commit to that today. I might be able to tomorrow, or in a month or in ten years, but I can't today. If it's any consolation I do want you to be in my future. If there's one thing I've learned the past year it's that I don't like the world without you in it, and I know what that's like." She pulls out of his embrace and stands up. She walks over to the ledge and looks out at the city. The fear that keeps hitting in the pit of her stomach is back. He stands up and walks over and wraps his arms around her.

"Something's not right Will."

"I don't understand. I see this look of fear in your eyes sometimes, and I don't know what it's all about."

"I don't either. I don't have any reason to feel this way. But until I can put this to rest whatever it is I… Maybe it's nothing bad. Maybe it's just the thought of the unknown."

"That would make sense. When you were married you probably had a sense of what the future held. Not in great detail, but some sort of plan. Now you're not married, and everything in your life has changed to some extent. Alicia, I can wait for as long as you need." He turns her to face him. "I'm here for you. I just needed to know that you wanted to be here for me too."

"And I am." She says as he leans in closer to touch his lips to hers. "I'm really cold now!" she says looking up into his eyes. "I'm not the one who got out from under the blanket! But let's see if we can do something about warming you up."

Awhile later as they lay bare skin next to each other under the blanket she leans over and whispers into his ear. "This is the happiest I've ever been." He chuckles, "That's what you said the last time we were here."

"Yes, and I meant it then, and I mean it now. I really am happy here with you."

"I'm happy here with you too."

**/**

The following morning he had left her to go to the office. He'd had an early meeting with the couple of partners they had here. For her it was nice to have to have some down time. He'd told her he would come back and take her to lunch, and then take her to see the offices. When they arrived she was impressed. Their offices in Chicago were nice, but these were immaculate with amazing views of the city.

"Lockhart Gardner is doing well I can see." She says looking out at the night skyline. While this had been a break for both of them, they couldn't deny the fact that there was always work that needed to be done. So they had both worked all afternoon, and into the late evening.

"Yes" he says smiling coming over to her. "After you and Carey left I was- determined you could say, to be at the top."

"It paid off." She says. "Do you like it here in New York? Do you like working here?"

"Yes, I guess so. I haven't spent as much time here as Diane. But yes, it's fast paced. It's different from Chicago. Not that that isn't fast paced. It's just different."

"Different in a good way?"

"Sure I guess, it's just all new, a new market. Why?"

"I don't know, just curious I guess. I really like the city. I like being here. There is just something about this place that is exhilarating to me. Maybe someday Carey and I could expand here. She turns towards him. You know bring you a little competition!"

"I'm always game for a little more competition. He says moving her up against the large windows in his office. "Good, I'll talk to Carey on Monday. Tell him that in ten years when we're out of debt I want to expand into New York." She says placing her arms around his waist. He smiles as he leans in placing his forehead to hers. "Maybe you should focus on your competition in Chicago first."

"My competition's right here. Enough about work. How about if we make some memories here in your office to remind you of me when you're here and I'm in Chicago." She says loosening his belt.

"You know that is one thing I like about these offices. The only windows look to the outside."

"You have no idea. You should try working without walls." She says as he goes to slip off her black Tahari jacket.

"Yeah sorry about that."

"You should be. I had some nice space to move into." She says smiling at him. "I know it was mostly David's fault it had his fingerprints written all over it, but you can try to make if up to me now." She says slipping her skirt off.

As he leads her over to the sofa she says. "Will thank you for bringing me here on this trip I mean. I've had a wonderful time." As they fall to the sofa together he says. "You're welcome. Thank you for starting our new life here with me."

**A/N If you're curious to know what the necklace he gave her looked like go to Tiffany and Co. It is part of the infinity collection. It's the Tiffany infinity pendant in sterling silver. Thanks for reading! And Happy New Year!**


	18. A Bad Day

**A Bad Day**

It was one month to the year anniversary of the shooting. Things had been running smoothly. Will and Alicia had gotten back to the day to day routine of long hours at the office, dinners at ten pm, followed by both falling into bed exhausted. The weekends had become a respite from their past few long weeks where they hadn't had much time to spend together other than in a conference room managing the divorce case, and they reviled in it. Even if it meant grocery shopping, and staying at home to catch up on the much needed sleep that they'd missed during the week it didn't matter. They were together and things were moving along well.

They had even discussed him moving in with her permanently half her closet was filled with his things at this point, and they spent nearly every night together even if it was only to sleep. She'd let her guard down a little, she was allowing the idea of him being in her life more permanently to be something she wanted instead of something she was afraid of or nervous about. But talk was as far as it had gotten. They hadn't had time to do anything about it.

Going back to work full time had been good for her. She was exhausted at the end of her long days. Will told her to slow down. He forced her to slow down on some occasions, and always made sure she took it easy on the weekends. It was freeing to be back at the law, and there was only so much anyone could do to slow her down. She only had to go to physical therapy once every two weeks now. Things were starting to feel normal. At least to be what they would consider normal.

But on this day, the day Will had planned on starting making plans for that day one month into the future; it had turned out to be anything but a normal day at the office for anyone.

Will notices Carey still sitting in Diane's office nearly two hours after he'd left with Alicia. Carey was there on the Parkinson divorce case, but it had become evident to everyone the previous week that this was headed to court. They both had stubborn clients, with a lot of assets, and money, not to mention threee children. Today was the last attempt at settling things out of court. Will hangs up his coat and goes to Diane's office to meet with them.

"I take it as evidenced by the fact that Carey is still here we didn't make much progress?" he says as he sits on the couch, placing his elbows on his knees putting his head down running his fingers through his hair. He was exhausted the past few hours had been emotionally draining add to it the fact that all of them had been working around the clock on this case and others.

"Yes it went as we expected, absolutely no where." Diane says getting up to poor all of them a drink.

"How is Alicia now? Did she need stitches in her hand?" Diane asks handing him a glass, and sitting across from him next to Carey.

"She's fine. She's home resting now. The cut was small she won't need stitches." He says as he leans back on the couch taking a drink from his glass.

"Will, should I be concerned about Alicia? I mean after today? It was like she was in some other world. Is she really okay working right now?" Carey asks worry straining every feature on his face.

"_Alicia" Carey calls from his desk. "We need to finish going over our notes for the Parkinson case this afternoon." _

"_I'll be right there Carey I'm going to grab some coffee." And something for this headache. She thinks to herself. She looks at her watch. 11:30. She smiles she knows Will should be done in court soon and they can talk. Talk about them instead of this case that won't go away. It had become habit over the past month for them to call each other at lunch if they weren't planning on meeting somewhere, to check in and find out what the other's schedule looked like for the rest of the day. _

_She fills her mug, and walks towards Carey's office passing the conference room where the television is on running some news. As she passes she hears, "Courthouse shooting" she freezes and her blood turns cold. Everything around her seems to stop in time as she turns to the scene playing out on the screen. Her mug slips from her fingers and falls almost in slow motion to the hard concrete floor below and shatters. A wave of panic crashes into her and images of gunshots being fired flash through her mind. Will is all she can think about. She bends down almost automatically to pick up the shattered pieces of glass. But everything is spinning. Carey and Robin hurry over to her to help with the mess. _

"_Alicia you ok?" Carey tries to ask, but she doesn't respond. He sees the blank look in her eyes as she continues to pick up the glass. "Alicia" Carey tries again. He reaches for her hand just as she picks up a larger piece of broken glass. It slips from her hand as he pulls and it cuts her palm as it slips to the floor. She doesn't feel it she can't feel anything. Just at that moment she hears "Two attorneys shot." Then the real panic sets in. She stands up and hurries over to her desk. She grabs her coat, her purse, her phone and starts to run for the elevator. "Alicia" Carey tries to get her attention "What's going on?" At the same time Robin notices the breaking news on the screen. Carey stands up to follow Alicia to the elevator. "Licia wait your hand." He reaches for her but she doesn't even acknowledge him. She doesn't realize that a small stream of blood has begun to trickle down hr wrist. Robin comes up behind him as he continues to follow her. "Carey there was a shooting at a courthouse in Seattle." He stops and turns to her confused "A what?" _

"_A shooting at a courthouse in Seattle. Two attorneys were shot and killed." He turns back just as Alicia decides she can't wait for the elevator and takes the stairs. "Then why is Alicia…" he's completely confused now. "She probably didn't hear the Seattle part." Robin offers. Carey begins to piece it together. "And Will's in court today." He states still staring at the door Alicia had just gone through. "Robin, get someone to clean up that mess. And get the first aid kit. Bring it down to the parking lot. I'll try to call Will. If she thinks he's been shot it will take him to calm her down." He says as he turns pulling out his phone running to the elevator._

_She hits send again for the third time as she exits the building. It goes straight to his voicemail again. The panic has engulfed her. "Please no, please no." she says out loud tears streaming down her cheeks as she tries his number again. Stopping in front of her car hands shaking she tries to find her keys. She doesn't hear Carey come up behind her. _

"_Alicia stop." He says gently putting his hand to her shoulder. "It's not Chicago." She turns and looks at him. He's never seen this devastating look of fear in her before, ever. He grabs her wrists and looks her right in the eyes. "Alicia the shooting wasn't here. It was in Seattle. Will is fine." He continues to hold her gaze. A slight look of acknowledgement crosses her features. "I need to see him. I have to know he's okay. What if he's hurt?" She tries to pull her hand from his to get to her phone again. "Alicia look at me." He says. She looks back up at him. "He's fine. The shooting was in Seattle. I will take you to Will, but your hand." He looks down, she follows his gaze and when she sees the blood her stomach turns ill. She gets light headed, more images flash through her mind. _

_Robin comes up just as her legs are about to give out. Carey sees her teetering and grabs her just as she's about to fall. "Robin here are my keys. Go open my car." Carey says holding Alicia steady and grabbing his keys from his pocket. _

_Once they have her seated in the front seat of his car Robin cleans her hand and wrist and puts a bandage around the small wound while Carey tries to call Will again. Alicia sits with her eyes closed leaning back against the seat. The panic is still there but noticeably less, along with a hint of embarrassment, but she needs Will, she needs to know for herself he's alright. "Carey please take me to Will." _

"_I will okay. I'm just trying to figure out where he is." He closes her door, and dials Diane as he walks around to the other side of the car. _

"_Carey" Diane answers. _

"_Diane where's Will?" _

"_In court. Why?" _

"_Something's happened." _

"_What?" _

"_Alicia, I'm bringing her there. You need to get Will." _

"_Carey what's wrong?" _

_He sighs just as he goes to open the door. "I think Alicia had a panic attack. Did you see the news about the courthouse shooting in Seattle?" _

"_Yes, I was just watching that." _

"_Alicia thought it was here in Chicago. I'm bringing her there. Diane she's..." _

"_What?" _

"_Scared" he says then opens the door and climbs in. _

"_Okay, Will's in court right now with that judge who doesn't allow cell phones. I'm sure he'll be done soon they were finishing up today." _

"_Okay see you in a few minutes." He hangs up and starts to drive. _

"_You okay?" he says. She doesn't respond. She just looks blankly out the front window. He's concerned, but doesn't push it. They drive in silence the rest of the way. _

_Twenty minutes later Will walks out of the courtroom and notices all the missed calls on his phone. He goes to call Alicia, but then Diane's number comes up on his screen. _

"_Will"_

"_Diane what's going on? I have fifteen missed calls." He says as he heads down the hall towards the exit. _

"_Will something has happened to Alicia." He freezes._

"_Carey called. He's bringing her here." _

"_Is she okay?" he says as worry starts to set in, and he picks up his pace. _

"_I think so, but Carey didn't say. He just said she needed you, and that he was bringing her here." _

"_I'll call Carey. I'm on my way now." He hangs up and dials Carey's number. _

_Carey's phone rings as they pull into the parking lot. "It's Will" he says as he brings the car to a stop. But the motion of the car, and panic mixed with the adrenaline she'd just felt had unsettled her stomach. She gets out as quickly as she can. She runs for the elevators. _

"_Hello" Carey says as he gets out going after her. _

"_Carey what's going on?" _

_She doesn't wait for Carey to get to the elevator. She needs a restroom. As she exits the elevator she hurries to his office, and locks the door to his bathroom behind her paying no attention to the wondering eyes that fell upon her as she hurried through the office. _

"_I'll be there in a few minutes." Will says as Carey gets off the elevator and hangs up. Diane comes out of her office to meet him. _

"_Where is she Diane?" _

"_She's in there. At least I'm pretty sure that was her that ran into the restroom a minute ago." She says pointing to the door in Will's office. _

"_Good. Will will be here in a minute." _

"_Carey is she alright? She looked as white as a ghost." _

"_I don't know." He says. A few minutes later Will exits the elevator and hurries over to them. Just then she opens the door to the restroom and walks out. She stands there like a statue as he walks in towards her. Once he reaches her he pulls her into him. _

"_It's okay." He says running his hands along her arms. "Is the twenty seventh floor still vacant?" she whispers to him. He pulls back a little. "Yes, why?" She takes his hand and pulls him toward the door where Carey, Diane, and now Kalinda are standing. They walk past them he follows not knowing exactly where they are going. She leads him past the few people in the hall and luckily the elevator is open and they both get on. She pushes the button for the twenty seventh floor._

"_Why are we going to the twenty seventh floor Alicia? We need to talk about this." he questions as she turns into him. "Because I'm about to fall to pieces, and I don't need the attention. I don't need for everyone in your office to think I'm crazy." She simply states as the tears start to fall and the elevator door opens up to the empty space. They exit the elevator and walk towards the windows. Then she pulls into him and wraps her arms around him as tight as she can burying her face into him. He embraces her tightly, and then she lets it all out. The tears start to flow like a thunderstorm. She's shaking from exhaustion and from the emotional strain her bodies been through the past forty minutes. _

"_Hold me" she says through the tears. "I am" he says running his hands up and down her back. "tighter" she responds. His grasp on her tightens. "It's okay. Everything is going to be okay." He says trying to comfort her, trying to help ease the tension he can feel in her. "When is this going to stop Will, when?" she asks her voice cracking filled with anguish. All he wishes at that moment is that he could take it away from her. Make it all go away. But he doesn't know how. "I don't know, but we'll figure it out. I promise." _

_A good fifteen minutes later when the tears have stopped, and her breathing is back to normal she looks up at him. "Take me home please." He nods reaching his hand to her face moving her hair back gazing into her eyes. "Will I need be home in bed with you." she says running her hands along his chest. He smiles but is a bit taken aback. "Alicia you need to rest." _

"_Will I thought I almost lost you again an hour ago. I need to be close to you. This is more than physical. I need to feel as close to you as I can. And making love to you is the best way for me to feel that close to you." He smiles, "Okay let's go home." _

"No" Will says setting his glass down. As far as the law is concerned Alicia is better than ever. Honestly her legal brain has me worried." He says smiling. "We may never win another case against you guys again if she's on it. At night sometimes when we are together we will play each other's opposition. We argue on current events, and Supreme Court cases. And even with that limited knowledge on a case she can come up with better arguments than I can half the time. No you don't need to worry about her performance as a lawyer."

Relief clearly evident on Carey's face he continues, "Good, then as her friend should I be worried? I've never seen her like that. The blank stares, the look of" Will cuts in.

"Fear" he simply states.

"Yes, that's a good word for it."

"What happened today was a panic attack. Alicia has some… Usually when it happens she snaps back out of it quickly."

"It" Diane asks "What is _it _Will"

He sighs placing his hands to his cheeks rubbing his face, "Alicia, sometimes has a difficult time distinguishing between what's real, and what isn't. It has only happened a few of times."

"What do you mean?" Carey questions.

"She still has dreams of the other reality she thought she'd been in while she was unconscious. And sometimes seeing something or hearing something will trigger her mind to go back there, and to other things."

"So she thinks she's in the other reality?" Diane asks "I thought all of that went away a few weeks after she woke up?" Will sighs,

"Thinking she is in that reality has gone away during the day, unless like today something triggers a memory."

"So today Alicia thought she was back in that reality?" Carey asks.

"Yes, and No. The panic attack was brought on by hearing that there was a shooting. But when she saw the blood on her hand, yes for a few moments she was remembering being shot, and the other reality. Let me give you a few other examples."

"A few weeks after she went home I stayed at her apartment. She went to bed before I did. I had some work I needed to finish up so I stayed up, but the later it got the more tired I became and fell asleep on the couch. During the night her mind had wondered back to her other reality. The next morning,

_She reaches her arm over to where he should be as she opens her eyes. But there isn't anyone there. She turns her head towards the pillow he should have been sleeping on but the bed hasn't been disturbed. Am I awake? Will was here last night, he was staying. Will where's Will? My head is pounding just like it was when I…Oh no, no, no. no. Wake up Alicia, wake up. She begins to feel a hint of panic, and her adrenaline starts to kick in. Due to the adrenaline she's able to able to easily get out of bed, which is not usual. _

"_Will" she calls. No answer. Panic setting in even deeper she goes to closet. He had brought a few suits to keep at her place but when she opens the door to the closet they aren't there. She misses his dress shirt hanging among her own shirts. Her head starts pounding more, her breathing gets shallow she rushes to the bathroom to splash water on her face. "Wake up Alicia, wake up" she says touching her hands to her face pinching her cheeks, feeling her arms. "I am awake, I just got out of bed with little effort. No it can't be." Tears start to stream down her cheeks. "Will" she calls louder now. "Will" she says louder with more panic as she walks back into the bedroom. _

_Her second call wakes him. She comes out of the room but doesn't see him because he's lying on the couch. Hands on her face tears streaming she walks to the kitchen. "Will please no, it wasn't just a dream. Wake up, wake up." _

_He gets up hearing her cry. "Alicia" he goes to the kitchen to find her. "Wake up, wake up." She says her hand on her forehead, then she turns and sees him as he walks over to her. Her eyes look like she's just seen a ghost, but are filled with relief. He hurries over to her embracing her in his arms. "Hey what's wrong/" Her breathing slows as she puts her head to his chest, and breathes him in. "Licia what's wrong?" She pulls away from him and steadies herself with the counter. "It was just a dream." She turns to him, "Where are your suits?"_

_He looks confused. "My suits?" _

"_Yes the ones you brought and put in the closet a few weeks ago?"_

_Less confused now, "I took them to the cleaners yesterday." He puts his arms around her again. "Hey it's ok I'm right here."_

"_I just thought- your side of the bed was still made, and your suits weren't in the closet, and…" she shakes her head and buries it into him again. "It's silly I know. It was just so real." _

" _I'm sorry. I fell asleep on the couch. I'm right here." _

Kalinda joins them in Diane's office as Will moves onto his next example. "Just a few weeks ago,"

_It was late when she got off the elevator and opened the door to her apartment. He walked out of the bedroom just as she closed the door behind her. "Long day?" he says smiling. "How is it that you made it here before I did? I thought you had a mountain of work to do." She says smiling at him. "I got done with all of my work. Better lawyer remember?" She rolls her eyes and walks past him to the kitchen. "What should I make us for dinner?" she asks opening the refrigerator up. He walks over to her and shuts the door, then takes her into his arms. _

"_You are not making us anything!" He leans in and kisses her. "We are going to spend the weekend at my place, and we are going to get dinner on our way." _

"_But Will, there's so much I need to do here this weekend." She protests. _

"_Grace is at Peter's and there isn't anything that can't wait until next week. You need a break. We are going to have a relaxing weekend, and get back to real life on Monday." He says as he leans in and kisses her again. He doesn't have to convince her any further. A weekend away from home would probably be a good idea. _

_The next morning she is in his kitchen making breakfast. He walks out just having showered and dressed. "So I was thinking we should," he stops when he sees her. She's staring at him, not blinking, not moving. The spatula she'd been turning the pancakes over with was held frozen firmly mid air above the pan. Her eyes are blank, and wonder to the window. It's almost as if she's deep in thought. But he knows what that look is. He walks over to her and placing his hand on her arm to bring the spatula back down seems to bring her back from wherever she'd been. "Licia what's wrong?" _

"_Where did you get that sweatshirt?" He looks down at the dark blue sweatshirt with white writing on it that reads Georgetown. _

"_What do you mean where did I get it? I've had it for a few years. I got a new one about five years ago. You've seen it before. You used to wear it a few years ago when you were here and got cold. Why?" he looks at her the confusion evident in his eyes. _

_Looking away from him she sets the last pancake on the plate in front of her shaking her head. "Because Kalinda gave that sweatshirt to me not long after you died." Then she realizes what she just said. "I…" She turns to him. "It was in a box of things your family had packed up with some work files. Diane and Kalinda needed the files for work. Kalinda found a picture of the two of you she kept, and they thought I should have the sweatshirt. I used to put it on at night sometimes when I missed you most." He smiles at her, she returns the smile. "When I saw it on you, I just… I know it sounds silly." She says trying to brush it off. He steps in closer to her. "It's not silly, and this will be a better memory. Me," he says pointing to himself, "wearing the sweatshirt eating pancakes with you for breakfast." _

Of course he only tells his fellow colleagues the most pertinent information in both of these stories, leaving out the intimate details. He's come to realize that replacing some of the most painful memories with new ones is helpful for both of them. He hopes his plans in one month will help rid more of the bad memories. He continues.

"I don't know if or when the images of her past year will stop haunting her. I don't think you need to worry much about her mentally. She's getting through it, she's figuring out how to handle it. It doesn't happen that often. Despite what happened today I don't think that will happen again. But next week will be her first day back in court."

"Remember your first day back in court?" Diane says.

"Yes all to well!" He says with an embarrassed grin. "Carey you should just plan on arguing first next week. Alicia will want to be first, but it won't be a good idea unless of course you want to lose!"

"Alicia doesn't want the attention. She doesn't want this to be a big a deal, and it hasn't been it won't be. We, as her friends, have to be supportive without being overbearing. She just needs time to adjust to this life.

Put yourself in her shoes. Imagine this. Lets say you wake up tomorrow morning and everything you thought you've done for the past five months everyone you know and trust tells you it was just a dream, that you imagined it, all of it. That everything you felt, or heard over the course of the five months wasn't real. Her memories of the five months she was unconscious are not what ours are. Can you imagine having to try and sort through all of that?"

"So what do we do if she has another panic attack?" Carey asks.

"You do exactly what you did today. Keep her calm, and talk her through it. But I don't think you have to worry about it. I'm not worried about it. She's worried, but I think it's more about being embarrassed than anything else. She's strong. She's still the same strong, independent, stubborn." he says grinning, "woman she's always been. She just had a bad day. We all have bad days." He says lifting his glass for another drink.

"Now fill me in on the case, and then I need all of you to help me with something for Alicia." He says setting his glass back down. An hour later Carey and Kalinda had gone. Will leans back and closes his eyes. "You should go home and get some rest."

"Yeah I should. I need to check on Alicia anyway." He says opening eyes again.

"How are you handling all of this?" she says with genuine concern. "I mean you have made these plans, and I think it's wonderful, but are you alright? Everyone's been so concerned about Alicia, but there is the other "half" shall I say of Alicia."

He smiles, "I'm good. Exhausted, but I'm better than ever. I'm happier with her than I've ever been with anyone. Yes, it's difficult sometimes but it only makes me love her more. I think she's finally starting to feel the same."

"Good" she says, but he can tell she has something else on her mind.

"What?" he questions.

"You're not worried about going up against her in court?"

"No not at all. We talked about it. Work is work, and home is home. We can keep the two separate." He says as he stands up. "Why is everyone so worried about this? Alicia was too a month ago."

"Well I hope it does all run smoothly, but if it doesn't this will be the true test of your relationship."

"Test?" he says rolling his eyes.

"I'm rooting for you two. I think you make a good couple. But it will test both of you." she says smiling. "Now go home and spend some time with her!"


	19. Four Weeks

**A/N Thanks for the super reviews. Keep them coming! These next few chapters will be shorter. I was going to combine the four weeks leading up the one year anniversary together, but it would end up being a really long chapter, and the four weeks leading up to this event are pertinent each in themselves. But hey more frequent updates for the readers which is nice since we're on another long hiatus without new shows again right! **

**Four weeks **

They were both nervous for this day her first day back in court. Will was nervous for that fact alone. It was her first day back in court. His first day back in court had hit him by surprise with a brush of panic and anxiety he hadn't expected. But he had been able to calm his nerves quickly, Diane had taken the opening arguments and things had gone fine. But after the evens of the previous week he was nervous for her to say the least.

Alicia on the other hand was not anxious about going to court. She was nervous about being in court with him as opposing council. It had the potential to ruin what they had built over the past six months. _This should be quick _she hoped. They would both plead their clients' cases, and let the judge decide the outcome. But she was nervous none the less.

"I'll see in you court." He says as he pulls on his coat and kisses her. "I have to go by the office first. Call me when you get there, I'm going in with you."

"Will I will be fine." She says rolling her eyes and kissing him again. "I love you, see you in an hour." She says turning back to the bedroom to finish getting ready.

"I love you too." He says as he walks out the door.

As she walks through the halls of the courthouse she enjoys the familiarity of it all. It energizes here. She's ready to win for her client. She doesn't call Will, she thinks he's being overprotective, and how would it look the two of them walking into court hand in hand together?

As she approaches she realizes it's the same courtroom they had been in nearly a year earlier. _A whole year since I was here_. She shakes her head almost in disbelief, and takes the handle to open the door. She is fine until she steps into the courtroom. Then the anxiety sets in. her breathing quickens, and everything seems to stop. She closes her eyes trying to fight the panic she feels rising. _Just breathe Alicia, just breathe_. She thinks to herself.

Will is already in the courtroom with Diane. Carey is sitting at the table across from them. No one is paying attention to who's coming in or going out. Will looks down at his watch. _She should be here by now._ A slight sense of nervousness hits him. And he turns towards the door just as she closes her eyes. He sees her and starts to walk towards her. "Alicia" he calls. Carey and Diane turn just as she opens her eyes and turns walking quickly back out of the courtroom. Her stomach has become nauseated. He follows her out into the hall. This is exactly what he'd been worried about. At least she hadn't passed out.

She sits on the bench just outside and inhales deeply trying to calm her stomach, and get her breathing back under control. This is harder than she expected it to be. He sits down next to her and takes her hand. "You Okay?"

"I'll be fine, I just need a minute." She says pulling her hand from his and turning to rest her head against the wall.

"Licia it's okay." He says moving closer to her.

"What do I do? I have to be able to go in there and do my job." She says. He can hear the frustration in her voice.

"You go back in, and do your best to push the panic from your mind. It gets easier. Let Carey start. Sit there, look at your notes take some deep breaths and try to focus on the case not your surroundings."

"What if it doesn't work? What if I can't be a lawyer anymore?"

He chuckles under his breath. This irritates her even more even though it shouldn't. "Well you could just do M&A law. Those guys never see the inside of a courtroom. They spend their days pouring over contracts and filings for clients who make more money than either of us will ever see, while working long hours and are rarely appreciated for all their hard work!" He says hoping to lighten the mood.

She rolls her eyes. "If I wanted to do mergers and acquisitions or securities law I would have gone that route. But I like a good courtroom battle." She says very seriously. She is not amused. He can tell this wasn't a helpful comment.

"Licia, lets go back in there. It will be fine. Just remember to breathe. And if you start to get panicked stay seated, and close your eyes just like you did a few minutes ago." He stands up and holds his hand out to her. "And if it gets really bad I'll get to be the hero swooping in at the last moment to save the day!"

She can't help but laugh a little at that. She takes his hand and they walk back into the court room together. She decides she doesn't really care what everyone thinks. She likes holding his hand, and just in case she does get wobbly knees again he'll be there to catch her.

Later that night she's sitting in bed having just finished up some prep for the next day when he comes home. She's tired. Being in court had gone well after they had re entered, but it had taken more out of her than she thought it would. He undresses to his underclothes and climbs in bed next to her massaging her shoulders. "Nice job today!" She smiles "You too"

"Now if we can just get custody of the kids, and the assets worked out we'll be in good shape." He finishes massaging her shoulders, and puts his arm around her.

"Yes, why do I feel like that is going to be like pulling teeth?"

"Yep, always go with a pre nup in a second marriage." She says it not really thinking about the meaning of what she'd just said. But then they both find their minds wondering to that very thing. After a minute of silence she says,

"Will I set up an appointment to see a psychologist in a few weeks."

He'd been thinking about bringing this up, but had been hesitant to say the least. She told him three months ago she didn't want to see a professional. "I think that sounds like a good idea." He says tightening his hold on her.

She sighs, "I need to be able to work without worrying if I'm going to be hit with panic, or flashes of things that aren't real. I need to get my mind away from the dreams. I just don't want everyone thinking I'm crazy."

"First of all you're not crazy. Secondly no one has to know your seeing a psychologist. The important thing is that you get to feeling like your in control again. I bet he,"

"It's a she"

"I bet she will be able to help."

"I don't want to have to take medication for the rest of my life."

He moves his arm our from behind her and takes her hands in his. "Let's not worry about that right now. Let's just see what she says and go from there. We don't even know what we're trying to treat right now."

"I've been doing some research. I think I might have a panic disorder. The anxiety, the breathlessness, the nausea, the fear, they are all symptoms."

"So it might be a panic disorder. It's treatable right?" he says as if it makes no difference. "Let's just wait to see what the professional says and go from there. Do you want me to come with you?"

"She leans her head into him, "Yes, I would really like it if you would come along."

"Then I'll come along." He says and kisses her forehead. They both lay back on the pillows. She nestles herself into him the one place she's grown to feel the safest and drifts off to sleep.

As his eyes grow heavier and he can no longer keep them open to watch her like he does nearly every night. _Just four weeks to get everything ready. Please let everything run smoothly._ These are his last thoughts as he drifts off to sleep.


	20. The Trial

**The Trial**

"Alicia" Carey comes up to her as she sets her purse and coat down in her office.

"We have a problem."

She laughs slightly, "What is it today Carey?" The last week had been long and hard. She was exhausted and it was only Wednesday. Being in court with Will was unfortunately turning out to be everything she had been worried about. They had tried to be cordial. But they were just to similar in their methods of arguing, and they knew, they've always known, exactly how to push the others buttons in court to throw them off their games. They had tried very hard to keep work at work, but the tension at home was palpable.

Over the weekend she had overheard him on the phone talking secretly about work, she assumed, and it irritated her. She overheard comments like, "This has to remain a secret. She can't find out. I'm sure Kalinda can get the information from Robin." And "No, I don't think she suspects a thing." She didn't talk to him about it. She shouldn't have been listening in on the conversation anyway. But it had been eating at her for two days.

"I think Neil Gross is thinking of switching firms." Carey says. This news seems to flip on a switch and now she's really angry. "It's Lockhart Gardner." She says.

"What? Did Will tell you it was them?" Carey says confused.

She's tapping her fingers on her desk now. "No, but I overheard him on the phone this weekend. He was hiding something. This has to be it." She gets up and puts her coat back on.

"Where are you going?" he says. "To talk to Will and Diane." She grabs her purse, but as she starts to walk out Carey grabs her arm. "Alicia we have court in less than an hour. Let's just wait until we talk to Neil Gross before we go accusing anyone. I'll call him right now."

"Carey"

"Alicia" he says more sternly. "Let's not turn this into war if we don't need to."

She knows he's right, but she's irritated. The least Will could have done was tell her that their biggest client was thinking of switching firms.

When she walks into the courtroom, and sees him she doesn't say anything other than hi. He tries to talk to her, but she ignores him, and makes conversation with Carey. He doesn't know what the problem is, but as the day goes on it starts to irritate him. They don't have lunch together to much work to do. There had been too much work for weeks now.

By the last hour in court she's tired, and doesn't hold back. She's really upset, and he is too.

"So Mr. Parkinson do you swear under oath that these are the only assets you have?" She asks.

"Yes that is correct." She walks over and hands him a piece of paper. She gives a copy to Diane, and the judge.

"Then how do you explain this ten million dollars we found in an off shore bank account?"

The witness turns and looks at his wife. "How did you find this? This was my money. I earned this you have no right to it."

"Excuse me Mr. Parkinson but you can't address my client."

"Mr. Parkinson answer the question." The judge says.

"I deposited that money into that account long before we were married. Just look at the date."

"So you've been hiding this from your wife Mr. Parkinson? You've been _lying _to your wife." She says with emphasis turning and looking directly at Will. "Your wife has a right to part of these funds. You thought you could get away with this _secret._"She turns again to look at Will.

"Objection, badgering the witness." Will stands up and says. She turns to him. "Your honor I am not badgering the witness. He lied when he filled out the form listing all of his known assets. Half of this money should go to my client."

"That was money he earned before they were married just like my client testified. You can see the date of the deposit on this Statement you so kindly provided to all of us." He says raised voice holding up the paper Alicia had handed him just minutes before. For a few moments they ignore the fact that they are in court. "That may be Mr. Gardner, but he still lied to her."

"He didn't lie to her."

"How is keeping this a secret not lying? He obviously did this so that he could get ahead."

"Get ahead? And your client wasn't hiding anything by sleeping another man?"

"They were both hiding something. That doesn't excuse the fact that my client deserves a portion of this money."

The judge starts to bang his gavel. Carey and Diane give each other the knowing look. "Counselors sit down or I'm going to find both of you in contempt. I've had enough of your out of line comments to each other for one day." They both glare at each other for a minute then proceed to sit back down.

"Now I'm going to look at all of this evidence, including the fact that your client cheated on her husband." He says looking directly at Alicia. There had been another argument earlier in the day similar to the one they had just had when Will brought up this not so lovely piece of information. It had thrown her off, just like she had just thrown him off.

"Your clients are both at fault. I will make a final ruling tomorrow. Court is adjourned."

Will turns to look at Alicia, but she doesn't look towards him. She gathers her things pulls out her phone to call Grace. Then she gets up and leaves the courtroom. He watches her leave getting even more irritated, and leaves himself.

"We're going to have to do something about that." Diane says to Carey looking towards the door their co workers had just left.

"I know." Carey says sighing.

"What's Alicia so worked up over today?"

"Are you guys trying to steal Chumhum from us?"

"What? No why?"

"That's what I thought. I got a call this morning from an anonymous source saying that Neil Gross is looking for new council for his divorce case. Alicia heard Will on the phone this weekend and she thinks it's you guys."

"So she thinks Will is lying to her?"

"Yes, But I have a feeling it's not just about that. She's been on edge ever since we came to court last week. I'm just glad this is all going to over tomorrow."

"Me too, Will's been the same way. Carey, remind me the next time our two firms have to appose each other that we keep one or both of them off the case."

He smiles, "They won't agree to that and you know it!"

"Well somebody's got to do something. I just hope they can mend things in three weeks, or I'm going to have to deal with another round of a mentally absent partner like I had nearly a year ago."

"I agree." Carey says.

"So let's do something."

"Like what?"

"This back and forth, up and down with those two. Admit it all of us are tired of the, we're together, we're not. We're in love, we're not. We can get along, just not when we're on the same case together. You and I don't have this problem. I say we make them decide. Force them the make a decision."

"Will has made a decision." Carey offers.

"And I was convinced of that two weeks ago, but I'm not sure now."

"Okay, what do you have in mind?"

An hour later, Carey came back to the office. Alicia was at her desk. He was going to tell her about Neil Gross, but as he gets to her desk Will comes storming into the office.

"Alicia" Will says as he approaches her office. Carey turns and she looks up. He's determined and upset.

"What was that today?" he says raised voice. "What do mean what was that? You know exactly what that was about. Don't play dumb here Will." She answers back matching his tone.

"No, that was more than trying to get more money for your client."

Carey leaves her office, and when it's clear a few minutes later that this heated discussion is no where near its end, he tells everyone in the office to go home. Both Will and Alicia notice everyone leaving.

"You really need to get some walls in this place." He says.

"I had walls remember, you and David Lee swept them out from under my feet." She's standing behind her desk now. He's standing on the opposite side.

"We said we were going to be honest with each other. Why did you lie to me?" she yells.

"Lie to you? I haven't lied to you Alicia."

"You didn't think I would find out about you trying to steal clients from me?"

"Steal clients from _you_" he says pointing his finger at her.

"You're the one who stole clients from me. And I don't know what you're talking about, or what you think you know. But I'm not trying to steal any clients from you."

She laughs sarcastically folding her arms across her chest. "You're the one who fired me, the clients just followed. And I don't appreciate being lied too. I heard you on the phone Sunday afternoon making plans to steal Chumhum from us."

"Chumhum?"

He's speechless for a minute thinking back to Sunday afternoon. This hurts in more ways than one. "You were eaves dropping on my conversation?" he glares at her. She immediately wishes she could take it back. "Yes, and I'm sorry, but that doesn't excuse the fact that."

"You're sorry? Who's the one being lied to here Alicia? Not to mention that you must be crazy to think that I'd try to steal Chumhum from you." Now she looks hurt, and he's the one wishing he could take back his last statement. He didn't mean to say she was crazy, not in the way she took it. He lowers his voice to a normal tone, "That's not what I meant. Look we said we'd keep work and home separate, and we've crossed the line. We need to talk about this without yelling at each other. We can't keep bringing up the past."

She's tired, and that last comment stung. "We aren't at home Will. You're the one who came storming into _my _office. I'm the one who told you two months ago this was a bad plan." She does not choose to lower her voice.

She grabs her coat and purse. "I trusted you. I trusted you with everything. _Everything _Will." She says with emphasis. "I'm going to take me and my _crazy _mind home now. You should probably stay at your place tonight." She says glaring at him. Then she tries to walk past him. He grabs her arm stopping her. "That isn't what I meant and you know it. We aren't done here. We need to talk about this."

She looks at him, and starts to feel just a hint of guilt, but she's still reeling. "Remember what your father told us?" she says more calmly. He gets a puzzled look on his face. "About your parents arguing, that sometimes the best thing for both of them was to leave each other alone to calm down so that they didn't say things they would regret later?" He releases her arm. "Yes"

"I need to be alone now before I say things I will regret. I need some time to evaluate our relationship. This isn't working Will." She wants to leave she can feel the tears starting to well up in her eyes. And she can tell by the look on his face she's hurt him. She turns and starts walking towards the door.

"That we aren't working or that work isn't working?" he says

"Both" She continues to walk without turning around.

"Alicia" He says with love, but hurt in his voice.

The tears start to fall. "Will I can't, not right now." She leaves him standing there alone wondering how they got from considering moving in with each other, to the possibility of breaking it off in just one week. He wants to follow her, go after her make her listen to him. But he knows she's right. She needs some space, even if it is only for the night. He needs to figure out what to do. He can't loose her. He's not willing to give up on her, not this time.

"I don't know what to do." Will says into the phone a few hours later. He feels foolish for even calling. He doesn't know what possessed him to call. He's forty five years old, and has called his parents for dating advice.

"William I told you this wouldn't be easy. This is a test of your relationship. Do you really believe she's willing to give up completely?"

"No, I don't know, she said."

"Will we don't need to know what she said. People say lots of things they don't mean when they are upset."

"And tired." Joan offers

"Son do you love her?"

"Yes, more than anything."

"Does she love you?"

"I thought so, but" 

"Does she love you?" his father asks again.

"Yes" he answers back. He truly believes it.

"Then figure it out. If working against each other is the cause of the contention then do something about it, change it, because what you're doing now isn't working."

"Honey is this really the only reason Alicia is upset?"

"I don't know. I can't imagine what else it would be. Things were fine up until a week ago when we went to trial." He hadn't given them many details pertaining to their argument, just enough to get some advice. This was between he and Alicia, and it needed to stay that way.

"Were they?" she questions

"Yes, I think anyway."

"We aren't going to pry. You and Alicia have to figure this out on your own, but did you ever figure out what she was so afraid of?"

He stops to think for a minute. _What she's so afraid of? _Then he remembers his mothers parting words when he and Alicia had left. "There is fear in her. You're going to have to figure out what that is in order for this to work."

"No" he simply says.

"Then you haven't done the work Will. Maybe work isn't the only thing she's afraid of."

"Then why hasn't she talked to me about it?"

"Maybe she hasn't figured it out either." Joan offers.

"Yeah I guess you could be right. Thanks for talking with me." He says.

"Will don't give up on her. A good relationship, a lasting relationship isn't something that's easy, or handed to you on a silver platter. It's ever evolving, do what you feel is right, maybe not what looks right on paper. You two have been trained to look at the facts, at the evidence, at the obvious. Sometimes that's not all you need. Follow your heart and you won't go wrong."

"How do I get her to do the same?"

"I'm sure you'll find a way." His father says.

"Talk to you soon son."

She wakes up tired. She had a wrestles night to say the least, and it took an eternity to even get to sleep. One thing for sure, she's still irritated, but she's calmed down. Maybe he and Diane weren't the ones trying to steal away their top client, and she'd turned this into a bigger mess than was necessary. She at least had to give him the benefit of the doubt, despite what she thinks the evidence says.

She turns her phone back on. She'd turned it off after she left her office the previous night. She has a text from Carey.

Meet me at LG at 9.

Odd she thinks. So she responds.

Why? Did the judge make a ruling?

No. Meeting.

What meeting?

Clients want to settle.

She rolls her eyes. "You've got to be kidding me." She says out loud. She puts her phone down and finishes getting ready. She can talk to Will after they meet with their clients. She realized something in the middle of the night.

He didn't sleep well either. He got up early and was sitting in his office in his leather chair staring out the window when Diane gets in.

"I heard you and Alicia had a disagreement last night?" She says walking in coffee in hand.

"Yeah everyone heard."

"So did you mend the fences?"

"No" he says keeping his eyes fixed on the window.

"Carey and Alicia will be here at nine to talk with our clients. It seems they've come to an agreement."

"Okay" She looks at him. This is exactly what she was worried about, and tired of, but decides to leave him.

Carey arrives before Alicia. "You have to be the one to tell them." He tells Diane sitting in her office. "Alright" She says as she sees Alicia walk in and wait in the forayer in between the two offices.

Diane and Carey go out to meet her, and lead her into Will's office. He stands up as they walk in. He says Hi to her, she says hi to him and goes over to stand next to him. A good sign Diane and Carey think.

"So where are the clients?" Will asks.

"They will be here in an hour." Diane says.

Alicia and Will both shoot the other two a look that could kill. "I thought the meeting was at nine." Alicia says irritated.

"It is." Diane says.

"But you just said they aren't coming for an hour."

"What's going on Diane?" Will says just as irritated. At least they could agree on one thing.

"You two are going to sit in this office, stand if you like, but you two are going to make a decision today, tomorrow if it takes that long, but you're not leaving this office until you work what ever this is out. We, she looks over to Carey, as your friends, and colleagues have had enough of this."

"What right" Diane cuts Alicia off before she even gets started. Will walks over to where the other two are standing.

"No you two are going to listen. Six years now. Six long years. We have watched you two. We've worked with you. You've been up you've been down. You love each other you don't. You hate each other you don't. You say too much, you say to little. Well we're all tired of it affecting the workplace."

"We" Will cuts in. "We who Diane? You and Carey?"

Just then Alicia happens to look over at the conference room. She's the only one who's looking in that direction. And what she sees makes her furious.

"How can either of you stand there with a straight face." Alicia cuts in looking at Will and Diane. "You were lying to me, and you lied again last night Will."

Everyone stops and looks at her. "Alicia they aren't stealing Chumhim." Carey says.

"Oh yeah, then how do you explain Neil Gross sitting in their conference room right now, or did all of you decide to merge without talking to me." She points in the direction of the conference room and everyone turns. She picks her purse back up. Diane and Will look at each.

"David" they both say at the same time, and look back to Alicia.

"Alicia we didn't know. You've got to believe us." Will says.

"I don't know what I believe anymore, but I'm leaving. Carey is fully capable of hand holding our client." She goes to walk past them but Carey grabs her arm. "Alicia, listen to Diane."

"I promise we had nothing to do with that. I will take care of it. But you two are staying here. We love you two, but we aren't willing to deal with it anymore. We're done. You two are going to decide if you're together or if your relationship comes to an end today for good. If you decide you want to be together than fix this. Figure out how you can love and work against each other at the same time. If not, if you decide to end it then we all agree to never cross work paths again. If we're presented with apposing clients we agree to both drop the case that's fair for both firms.

Alicia is fuming, and the all too familiar panic is starting to creep up. "This is none of your business either of you. This is between Will and I." She goes to walk out. "Alicia that's the problem it is my business, and Diane's business. You two are the other halves to our businesses." She turns and glares at him. "This isn't about business Carey."

"Yes it is, it may not all be about business, but some of it is. And as your business partner, and friend I'm telling you this has to end."

She turns to leave again. "Alicia wait" Will calls. She stops at the door, but doesn't turn to look at him. "They're right."

"And you are just going to put up with this Will?" She knows he's right. But the thought of making such a huge decision right now without any preparation starts to cause more panic. She turns to look at him, she wants to leave the situation, but she knows she needs to stay. If her stomach wasn't all in knots, and she wasn't doing everything she could to keep her breathing under control, and keep her body from shaking she might feel differently.

"I don't like being told what to do."

"Neither do I, so don't stay for them. Stay because I asked I you too." He can sense the panic in her. He knows she's ready to bolt at any second. Small beads of sweat have formed on her forehead. Another attack, and the more they push the more she'll want to leave.

"Just come and sit down, take a few minutes, and then let's talk okay? We can talk about what ever you want. Just don't leave." He walks over to her taking her hands. She immediately starts to feel calmer. She knows he knows she in the middle of an attack and even though she's so unsure of everything at the moment there's one thing she does know, and that's that he has this effect on her.

"Okay" She says and walks over to sit on the couch.

Diane and Carey turn to leave, "Take as long as you need. We aren't allowing you two to meet with the clients this morning. You're both off the case."

"What about Chumhum?" Will says.

"We will take care of it." Diane says as they close the door behind them.

"Close the curtains Will." Alicia says as he starts to walk back over to her. He doesn't have to ask why. They need some privacy. They sit on his couch for a few minutes without saying anything. Both are trying to gather their thoughts.

"I'm sorry I accused you of lying, but I felt betrayed."

"I know. You were right. Being in court against each other doesn't work."

"It never has Will. We couldn't even go against each other when we worked for the same firm. We know exactly how the other thinks. We're always one step ahead of each other."

"Which makes us a good team." He says.

She smiles, "Yes, we make a very good team. Apart we need Carey and Diane, let's face it, they balance us out. You know Carey told me a few weeks before we left that he and I were going to be the new "Will and Diane". She shakes her head.

"I'll take that as a compliment. You and Carey work well together, you always have." He says.

"So what are we going to do?" she asks.

"Well I think we have a few options as far as work is concerned. The firms can agree to not take cases like Diane suggested. You and I can agree to not work on cases when the firms have apposing clients. Or we could think about merging."

She laughs, and rolls her eyes. "We are not merging."

"Why not? Think about it Alicia, you, me, Carey and Diane. We are the best attorneys in Chicago."

She smiles, "Well we are pretty good! But there is a lot of bad blood between the firms. I'm not so sure everyone would be willing to merge. I'm not so sure I want to merge. I can already hear Carey, "So my name's the last one on the letterhead, and we will just be under Will and Diane."

Will laughs this time. "So we'll name the firm Florrick, Agos, Lockhart and Gardner. I'll be the last name on the letterhead! You know take one for the team. And I would propose moving office space. And what bad blood? You and I get along, well we usually get along. Carey and Diane clearly get along. In fact you and I should be the worried ones. They may decide to kick us out and start their own firm."

"So you would leave your comfortable offices inside the loop to come to our offices?" she says sarcastically.

"No, Can you imagine Diane working in your offices!" he laughs. "It wouldn't work for one day. Diane is too."

"Classy" Alicia offers.

"Yes! We would find some new space, some neutral space."

She sighs. "I don't know Will. I always wanted my own firm. You know that."

"It would be your firm. It would be our firm. And it would be the top one in Chicago."

"Okay, I'll think about it, but for now lets just agree that you and I don't work on any cases that involve the two firms. We can't be turning clients away."

"So we're going to try to make the relationship work then?" he questions.

She gets up, and walks around the office for a minute. "Alicia?"

"Will, I had doubts. Yesterday I was really doubting that we could make this work. The past six months have been good. They have been really good. But…"

It's now or never, "But what?" Will questions raising his voice slightly. "We've been through the mud together Alicia. I've done everything I can to make you believe that I love you, and that I want to be with you. That I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Will" she turns to him. "I can't,"

"No, you are going to give me an explanation. I deserve an explanation if you're going end this. If that's what you really want. If this is really it, you give me a good reason. Then we will end this for good." He stands up and walks over to her. He can't believe what he just suggested, but he's done with the roller coaster. He's ready to get off, either with her or without her, but he's getting off. Even if that means his worst nightmare coming true, loosing her for good. "What are you so afraid of? Why won't you just let me love you?"

She was ready for this, she finally figured it out last night she figured out what it was she's been so apprehensive about. And since he's almost yelling at her again she comes back at him with just as much force. "I'm afraid of losing you." He steps back releasing his grip on her. This is the last thing he thought she'd say.

The tears start to roll down her cheeks. "Every man I've ever loved has either betrayed me, or left me when I needed them most. My father left, I adored him. Peter, well you know what Peter did. Even Owen, and I love Owen, but when Peter went to prison I really needed someone, a friend. My mother didn't come. Owen didn't come, he apologized, they all did, but how do I know you won't do the same thing? I know it isn't fair Will. You've been nothing but wonderful the past six months. And I don't deserve it, but how do I know that in ten years you won't leave just like the rest? How can I give my heart away again with the possibility of it being so crushed again?"

He considers his answer before saying anything. "Because, I'm different." He says "Because this is different. Alicia I've loved you for twenty three years, since the day I set eyes on you at that ridiculous pool party. I've never stopped loving you. Not even last year when I fired you, when I tried to stop loving you. I will never stop loving you. I won't leave you." Tears start forming in his eyes. "You and I are meant to be together. It wasn't just a coincidence that I ran into you on that elevator six years ago. Please let me love you unconditionally. Don't leave me Alicia.

Tears continue to fall from her cheeks. "I don't know how too Will."

He takes hold of her again, and reaches to the necklace she has around her neck. "Do you know whey I chose that necklace for you?"

She'd put it on without even thinking about it. "You know what that symbol represents." She nods her head in agreement. "Infinite love "

"Yes, no beginning and no end. That's how much I love you. I don't have a map or book that can tell us how to do this. I think it's something that—evolves over time. It's something that grows. I can't see into the future, but that's the beauty of it. Trusting each other enough to take the risk. Do you love me enough to take the risk?"

And for the first time in a long time she sees things clearly. The fog has lifted. She doesn't realize it, but in that moment she let's go. She lets go of all the fear she'd let built up over the past six months. On impulse she leans in and kisses him hard, kisses him as if there's no tomorrow. When they pull away he says, "I'll take that as a yes."

She smiles, "Yes. We should probably go tell our "business partners."

"No" he says with a grin on his face. "I think we should let them sweat for awhile." She grins back. "I agree with you!"

"Good now it's been over a week since I've had a chance to consult with that body of yours, how about it?"

"How about it we just take a nap? I don't know about you, but I didn't exactly have the best nights sleep." She says pulling him back towards the couch.

"How about sex then a nap?"

"How about a nap then sex?"

"Okay" he agrees.

"You're not going argue with me on this?"

"It's all about compromise right?"

Two excruciatingly long hours later for Carey and Diane, "I didn't think it would take this long." Carey says. "I didn't either. That can't be good." She says looking back towards Will's office for the hundredth time. Just then Will and Alicia merge from their confinement. Both have a grave look on their faces. "It's been nice doing business with you Diane." Carey says. From the look on their faces it doesn't look promising.

"You to Carey."

They enter Diane's office, and stand in front of the two who are expecting the worst. "After a few long hours of negotiation, and debate we've decided..." Will almost loses his composure. This is too much fun watching these two squirm. "To make it work." The sighs of relief from Diane and Carey were audible. This causes Will and Alicia to smile. "We apologize for our behavior over the past week, and we will make it up to you." Then they turn to walk back out of Diane's office.

"Wait, that's it? Where are you going? Don't you think we should talk about this?" Diane says.

Alicia turns and looks at them with a carefree smile on her face. "We're going home. One thing you two proved to us today is that you don't need us to get the work done! And after the past week we all deserve an afternoon off! So as your business partner's and friends we herby grant all of us permission to take the rest of the day off." She turns back around. He puts his arm around her and they walk out of the office. As they walk towards the elevator, "Hey what were you whispering on the phone about Sunday if it wasn't Chumhum?"

He chuckles. "It's a surprise."

She stops, "Will"

"A good surprise. Now come on let's go home." They start walking to the elevator again. "Okay but I'm keeping an eye on you." she says smiling at him. "I would expect nothing less." He returns pulling her in closer.

_Three weeks, just three more weeks. _He thinks to himself as they step into the elevator.


	21. Two Weeks

**A/N Well here are the last two weeks to the surprise in one chapter. Thanks for the reviews. Keep them coming. This got more complicated than I had planned when I first started writing this story. I hope it hasn't gotten to crazy. I have had the next chapter in my mind since the beginning. **

**Two Weeks**

Will and Alicia were sitting in the waiting room of the medical tower near her office. She was busily filling out the pile of paperwork she'd been handed when checking in. She nervously taps the pen she'd been given while reading every single line of the documents in front of her. That was a hazard, and blessing of being a lawyer, wanting to read through all the legal jargon and understanding it. She laughed to herself as she found typos, and statements she disagreed with. When she found these she would point them out to Will and they would discuss how they would re write them.

She kept tapping the pen and he was pretty sure she didn't realize she was doing it. After five minutes of the non stop tapping he grabs the pen from her hand.

"I need that." She says looking up at him.

"Not to read through the last two pages."

"I still have to sign them."

"I know, but I can't listen to you tap that pen one more time! Let me know when your ready to sign and I'll give the pen back to you."

"I wasn't tapping the pen." She insists.

"You were! You're just nervous."

"I'm not nervous." She insists again. He smiles, "Of course you aren't. Changing outfits three different times this morning, telling me I was late to pick you up even though I was fifteen minutes early, and where is that huge file of paperwork you prepared for the doctor that you put in your bag last night, and then proceeded to check ten times after that to make sure you'd done it?"

She rolls her eyes, "It's right here in my bag." She opens the bag and doesn't see it. "Oh no, Will I spent a lot of time preparing that. I need that file. I must have put it on my desk with my other work files without realizing it. I need to call Carey." She quickly pulls out her phone." He grabs her hand with a huge smile on his face holding up the file for her to see. "Not nervous huh, you gave this to me to hold when we got here remember?"

"Ok maybe I am a little nervous, and I only checked my bag twice last night. Let's get the facts straight." She sighs. He reaches over and takes her hand. "You don't have anything to be nervous about. This is a good thing."

"I know"

"Alicia" a voice calls. They stand up and walk towards the door. She squeezes his hand tighter. He returns with equal strength. The office is rather pleasant. Bright with the afternoon sun shining in, a large desk at one end, with bookcases behind. At the other end a few chairs and comfortable sofa. She wasn't expecting it to feel so comfortable. This helps put her at ease.

"I'm Dr. Elizabeth Hendrickson. But you can call me Beth."

"I'm Alicia, and this is Will Gardner."

"It's nice to meet both of you. Please take a seat." She gestures to the soft padded chairs in front of her desk.

"Before we begin I just want you to know that I keep everything very confidential. I'm not here to judge you, just help."

"I know." Alicia says. "And I have a request. I want you to be honest with me. Just get to the point. I don't need everything to be sugar coated."

"I can do that. And I figured you were the type who wouldn't want to beat around the bush. The emails you sent me were very well drafted and thought out."

Will smiles. He can imagine the detailed emails she had sent. She was just as much a stickler for correct spelling and grammar as he was, but her attention to detail was impeccable.

"You brought the medical information I asked for I can see?" She looks at the file that Will had placed on her desk. "Yes, everything you asked for is in there. The neurological and medical reports as well as the ongoing medical care I'm receiving."

"Good, I'll read up on that, and we can move onto talking about the evaluations I had you fill out. Thank you for doing those on your own. It will save us some time.

First of all I need you to describe to me your symptoms. I know you wrote them down for me, but it helps me in making a diagnosis hearing them from you."

So Alicia begins to describe the physical symptoms she has when an attack comes on. Will listens intensely. He'd never asked her to describe what went on in her body when she'd had these attacks. He only knew what he saw, the sweat, the blank looks, and sometimes the trembling. He knew her body tensed up he'd always been able to feel the tension ease as he held her each time after it had happened. He'd tried to imagine, but hearing it made it very real, and his heart ached for her. He had no idea how hard this was both physically and emotionally for her.

When she had finished he had new respect for her. The fact that she'd held it together so well, and had gone on with daily life as well as she had baffled him. He was pretty sure he would have shut himself up in his apartment and refused to leave if he'd gone through this as many times as she had.

"Good" the doctor says. "I have another question for you. Do you have an intense fear that you will have another attack? Are you always worried about another attack?"

Alicia considers this for a minute. "No, I don't really even think about it unless I start to feel the anxiety. After an attack I think about it. But that involves wishing it away not fearing when the next one will occur."

"Okay well that is good news!"

"Why is that?" Alicia asks. "Because one of the key elements in diagnosing a panic disorder verses panic attacks, is the constant fear of having another attack. Individuals who have the disorder tend to avoid going out as much as possible. They worry that an attack will happen whenever and wherever they are."

"So you don't think I have a panic disorder?" A sense of relief fills her. "No, not yet."

"Not yet?" Will cuts in. "So she will have one?"

"No, quite the opposite. Right now all we need to treat are the panic attacks. It isn't severe enough for me to diagnose it as a disorder. It can get more severe untreated. But Alicia was smart, and knew she needed to seek professional help."

"So what is the treatment?" Alicia queries.

"I'm going to recommend we try some cognitive behavioral therapy. It tends to be the best form of treatment."

"And what does that entail exactly?" Alicia asks.

"I will meet with you weekly for awhile and help you learn through the experiences that you've had that the panic symptoms aren't threatening or dangerous to you. I'm guessing when you have an attack now you feel like your in danger, that something bad is going to happen and it makes you want to flee the situation as quickly as possible? Am I right?"

She feels even more relieved now, someone understands exactly how she'd felt the dozen times she'd had an attack. "Yes, that is a good way of describing it."

"Once the physical symptoms of your attacks don't feel threatening anymore the attacks will begin to resolve."

"How long will it take?"

"You can expect to see improvement within a couple of weeks. It will probably take about four months to completely resolve, but this is very treatable."

"What about the dreams?" Will asks. Alicia turns to look at him. It had been weeks since she mentioned having any dreams. She was still having them, two or three nights a week, but she hadn't said anything to him. "Yes, this should help with that as well. I can't say you will never have another dream of the other world you lived in for five months, or that you'll never have another nightmare, but I think this will help significantly. It will help retrain your mind to know what's real and what isn't.

The thing that both of you have to keep in mind is that Alicia has gone through several major life events over the course of the past eighteen months. In fact I should be doing a study on her. She was fired from her job, started a new one, one in which she is the boss. She suffered from a traumatic accident, a death." She looks over at Will. "I'm assuming you are the one she thought died?" Alicia looks back at him, "Yes I am."

"Even though you didn't die Alicia still went through all of the emotions that someone would in dealing with death. Then she woke up and had to deal with not just the physical aspects of that, but the mental ones. Add to the list your son going to college, and you divorced. Any one or two of those things combined is stressful, and can push some individuals over the edge. The fact that you went through all of them in such a short period, and are sitting here today suffering only from panic attacks is quite frankly unbelievable.

It's understandable that your sleep patterns are erratic, that you're tired, and feel stressed. The dreams have been your body's way of coping with the stress. Tell me something do you have the dreams on the weekends? Or do they happen more often near the middle or end of a work week when you're tired and not getting enough sleep, or when you've started a new project at work?"

Neither of them has to think about this one. "During the week." They both blurt out. Alicia turns and looks at him again. How does he know that?

"Well there you have it. If we can alleviate the symptoms of anxiety and panic, I think the rest will take care of itself. I don't know exactly what your relationship is." She says looking from to the other, but from the fact that you walked in here holding hands, and you" she looks at Alicia, "chose Will to come with you to this appointment speaks volumes. You've obviously had a very good support system during all of this Alicia."

She smiles, "Yes, Will, and my family and friends have been very supportive." She turns and smiles at him. But still can't figure out how he knew about the dreams continuing. She had told the doctor in one of her emails about the dreams, and nightmares. But how did Will know it was still affecting her so much?

"Whatever you're doing keep doing it. It will be easier for me to give you suggestions as to changes after we've had time to talk more in-depth.

They continued to talk for another hour. Beth gave her some breathing and relaxation exercises to work on, and an assignment to start writing down some of the feelings and events that made her feel anxious or panicked.

That night Grace and Will were doing the dishes together in the kitchen Alicia was sitting on the bar stools watching them. They got along so well. He'd helped her with an essay she was writing for her Government class. But he had been quiet since they left Beth's office. She was glad he'd been there with her, but she now wondered if it was too much for him.

Once they finish the dishes he comes over to her and wraps his arms around her waist, and kisses her. "How about we play one round of sevens before bed." He says. "I'm in" Grace says. This was a card game he had grown up playing and had taught to them.

"Sounds good." Alicia says. After they had played the card game Alicia and Will sat on the couch defeated. Grace had won all three rounds. "Looks like the old people loose out tonight.' Will says leaning over to kiss Alicia again.

"Who are you calling old?" She says smiling at him.

"You and I admit it we are getting old."

"I am not old. You can be old if you want to, but not me!" She kisses him again.

"Okay, I'm going to my room. You two have been a little too lovey dovey for me tonight!" Grace says smiling and gets up to go to her room. "Grace we're sorry, we can be less if you want?" Alicia says. "Mom its fine, I need to finish my homework anyway!"

Later lying in bed talking her head resting on his chest, one arm around his waist his arm wrapped around her. "So the appointment went well today I thought." He says

"Yes, it was better than I expected a relief actually."

"I agree, see you didn't have anything to be nervous about."

"Yes, I should have gone in months ago."

He gets quiet. "Will what's wrong, you've been quiet all night."

"Licia I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what? Please don't tell me you were assigned to this new case we just got today. Carey told me you guys were apposing council. He insisted I needed to help him with it. It's a rush case. The clients just decided they needed new council and we go to trial in two weeks."

"The medical mal practice case?" he says. "Yes"

"No, Diane is on that."

"Okay good." More silence, "So you were saying?"

He tightens his arms around her. "I'm so sorry for all you've gone through this past year. I had no idea how physically hard those attacks were on you. I knew they exhausted you, but I just figured it was related to everything else. Listening to you describe all of that today was…"

"Eye opening" she says

"Yes. I should have asked, I should have done more."

She sighs, "Will its okay. It was eye opening for me too. And you've been wonderful. I don't think there is anything else you or anyone else could have done. You have the ability to calm my nerves, and that's exactly what I needed when it happened. I'm sorry it's been so hard for you."

"You don't need to apologize. I have the easy part in all this. You're the one that has to do all the work."

"Can I ask you something?" She says, "Sure you can ask me anything you want."

"Why did you bring up the dreams today? It's fine, it's just been a long time since we've talked about it. How did you know I was even still having them?"

He sighs, "Because you talk in your sleep." He instinctively starts to run his hand up and down her arm. She sits up and looks at him. "I what?"

"Sometimes you talk in your sleep_. And_, I've been woken more than once in the morning by that arm of yours grabbing me to make sure I'm still here!" She smiles, "Sorry!"

"It's ok, I kind of like it. It's a good way for me to know your not getting rid of me any time soon!"

"I really talk in my sleep?"

"Yes" He gets quiet again,

"And?"

He half smiles at her, "Nothing" He leans over and kisses her forehead.

"No, this isn't nothing, what's wrong?"

"You talk in your sleep, and sometimes you cry. It's hard knowing that I'm the cause of some of those tears. And when that happens all I want to do is wake you up, wrap my arms around you and tell you its okay. But I didn't want it to worry you." She turns her gaze from him. "Oh" she says feeling guilty.

He puts both arms around and pulls her in close. "It's not too often. But it breaks my heart Licia. It frustrates me because I can't do anything about it. I don't want you to have to feel that way. I don't want you to be hurt or scared."

"Why didn't you tell me?" She's a little irritated he didn't say anything before. "Because they're just dreams, and I didn't want you to worry. I didn't want there to be one more thing for you to deal with."

"I appreciate that you want to protect me. But the only way for me to get through this is to know everything, by dealing with everything. And my feelings aren't the only ones in this relationship. You're dealing with this too. In order for this, for us to work, we can't keep things from each other, and that includes our feelings. Part of what went wrong with Peter and I was that I thought everything was fine. But Peter felt alone, and he never talked to me about it. You're not alone in this Will. I'm the one that should be apologizing to you. I'm the one that's interrupted your work day more than once. I am the one that's always falling to pieces."

She turns back to him. His eyes are full of love. "You don't have anything to be sorry about. Alicia I want to be here for you. Yes, it's hard for me to see the fear in your eyes when you have an attack, or to listen to the whimpers in the middle of the night. But it doesn't make me feel alone. It makes me angry that that Jeffery ever got a hold of that gun, and made life so difficult for us the past year. But watching you push through all the boundaries has made me love you even more. Your right, I should have told you sooner, but I honestly thought it would go away."

"Do you remember what you told me after I made partner, and then a few weeks later after we kissed?"

He thinks for a minute. "No"

"You said, we were all in danger of running off the road. We ran off the road. But we didn't crash. We got back on. You have to promise me you'll be open with me. That is the only way this is going to work. We are in this together. And wake me up. It might make things better in the long run. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not one to show my feelings, I don't trust many people. But I trust you, you make me feel safe."

"Okay I can do that."

"Good" She leans in and kisses him. "Let's get to sleep okay."

"Sounds good, I love you."

"I love you too. And since we're being open you know you don't have to watch me fall asleep every night. I'm not going anywhere, I won't stop breathing!"

He smiles, "How do you know I," she puts her fingers to his lips. "I always know when you're watching me. But why do you stay awake until I'm asleep?"

"Because if I were to lose you tomorrow I'd want to know that I spent every last moment I could with you. You aren't the only one afraid of losing the other." He says as he settles back down on his pillow.

"You're afraid of losing me?"

"Every day Licia, every day." She lays back down resting her head on his chest. He wraps his arm around her again.

"What are we going to do?"

He leans over and kisses her forehead just like every other night. "We are going to stop being afraid together."

**One Week Later**

"Alicia, wake up." He shakes her again. She'd been talking, but whatever she'd been dreaming about had gotten worse. "Alicia" Her eyes fly open and dart around the room. Small beads of sweat had formed on her forehead. He takes her hand, "Its okay. It was just a dream." She looks over at him still trying to wake up. After her breathing had slowed, "We need to move." She says. That was not the first thing he expected her to say. "What do you mean?"

"I know we talked about you moving in here, but we need to find our own place."

"Okay, does this have anything to do with therapy today?"

"Yes" She sits up and pulling the covers off and turns to get out of bed.

"Where are you going?"

"I need to write some things down."

"Okay hold on, why do you think we need to move to another apartment?"

"Because, I just realized something." She says getting up pulling on her robe turning to go out of the room..

"Are you going to tell me what it is you realized?" He gets out of bed and follows her to the living room. They both sit on the couch. She pulls out the paperwork Beth had given her earlier in the day.

"Part of this process is figuring out what makes me anxious, what causes the panic, and then being able to change my feelings and the situation if possible."

"And your apartment makes you anxious?" He's trying to follow this, but it's the middle of the night.

"No, well yes. Whenever I dream about that other world the dreams start with me waking up in that bed and you gone." She says pointing to the bedroom.

"I thought you loved this place?"

"I do, but moving to another place would change the environment that I'm actually afraid of I think. It might get rid of those dreams. It would be worth it. Why do you think I reach over to grab your arm when I wake in the mornings sometimes?"

"To make sure I'm still here."

"Yes, I wake up in the same bed staring at the same ceiling in the dreams. You are my reality check. Reaching over and feeling you there is my way of knowing I'm really awake, and didn't just dream this whole world up."

"Okay what about my place?" he says smiling. He knows his place is too small but its fun to tease her when she's so focused. She rolls her eyes. "Your place is too small with Grace and Zach, and you know it." She smiles patting him on the chest.

"So we are really going to do this? Buy a place together?"

"Yes" She says without hesitation. Turning back to the notes she had jotted down. He certainly wasn't going to argue with her. "Lets start looking this weekend." He says.

"Ok" she says continuing to write. He watches her as she busily makes notes on all the worksheets she'd been given. "He leans over and puts his arms around her. "We should go back to bed. It's the middle of the night."

"I will in just a few minutes. I need to write all of this down before I forget any of it." She doesn't even stop to look at him. He gets up and starts to walk back to the bedroom.

"Will" she stops and turns to look at him. He turns around, "Thank you for waking me up. It did help." She smiles at him. He smiles back. "Your welcome."


	22. The Color Cream

**A/N Well here it is Will's surprise. I'm very curious to see what you all think about this so please review! **

**The Color Cream**

It was Alicia who watched him fall asleep this night. It hadn't occurred to her until today that tomorrow was the one year mark. One year since their lives had been thrown into the hands of fate. Was it fate, or had they just been lucky. Now as she lay in bed watching him sleep, and feeling his chest rise and fall beneath her hand she was pretty sure it had been both. He hadn't said anything about the date that would come tomorrow. Maybe he'd been as oblivious to it as she had.

She was glad he was the one that now shared her bed. There had been a million times over the course of the year that he could have walked away, said it was to much, it was too hard, and she wouldn't have blamed him. But he hadn't. He was still there, and he loved her. Even thought she'd been hesitant about everything with him she couldn't deny the fact that she loved him back. He helped make her strong, she wanted to be better because of him, She loved him and she knew she always would. Truth be told she had probably loved him for as long as he'd loved her. Even though fate, or bad timing had taken its turn time and time again it had brought them back to together.

Despite these pleasant thoughts she was a little nervous she'd be in court again tomorrow. It was their fist day of Carey's medical malpractice case. He'd do most of arguing. She had little time to prepare for this one. She knew it would be fine, it would be bittersweet she just wished Will was going to be there with her. But he had meetings all morning. He even told her he'd probably be gone when she woke up. And sure enough the next morning when she reached her hand across the bed it was empty. Empty all except for a. She turns to see what her hand has just come in contact with.

She lifts the long stemmed cream colored tulip and note attached from his pillow. How did he know she loved tulips with their sweet scent and simple elegance? As she reads the note a smile crosses her lips.

Alicia,

I thought you might need something to hold onto!

Notice the color and its meaning. "I will love you forever."

Since I'm not there to tell you I love you, I thought you

should have something that symbolized it.

Love Will

_He probably made that up. _She thinks to herself. _But it's very thoughtful all the same. _

She reaches over to the bed side table for her phone and sends him a text.

_Thank you for the tulip. _

_That isn't what it really though is it?_

She gets a reply almost immediately.

_I'm offended! _

_Yes that is exactly what it _

_means. Google it. _

She shakes her head.

_Sorry. Thank you. It's beautiful_.

_It? You haven't been to the kitchen yet _

_have you? _

_No I'm still in bed._

_Go to the kitchen!_

She smiles and gets out of bed. When she goes around the corner to enter the kitchen she finds a huge bouquet of tulips in a vase on the counter. Out of no where tears start to stream down her face. Just then Grace comes into the kitchen.

"Mom what's wrong?"

"Nothing." She walks over and hugs her daughter.

"Then why are you crying?"

"Because I'm happy. I'm really happy."

Then Grace notices the bouquet. "Wow! Are those from Will?"

"Yes" she says letting go of Grace and turning again to admire the flowers. "I hope someone loves me enough someday to give me a bouquet of cream tulips. You know what that means right? I will love you forever?"

Alicia turns back to Grace, "Why am I the only one who doesn't know this? And where did he find a bouquet like that at six am anyway?"

"He hid them in my room last night." Zach says as he comes into the kitchen going straight to the fridge for some juice. He had come home to spend part of his spring break with them. It was Wednesday and he was leaving that evening to go do some "more fun things" with some of his friends.

"Okay I'm going to get ready for work now. Do you have anything else hiding in your room?"

"No mom" Zach says laughing.

Alicia turns and sends Will another text as she goes back into the bedroom.

_That is quite the bouquet!_

_I love it! Did you do it because _

_you were worried about me falling _

_apart today, or for some other reason? _

_Nothing gets by you! Both!_

_We should do something _

_to celebrate. _

_Good plan! I'll call you _

_later and we can make a _

"_Plan" _

_Ok love you._

_Love you more!_

She smiles as she puts her phone down, and opens her closet. She runs her hands over his suits that now take up space in her closet, once again loving that the suits are there, and that his toothbrush is next to hers in the bathroom.

**/**

"Are you nervous?" Diane says to Will as they get up from their seats at the conference table. "No, everything is ready. I just spoke to Carey. You know when to call the expert witness?" he says looking from his watch to Diane.

"Yes, let's go win this case!" She says. He smiles "Let's"

**/**

Alicia enters the courtroom. As she goes to put her things next to Carey she stops and smiles. "Carey where did that come from?" She says pointing to the cream tulip lying on the table. Carey smiles. "Will told me to give it to you. He must be worried about how you'd handle being here today."

She smiles as she sits down. "Yes he must be."

"So how are you anyway? I mean being here in the same courtroom and all?" He asks.

"I'm fine, Will worries too much. But thanks for asking. We are planning on celebrating tonight. You and Kalinda should come join us. We can invite Diane and Kurt as well."

"Yeah ok, that sounds good. Where?"

"I'll let you know. I haven't talked to Will about a place yet."

Just then their client walks in and sits with them. Then the Judge enters the court room. Judge Politi. "What are the odds of us getting Politi on this case?" she turns and whispers to Carey. "What do you mean?"

"He was the judge last year."

"Oh yeah, just a coincidence I guess."

Things moved by quickly the judge called for a short recess. At ten fifty they were back. "Ms. Lockhart I understand you have a new witness you would like to call?" The judge says looking at Diane.

"Yes your honor."

"Objection" Alicia stands up."Your honor we haven't finished questioning the last witness."

"I understand there is a bit of a time restraint Ms. Lockhart?"

"Yes your honor."

"I'll allow you to question this witness. We will finish up with Mr. Olsen after."

"Your honor"

"No Ms. Florrick." Alicia sits back down. "Can you believe this?" She whispers to Carey. He just smiles.

Diane stands up. "For our next witness we would like to call Alicia Florrick." Alicia had just picked up her pen to write some notes when Diane says this. She drops the pen, and looks up. "Excuse me?" She says incredulously turning to Diane, and then the judge.

Just then the door the Judge had come through minutes earlier opens, and Will walks in. She's utterly confused, and is about to be angry at him. He told her he wasn't on this case. But noticing what he has in his hand softens her anger some.

He walks out in front of them and stands in front of the Judge tulip in hand. His eyes are focused on her. "Counselor I understand you would like to question this witness." The judge says. "I would your honor." This was certainly unexpected, and she's speechless. "Alicia, please approach the bench." The Judge says. She stands up slowly eyeing Will the whole time as she moves and places herself next to him. "Will what is going on?" she says as he takes her hand. She looks over to Diane, to Carey, to the judge, then back to Will. They all have the same happy smile on their faces.

"Your honor I'd like to question this witness in private if you don't mind." He says. Though taken off guard she has to admit she's curious, and this is kind of fun. "Okay counselor. Everyone exit the courtroom please." She's glad for this. She doesn't like all the attention. And clearly everyone has their eyes on her.

Once everyone has gone he turns towards her and hands her the flower. She can't help but smile. "Just how many of these to have?" He brings his hands up and takes them into hers. He is nervous. "That's the last one!" He feels like his heart is about to leap right out of him. "Will what is this? What's going on?"

"Alicia one year ago at, he looks down at his watch, this very minute I lay right here on this floor shot and scared to death. At the time I wasn't thinking about how much it hurt, or that I might be about to take my last breaths. The only thing running through my mind was you." tears start to well up in his eyes as the nerves start to settle. "I was worried that you had been hit, that you were hurt or worse, dead. And in those few minutes, the _longest _few minutes of my life, I realized how precious life is, and how it can be taken from us in a matter of seconds. I realized how ridiculous our feud had been, and when I called for you and you didn't answer I regretted every missed opportunity, and every hurtful thing I had ever said to you. I just wanted one more chance to make things right, to tell you how I felt and that I was sorry."

Her brief bout of annoyance had long passed at this point. She too remembered that day, and their brush with death, but standing here now she only feels calm.

He continues. "And then everything went dark. Everything stayed dark. I vowed that if you ever woke up I'd make it right, and I wouldn't let you go again. Only time would tell if I had to carry on without you, and that fate would show its ugly hand one last time. That's the thing that hurt the most. Then seven months ago you woke up and I started to breath again. There was light again." Tears are streaming down her cheeks now. He lets go of her hands and places his hands on her upper arms and pulls her in closer.

"Alicia we are only given today. We aren't promised tomorrow. I want to spend every single day I have left with you and only you. You are my beginning and my end. I'm not complete without you." He lets go of her and pulls a small box from his coat jacket. She gasps softly bringing her hands to cup her mouth as he opens it to reveal a ring. "Licia we were always meant to be together. Our souls were never meant to be separated."

Three months ago when she thought he was going to do this her immediate reaction was panic. She wasn't ready, she didn't know if she'd ever be ready to make those kinds of promises again. She thought her initial reaction would be the same this time. But it wasn't. It was quite opposite. She couldn't recall when or how, but somewhere in the past three months the idea of being married again, and to him didn't scare her anymore. "Will" she says.

"Wait let me finish." He says. "If this is too much, if you aren't ready it's okay. I did gather everyone who loves us, my family, yours, and our friends, and they are all waiting outside of this courtroom to celebrate with us. We can celebrate this," he holds up the ring. "We can celebrate how lucky we are to be standing here a year later, or both. It's up to you. I will love you forever." He says taking her hand that holds the tulip. "I can wait. I want you to do what you want. But for me the best place for us to move on is right here where our lives almost ended." She's trying to pull together a response, but she can't, she's to overwhelmed with emotion. He can't read her eyes and he gets nervous again. "But I understand if"

She reaches up and puts her finger to his lips. "Shhh" she says and leans in and places her warm tear stained lips to his. When they pull away her eyes pierce his. "I have a question and a request."

"Anything"

"If I say yes will you promise me you'll always be honest with me, _never _cheat on me, and never leave?" Tears start to stream down both faces again. "I promise you I will always be honest, never cheat, and I will never leave you, _ever_." Looking into his eyes she knows he's telling the truth, and means every word he just said.

"Okay" she says in a whisper. "Then my request is that you ask me properly." A smile beams across her lips tears still falling, he smiles back at her. Still holding her hand he gets down on one knee holding the ring in his other hand.

"Alicia I have loved you since the day I set eyes on you, and I will love you till the end of time. Will you marry me?" He can't hold back the tears. She nods her head up and down and then in a voice soft enough that only he can hear, "Yes I will marry you."

He stands back up and takes the ring from the box. Taking her left hand in his, he slides the ring onto her finger. She admires it for a few seconds then puts her arms around his neck. He pulls her in and their warm lips touch. They both know that this is the kiss that will finally bring them together for good, never to be separated again.

Keeping her arms around his neck, "Are our families really out there?" He smiles sheepishly at her, "Yes, well most of them. My parents flew in with Aubrey. Your mom, Owen, and the kids. You should thank Zach he wasn't planning on coming home for part of his spring break, but Grace convinced him. And of course Diane and Curt, Carey, Kalinda, Robin." She shakes her head. "How long have you been planning this?"

"About a month. Oh and you should thank the Judge, and your clients on this case." Suddenly reality hits again. "Will the trial, we better go let everyone know. The Judge probably wants to get back to the case." He smiles at her. "There is no case." He says chuckling.

"What?"

"This was similar to a case Diane and I had a few years before you joined the firm. I had Kalinda and Robin write up some new documents with similar names and new dates. The clients and your witness this morning were all hired, and going off scripts. The judge blocked out his schedule a month ago."

"You're kidding?" she says folding her arms across her chest with a look of disbelief. "No, why do you think this was such a rush case, and Carey would barely let you work on it?"

"I knew there was something odd about this case, I just couldn't put my finger on it. You really outdid yourself. What if I would have said No?"

"Then its just like I told you we would celebrate anyway! In fact we have lunch reservations in thirty minutes with everyone."

"Then we should probably go tell everyone don't you think?"

He steps closer to her, "We should" He kisses her again, then takes her left hand and leads her out of the courtroom. When they open the door everyone, just as he had said, was waiting for them. They all get quiet when the two emerge eagerly awaiting the news. They both stand there for a minute non descriptive looks on their faces to throw everyone off. Will breaks the silence.

"She said yes!" Everyone lets out the breath they'd been holding, congratulations, and hugs all around. Everyone admires the expensive ring that now sits on her finger.

Two hours later they were all finishing up lunch. Owen stands up holding his glass of Champaign. "I propose a toast." He says lifting his glass. "To two of the most, strong willed, stubborn, beyond perfectionist,"

"Hey" Alicia protests, "Admit it sis, the reason this took so long is that you are both stubborn, and were looking for perfection!" Everyone laughs. Owen gets serious. "As I was saying, to two of the most loving, caring individuals I know who truly deserve each other. Will and Alicia." Everyone clinks their glasses together. "I will save the embarrassing stories for my toast at the wedding!" Everyone laughs again. "You may not get to do a toast at the weeding." Alicia says smiling.

"When is the wedding going to be anyway?" Grace asks. "We don't know yet." Alicia answers. "You two better get started finding a place because if you disagree over a wedding spot as much as you disagree about an apartment the wedding may never happen!" Zach says. Everyone chuckles at that. "What do you mean Zach? Just because Will and I couldn't agree on a place this past weekend, doesn't mean we won't be able to find a place we can both agree on." Zach laughs. "We looked for five hours on Saturday, and another five on Sunday. I'll believe it when I see it!"

"Alicia what is the problem?" Veronica chimes in. "How hard can it be to agree on a place to live?"

"Mom" Alicia says a little annoyed. Will finds this amusing. "The problem is that Will likes modern, and Mom likes more traditional with a mix of modern." Grace says. Alicia rolls her eyes. "Yes that is true. Now if either of you make more fun of our trying to find a place to live, neither of you will have a say!" she says pointing to Grace and Zach. "I'm sure we will be able to find the perfect place before the wedding." Will says reaching over to her and kissing her for the hundredth time since they sat down for lunch.

"You two should get a room upstairs." Owen says.

The restaurant Will had chosen was in one of Chicago's finest hotels. Alicia blushes, Will takes her hand and scoots his chair out. "You know what Owen that is a great idea!" Will responds standing up pulling Alicia up with him. "Good thing I thought of everything!" Alicia's cheeks get more flushed. He looks at his watch. "Oh but check in isn't until four. I guess we'll have to spend the next two hours with all of you, at least all of you who don't have work to get back too!" Everyone laughs. "That's all of us." Carey says pointing to everyone at his end of the table where all their co workers were seated.

"We should go." Diane says. "Don't be late for work tomorrow Will!" She says smiling getting up and pulling on her coat. He blushes now.

"Actually honey we all need to get back to the hotel and pack up. We fly back out tonight. It is the middle of tax season you know." His mother says.

"I'm flying out tonight too." Zach says. "Grace is going to stay with Dad tonight." Everyone says their good byes. Alicia and Will are able to check in early.

That night as they sat in bed, he plays with the ring on her finger. She'd done this before, been engaged, and had gone through all the emotions of engagement. It was still exhilarating, and fun, but it was even more fun to see him react to the idea. "Its beautiful" she says admiring it. This causes a smile to cross his lips. He'd been so worried she wouldn't like it. "I'm glad I only have to pick a ring out once."

"So when do you think we should hold the wedding?" She says smiling. "I can't believe I'm going to be planning my own wedding again. Of course this time I won't involve Mom trying to make all the decisions. She meant well, but it was something."

"You don't think she'll try to do the same thing again!" he says chuckling. "You're right I am going to have to keep a tight leash on that one! She has Grace to help her this time. So have you thought about a date?"

"Yes"

"Why am I not surprised?" she says smiling. "You really did think of everything didn't you? So when?"

"August eighth" he says as if it's already burned in stone. Even though she hadn't said, she didn't think he had actually thought about a real date. But he had and it took her a minute to realize why he had chosen that date. She's been overwhelmed all day by how thoughtful he had been in planning all of this, but this was icing on the cake. She looks at him and a small smile crosses her lips, she can feel that lump in her throat again. "Because that's the day I woke up?"

"Yes, because that was the day our lives started over. It was the happiest day of my life. And I can't think of any better way to honor that date than marrying you, and celebrating it every year after."

She leans in pressing her forehead to his. "That sounds like the perfect date." He grins at her. "Then it's settled."

"Will" she whispers. "Yes" he whispers back. "This is the happiest I've ever been."


	23. A Good Weekend

**A/N Sorry for the delay. I have been under the weather this week. Which is ironic considering what's coming up in the next chapter, which I wrote before I got ill. Anyway this chapter was not one I'd intended to write, but after reading reviews I decided to add it in. Thank you for your continued support, keep those reviews coming they are quite helpful! **

**A Good Weekend**

It was mid April. Will had had a busy week. Court, meetings, depositions. He came home at midnight every night, and left around six every morning. By Friday he was exhausted. When he entered the apartment at ten on Friday night he collapsed on the couch, feet at one end, and head resting in Alicia's lap at the other.

Alicia smiles down at him. "Who are you and what have you done with my fiancé this week?" He smiles looking up at her. "It's me Will!" She nods her head back and forth. "Oh yeah, prove it, because the Will I know hasn't been home before midnight all week, and has left his side of the bed cold by the time I wake up in the morning!" He smiles at her lifting himself up onto his elbows so he reach her mouth. Then gives her a long lingering kiss. He pulls away and lays his head back down in her lap. She smiles down at him again. "Your right you are Will!"

"Where's Grace?" he asks

"She's spending the night at a friends. Tomorrow she's spending the day with Peter. How are you?"

"Tired" he says closing his eyes. She begins to run her fingers through his hair. "You've had a long week, you should get some rest!" He chuckles, "I'm usually the one telling you that!" He smiles. "How are you? I've hardly seen you all week."

"I'm good. It was a slower week for me." She says massaging his head. "Yes, I could tell, you sent me more texts this week than usual!"

"Maybe I just sent them because I love you!"

"Mmmm" he mumbles nearly asleep. Alicia leans over and kisses him again. "I do love you, but we should both get to bed. Getting to sleep a little early tonight would do both of us some good." She starts to move out from under him. He stays put. She smiles and shakes her head as she stands up and takes his hands to pull him up. "Come on, I'll help you get undressed." He gets up slowly and they walk to the bedroom. "I think I'm too tired for any of that tonight." She laughs as they enter the room. 'You really are tired!"

He immediately falls to the bed after she pulls back the covers. She unbuttons his shirt, and pulls his pants off, and tucks him in before climbing in next him. As he drifts of to sleep he's glad to finally have someone to come home to at night, someone who loves him.

The following morning he reaches over to her side of the bed before opening his eyes, but it's empty. As he comes more out of his sleep he glances over at the bedside clock. It reads ten am. It had been months since he'd slept that long and it felt good. His eyes scan the room for Alicia. Not finding her he closes them again. He can hear noise in the kitchen, and the smell of coffee, and breakfast.

A few minutes later he starts to get out of bed, but then she enters with a tray in hand, and sets it down in front of him, coffee, juice, toast and an omelet. She leans over and kisses him. "Morning sleepy head!" He smiles up at her. "And to what do I owe this?"

"I just thought you would like breakfast in bed."

"I think you're right!." He says observing the food in front of him, and taking a bite of the omelet. "I've never had breakfast in bed." She moves to the other side of the bed and sits next to him.

"Really?" Raising her eyebrows.

"Really"

"Well it's usually reserved for special days around here."

"Is today a special day?" He says taking another bite.

"No, I just felt like making you breakfast. It seemed like the normal thing to do."

"Normal?" He says turning to her. "Yes, you know what normal people would do."

"We are normal, but what else do _normal _people do?" He asks taking in some of the coffee. She smiles. "Nothing in particular, but I did plan a date for us tonight." He stops drinking. "You mean like a real date?" She laughs. "Yes a real date. We've been so busy the last few months working insane hours all week, and half the weekend, eating take out most nights, and crashing on the couch or in bed every night exhausted. I thought that two people who are getting married in four months should try doing something other than work and wedding planning!"

"That is a really good argument!" He says pointing his fork at her. "So what are we going to do on this date?"

"It's a surprise!" She says standing back up. "And I am hereby sentencing you to a day of relaxation. No work, I confiscated your phone! We are going to the market this morning, and then we can watch some of the NBA playoffs that start this afternoon!" She moves over to the closet and starts taking her clothes off. He smiles at her as she undresses and goes into the bathroom to shower. "How did you know the NBA playoffs start today?" He says getting out of bed to follow her. She pokes her head around the corner and smiles. "I have a very trusty source!"

"Oh yeah" he says walking in and standing in front of her. "Who?"

"The internet!" She says smiling and stepping into the shower. This makes both of them laugh. "Well that sounds like a good day to me." He says getting in after her.

That afternoon they are sitting on the couch watching the playoffs. She has her feet propped up on him. "You know I could get used to this." He says. "Used to what?"

"To lazy Saturdays at home with you!" He turns his gaze from the television to her.

"It is nice isn't it?" She says looking at her watch and standing up. "We have to get ready to go soon."

"And where are we going?"

"On our date, It's a surprise remember!" she says going over to her bag on the chair and grabbing something out of it. "Here you should wear this!" She says tossing him a Cubs baseball cap. "Unless you were planning on rooting for the Dodgers tonight!" He grabs the cap and puts it on. She moves to sit back down next to him.

"You got tickets to the game tonight?" he says grinning. "Third row behind home plate!" She says pulling out the tickets. He takes them from her. "I love you!" She laughs. "I know"

"Are you sure you won't be bored?" he asks. "Will, I want to go. It will be fun. And if we are going to be married we should do things together that the other one likes. That doesn't mean we need to spend every moment together, but we need to do things together away from home. Besides I used to watch you pitch for hours remember? And it isn't as if I've never been to a baseball game with you!"

"Yes, well we've never sat together at a baseball game. You were the one in the stands with your friends, and I was the one out on the field."

"Yes, I thought it would be fun to sit with you in the bleachers for once! Now come on we need to go soon." She stands back up and turns the T.V. off.

Later at the game they were sitting quite comfortably in their seats.. Will was surprised at how much baseball Alicia actually knew. "I never knew you knew so much about the game." He says holding her hand. She laughs a little. "I'm surprised I remember so much from watching you! More of it sank in all those years ago than I realized."

He turns his gaze from the game to her. "So you and your friends weren't just there to watch the best looking men on campus!" He says smiling at her.

She turns and looks at him. "I was only there to watch you. You were my best friend after all."

"I was wasn't I?"

She sighs, "Yes, you were." Just then the Cubs hit a home run, the stadium went wild. Once they were sat back down after cheering he takes her hand again. "We had some good times at Georgetown didn't we?"

"We did. I wouldn't want to go back at this point though."

'Oh come on you wouldn't go back to only sleeping four or five hours a night, and studying like there was no tomorrow?" he says chuckling.

"I wouldn't want to do all the studying again." She says turning towards him. "I wouldn't mind the stolen kisses in the library, as long as you didn't come up behind me and scare me to death first. You nearly gave me a heart attack a few times doing that! And I wouldn't mind re doing all the time we spent together not studying. But this is better. I wouldn't go back. How did we ever survive back then with such little sleep anyway?"

"Coffee lots of coffee, that and we were young then."

"Are you saying we're old now?" She says mocking him. He looks at her seriously. "No, we are just the right age." He says turning his gaze back to the game.

Squeezing his hand she looks back out at the field and crowd before her. "Will I'm sorry." He turns back to her confused. "Sorry for what?"

"For hurting you all those years ago."

"Alicia, you don't need to be sorry."

"I know, I just want you to know that making the decision to be with Peter didn't come easy. I loved you too. Peter just seemed to be the best choice for me at the time." She turns back to look at him.

"Licia it doesn't matter. I've blocked out all the bad memories from those years. I only remember the good ones. It is passed. I'm sitting here with you now, looking at our future not our past. We are right where we should be. Let it go."

"Okay" She leans over and kisses his cheek.

After the game they went to eat at a local pizza place, nothing fancy. It had been a good night. The conversation was light, and they didn't bring up work not even once. They both needed the break. No expectations, no time restraint, no concern about anything medically related, it was just them being a couple.

"I want to start running with you." She says taking another bite of her pizza. He looks at her a little shocked. "You want to what?"

"I want to go running with you. Why is this so hard to believe?"

"Because I thought you liked doing yoga, and Pilates, and all that kind of stuff." He says taking another bite of his pizza.

"I do, but I run on the treadmill sometimes at PT, which will end this week, and I thought it would be nice to run in the fresh air for once. I'm not saying I want to go with you all the time, just sometimes." She reaches to her glass and takes a drink.

"Ok, we can go tomorrow if you want."

"Good, and by the way you're taking Grace and I to a movie tomorrow night." She says taking another sip from her glass.

"Oh really!" he says raising his eye brows. "And what do I get if I do that?"

"Nothing," she says cocking her head to one side, "other than the satisfaction of making two women in your life happy!"

"I'm going to have to get used to _women_ in my life, meaning more than the ones I went out with the past month." He chuckles as the waitress brings them the check. He pulls out his wallet, and hands his card to the waitress. "Thanks" he says turning back to Alicia once again not noticing the waitress trying to flirt with him again. "Anytime" she says. Alicia watches her as she walks away from the table. "I'm going to be glad when there is a ring on that finger of yours Mr. Gardner." She says still eyeing the waitress. Will turns and looks in the direction she is. "Why?"

"Oh come on, you haven't noticed her trying to flirt with you all night?" She says turning back to him raising her eyebrows. "No" he says shaking his head placing his wallet on the table. She rolls her eyes.

"Are you jealous?" he says as a grin crosses his lips.

"No" She insists. He laughs as the waitress comes back with his card. He watches Alicia as she looks at the other women as though her territory has just been infringed upon. Once the waitress leaves,

"You are, you are jealous!" He says grinning placing his wallet back in his pocket.

"I am not!" She says rolling her eyes. "That's so high school Will."

He chuckles again standing up to pull on his jacket. "Licia, I already have the woman I want. A flirting waitress does nothing for me."

"I know" trying to brush it off she stands up, puts her jacket on and grabs her purse, then intentionally grabs his hand to hold. She won't admit it to him, but she was a little jealous and is struck now by how much it bothered her that the waitress was trying to flirt with him. She's glad he didn't even hint at flirting back.

The next day they go running as he had promised. He kept a slower pace for her and she knew it, but was glad he did, because she had woken up with a cough, and a bit tired. But she had insisted they still go.

That afternoon they were back out on the house hunt. After two hours without success once again their realtor, Mayra, says, "I have one last place in mind. It just came up yesterday"

"You do?" Alicia says. "Yes, but it's for rent, not for sale." Will, Alicia, and Grace look at each other. "We had talked about buying, but maybe we should consider renting." Will says turning to Alicia. Alicia nods in agreement. "Okay let's see this place. Where is it?"

"Follow me in your car. It's not to far from your current place."

The apartment building isn't very old, maybe ten years, and is impressive from the outside. Even more so once they enter. It comes with lots of amenities including a fitness center, and two covered parking spaces which was rare, but would come in handy. After seeing all the amenities Mayra takes them up to the apartment.

There is an inviting entry way as they walk in. Only a few minutes after entering both Will and Alicia are liking this place, though they don't say so to the other. Mayra points out all the things that are on both of their lists as they walk though the space.

"It has an open floor plan as you can see with living and kitchen areas being joined, which Will wants. But as you can see over here there is a more separated formal dining area, which Alicia wanted." They both nod in agreement taking in the space. "As you can see the windows are floor to ceiling in the main part of the apartment, and the master, which Will wanted. But the draperies, and wider moldings soften the modern edges for Alicia." They walk over to the windows taking in the magnificent view. "Is that a balcony?" Alicia says turning her gaze to a door just off the living area. "Yes a little bonus!" Mayra says opening the door so they can go out and take a look."

"The views from up here are amazing." Alicia says. Once they're back inside Mayra leads them to a room just off the living area. "This in an office with lots of shelving which I know both of you wanted"

"Need" Alicia adds thinking of how many books combined the two own, and that having a home office space would come in handy sometimes. They continue down the hall. "Here is a half bath for guests." She says pointing to the restroom off to the side. "At the end of this hall is the master." She continues down the well lit hallway. The master is large with en suite and huge closet. At the other end of the apartment are two more rooms for Zach and Grace, with a bathroom for them to share. They all like the fact that the spaces are on opposite sides of the apartment. The color palette is modern, and kitchen is a good mix of modern with a touch of tradition.

After walking around for a few more minutes Alicia whispers to Will. "I like it." He nods his head, "So do I." They turn back to Mayra. "Can we afford this?" Alicia says skeptically. The realtor laughs. "You can. The current renters are being relocated to San Francisco. They have a year left on their lease. They got in, in 08. after the markets crashed, at a very reasonable rate. The building owner has agreed to rent the apartment at the same rate if someone will take over the lease, and in a year you can re-negotiate if you like it here." Will and Alicia both look around at the space once more, then turn to each other. "What do you think?" she says. "I think I like it!" He says smiling at her. "It has everything we need." He says

"And want." She replies.

Alicia turns to Grace. "Grace what do you think?" She asks, knowing Grace will give her an honest opinion. "I like it Mom, and its a little closer to school which would be nice for my senior year."

"Ok, so are we doing this?" She says turning to Will. He moves in closer to her and puts his hands on her shoulders. "Yes, I think we should."

"All right we should start rounding up boxes then." She says gazing into his eyes. They get caught up in the moment. The reality that they are getting a place together briefly hits them.

"Guys, hey Mom, Will." Grace says pulling them from their trance. They both turn to look at her. "Engaged couples." Grace says rolling her eyes. "Don't look at me pay attention to Mayra."

They both turn their attention to Mayra. "So when can we move in?" Will asks. "At the end of the month. Two and half weeks."

"Good, get all of the paperwork ready, and we can sign tomorrow." Alicia says. Mayra nods, "I'll fax it over to you tomorrow.

"Now if you don't mind Will has kindly offered to take Grace and I out on the town tonight. We should be going." Alicia turns and grins looking over at him, "I offered?" He says shifting from one foot the other. "That's the way I remember it!" Alicia says turning and walking towards the door. He shakes his head smiling, and follows all three women out of the apartment.

That night sitting together on the couch Alicia notices the smile once again that had been permanently painted on his face all evening. "You're really excited about the apartment aren't you?" She says shifting herself to lean against him. "I am, aren't you?"

"I am very excited! It's just that I can tell you're happy. You've had that grin on your face all night!"

"I am happy. It was a good weekend. And you and I finally found a place that will be ours. Ours! Yours and mine!" he says holding her tighter. "Our first big thing as a couple." She says.

"So like I said it was a good weekend." He says

"Yes, so why has all this relaxing made me so tired? And I seem to have picked up a cough today." She says coughing a bit. "We should get some rest. Don't want that cough turning into something." He says. "I'm sure it will be fine. I'll take something tonight, and it will be fine by tomorrow." She gets up goes to the kitchen and takes some cough syrup and then they head to bed.

He coughs as they get into bed. "See look you've given it to me now!" he says pulling the covers up over both of them. She laughs turning to him placing her head on his chest. "Maybe you're the one who gave it to me."

"You started coughing first." He says

"You're right. I guess I'll owe you!"

"You will." He says putting his arm around her.


	24. April Showers

**A/N I debated publishing this chapter. I had planned on putting it in after these two went to NYC, but it didn't fit in time wise. Since I had it half written I decided to throw it in here. Thanks so much for the reviews, they have been wonderful! Keep the four letter words to a minimum when reviewing this one! Actually I'm curious to see what the reaction is to this. **

**April Showers**

Monday morning Alicia and Will both woke up miserable with head congestion, soar throats, and coughing. But there was no time to rest. The week was busy for both of them. His hectic schedule from the previous week continued, and hers turned into much the same. Their symptoms though annoying seemed to be controlled well with over the counter medication. By Thursday he was starting to feel better, and when she woke up the same day, she felt better than she had in three days. But that may have been due to Will insisting she get some sleep when she came home at ten instead of twelve the previous night. He'd been worried about her all week remembering all to well the doctors words from five month prior that the mildest of illnesses could turn into something much worse with little warning because of the possible damage done to her immune system, and vital organs. But sleeping for nine hours instead of five had seemed to help her.

"How are you this morning?" He says bringing her a cup of coffee and setting it on the bed side table. "Better I think." She says getting out of bed. "And you?"

"I'm fine. Just a little congested still. I'm sure it will be gone in another day to two."

"Good, so I made a reservation for dinner tonight at seven." She says walking towards the kitchen with her coffee mug. He walks out into the hallway, "All right, I shouldn't be to busy today. We finally settled my medical case last night. I'll come home around six. We can all go together. I 'm assuming Grace is coming?" He says pulling on his suit jacket. She comes back from the kitchen and walks over to him putting her hands on the lapel of his jacket. "No, just you and I! Grace has a study group here at seven. I like this suit you look good in it!" She says gazing into his eyes. He smiles at her. "Good, then think of me in it all day. That should make for some fun later tonight." He puts his arms around her waist and leans in to kiss her. She stops him. "Ah no lip kissing until we are healthy." She says. He chuckles, "We're both sic!" he says leaning in again. "It's been three days since I've touched those lips with mine, and we are getting better."

"I know but we may have different viruses, and I don't need this lasting any longer than necessary." She smiles at him and he leans in and kisser her forehead. "Fine, but I plan on making up for all these lost kisses this week!" She smiles as he pulls away from her. "I'll hold that to you!" She says raising her eyebrows and turning to go back into the bedroom. "I love you." He says.

"I love you more!" She says turning back and smiling at him. He will never get over seeing her when she says those words to him. It's a look saved just for him. He turns and walks towards the door but as he reaches for the door know a sense of worry hits him. He turns back around and looks at her. "You sure you're ok?"

"Yes, I'm fine, why?" She asks looking back at him. He looks over to the wall as if searching for something. Then he turns back to her. "Just don't over do it today ok?" She smiles at him. "I'll try not to. The work load should be less today."

"Okay, see you later." He says. Then slowly turns to leave. She turns towards the bedroom to get ready for work.

He tries to brush off the uneasiness he feels as he drives to work, but the ongoing rain showers they've had all week make it hard to feel anything but gloom. Once he's at work and busy he quickly forgets the morning.

By noon Alicia sits at her desk exhausted. If she'd felt better when she woke up this morning she had little recollection of it now. She felt worse now than she had all week. Her cough had gotten worse as the morning progressed, and her chest was congested now. Carey hearing one of her coughing fits walks over to her office.

"That cough sounds awful. He says sitting down in front of her desk looking concerned. "I know I thought it was getting better, but I feel awful right now." She says leaning back in her chair closing her eyes. "Yeah you're not looking to good right now!" He says trying to get her to laugh. She rolls her eyes, "Thanks a lot Carey!" He smiles back at her, "Maybe you should go home and rest, you know keep those germs to yourself!" She turns and looks at him. "I probably should."

"I can handle the rest of the cases today. Go home get some rest. I bet you'll feel better tomorrow." Carey says standing back up. "I'm sorry Carey."

"Sorry for what?"

"For leaving you in the middle of the day again. You've been great through all of this. I don't deserve you."

He smiles, "Yeah well I have a two week vacation planned in July. You can make it up to me then!" She smiles. "You do? As of when?" He grins back at her. "As of thirty seconds ago!" They both laugh. "Deal" She says "And we will even leave you alone!" She says getting up and pulling on her coat. "That's right, I might leave my phone home! And I'm not telling you where I'm going!" he says walking back out of her office. This makes her laugh to herself. As she leaves she calls Will.

"Hey"

"Hey" she says.

"I'm going home. I feel awful."

"I thought you were feeling better this morning?" He says looking up from the mess of paperwork on his desk.

"I thought so too, but I went down hill fast. I think I better cancel dinner tonight." She coughs again.

"Alicia, that cough sounds worse. Maybe you should go see a doctor." The unsettled knot in his stomach from earlier had returned.

She sighs, putting her hand to her forehead. "Will its fine, I just need to rest. I pushed to hard the past few days. The cough is always the thing that lasts the longest when I get a cold." She says getting into her car.

"Okay, but if you haven't improved by morning you are going to see a doctor, no arguing." He insists.

"Fine." She says leaning back in her seat closing her eyes.

"I'll still try to come home early. See you in a few hours."

"Okay, love you." she says.

"I love you more!" He says smiling into his phone. She smiles to herself as she hits end. The rain is still coming down hard, and trying to drive in it she wishes she were already home. Luckily it wasn't too far.

When she gets home she changes into pajama pants and a long sleeve tee, and falls into bed. She drifts off to sleep listening to the pouring rain outside. She sleeps until she hears Grace come in at about four thirty. Grace noticing her moms keys, and bag goes into her room to check on her.

"Mom, are you ok?" She says looking concerned noticing the blankets huddled up around Alicia's neck. Alicia turns to look at her. "I'm just sick honey. I'll be ok." coughing again. "Mom, that cough is awful." She says sitting down on the bed next to Alicia.

"And you're sounding more congested." Alicia puts her hand to her forehead. "I don't feel well, at all. My whole body is aching, and the congestion seems to have moved to my chest."

"Mom we should take you to see a doctor." Grace says looking at her even more concerned. "Honey I just need some more medication, and lots of sleep. Can you go get the meds in the kitchen for me please?" Grace shakes her head hesitantly and slowly gets up. "Sure, I'll be right back." As Grace leaves the room she sends Will a text.

_Mom's sounding worse, and she says she's achy all over. I think we should take her to see someone._

A few minutes later she gets a reply.

_We'll go when I get home. Should be an hour. _

Grace takes the medication to Alicia, who looks more pale than she did a few minutes ago. Grace puts her hand to Alicia's forehead. "Mom you're burning up."

Alicia looks up at her. "How can that be, I'm freezing Grace?"

"Yes because you have high fever Mom." Grace is getting more concerned Alicia knows full well that a high fever will cause body chills. "Can you get me another blanket and some water please? I'll take something for the fever."

Grace goes to Alicia's closet and pulls out a blanket. She puts it on her mother hoping that this will help. Alicia notices the worry written all over Grace's face. "Honey I'll be fine. I'm tired I need to rest some more okay?" She says coughing again, this time wincing some. That time it felt like something sharp had pricked her insides. Grace notices her grimace. "Mom I really think we should go see someone."

Just wanting to sleep she responds, "Okay, we can go when Will gets home all right." Feeling a bit relieved Grace agrees, and leaves her to sleep. She sends Will another text.

_Mom agrees to go see someone when you get home. She's getting worse. Really high fever now._

Will reads the second text while in the conference room with Diane, and their client. Frowning he texts Grace back.

_Get some liquids into her. In a meeting for5 more mins. come home after. _

He leaves as soon as the meeting has ended, but traffic is horrible with the rain. It takes him nearly an hour to get home. When he walks in Grace was just about to go check on her again. "How is she?" he asks. "She's sleeping now, but you should listen to her breathing. It's all shallow, it seems like she's having a hard time getting any oxygen in." This concerns him even more he hurries into the bedroom with Grace following behind. He goes over to the bed, and puts his hand on her arm. He is surprised at how hot her skin is. He shakes her a bit. "Alicia wake up. We need to go see a doctor." He waits, she doesn't stir. He shakes her again. "Alicia" He puts his hand on her forehead noticing again how warm she is. _At least she's breathing_. He thinks to himself. He turns to Grace. "Grace when was the last time you checked on her." He asks calmly as to not worry Grace, but his heart starts to race a bit. He tries waking her again without success. "About fifteen minutes ago, why?" Grace moves closer to the bed.

"Did she respond to you then?" He says pulling the covers from Alicia and turning to Grace. "Yes, I gave her some water, but she didn't keep it down. Why?" Looking at him scared. Will can see it in her eyes. "Okay, its ok, we need to get her to the hospital." Grace looks panicked now. "Why isn't she waking up?" Tears start to form in her eyes. Will walks over to her and puts his hands on her shoulders.

"Grace it's going to be fine. Grab your coat and a blanket for your mom. We will call the hospital on our way out." He says as calmly as he can, even though he's worried to death, and thinking he should have made her see a doctor earlier in the day.

He leans over and picks Alicia up off the bed. Grace grabs her coat and the blanket and follows Will out of the apartment. "Shouldn't we call 911?" Grace says as they get to the elevator.

"It will be faster for me to drive to the hospital. Don't worry. We're going to get some help for your mom. She's going to be fine." He says as they get into the elevator.

Once they are in the car driving Grace hands Will the phone. "It's the hospital they want to talk to you." Will briefly explains the situation and then gets off the phone. "They will have people ready for her when we get there." He says trying to reassure her. Ten minutes later they were almost there. Grace is in the back seat with Alicia propped up against her. Grace looks down at her and notices Alicia's eyes flutter open. "Mom, Mom" Grace says. "Will she opened her eyes. "Good try and keep her awake." Alicia coughs again her whole body shaking. Once the fit has settled her eyes close shut again. "Mom, Will hurry she's barely breathing." Grace says panicking. "I am. We'll be there in a minute." He looks at Grace through the rear view mirror. _Come on Alicia ,breathe. Don't give up on us now. _He thinks to himself as they pull up in front of the emergency room.

He lifts Alicia out of the car and they hurry in. They are met with a few nurses, a doctor, and a gurney. He sets her down on the gurney, and they immediately start assessing her as they wheel her further down the hall. Grace and Will give them as many details as possible before they take her into a room for evaluation, leaving the two looking on nervous and scared as the door closes in front of them.

Grace turns to Will, "is she going to be ok?" voice cracked, tears start falling from her eyes. Will turns to her and puts his arms around her. "I don't know Grace, I'm sure the doctors will do everything they can." He holds onto her for a few minutes as she silently cries into his coat. He's worried to death, but he's glad he can be here for Grace, and that she trusts him enough to cry on his shoulder. "Grace lets go sit over there." He says pointing to some chairs down the hall. They move to the chairs and begin the wait. "I should call Zach, and Dad." Grace says pulling out her phone. Will hadn't thought of that yet. "It's a good idea. They should know what's going on." Even though Peter and Alicia were divorced Peter was still Grace's father. It would probably help her to have him here with her, and things had been better between the two men since the divorce.

Thirty long minutes later the doctor emerges from the room. He walks over and sits next to them. The look on his face is not reassuring.

"How is she?" Will asks hesitantly.

The doctor sighs. "Alicia has bacterial pneumonia. Which means her body's immune system isn't keeping bacteria from the cold she has out of her lungs. The bacteria are reproducing in her lungs, while her body tries to fight of the infection."

"That's treatable with antibiotics isn't it?" Will asks. "Yes, but she is very sic. The bacteria have multiplied quickly, and with her history it's hard to tell how this will affect her other organs."

"Were you able to wake her back up?" Grace asks. The doctor puts his head down, and then looks back up at the two. "Yes briefly, but I had to put her into a medically induced coma so that we could put her on a ventilator to help her breath. She is being moved to the ICU right now." Will looks at Grace, she's terrified at the mention of the word coma, and so is he. "How long will she be in this induced state?" Will asks.

"Hopefully for only twenty four to forty eight hours. Long enough for the medication to help fight off some of the bacteria so she can breathe on her own again. We are doing everything we can for her right now, but I'm not going to lie to you. She's fighting for her life right now." Will can feel his heart sink. He begins to feel sorrow like he's never felt before, even worse than a year ago when she was asleep for so many months. He looks down at Grace, he can't imagine how hard this news is for her.

The doctor continues. "The percentage of people who survive once the infection is this severe is low."

"I don't understand how it got so bad so quickly. She was feeling a bit better this morning." Will says.

"This type of pneumonia flares up with a weak immune system. Her immune system had been weakened from the cold she got, but my guess is that her immune system has been weaker ever since her coma last year, and that's likely why the infection got so bad."

"And will she wake up once you lessen the drugs you're putting into her?" Will knew he had to ask the question even if he didn't want the answer realizing his worst nightmare may be coming true, that she'll slip back into a coma for a long period again, or even worse. "I can't say for sure with her past history. But we are miles away from getting to that point. If she makes it through the night," He stops breathing, stops listening as those words play over and over in his mind. _If she makes it through the night._

"and then the next twelve hours we can re-have this discussion. Only time will tell. I am very sorry. You are welcome to go and see her, but only two people at a time in the ICU. The doctor gets back up. "Thank you doctor." Will says as he turns to leave. Grace leans over to rest on his shoulder. He puts his arm around her. "We better call Zach again." Grace says pulling out her phone. "Yes we better." He responds starting to not feel anything its his defense mechanism if can't feel he can't be hurt.

Awhile later Peter arrives as Will and Grace come back out of the ICU. "Dad" Grace says running to him in tears as soon as she sees him putting her arms around him. He embraces her, and turns to Will. "Hey Will."

"Hey Peter." He walks over and shakes Peter's hand. "Thanks for coming."

"How is she?" he asks as they sit down. "The same." Will responds.

"Dad she might die." Grace says in tears. Will holds it together once again. He's grown to love Grace over the past months but seeing her like this is crushing. And even though Peter isn't married to her anymore he still cares for Alicia. This is hard for all of them. "Honey the doctors are going to do everything they can. Your mom is strong. I'm sure she'll pull through." Peter says pulling Grace into him again. Looking at Will, they both know how serious this is.

"Grace why don't you take your Dad back to see her." Will says. She nods and the two get up and head back into the ICU.

An hour later Veronica, and Owen had come. Carey, and Diane had been called and were on their way, and there was handful of press outside the hospital. The Jeffery Grant trial had begun at the beginning of the week, and the fact that the Governors ex-wife, had been shot by him the previous year, and was going to be one of many witnesses for the trial, but was now fighting for her life, had become, some thought, news worthy.

The waiting area just outside the ICU had become a bit crowded with all of Alicia's close acquaintances. "I'm going to get some fresh air for a few minutes." Will says standing up. Everyone looks to him, knowing how hard this must be on him. He walks past the staring eyes and down the hallway. The hospital was quiet now, it was nearly ten. After wondering for twenty minutes he stops in front of some windows just down the hall from everyone. He stares out the window watching the rain continue to drench everything. A few minutes later Diane comes up next to him.

"How are you?" she says staring out the window with him. "Fine" He doesn't turn to look at her. "I'll clear your schedule tomorrow." She says turning to face him. "Thanks"

Diane puts her hand on his shoulder. His first instinct was to pull away but he doesn't have the energy. "She'd be so upset if she knew the press were here." He says trying to make the mood lighter. Diane chuckles a bit. "Yes she would." Silence ensues for a few more minutes. "She's strong Will. She's a fighter. but"

"Diane I can't talk about it right now." He looks down at his feet. "I appreciate the concern, but I can't." He looks towards her. "I won't." he whispers to her then turns, puts his hands in his pockets, and walks back down the hall. Diane watches him as he slowly disappears around a corner. "I sure hope so." She says to no one.

Thirty minutes later after everyone's been in to see her they decide to leave. Everyone needs some sleep. Peter convinces Grace to go home with him, but Will insists on staying even though the doctors had said they didn't expect things to change during the night. But he couldn't bring himself to leave her.

Kalinda offers to stay with him for awhile, he doesn't argue with her. It would be nice to have the company. They chatted some about work and ongoing cases. He'd asked her how things were between she and Carey. She convinces him to go with her to the cafeteria to get something to eat, not that it would that great. He agrees and they leave her room. That late at night their options were limited so they decide to just have a cup of coffee. Thirty minutes later they walk back up to the ICU but are stopped at the entrance by a nurse who upon seeing them looks quite concerned.

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait for a few minutes before you go back to see her." She says standing in front of them. Will looks at her questioningly. "What? Why?" The nurse turns her head nervously down the hall towards Alicia's room, and then looks back at him a loss for words. "She, um, the doctor is in with her now. Please you need to wait outside." She says almost pleading with him. He can tell something isn't right. He turns to Kalinda who just shrugs her shoulders. He's tired, he doesn't feel well, and knows something is wrong so he says louder than he'd intended. "Tell me what's going on." The nurse doesn't say anything. He pushes past her and hurries down the hall followed by Kalinda and the nurse. When he gets to her room he opens the door there are five medical staff in her room all around her bed working on her. "Doctor what's going on?" One of the other nurses turns to him, and walks over to him. "Mr. Gardner you can't be in here right now. Please wait outside."

"Not until you tell me what's going on." He insists. The nurse looks back to the doctor who briefly looks at her and nods. "Please come back out and I'll talk to you."

"Will" Kalinda cuts in. "Lets just go outside and see what she has to say." He agrees hesitantly and follows Kalinda and the nurse out to the hall. "So" He says looking at the nurse.

"A few minutes ago Alicia went into cardiac arrest. They are trying to revive her right now." Will's stomach turns into knots. He's pretty sure he's going to be sick. The word revive plays over and over in his mind. He tries to get a coherent sentence out, "You mean… She…" His head darts from the door to her room, to Kalinda to the nurse. "I'm sorry but I really need to get back in there." The nurse says turning and walking back down the hall.

Will stands in a trance watching the nurse walk back in the room, his heart starts to break into pieces. He's worried that all his hopes, all his dreams are about to be shattered. "Will" Kalinda says for the second time. He turns to her not really comprehending. "Will lets go sit." She puts her hand on his arm to guide back out to the waiting area.

He feels like yelling, screaming, doing something, but he's in to much shock to do anything. They sit and wait in the now quiet area. The next fifteen minutes are the longest of his life. Every minute that passes part of him dies. Images of her flash through his mind. Finally when he can't take it anymore the door to the ICU opens and the doctor comes out. He sits next to Will.

"We were able to revive her. She's ok for now." Will heaves a huge sigh of relief placing his elbows on his knees and bending his head into his hands. "Thank you" he says "Thank you so much"

"You're welcome." The doctor stands back up to leave. "Can we go back in now?" Kalinda asks. "She knew this would be the next thing to come out of Will's mouth once he'd calmed down. "Yes, you're welcome to go back in now." Kalinda nods in acknowledgement. They go back in and Kalinda stays with him for another hour before getting up to leave. "Kalinda" he says as she get up. "What/"

"Thanks for being here." She nods.

"Promise me you'll never breathe a word of what happened tonight to anyone. Not Carey, not Grace, and especially not to Alicia."

She turns and smiles at him. "I always have your back Will."

"I know" he says as she turns and walks out of the room.

He'd tried to sleep, but these rooms were not meant for overnight visitors. With uncomfortable chairs, sleep had been hard even with the pillow and blanket the nurses had brought him. So he sits and watches her, watches the lines on the machines one of the few signs that she's still alive other than her warm hand he has resting in his. He starts to run his fingers over the ring he'd put there just a month earlier. Sitting here now he feels very alone. He'd held it together for Grace, and everyone else, but the lack of sleep, and the reality that he'd almost lost her for good a few hours before finally gets the better of him. The thought of her never recovering, never waking up again crushes his heart, it crushed his soul.

The thought of losing her now after all they've been through the past year is unbearable. He leans his head down still holding her hand in his, and he breaks down. He can't keep it in any longer. Silently the tears flood from his eyes spilling freely onto her fingers. After a few minutes when he think there can't be any more tears yet some still fall he pulls her warm hand to his lips and gently kisses it. Her hand just inches from his lips he pleads, "Licia, please don't leave me. We haven't had enough time."

The next two days drag on. Though she shows no outward sign of improvement, after taking x-rays of her lungs the doctors say the infection's improving. Will stays by her side other than to eat and go home and shower. With news of her improving his concern for her life lessens some, but his anxiety for what might be going on in her mind increases. If she does as she did before she'll go through multiple days without waking to him, and that he knows will scare her.

By the end of the third day they decide to lessen the medication keeping her in a coma. This is a good sign, although there is one question playing in the back of everyone's mind. How long will it take for her wake up? The general rule of thumb is six hours. The doctors tell Will they think it will take between six to twelve. By Monday afternoon it had been eighteen. The good news was that her fever had disappeared and the congestion in her chest and lungs continued to improve. Some color had returned to her skin.

It was late Monday afternoon and Will was working as best he could in her room on his laptop as a distraction for the hours that continued to pass without any sign of her waking. He was busy reading over a new case he'd picked up the previous week when she begins to move her fingers. He doesn't notice this, a few minutes later she opens her eyes she turns her head taking in her surroundings. A slight sense of uneasiness hits her. The last thing she remembered she had fallen asleep in her bed at home. Then her eyes fall on Will who is still focused on his laptop.

"Will" It comes out as a whisper but he hears it. He immediately looks over to her, puts the laptop down and moves next to her. "Alicia" He takes her hands into his. "What happened?" She says. The relief engulfs his whole body. He squeezes her hand tighter and out of no where a few tears fall from his eyes. He bends his down slightly to regroup. Now she's concerned "Will" He looks back up and leans in and kisses her briefly. He puts his forehead to hers and stares into her eyes. "You're in the ICU." He says smiling.

The words sink in like a ton of bricks. He pulls back a bit and she turns her gaze from him looking around the room once more. This is the last place she wanted to be. "Why?" She says turning back to him. He takes a deep breath. "You have pneumonia. When I got home Thursday night you.." She cuts him off. "Wait what day is it?" she says not wanting to believe that once again she's possibly missed out on more time. "It's Monday Licia. You were so sick they had to induce a coma." She takes in some deep breaths more consciously aware of how awful she feels. "I" She can't bring herself to say the words.

Sensing the concern he says, 'It was only for a few days. How are you feeling?" She looks back at him. "I feel awful." She says quite honestly. He smiles. "I'm sorry" He looks down at her hand and starts running his finger over the ring again, and then looks back up to her. "You're pretty sick, but I have it on good authority that you're improving. I'm sure you'll feel much better in a few days." He continues to gaze into her hazel eyes that he knows four days ago came close to never opening again. Just then the nurse comes in and checks on her and then goes to get the doctor. "I should have listened to you." She says. He smiles again. "Yes you should have! Did you dream while you were asleep?" he asks hoping this incident hasn't taken her back ten steps from the progress she'd made with the Psychologist. She thinks for a minute and then turns to him. "No" A smile crosses her lips. "I don't think I was dreaming of least I don't remember if I had."

"Good" he says. "We'll count that as therapy for last week!"

Will moves from the bed to the chair next to her. A few minutes later the doctor walks in with Grace close behind. She goes right to the bed and hugs Alicia. "Mom, I'm so glad your ok." Will watches as she hugs her mother, grateful they have the chance to. Her near kiss with death hits him hard once again, but that is a secret he intends to take to his grave.

Alicia still needed to be monitored carefully, but the doctors were hopeful she could leave the ICU in another day, and then go home in seven to ten more days. They expected it would be two to three weeks before she felt well enough to go back to work.

That night Will sat by her bed holding her hand. They had been talking, he'd kept a close eye on her all evening. "You should go home and get some rest." She says to him knowing how tired he must be after staying there the past four nights. "I will once you're asleep." He says. He's looking at her again the same way she'd caught him looking at her a few times earlier. She can't read this look. He just stares into her eyes and seems to get lost in his thoughts. "Will I'll be fine. You must be exhausted. You should have gone home at night and gotten mores sleep. I'm in good hands here." He bends his head down and shakes it. "I know you are. I just.."

"You just what?" He looks back up at her. "I'm staying, no arguing." What he's really thinking is that he now he realizes how scared he was four nights ago when she almost died, and he knows he'll get past this, but for now he needs to be with her to watch her, and know she's alive. After she falls asleep just like old times he gets up leans over and kisses her, and then leaves.

The next day he went back to work. She continued to improve. Two days before she was released from the hospital they had planned on moving. Grace and Will had packed some things up, but it had been to crazy to get all of it done, and Alicia would need to stay down for another week before she could really do much as far as moving went. So they put it on hold. Alicia told Will they should probably hire professional movers to pack up after she was well. He agreed. He was having his things moved from his apartment to the new one the following weekend, and they would just wait and see when things could be moved from hers.

As they walk into her apartment he takes her jacket and hangs it up. Then he stands a few feet in front of her. "Come here" he whispers walking closer to her. She moves closer smiling at him. He embraces her tightly. This is the first time he'd been able to hold her since she went into the hospital. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed it until she was settled into his arms. They stay like that for a few minutes breathing each other in. She loves the contentment and safety of being in his arms. He loves these things too, but he's more grateful that she's even standing there at all. Once again fate or luck, he's not sure which, has given them more time.

**A/N I promise the last four chapters of this to be much happier! What do you all think Alicia should wear to the wedding? I would really love to ask Dan Lawson what he'd put her in! But let me know your thoughts on the wedding, colors, décor, yes please get carried away! I have some ideas, but its fun to see what everyone else thinks when it comes to the these two! **


	25. Merge

**Merge**

It had been three weeks since Alicia came home from the hospital. She'd been back to work for a week and a half. Things at work had gotten crazy. Her firm was growing faster than they could keep up, especially since Carey had once again been left for nearly three weeks without her help. She'd done what she could from home, but the reality was that they were growing and needed more help.

It had been busy at LG as well. Yes they had more staff than Carey and Alicia but they were short on good criminal law and litigation lawyers. So Will and Diane had been shuffling as fast as they could to get cases closed.

By Saturday of Memorial Day weekend everyone was ready for a three day weekend and they were all taking it, even if they had to do some work from home. For Alicia and Will this was the weekend they had been waiting for. The big move was to take place over the weekend. Alicia, Will and Grace had packed the things they didn't want the movers touching, and they let the movers do the rest. Sunday afternoon after everything had been cleared from the apartment Alicia took one last walk through the place that had been her home, her sanctuary over the past six years. It was sad in a way, she had some good memories in this place, but it was time to move on. Zach had come home to help. He was done with classes and had a job lined up to start the following week.

"Hey mom are you ready go?" Grace calls from the living room. Alicia was standing against the door frame to the closet in her bedroom and had been so caught up in thought she didn't hear Grace. Zach came out of his room after checking for any items that may have been left behind, and Will walks out of the kitchen Grace calls Alicia again, Alicia stays put looking on into the room. "I'll be there in just a minute." She calls back to Grace. "Hey why don't you two head over and I'll bring your mom in a few minutes okay." Will says heading into the bedroom. The two agree and leave.

After they've gone Will walks up behind Alicia and puts his arms around her waist pulling her in close. This brings her back out of her thoughts and she turns into him. "Hey you okay?" he says smiling softly down at her. "Yes, I'm good. I just can't believe I'm not going to call this place home anymore." She says smiling back to him. "I know the feeling. It's odd to leave a place after living there for so many years." He looks down and notices she has something in her hand. "What's that?" He asks. She looks down at the item in her hand and smiles as she lifts the magazine up for him to see. "I found this in the closet on the top shelf!" She opens up to the pages with the photos of him on it. He chuckles taking it from her. "You have a copy of this?"

"Well it did come out right around the time I separated from Peter!"

"So me being Chicago's sixteenth most eligible bachelor meant something to you?" he says smiling to her. This causes a slight chuckle from her. "No, I just liked the photos of you! I'm embarrassed to say I sat on the bed in here more than one night holding that magazine and thinking about you. I bet that was a real boost to your ego!"

"It was! Now I won't have a chance to move up on the list. I was hoping to make it to number five!" She rolls her eyes. "Well you'll just have to work on making the top of the list for best looking husbands! Now let's go." She pulls away from him. He starts to follow her with the magazine still opened in his hands. "I think we should have this framed!" He says jokingly. "I'm pretty sure this the only copy left in Chicago! I mean we might want to show it to the grandkids some day!" Alicia turns back to him as she gets to the door and rolls her eyes again. "You can keep that if you want, but we are not framing it."

That night they sit in bed together in their new room for the first time. There were loads of boxes still to be unpacked. Between the two, they had a lot of stuff, and it was going to take awhile to get it all arranged how they wanted it. They opted for new furniture in the living room that would be delivered in a few days. He had good office furniture so they didn't need anything new there. They kept her bed for their own, and moved his into Zach's room. Zach was older now, and could use the larger bed, and it would come in handy if they ever had guests. They mixed and matched their other things, and planned on doing some shopping together for the rest to put their mark on the place.

"We did good!" Alicia says holding a glass of wine in one hand, looking out at the view of the city from their bed. "We did!" He says putting his book down, and placing his arm around her gazing out at the night skyline. "So you're going dress shopping tomorrow?" he says turning and kissing the top of her head. She sighs, "I am, we will see how long I last. I could shop for hours with Grace, but having mom along could be—interesting." He chuckles. "Are you going to let me see it before the wedding?" She puts her wine glass on the bed side table, and turns to look at him. "No, its bad luck."

"Oh come on that isn't really true. That's probably something someone made up two hundred years ago after the man saw the woman in the dress before the wedding day and the whole thing turned out horribly. I bet the wedding being a disaster had nothing to do with the dress!" She can't help but laugh. "Good argument! Even if it won't bring bad luck, the surprise and look on your face when you see it that day will be worth the wait!"

"What if I peek at it while it's hanging in OUR closet?"

"I've got you there. Once it's been altered, it will remain at Moms until the wedding!"

"Why not Owens?"

"That was my first thought. But then I thought what if Owen throws you a bachelor party, and you end up back at his place for who knows what? I couldn't take the risk. In fact the more I think about it I may need to store it at Diane's. She's the only one I think I could really trust with such a thing."

"Well I just may have some surprises up my own sleeve!" he says settling down into the bed. She laughs again. "Oh yeah, and what might that be?"

"I'm not telling it's a surprise!" He smiles up at her and closes his eyes. She leans over and gently punches him. He opens his eyes again putting his hand to his arm where she punched him. "Ouch!" He says grinning. "You do not!" She says rolling her eyes. He chuckles. "Your right, but I think I'll come up with something! Two can play this game!" She chuckles again settling herself down next to him.

"Are you going to buy something to wear for the wedding night?" he asks.

She smiles again. "Maybe I'll leave that up to you!" She leans in and kisses his warm lips. He keeps her in close. "You'll wear anything I choose?" he asks running his hands up and down her back. "Yes" She says pulling his undershirt up over his head. He pulls her into him again. "Okay, I'm holding you too that! Don't forget." She starts to run her hands over his chest. "I won't"

A few days later Carey came and sat down in Alicia's office. "We need to talk." She looks up from her laptop. "Uh oh, that doesn't sound good." He smiles. "Nothing bad, but we need to talk about our future."

"Our future?" she says raising her eyebrows. "Yes, look Alicia we're swamped. We have more work coming in than we can handle, but we can't be turning clients away on good cases. And look around we are out of office space." She looks past him out into the office. He was right the space was pretty much filled, and there were people everywhere. It wasn't that she hadn't noticed, or that she didn't know they had more work than they could handle. Their long hours were proof of that.

"So what do you suggest?" She says turning her gaze back to him.

"I think we should hire some new attorneys, and look for new office space."

"Can we afford to do that?" She asks. "I had Clark run the numbers. We can afford one to three new associates depending on how much we spend on office space."

"Ok, we should start looking for new hires, and let's look for some new space. Let's have Robin and Clark start looking for possible office space, and you and I can review applicants for interviews. She watches him, he doesn't move from his chair even though she thinks this conversation has ended. "Is there something else?"

"There is one other option." He says looking away for a brief second. He's hesitant to bring this up. "Which would be what?"

"We could possibly merge with LG." The words seem to hang in mid air. Alicia immediately gets defensive. "Did Will talk to you?" She says tight lipped. She's seconds away from phoning Will and asking what he thinks he's doing talking to Carey behind her back. Carey looks utterly confused. "Will? Whaat? No. I was going to see how you felt about a merge, and then if you liked the idea see if you'd talk to Will to see if it was a possibility."

Alicia sighs, turning her temperature back down ten notches. "I don't know Carey. Would you really want to go back?"

"Look Alicia it's smart. The waters have been calmed. You and Will are getting married. You can be as friendly at work as you want to be, and you won't have to argue against each other in court. And I'm sorry, but that will be a bonus for all of us!" he says smiling.

"We are both top Chicago firms. We won't have to compete for top clients. And you can't begin to tell me that at some point that won't cause marital discord. We can be the largest, best firm in Chicago, not to mention they have a branch in New York." He kept going not letting her get a word in edge wise. "And I think we should find new office space, something neutral." She laughs. "What's so funny?"

She shakes her head. "That is exactly what Will said when he brought up merging! Are you sure you two haven't been conspiring behind my back?"

"I promise. So he's open to the idea?" She leans forward and puts her arms on her desk. "Well he was a few months ago, but we haven't talked about it since." She sits back remembering the circumstances under which she and Will had discussed it after their huge argument in court.

Carey continues. "I think it's the best idea, but if you don't want too, I'll go along with our other plan. We need more help either way."

"I'll think about it. For now let's start looking for office space and new hires."

Carey gets up to leave, then turns back to her. "How long will you and Will be in Baltimore?" Alicia stands up and starts to gather her things. "You mean in two weeks?" It was Will's parent's fiftieth anniversary in two weeks, and they were having a big celebration so Will, Alicia and Grace were going to attend.

"Yes"

"We fly out Friday afternoon, Grace and I are coming back here Sunday night, and he is going on to New York. Why?"

He sighs, "Because I have the Newman case going to trial next week and I want you on that with me. And we have three other cases in depositions right now threatening to go to trial." It came out more bitter than he'd intended. But Alicia knows he's just stressed out. Everyone is. "I need to know that you're going to be here to back me up. And where are you going?" He says.

It's all making sense now, why he's pushing so hard for more help. She can't blame him, she's left him empty handed without any warning numerous times over the past six months not to mention completely on his own for eight months. He has the right to be a little bitter. She walks over to him and puts one hand on his arm. "Carey I have a meeting from four to five, and then I'll be back. I can help with the Newman case, and we can look at everything else and decide where to shuffle more work. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I will think about the merge I promise. Thank you for hanging in there the past year. I promise this is going to get better. Take this next weekend off and let me deal with the headaches okay?"

He looks down and sighs, "I didn't mean for it sound so…"

"Carey you have every right to be a little upset. But I'm here. We need to start working together again as a team okay? The work load is just as much my problem as it is yours."

"Okay" He says relieved.

'I'll be back soon, and we can order in dinner and get a good start on some of our new cases, and make some headway on old ones."

"Okay see you in awhile." He turns to leave again, but then wonders, "Who are you meeting with?" She wasn't about to tell him that she was on her way to her weekly meeting with Beth. She knew it wouldn't matter, that he wouldn't care, but she really was trying to keep this between as few people as possible, and she only had about another four weeks worth of sessions left anyhow. As far as she was concerned this could remain under the radar. "A possible new client. I'll see you in ninety minutes." She hurries off not giving him a chance to ask any more questions.

When she entered the apartment late that evening she found Will asleep on their new sofa with ESPN playing on the T.V. He had come home early for the furniture delivery. She stands at one end of the sofa admiring him, and the new furniture for a minute then walks over leans down and kisses him. This causes him to stir and open his eyes. A smile crosses his lips when he sees her. "Look it's my long lost fiancé!" She smiles and sits on the edge of the sofa next to him. "We had a lot to catch up on today." She looks around the room again. "We made a good choice on the furniture didn't we!" She says smiling. "We did! Is the set up all right?" he asks. "Yes you and Grace did a good job arranging it!"

"That was all her. I just moved things where she told me too. You know she's just like you!" Alicia smiles. "I know, and she inherited all of my bad traits along with the good ones!" He smiles, "I'm going to take the fifth on that comment!"

He closes his eyes again. "The furniture's comfortable too!" She chuckles, "I can see that. Scoot over so I can try it out." He smiles at her but doesn't open his eyes. "No, you can sit on the love seat over there." He says jokingly. She rolls her eyes, but starts to stand up. He grabs her arm pulling her back down to him opening his eyes. "I'll move." He moves to sit up, she sits where his head had been, and he leans in against her. She brings her hands to his shoulders and starts massaging them. "That feels good."

"Will we need to talk." She says continuing to massage his neck.

"Sure what about?"

"Carey wants to know how you and Diane would feel about merging with us." Will pulls out from her embrace and turns to her. "Really? Why? Are you guys doing ok? I mean is your firm ok?" He'd been hoping for this for months, it would be nice to work with her again. But he knew she was hesitant about it so he'd left it alone. She sighs and leans back on the sofa. "Yes, in fact that's the problem. We have to much work for the number of staff we have. We've outgrown our space. And unless you'd prefer to not see me until the wedding we really need to do something."

"Well I can't say I'd be happy about that."

"I know! So our other option is to hire more staff, and move office spaces."

"And is that what you'd prefer?"

"I don't know."

"Alicia what's the hang up here?"

She turns her gaze back to him. "Do you really think we can work all day together and live together all the time?"

"Yes, I do!" he says without hesitation. "Alicia it would make things easier. We could go to work together, and come home together. Even though we would work in the same office we wouldn't necessarily be on the same cases anyway, but we could discuss our work day more easily without breaking confidentiality. And let's not forget the big one. We wouldn't ever have to argue against each other in court. We could team up and beat everyone!" We could own the largest firm in Chicago! I don't see the down side." He says looking at her hopefully.

She isn't convinced, although she doesn't know why. It was she who merged the two firms in her mind a year ago, and that had gone well. So what was her hang up? He was the only piece that didn't fit into that puzzle a year ago, yet he would be a good piece to add. A piece she wanted to add. "Do you think the four of us can make decisions together without it causing trouble?"

"Yes, I do. Probably better than we do now. Diane and Carey have always seen eye to eye. They've made a good team since the beginning. You and I make a good team, we always have, and Carey and Diane balance us out. Admit it, sometimes you and I do things in haste without thinking. We go into war mode, and don't stop to think about the consequences until it's too late sometimes."

She rolls her eyes. "Hey watch who you're adding to your little scenario here. I do not do things in haste!" She protests glaring lovingly at him. He smiles. "Yes you do sometimes when you get all riled up about something." She doesn't like this, but she knows he's somewhat right. "It's not doing things in haste its winning. Getting the result you want before the enemy has a chance to fire back." She says in rebuttal. "Fine" he says, they've gotten off topic and he wants to continue. "Our haste usually turns out all right. But Diane and Carey actually think before they act. Take New York for instance. I went all guns on getting offices in LA and New York almost as soon as Diane had been offered the Judgeship. I wanted control, and the power, and I didn't care how we got there as long as we got there. But if hadn't been for Diane stepping in after Peter decided to not appoint her, I would have bankrupt the firm. Why do you think we don't have offices in L.A.? I'm sure you would have more sense, but we're better off with our counterbalances."

She's getting tired, "I agree. I think part of why Carey is so for this is that he's worried about the next unplanned situation that leaves him running a firm by himself for weeks again. Not to mention the planned ones like a wedding and honeymoon taking place in August." She feels guilty about all the pressure she'd unintentionally put on Carey the past year. She gets up and goes to the kitchen to poor herself some water. He follows her, and stands behind her massaging her neck. It feels good having his warm hands relieve some of her tension. "We could cancel the honeymoon!" Water sprays out of her mouth. She can't help but laugh. "We are not cancelling our trip to Italy." She says wiping up the water from the counter. He smiles leaning in to kiss her neck. "Oh it's just Venice, Tuscany, and the Amalfi coast. It could wait! I mean I've been there before." She turns to him. "Yes, and I haven't. We are going. Which is why I need this worked out before then, or before the next hospital stay."

"Hey there isn't anything you could have done about any of that. You can't blame yourself, and Carey can't blame you either."

"He's not, in fact he's been great about all of it, and as much as I hate to admit it there is always a possibility of something else happening, even though the further away we get from the original source of the problem the less likely that is to occur." She remains standing there letting him massage her for a few more moments.

"So does that mean you want to merge?" he says hopefully.

She steps away from him and starts to walk towards the bedroom. "I don't know. I want to sleep on it." He follows her turning out the lights behind them. "I'm still going to talk to Diane about it in the morning." He says as they enter the bedroom. She turns to him. "Ok, I just don't want to merge, and then feel like I don't have any control over decision making."

"You'll still have as much control as you do now." He says bringing her in for a hug. The tension she'd felt all day seeps away as she leans in against him taking in the warmth of his embrace. "It would be nice to see you during the day." She admits to him. He smiles. "See there are more positives then negatives on this one."

The next morning she felt better, but was still not sold on a merge. As she walks into the office she can't help but notice more than a few sets of eyes watching her as she passes by desks, and the conference room to her office. A few minutes later her assistant comes in. "Alicia"

"Yes Natalie." She doesn't even look up from her laptop. "You have ten messages, and someone from the Chicago Times is on the line for you." Alicia looks at her watch, then up to her assistant "Natalie it's only eight fifteen. How can I have ten missed calls from this morning already?" Alicia notices how hesitant the assistant is being. "Um here are the messages. Do you want me to take a message from the Times?"

"Yes" they probably just want a comment on the Jeffery Grant Verdict from yesterday." She sets the pile of messages aside and continues to work. Fifteen minutes later Carey comes in and head right for her office. "Alicia are you all right?" He says standing at the door with coffee in one hand. She looks up at him confused. "Yes, Carey what's going on? Why is everyone looking at me like I've done something wrong?"

"Have you seen the Tribune this morning?" he says taking a sip of his coffee. "No why?" He sighs and puts his head down. "Carey what's in the paper?" She's concerned now. He walks over to her desk and puts his coffee down, and brings up the Tribune web page. A few clicks later he steps away so she can read the article. Her stomach starts to churn when she sees the photo and its headline. She can feel the anger start to seep through every vein as she reads it. _Governor's Ex-Wife Alicia Florrick Seeing Therapist for Mental Issues._ And the photo attached is her walking into the building where Beth's office is. It had been taken the previous day. She quickly scans the article. It was short and lacked many details. But she was furious. She looks back up at Carey as she gets up and grabs her purse. "Alicia is this where you went yesterday?" Carey is concerned not about how this looks, but for Alicia. She doesn't say anything she walks past him, and heads to the elevator. He doesn't try to stop her. He's seen this Alicia before, she's in war mode, and he's not about to get in her way.

About twenty minutes later, Will is sitting at his desk when Diane comes in. "Will is Alicia really seeing a psychologist?" He looks up from his laptop. "What?" He's wondering if he heard her right. She walks over to his desk and lays the newspaper down in front of him. "Is this story true?" She says pointing to the photo that Alicia had seen not twenty minutes earlier. He stares at it for a minute taking it in. "Oh no" he says looking back up to Diane pulling out his phone. "Yes, but no one was supposed to know. She's going to be furious when she see's this." He says putting the phone to his ear, and getting up from his desk. A knot starts to form in his stomach. He's worried about the possible pieces of her he's going to have put back together. "Just a minute and I'll explain." He says to Diane as Alicia's phone goes to voicemail. "Hey it's me." He pauses. "Um, call me back as soon as you can. Love you." He hangs up and turns to Diane. "Alicia started seeing this psychologist in March a few weeks before we were engaged. She's helping Alicia deal with her panic attacks. She's made really good progress. The psychologist thinks she'll only need four more weeks of therapy. Although with this we'll see. Her kids, the psychologist and I were the only ones who knew, and that's the way she wanted it. She was worried if word got out, that it would effect her client's perception of her and they would lose business." He shakes his head again. "Why would someone have followed her yesterday?"

"That's when the photo was taken?" Diane asks. "Yes, that's the outfit she had on yesterday."

"Well my guess is it's due to the Jeffery Grant verdict yesterday. They probably wanted to get a reaction from her. And don't forget they were at the hospital a few weeks ago."

"I'm sure your right. The press need to leave her alone." He says a bit angry. He tries to call her again, but no answer so he calls Carey.

"Hey Will"

"Carey is Alicia there?"

"No she left about a half hour ago. I thought she might be coming to you."

"Did she say anything before she left that would indicate that?"

"No" Carey hesitates. "Will have you seen the paper this morning?"

"Yes Carey, that's why I called, she isn't answering her cell. Did she see the article?"

"Yes and she looked furious when she left. She didn't say anything after I showed it to her." Will lets out an audible sigh and sits back down in his chair. "Okay, if she comes back there tell her to call me."

"Will do." Carey says and hangs up.

"I need to go home and see if she went there." He says dialing their home number. No answer. Just then his phone buzzes to indicate an incoming call.

"Alicia?"

"Hey, I just saw you called." she says

"Where are you?"

"I just left the Tribune. I'm on my way to your office." She sounds fine, almost happy. He's relieved this is not the Alicia he thought he'd be dealing with. "Are you ok?" he says wanting to make sure she really is. "I'm great! Did you see the Tribune article this morning?"

'Yes, that's why I called."

"Well I just chewed out a reporter, and the editing chief of staff." She says as she gets to her car. He laughs. "You didn't?" he says with a huge grin on his face.

"Oh I did!" she says getting into her car. "And they cried freedom of press and freedom of speech. And I told them they should get their facts straight before publishing an article that made a top Chicago attorney look bad. Because the reason I was at the psychologists office yesterday was because I was signing a new client. Which is all true. Beth's partner needed a lawyer so I had a brief ten minute conversation with him before I met with Beth. Of course I left out the part about Beth. But if they, or anyone else calls the office for a comment that's the story they'll be told!" He laughs and shakes his head. "You don't do things in haste huh!" This is the on fire no messing around Alicia he'd been talking about the previous night. He loves all sides of her, but this one, the don't get in my way or say things behind my back Alicia, is one of his favorites as long as he's not the one on the other end of the gun she's pointing.

She laughs at his comment. "Okay I do sometimes."

"I would have loved to have seen that!" he says smiling into the phone. "I'm pretty sure you would have!" She says.

"Have you had a chance to talk to Diane yet?" She asks. He turns and looks at Diane who's very curious now only having heard his end of the conversation. "No, but she's in my office right now. I'll talk to her."

'Ok I'm coming there I'll be twenty minutes."

"Why are you coming here?" he questions. "Because, we need to talk, I've made a decision."

"About merging?"

"Yes, I'll see you soon."

"Love you." he says

"I love you more!" she says and then hits end.

He talks to Diane about the merge. They finish up just as Alicia arrives. Diane goes back to her office, and Alicia closes the door. She and Will sit on the couch. He puts his arm around her. She likes this. She may have been in war mode, but her feelings had been sabotaged a bit from the article. It made her feel slightly insecure so she was glad to sit in his safe embrace for a few minutes.

"I got to thinking this morning." She says looking into his eyes. "Tell me what you think of this idea."

"Okay"

"I'm done with the press. I'm done worrying about when the next big thing is going to make the headlines. I've had enough of the politics in this town to last me ten lifetimes. Chicago was home. I raised the kids here, I work here. There are many things here that I like, but I'm done trying to avoid the stares. I don't like it that nearly everyone on the street recognizes me and thinks they know who I am from what they've read in tainted news articles. Other than having you here, this doesn't feel like home anymore." She pauses for him to process this.

"So what do you want to do?"

"I think we should merge the two firms. I think Grace should finish High school next year at her current school. But then I think you and I should move to New York and run the firm there. Carey and Diane can run things here. You and I can grow New York together." He's starting to see where she's headed with this. "We have a year on the lease for the apartment. We'll just extend a month until Grace Graduates, and then we can move. Find a place in New York we love just as much." The more he listens to this the more he likes the idea. "Will, I love New York. I'm drawn to it. I feel free there. I love that it's busy and crowded, and that there are a million things to do at any hour of the day. But I also love that no one knows us there. No one knows, or thinks they know our past. The press won't be looking for us. We won't be Alicia Florrick the Governors ex-wife and Will Gardner Chicago's sixteenth not so eligible anymore, bachelor. We'll just be Will and Alicia Gardner with no strings attached. Let's make the place that holds some of our happiest memories, the place we live our happiest life. Our new life."

He takes her hand into his gazing into her eyes. "I think that sounds like a great plan Mrs. Gardner!" A smile crosses her lips. "I like the sound of that." She leans in pressing her lips to his for a brief moment. "So do I!" he says. "I can't believe you went and chewed out the reporter!" A broad grin crosses her face. "It's pretty hot if you ask me." He says leaning in to kiss her again. She pulls away from him. "Well we'll have to do something about all that bottled up aggression I've got later. I have court in twenty minutes." She stands up and pulls her bag over her shoulder. "I look forward to it!" he says standing eyes scanning her up and down.

"How does Diane feel about a merge?"

"She thinks it would be a good idea."

"Good then its settled. Lets all have dinner tomorrow night and discuss the details." She turns to leave, but as she gets to the door he speaks up again. "Try to keep your cool in court. Don't go off on the Judge like you did that reporter! I don't want to be visiting you in jail because the judge finds you in contempt!" She turns back to him. "I'll do my best!"

"You always do!"

"I love you" She says

"I love you more!" he says as she turns to leave.

**A/N Wow, thanks for all the suggestions on the wedding. Cream of course was already in the plans, but I love that so many of you thought of that! Let me know if anyone has anymore ideas! The wedding location will be revealed in the next chapter. **


	26. Photo Album

**Photo Album**

Will and Alicia had just come back from a morning run when they entered the kitchen of Will's parent's house. "Hey Mom" Grace calls from the family room. "You have to come and see this." Alicia and Will enter the room to find Grace on the couch next to Joan with a photo album in hand.

"Oh no! Mom not the photo albums." Will says sitting in the oversized chair across from the two on the sofa preparing for the embarrassment he knows is about to be dished out. A huge grin crosses Alicia's face as she goes to sit next to Grace. She takes one corner of the album and turns to Will. "You knew this was going to happen at some point." Will rolls his eyes and sighs, "Yes, I just didn't expect it to be today."

"What better way to celebrate your parent's marriage than a walk back in time!" Alicia says turning to the album Grace is holding. "Ok, I'm going up to shower!" he says standing up. "You don't want to reminisce with us?" Alicia says with a sly smile on her face. "No, I think I'll leave the reminiscing to Mom!" He smiles and turns to leave. "I'll be up soon. We have a busy day. We can only spend so much time looking into your past!" Alicia says. He laughs as he rounds the corner to go back upstairs.

The album that Grace and Joan had out was from the time when Will about eight. There were pictures of him from the third grade play, and from when he started playing little league. There was one of Paul and Will throwing balls in the backyard. "Oh look' Joan says, "I am pretty sure we still have that baseball glove of his. It had been Paul's and he gave it to Will. It has seen better days, but neither one of them would let me get rid of it. Paul said someday Will would have someone to pass it along too. Will always said it was good luck. I'll have to see if I can find it."

Grace smiles, "Mom that could be your something old item for the wedding!" She smirks a little. "My something old?" Alicia says raising an eyebrow. "Yeah, you know aren't brides supposed to have something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue? Its good luck on the wedding day! I bet Will would love to see you walk down the isle bouquet in one hand and baseball glove in the other!" Grace can't help but laugh.

Alicia smiles back. "That is not funny. We'll see Grace. I don't know that I believe in all those old wives tales."

They continued through the albums for a few more minutes. There were some of him and his sisters during the holidays, and some of them sleigh riding. There was one from when he was about ten with his arm in a sling. "How did he do that?" Alicia asks. "He did that at recess." Joan says. "He would play every sport possible at recess. One day he and his friends were playing basketball. He went up to shoot the ball and a bigger boy ran into him. They both fell. The taller boy landed on Will's arm." Joan shakes her head.

"Are there any sports he doesn't like?" Alicia says smiling. "No in fact that didn't slow him down. I found out a few weeks later he had been playing football at recess despite he fact that I had forbidden him from playing anything that could twist that arm of his again! He told me he was playing quarterback because he only needed one hand to throw the ball, and the other boys weren't allowed to tackle him!"

They continued a few more minutes passing over many photos of family trips all over the country, even some from overseas when the kids were older. "You traveled a lot." Grace says as they glance at photos from Will's high school years. "We did. We felt it was important for the kids to get some real life experience that they couldn't get from text books. We were fortunate in that we could afford to travel with them." Alicia ponders this for a few minutes. She and Peter had talked about traveling with the kids once they were older and could appreciate and remember different places they'd intended to take them. Peter had asked if she'd wanted to travel before the kids got older, just the two of them. They had some, but she'd always assumed they would travel to Europe, and other places once the kids were older, or were gone from home. Of course all those aspirations had changed when Grace was twelve, and it never happened.

"Mom look" Grace pulls Alicia back from her thoughts by pointing at two full pages filled with pictures of Will at school dances. "I can't believe those are the kinds of dresses girls used to wear!" Grace says in mock horror. "I'm glad I was born later!"

Alicia chuckles, "I used to wear dresses like that you know!"

"I know, and I'm still glad I was born later!"

"And I intend on asking your mother to see the albums with those photos of her in them when we get home!" Will says as he enters the room and sits next to Alicia. She turns to him. "Good luck with that. I'm pretty sure if there were any albums, and it's not likely, that they are packed up in a box somewhere. It will take Mom a week to find them." Will smiles. "Oh I can wait!"

"Mom we have an album at home." Grace says turning her gaze to Will and Alicia. Alicia turns to her confused. "Grace I don't know what you're talking about. I have some photos from when I was younger, but they are in a box in storage somewhere." Grace thinks for a minute turning her gaze from them then in a some what subdued tone says. "That's right you don't know about the album. We never showed it to you." Alicia furrows her eyebrows in confusion. "What Album Grace?"

Grace looks back to her mother. "Grandma put it together when you were in a coma. She wanted Zach and I to have it in case you…" Grace bites her lip and tilts her head down. Alicia leans over and puts her arms around her kissing her head softly. "In case I didn't make it."

"Yes" Grace says turning he gaze back to Alicia.

"Your grandmother put an album together for you?"

"Yeah, she was different when you were in a coma." Alicia nods her head smiling at Grace. "I would love to see the album when we get home."

"So would I!" Will says with a broad grin putting his arm up around Alicia. Alicia turns to him pulling Grace in closer. "We may not let you see it!" He chuckles, "Why not? It's only fair that I see photos of you as a kid if you see mine. And anyway I'm not worried! I'm pretty sure if you don't let me see it Grace will let me look at it when you're not around!"

Alicia rolls her eyes and gets up from the couch. "I'm going to shower now. Zach will be here soon. You two try to keep your plotting to a minimum."

"We promise to wait until Zach gets here before we do any more plotting against you!" Will says. "Yeah, Zach has some really good ideas!" Grace says raising her hand to give Will a high five. Alicia shakes her head and goes back upstairs. Grateful again that the kids get along with Will so well since he will be their step father in a few months.

That evening friends and family gathered in the back yard for the anniversary celebration. There were advantages to having two and half acres of land, and Will's parents had put it to good use. With stained concrete paths that weaved around the yard. A large patio with fireplace, good lighting and comfortable modern outdoor furniture sat near the house. The vegetation was mature and lush. One end of the yard was a bit more secluded with another smaller patio and modern pergola. It was perfect for outdoor entertaining. Tables had been set up, as well as a dance floor. There was lots of food from a caterer who was one of Joan's good friends, and of course plenty to drink.

Will's love and respect for Alicia only grew as he watched her holding wine glass in one hand, and seemingly effortlessly make small talk with complete strangers making them feel as if they'd known her for years. He was more reserved in these kinds of situations. Polite yes, but he didn't particularly care to carry on many long conversations. He liked to be in background and observe when it came to his parent's many friends, some of whom he'd only met once or not at all. It was almost as if he were the one marrying into the family instead of her.

Anna and Adam had taken quite a liking to Zach and Grace, and the two didn't seem to mind having little tagalongs during the evening. Grace had even helped Anna with her hair for the party.

As the sun was fading Alicia sat on the large chaise near the fireplace of the patio observing the scene before her. Things were starting to wind down. Her eyes wondered around the yard some. It was beautiful just as she thought it would be all those months ago when they had been here. She watched as Will's parents mingled, amongst their friends and loved ones. They would drift apart for awhile, yet without saying a word or even taking a glance seemed to find one another again immediately intertwining their hands. Alicia doubted if they even realized they did this dance.

Will comes and sits next to her on the chaise immediately intertwining his hand with hers just like his father did with his mother. She is amused by some of the same mannerisms he shares with his father. She's pretty sure he doesn't even realize it. Looking down at their hands she feels the same wave of comfort and familiarity run through her that she'd grown to love. It was like fitting a missing piece of her back to where it belonged when he held her, or her hand as though the two things were never meant to be apart to begin with.

"What are you thinking about?" he says noticing she seems deep in thought. "About you!" She says moving closer to him. He releases her hand, and moves it up around her shoulder pulling her in closer. "All good I hope!" he says squeezing her tighter. "All good!" she says. Her eyes wonder to his parents who are now dancing together. "Will do you think we will be like that in fifty years?" She asks. His eyes follow her gaze. "Like my parents?" he asks. "Yes, still so in love, and able to seemingly read each other's minds." He laughs under his breath. "They do seem to read each other's minds don't they?" She nods in agreement. "Yes, but you and I do that too sometimes. Now answer my question."

"Yes" he simply says. "You and I will still be madly in love with each other in fifty years, more than madly." He leans over and kisses the top of her head. She doesn't respond but changes the subject.

"What would you think if we had the wedding here?" she asks. "Here?" he responds eyebrows raised. "I thought you wanted to do it at the Lincolnshire? We already reserved it."

She sighs, "I know, but Will this is beautiful. We can get married right over there." She points to the other end of the yard where the secluded area is. There is plenty of room here. More than we have at Lincolnshire. There is plenty of room for a large open tent to be set up for tables, and there is room for dancing." She says eyeing the few people still on the dance floor. "We aren't planning on a large wedding anyway. Anyone in Chicago that really wants to attend the wedding will fly here. Not to mention we won't be surprised by some _paparazzi _trying to get photos to put in tomorrows news. It will be more quaint, more personal if we do it here."

He doesn't say anything for a minute. He's trying to visualize this place where he used to play ball as the place he'd get married. She turns to him. "You don't like the idea do you? It's your wedding too, you can veto if you want, we can still do it in Chicago."

"No, I won't veto." He says. "Just, do you think we can plan a wedding long distance?"

"Yes, we already have most of the details planned. We just need to find people here who can replicate our plan. I happen to have met a very good, friendly caterer tonight!" He chuckles slightly. "And I bet I know where we can get tables, and chairs, and a dance floor from!" he says looking out into the yard. "I also happen to know someone here who would probably be thrilled to help." He says looking over to his mother. "Yes, not to mention your sisters!" she adds. "Do you think your parents will agree? I don't want it to be a lot of work for them."

"I'm sure they wouldn't mind. And Dad is always looking for a good reason to do more in the yard."

"Okay then we should ask them." She says. "Okay we'll ask."

"And I should cancel our other reservation at the Lincolnshire. We can get our deposit back if we cancel within forty five days of the wedding."

That night Alicia sat in bed thumbing through another one of the family albums while Will showered. This one was from the time Will was an infant. When he enters the room he notices her with the album. "You're really into those albums aren't you?" he says getting into bed sitting next to her. "It's just that I hardly know anything about you when you were younger." She thumbs through the baby pictures. "You were adorable." She reaches to take his hand. He blushes a bit, but is enjoying this even if he won't admit it.

"See that blanket?" he says pointing to a blanket he has in his hands in one of the photos. "I loved that thing. I slept with it until I was five." She smiles. "Most kids have their special item. Grace had a stuffed rabbit she slept with for years. And Zach had stuffed cheetah. He thought he would be able to run as fast as a cheetah if he slept with one!" She closes the album and lays it on the bedside table next to her. They settle down under the covers. He turns out the lamp at the side of the bed. "How do you feel about having instant children she asks?" Looking through all the albums during the day had started her thinking about how he would be an instant father. They hadn't talked about it. "I" he pauses, he hadn't really thought about it either. "I think it's great, although I feel like more of an uncle than a father. But I've grown to really care for your kids. You did a great job raising them." There is a long pause as they lay in the dark holding each other. They hadn't talked about children of their own either. She didn't know if he wanted any. She didn't know if she could get pregnant if he did. Between being nearly forty six, and all that had happened in the last year she didn't know if she could bare him a child.

He on the other hand had thought about it, and had been keeping something from her. He knew he'd have to face reality at some point but this was not the time nor the place.

She decides she's too tired to get into such a heavy discussion at such a late hour so changes the subject. "Do you think we will make it fifty years?" she asks. He doesn't even hesitate. "Yes, I plan on living for at least that many more years." She smiles, but that isn't what she meant by the question. "Will, we will be ninety five in fifty years." This still isn't what she meant, but she doesn't want to worry him.

"Well I plan on living that long, but if you decide to go sooner than that let me know, because I plan on going with you." He turns to his side and puts his arm around her. It's to dark for him to see the look of concern across her face. "I don't want to live a single day without you." he says and leans in to kiss her. She kisses him back, loving again his closeness. But a feeling of doubt has crept up in her the past few days and she isn't the least bit happy about it. She doesn't doubt his love for her, she doesn't doubt her love for him. But something is eating at her. She begins to wonder if she's getting cold feet.

She doesn't sleep well and by six thirty the next morning she decides to get up. No use in trying to sleep. It was getting lighter outside, but the sky was filled with dark clouds, perfect to fit her mood. She decides she will go for a run. As she finishes dressing Will wakes. "What time is it?"

"Just after six thirty." She doesn't turn to look at him but continues to lace up her running shoes. "Go back to sleep."

"Where are you going?" he says noticing her attire. "I'm going for a run. I need some… fresh air." She says. "Licia what's wrong?" he can sense her slight tone of frustration. "Nothing I didn't sleep well. I just need to think for awhile." He immediately wonders if this had something to do with their conversation from last night.

"I'll come with you he says sitting up." She turns to him as she gets to the door. "No, Will, its early get some more rest while you can. I'll be back in awhile." She turns and walks out of the bedroom closing the door behind her before he can say another word. He can't figure out what's going on. She never wants to run without him, but he knows better than to push her when she doesn't want to be pushed. He lies back down in bed closing his eyes again. He'd talk to her about it later. If it was anything, she'd bring it up.

After sleeping a bit longer he heads down to the kitchen to get some breakfast. The clouds outside have thickened and are threatening a storm any minute. Joan, Zach and Grace are in the kitchen eating. He looks around noticing Alicia isn't there. "Where's your Mom?" he asks Zach. All three turn to him. "Honey wasn't she upstairs with you?" Joan asks. He sets his cup of coffee on the counter. "No she went running," he looks at the clock on the wall it reads eight fifteen. "An hour and a half ago. She isn't back yet?" Worry starts to set in. Grace and Zach look at each other. "When did Mom start running?" Zach asks.

"About a month ago." Grace responds. "I'm going to go look for her." Will says turning to head back upstairs to change. "Honey she probably just got distracted. You know how many paths there are to take at the park down the hill, it's quite beautiful this time of year. I bet she'll turn up any minute." He turns back to his mother. "No, something's wrong. I need to find her." He hurries upstairs and changes quickly. As he pulls on his shoes the rain starts to sprinkle outside. He pulls on a baseball cap and heads out the door not really sure which way to go.

Once he gets to the end of the long driveway he heads in the direction they had gone the previous day. He runs a few blocks towards the park as he gets closer he sees her coming towards him. Relief sets in. He runs down the hill towards her. She stops when she sees him. Once he reaches her he puts his arms up to hers.

"Hey I was just coming to look for you." She doesn't smile up at him, but instead just stares blankly into his eyes. "Alicia what's wrong?" She looks down, she's not sure she wants to discuss this with him right now or if she even needs to at all. It's something she has to work through herself. "Nothing" she looks back up to him with a half smile. "I'm hungry, and tired let's go back to the house." She pulls from him and starts to head back in the direction he'd just come. He grabs her arm stopping her and pulling her back to him. The rain starts coming down harder. "No Alicia, something is wrong talk to me." She pulls her arm from his grasp looking right at him. "Will nothing is wrong. Let it go."

"No Alicia. The only way this works is if we are open with each other. If it's nothing then that's fine, but look me in the eyes and tell me nothing is bothering you, and I'll let it go." Her next statement comes out more harsh than she intended. "Do you really think we can make a marriage work?" His face drops he looks down. He's hurt and she knows it. She didn't mean to hurt him. They are both drenched now from the rain. "When are you going to stop doubting how much I care for you, how much I love you? When are you going to stop doubting us?" He's frustrated. "We are supposed to be getting married in two months Alicia, two months from today. Unless that isn't what you want." Tears start to well up in her eyes. "That's not what I mean Will." He puts his hands in his pockets and turns from her sighing trying his hardest to stay calm. "That isn't what you mean when you ask me if I think we can make a marriage work." He looks back at her as he says this. She moves in closer to him again. He's hesitant to allow her into this space that only belongs to her. She looks up into his eyes, a mix of rain and tears streaming from her eyes.

"I love you. I want to marry you. But I don't know what I did wrong, and I don't want to make the same mistake again." He's confused now, but takes his hands from his pockets and places them around her waist. "What do mean what you did wrong?" She looks down, "I've been over my marriage with Peter a dozen times the past few days. I can't figure out what it was that I did that made him want to cheat on me." She looks back up at him his features have softened. "I don't want to make the same mistake a second time. You have had this unbelievable example of a marriage your whole life and I don't know if I can live up to that. What if in ten years I do whatever it was I did to Peter and you don't want to be with me anymore?"

His emotions are all over the place. He's hurting for her, he's a bit hurt because she even thought of the possibility that he would cheat on her, or even worse just leave her. He pulls her in closer so he's sure she'll hear every word he has to say to her with the loud pouring of the rain.

"First of all. I'm never leaving you. I will never cheat on you. I made that promise to you the day I put that ring on your finger. You have to stop blaming yourself for what Peter did. The reason you can't figure out what you did wrong is exactly that. You didn't do anything wrong. And I'm sorry that you ever had to feel less than anything but absolutely beautiful seven years ago, and I'm sure at other points during the following years. I don't have expectations for what we need to "live up to". We don't have anything to prove to anyone. This will be our marriage. Not yours and Peter's, not my parent's, not Kurt and Diane's. Ours. We can make it what ever we want." He leans his head in to touch hers. "I love you more every day. I can't believe that is even possible, but it is. You are the most beautiful thing to me. Don't doubt me, I don't doubt you. If I were to ever leave you, and I won't, I would die, literally Alicia, because a part of my soul belongs to you.

As he finishes the thunder crashes above them, and the rain starts pouring down on them even more heavily. She smiles at him.

"Okay and thank you."

"For what?' he asks.

"For loving me, and not giving up on me. I love you more every day too." He leans in and places his warm lips to her cold chattering ones. After they pull away they walk back to the house hand in hand. Finally after a few days of doubt she feels at peace again.

**/**

A few weeks later they had sat down for a late dinner at home. "Will did you open the package that came from your mom today?" Grace says fork in hand. "What package?" he says "Oh I put it on the entry way table, I thought you'd see it there."

"No, I didn't."

"I'll go get it." Grace says standing up and heading to the front door. "What is your mom sending us?" Alicia asks. "I have no idea. We were there two weeks ago." He says wiping his mouth with a napkin. Grace comes back placing the package on the table. "It's addressed to you and mom. Here I'll take the dishes to the kitchen." Grace says stacking the plates on top of each other and taking them from the table.

Will opens the box, and smiles shaking his head. "What is it?" Alicia asks. "He pulls his old baseball glove from the box and a note. He reads the note out loud as Grace comes back and joins them.

"Will and Alicia, I was going through some boxes this week and found some things I thought Will should have. The baseball glove from the album." Will holds up the glove. "Will's favorite blanket." Will pulls the worn cloth from the box. "I made this for him before he was born. He used to sleep with it every night, even when he'd far outgrown it! The outfit," Will pulls an infant size outfit from the box. "Was the one he came home from the hospital in, and one of my favorites." Will blushes a bit. Alicia picks up the blue one piece outfit holding it up in her hands to see it better.

"This could be a new look for you!" She teases. He rolls his eyes and continues reading. "One of many binders full of his favorite baseball cards." He pulls the three ring binder from the box.

"I should go through this there may be some cards in here worth some money at this point!" he says smiling and thumbing through the binder.

"I bet Zach would love to see those." Alicia says. "He has a binder full of them as well. It's probably in a box in his room."

Will places the binder on the table and continues with the note. "He spent so much time with those cards he could spit out all the stats on many players faster than his father when he was just ten years old! The last item is," Will pulls out a small box and opens it. Inside is an old pocket watch. "What is that?" Grace asks. "A pocket watch." Will says. "I know but it looks old." Will turns it over in his fingers then opens it. "I agree. I've never seen it before."

"Wind it up, see if it still works." Alicia says admiring it in his hands. He does and it starts ticking. He turns back to the note.

"I was thinking about what Grace had said about having something old for the wedding and this came to mind. This pocket watch belonged to Will's great grandfather. He gave it to my father, Will's grandfather who gave it to me when Will was twelve. He passed on just a year later, but it came with the charge to pass it to Will when I thought he was responsible enough to take care of it. I think the time has come for you to have it as I think the past year more than any other, has taught you the importance of family. I think your grandfather would be proud of the man you've become. I have another box full of some things, but I will send it back after the wedding with all of the other gifts. I love both of you. Please give Grace a hug for me. Love Mom."

Alicia smiles at him, "I think that is really cool!" Grace says as Will hands the watch to Alicia to admire.

The next day was a lazy Saturday and they intended to spend it unpacking the rest of the boxes that were still piled up in various places in the apartment. Alicia ended up needing to spend a few hours working in the morning, and was glad they had a home office so she could stay there and save on travel time. Will had been busy unpacking, and had been making several trips into the office from the front room. Most of what was left was all of their books that needed a home.

After not seeing him in nearly thirty minutes she started to wonder if he had finished. She looked around the corner out the door to the office into the large living space and saw him sitting on the couch reading something she assumed. The television was on in the background but muted. "Will is there any more?" She calls. "No" he says still engrossed in what he's reading. She turns back to her work without another thought. Twenty minutes later she finishes up her work, and gets up from the desk. She looks in at him again. What ever he's reading he is obviously engrossed in. He hadn't moved since she'd peered out at him earlier.

Just then he stands up turns the TV off, and walks towards the bedroom. She comes out of the office and follows him down the hall. He goes into the closet coming back out holding a pair of shoes and sits on the bed to put them on. "I'm going out for awhile." He says not looking up at her. "Ok, is everything all right?" She queries. He stands up and kisses her, but seems distant. "I'll be back in awhile." He moves past her and heads back down the hall. He's gone before she can even say anything else. She stands there in the bedroom for a minute trying to figure out what just happened. It wasn't like him to leave without telling her where he was going. She walks back out to the living room as she moves in front of the couch she sees what presumably he'd been so engrossed in just a few minutes earlier.

The items his mother had sent were still lying out on the coffee table. They had moved them there after pulling them from the box the previous night. The other items that he had left were the albums she had put together of Grace and Zach from when they were babies, and the family one she'd put together from their early years. Now she's confused. _They must have been in one of the boxes he had unpacked. _She thinks to herself as she sits on the couch where he had just been picking up the album that lay open to the pages of she and Zach just after he was born. She turns her gaze to the door expecting him to come back, but of course he wouldn't he just left.

_I wonder if he was thinking about a baby? We need to talk about this. Why have we been avoiding it? It hasn't come up that's why. Well it almost did a few weeks ago. A baby, the idea of a baby? Do I really want to start over with that phase of life? How can I deny him such a thing? He deserves to have one of his own. But we can't. Well we probably shouldn't. No we could try. He deserves to have someone to pass these things down to._ She thinks looking over at the items on the coffee table. 

_But whey did he leave? And why was he being so distant. I'm open to at least discussing it. _She looks to the door again. She thumbs through the album for a few minutes reminiscing then puts it back on the couch determined they will talk about this when he returns.

She spends the next two hours holding her breath. Going over all the scenario's in her mind, but trying to prepare herself for the possibility of becoming a mother for the third time. She'd cleaned the entire apartment trying to use it as a distraction, but it didn't help much. She's about to call him when he comes through the front door. He places the sack he's carrying on the counter and walks over to her, and puts his arms around her waist. "Hey!" She takes a second to respond. The distant Will that had left had been replaced with the happy one she'd woken up too.

"Will we need to talk." She says taking his hand and moving to the sofa. "Okay, that doesn't sound good."

"It's not bad. I saw the albums on the sofa, and I think we need to talk about—_our potential family._" She looks to him hoping he understands what she means, but he doesn't say anything. So she just asks the relevant question.

"Will do you want to have a baby?" He sighs and looks down for a brief second. She can't read him. What could possibly be wrong with just having the discussion? He returns his gaze to her. "As you know I only had a few serious relationships before you. As I got older I'd come to realize that I would likely never have children, and I was fine with that. As things progressed over the past year with you however, I thought about it more. The more I thought about it the more I started to love the idea. The thought of a child that was part me and part you was," he pauses he's getting emotional. "I couldn't think of anything more amazing. I didn't know how you felt about it. I didn't know if you would have any desire to become a mother again, I don't know anything about what it was like for you to be pregnant, or give birth. I didn't' know if it was nine months of misery or the best experience of your life." She continues to listen and watch him, this is a new side of him she's never seen. "I'd decided I was going to bring it up at dinner that night you went into the hospital in April, but then everything got chaotic, and there didn't seem to be a good chance after that." He stops again, looking at her wondering what she's thinking. "So you would like to have a baby?" She says smiling at him. He sighs, and holds her hands tighter. He looks sad. "Alicia we can't." she doesn't understand his hesitation.

"Will we could try. I mean I'm getting a little old to carry a child, the risks are much higher, but we could try if you want too. I mean we would have to check with the doctors to see if it would be safe but if you want a baby you should have one."

"No Alicia we can't." he says very matter a factly. This catches her off guard. He says it as if he's made the decision without even discussing it with her. "Will we could try." He shakes his head, "No Alicia we can't even try." She's getting irritated. Why doesn't he want to try? He just said he did want a child. She pulls her hands away from his.

"Why not?" He looks down at her hands and tries to take them into his, but she resists. "No Will tell me why."

He has to tell her. He knows this will break her heart, but he has to tell her. "Because getting pregnant, if we could even get you pregnant, would be a death sentence." She just stares at him. He gets up from the couch and walks over to the windows. She gets up and goes to stand next to him. She puts her hand up on his shoulder. He turns and looks into her eyes. "I don't' understand." She says. "When you were in the hospital in April I asked the doctors what they thought if you were to get pregnant. There were three of them there at the time. Every single one of them said it would likely kill you." She looks away from him her stomach turning into knots, her heart shattering into a million pieces. "Your body isn't strong enough to carry a child anymore Alicia." Now her heart aches for him. He'd given her so much. This would have been something she could have given him. He gently wraps his arms around her waist pulling her closer to him as a few tears fall from his eyes. He'd had nearly two months to get used to the idea. He couldn't imagine how difficult this must be for her.

"Look at me." She looks up at him still a bit in shock over what he's just said. "They said the need for extra oxygen and blood flow needed to sustain a child would be hard on your heart and lungs. It could cause you're heart to overwork and shut down. They said if you and the baby were to make it to delivery the chances of blood clots and hemorrhaging that couldn't be controlled were high. Alicia I'm not willing to take the risk on a ninety nine percent chance that I would lose you. I would have loved to have had a child of my own. I was thinking about it earlier. Seeing the blanket and baby outfit got me thinking. But losing you and trying to raise a child on my own, assuming that child made it, is not what I want. I want to spend as many days with you as I can." She can't contain the tears anymore. She leans into his chest and silently lets the tears fall as he holds her close. "Will I'm so sorry." She whispers. She looks back up at him. "You shouldn't have to lose the opportunity at a family because of me."

"It's ok. Alicia, really it's ok. It's not your fault. You are old enough anyway that even if we didn't have the other complications it may not happen anyway. I know that, I knew that ten months ago when I sat on that hospital bed looking into your eyes hoping that this," he holds up her left hand looking down at the ring. "Would be a reality. All I need is you. I already have a family. I have you and Grace and Zach. Someday they will have children and I will have a chance at a glimpse of what it's like to hold a tiny piece of you in my arms."

She smiles at this and wipes away her tears. He smiles at her his eyes baring more love than she can believe. "Besides, with grandchildren we won't have to stay up all night with them. We can spoil them, and then we can give them back to their parent's!" Alicia smiles and leans back on the sofa. "I will not regret not having months of waking to feed or comfort a young child again! It was fine at the time, but it's a lot of work. The older I get the more sleep I seem to need." This causes him to chuckle slightly.

"Are you ok?" he asks. She sighs frowning a bit. "I think so, but this will take a few days to sink in and ware off."

"I'm right here if you need me!" He says pulling her in close to him. "I have a request." He says turning and lifting the album from the coffee table. "Anything" She says

"I want to know what it was like. I want to walk through those months with you. Was it easy? Was it hard? Were you sick? What's it like to get that first glimpse of your child? What are those first weeks and months like? This is such a big part of your life that I don't know anything about. I feel like I don't know the first thing about being a parent, yet you've been one for eighteen years. I feel like I need to know more about that part of you. I want to know more of that part of you."

She smiles broadly at him. "Next to having someone you love more than anything. Having a child is the best thing in the world. The first time they put that little bundle in your arms and you look down at them your forever changed. You know how you want to protect me and love me as much as you can?" He nods. "Well multiply that feeling by a million and you'll start to understand! It's a love that can't be compared to anything else. I would love to take that walk through time with you!"

"Okay, but first I have something for you!" He gets up and grabs the sack he'd placed on the kitchen counter when he'd come home. He goes back and sits next to her. He pulls out a box that had been tied with a red satin ribbon. She looks from it to him as she unties the ribbon. As she lifts the lid her heart is full, and she can't believe how thoughtful he is. She pulls the dark red leather album with a place for a picture on the front from the box. The gold lettering inscribed on the front reads The Gardners. She runs her hand over the cover and opens it to the empty photo pages inside.

"I thought we should have an album of our own to fill with memories."

She turns to him. "Will it's beautiful. I can't wait to fill it with our memories."

**A/N Thanks again for all the beautiful reviews. Let me know your thoughts on this chapter. Hopefully I didn't crush to many hearts with no baby. You really got some of my family and motherly views with this chapter. The wedding is next, but I'm going to be honest in saying it will probably be two or maybe three weeks before I get that published. I still have details to work out, and the actual writing of those details will likely be time consuming. I mean how do put into words wedding vows for the love these two have? Yikes! **


	27. The Wedding Part 1

**A/N What can I say, I can't seem to manage to write a reasonably length chapter. This was getting really long. So yes, the wedding is split into two. Don't be too disappointed. Know that the next chapter is half written and shouldn't be to much longer coming. Let me just say, while I'm happy that Alicia may be getting to a point where she can move on, be it with Finn, Jonny, or a mystery man. In my book no one will ever take the place of Will! Please review!**

**The Wedding Part 1**

Alicia woke in a cold sweat her heart racing. She lay against the pillow eyes darting around the unfamiliar room. It had been at least two months since she'd had a nightmare like that. She felt alone and unnerved as she turned to the clock on the bedside table it read 1:00am. She lay there a few more minutes trying to calm her racing heart, trying to get back to sleep, but all she wanted was to feel Will's warm arms around her. _This was a ridiculous idea. The wedding isn't until four. I don't care if its tradition. Whose tradition? _She thinks to herself as she gets out of bed and pulls on her new Prada sandals. They were expensive, but classic, and most of all comfortable. Perfect for the long walks she planned on having with Will sightseeing in Italy. She couldn't remember whose idea it had been for them to spend the night before the wedding apart. Grace, who Alicia realized through this whole process was a stickler for traditions, had asked about it a week earlier. "So are you guys going to stay at different places the night before the wedding?" She had asked.

At the time Alicia and Will thought it might be fun to stay separated until the wedding. However at dinner earlier in the evening Alicia was having second thoughts. She brought it up quietly with Will, but of course Owen overheard and it became a topic of discussion.

"You two have to sleep apart tonight." Owen had said. "It will make tomorrow night's," he paused realizing Adam and Anna were sat at the table with them, and all eyes were on him now. "festivities, all the more exciting!"

"It's bad luck Mom." Zach had said. "It's tradition." Joan had said. "He can't see you on the day of the wedding before the ceremony." She was pretty sure her mother had said that. So she had agreed mostly to get off the topic. But now she didn't care. Hardly anything about their relationship followed any norm or tradition, why try to start now? She reasoned as she quietly left Sarah's house. Her heart was still beating quicker than its norm from her abrupt awakening just fifteen minutes earlier as she drove to Will's parent's.

Twenty minutes later she let herself in with the key his parent's had given them two months earlier quietly making her way up the stairs and down the hall to his bedroom. She entered the room as quietly as she could, slipped off her sandals, and climbed into the bed moving in as close to him as she could. He awoke as he felt her arm wrap around him from behind. "Alicia?" he says trying to wake and turning over to face her. He's met with a broad smile. "Hi" she says. He smiles back. "Hi" he says wrapping an arm around her waist pulling her in closer. "Couldn't sleep without me huh?" he says. "No" her smile fading. "What's wrong/" he says sensing the slight tension in her. "How do always know when something's wrong?" she asks, closing her eyes and nestling her head into his chest, the tension immediately flooding from her. "I just know." He says quite honestly. "I had a bad dream. I couldn't get back to sleep." She says now falling closer to sleep. A small smile crosses his lips and he squeezes her tighter making her feel safe. He leans over and kisses the top of her head. "Okay" he says. She didn't need to say anymore. He knew all she needed was to be gathered in his embrace.

As the sunlight filtered into the bedroom she opened her eyes to his gazing down at her. He smiles broadly at her. She returns the smile. "What are you doing?" she asks turning more towards him. "I'm watching you, and thinking about how in eight hours you'll be my wife!" She smiles, cups his chin in her hands and leans in to kiss his warm lips. Just then there is a knock on the bedroom door.

"William" Joan calls from the other side of the door sounding a bit panicked..

"Yes Mom" he calls back rolling his eyes. Alicia smiles laying her head back down on the pillow.

"Honey Alicia's missing. Sara just called and said her car's gone, but her phone and purse and everything's still there, all but Alicia."

Will puts his finger to Alicia's lips. "What do you mean she's gone?" He pretends to sound concerned. "How did Alicia get past all the people over at Sara's? Why would she leave without her purse?" Alicia smiles at him trying to hold back the laughter.

"I don't know, Sara said she got up at six. When Grace went to get Alicia at seven she wasn't in her room. So presumably Alicia left before six. Why would she leave in the middle of the night William? You two didn't have an argument over the phone last night did you?" Joan sounds stern. Alicia and Will are about to break out in laughter.

"William Paul Gardner if you've done something to jeopardize this wedding, I'll kill you. I've waited at least fifteen years for you to settle down, and I happen to like Alicia. I just might choose to keep her and get rid of you if you've screwed this up."

They both laugh quietly. "I'll remember that Mom, but Alicia isn't missing. Go look outside in the driveway." A brief pause.

"Is she in there with you?"

"Yes"

"So you two just let me go on there a minute ago?"

"It was quite amusing!" He says

"Well honey what is." He cuts her off.

"Mom, its fine. She couldn't sleep so she came here."

"Joan will you please call Sara and tell her to make sure Grace is ready by ten, and to bring my things so we can meet everyone at the salon?" She Grace, Veronica, Sara, Aubrey, Joan and Anna were going to the salon to get their hair and nails done before the wedding. Diane and kalinda had even agreed on meeting them there.

"Of course dear, but you two should get up. There are a million things to do before the ceremony." Joan had wanted to say more, but left it alone heading back downstairs to call Sara.

"You know everyone seems to be freaking out about our wedding." Alicia says lying her head back down on Will's chest. "Yeah, everyone but us!" He says putting his arm back around her. "You should have seen Mom the day before Peter and I got married."

"It was worse than she was yesterday?" Will says with raised eyebrows. "Ten times."

"Well I'm just glad that we have professionals handling the rest of the set up today." Will says. The tent, chairs, tables and dance floor had all been set up the previous day. Today all the details would be added. "Me too" Alicia says enjoying being in his arms away from all the chaos that had been floating around the past few days since they'd arrived in Baltimore. "Are you nervous?" She asks. "No" he simply states. "I'm so excited I think my heart might explode, but I'm not nervous." She smiles at this. She's excited too, but it makes her heart soar knowing how happy he is. "How about you?" he asks. "No, me either."

"I have something for you." She says gazing into his eyes. He smiles broadly. "You do?"

"Yes, but it's at Sara's." I'll have Grace bring it over when they come to pick me up. "I can't wait." He says tightening his arms around her. "I have two things for you!" he says a few minutes later turning and getting out of bed. "I'm never going to catch up to your gift giving am I?" She says somewhat sarcastically rolling out of bed. He heads to the bathroom to shower ;eaving her standing there wondering what it is he could have for her. "Well aren't you going to give them to me?" She says starting to follow him. He turns and looks at her as he turns the shower on. "No not right now." a sly smile across his face. She rolls her eyes and goes back into the bedroom.

A while later they were packing up their suitcases. She'd left most of her things at his parent's. He goes to the closet and pulls out a flat rectangular shaped box tied with a red satin ribbon.

"Here" he says handing the box to her. "your first gift!" She takes it from him, and starts to untie the ribbon. "No, just put that in your suitcase." He says taking her hand preventing her from untying it further. She looks at him with raised eyebrows. "If you will recall a few months ago you told me you would wear whatever I chose for tonight." He says eyes locked on hers and grinning. She thinks for a few seconds and recalls the conversation. "Yes I did.'

"Well there it is." He says looking at the box. "But you can't open it until we get to the hotel tonight." She smiles, "You trust me to put this in my suitcase and not take a peek?"

"I do counselor." He says moving in close to her. "If you peek I'll accuse you of tampering with evidence." She puts the box down on the bed right next to them and moves in even closer to him their faces just inches apart. "And what is the punishment for tampering with evidence—counselor?"

"You don't want to know." He says in a whisper as his lips catch hers in a deep passionate kiss.

"Oh come on you two, you can do plenty of that in a few hours. But we need to go Alicia." Veronica says bursting into the bedroom mid kiss.

"Mom good morning to you too." Alicia says sighing and almost to the end of her rope. "Did you pick up Grace?" She says turning to he mother. "Yes she's downstairs. Now come on."

"Ok, but I have to get something from her for Will first." She takes his hand and they follow Veronica down the stairs. The house was already beginning to fill. Alicia was starting to feel suffocated. When she sees Grace she goes over to her. "Did you bring my bag?"

"Yeah, its right here." Grace says holding it up so Alicia can see. "Thanks" She digs through the bag and pulls out a small box handing the bag back to Grace. "Will you take this upstairs for me please?"

"Sure" Grace takes the bag and heads upstairs. Alicia surveys the room for Will, and sees him following his father out the back door. She follows after them. Things had already picked up outside. There were people everywhere setting things up. Alicia catches up to Will. "Come walk with me for a minute." she says taking his hand and leading him to a quiet shaded part of the yard. "This is for you." she says handing him the box. He smiles as he takes the box from her and opens it. He smiles at the contents, then looks at the necklace hanging from her neck, the one he'd given her eight months ago, and then back to the box. Inside it laid two infinity cuff links. The infinity symbol had become their "thing" over the months symbolizing just how strong their relationship had become. "Will I wanted to give you something that represented today, something that represents just how much I love you. I'll never be able to show you, or give you anything that will come close to how much I've grown to love you over the past year. But know that when you wear those today they represent everything that this," she reaches up to the pendant around her neck. "Means to me."

He closes the box, and puts his arms around her waist. "They're perfect." He whispers into her ear then kissing her once again. "I need to go." She says after pulling away still gazing into his dark brown eyes. He runs his hands up and down her back. "Ok, but this is the last time you get to leave me, because in a few hours when we walk back down that isle together I'm never letting you leave me again!"

"Deal! I love you"

"I love you more" he says as he leans his forehead down to touch hers. "No, I love you more!" Before he can respond she pulls away from his embrace and turns to slowly walk back towards the house. As she starts walking she finally feels content. She's finally allowed her heart to open to him completely, and it's full. She can't wait to marry her best friend.

"Licia." He calls before she gets too far. She turns back to him. "I can't wait to see you in the dress!"

"You and everyone else! Hey, make sure Owen gets Zach here in plenty of time. I want to see him before the ceremony. And make sure Owen doesn't drink too much. We don't need his toast to be any more dramatic than I'm sure it already will be!" He nods in agreement, and she turns back towards the house.

She'd finally found a dress after a month of searching. It happened on a whim one day when she was on a lunch break. She'd decided to go into a small boutique down the street from one of her favorite café's. They carried designer gowns, and she'd decided to look. After being there only five minutes she saw it, and knew it was the one. She tried it on, and it was perfect. It needed a little altering, and she wanted to add a few of her own details. It had been easy to keep secret from everyone because the final alterations had been finished just a week earlier. She had taken it to Diane for safe keeping. And Diane had brought it with her to Baltimore. She would turn it back over to Alicia in a few hours. She was excited that it would be a surprise for everyone.

The day moved by quickly. The trip to the salon had been fun, and productive. When the women got back to change things were nearly set up. But Alicia didn't want to chance seeing Will less than an hour before the ceremony so she'd gone straight up to the room to change. She sent Grace to scout out the back yard.

The house faced west perfect for a wedding on the east side of the house. Soon everything would be shaded by the large trees in the yard with rays of sunlight breaking through. All but the area for the ceremony which would still be bathed in sunlight until after the ceremony. The caterer was there doing last minute food prep. The long tables had been set with white linen tablecloths. Expensive table runners in antique powder blue, a few shades lighter than navy, a few shades darker with more of a gray undertone than periwinkle ran down the center of each table, a nice compliment to the light subtle shade of cream. A long piece of mirrored glass lay atop the table runners with round tiered silver candlesticks. On top the candlesticks set cylindrical clear vases holding cream and the same blue colored candles. The candlesticks were intermixed with square vases holding bouquets of long stemmed cream tulips and roses mixed with blue thistle, blue star, and green foliage. The silver utensils held in a cream napkin tied with blue satin and the white plates edged with a small silver lining complimented the crystal stemware, and silver candlesticks. The cream place cards held in a silver infinity sign holder stood out against the white tablecloths. The head table was adorned with the same décor all except for the two crystal champagne flutes for Will and Alicia, which had an infinity sign etched in silver on them. The cake sat atop a table near the head table. All of this was set under a large open tent. They may be having a small intimate wedding with sixty to seventy people, but no expense had been spared in the details. It was classy, elegant, and modern.

At the other end of the yard amongst the trees the white chairs had been set up for the ceremony. The isle was lined with silver lanterns holding more large cream candles and a long silver pole holding more bouquets of flowers smaller, but similar to those on the tables. The isle had been dressed with scattered cream rose petals, and led to the three steps up to the pergola that had been adorned with greenery, and draped with long very light cream chiffon material tied back with the antique blue satin ribbon. With less than an hour to go after surveying the scene for Alicia, Grace went back into the house to get ready. She was the first to lay eyes on Alicia in the dress.

Alicia stopped pacing as Grace entered the room. "Wow mom! You look amazing." Grace stood staring at the dress her mother wore. The dress was an A line white satin gathered slightly at her right side along her torso. It hugged her figure just the right amount from top to bottom. At top one strap in the gathered material sat across her left shoulder leading down to a very subtle heart shape just above her breasts. Lace lay atop the satin over her breasts in a diagonal pattern leading down to her torso. The satin continued the length to the floor. In back the strap led to mid back where the lace had continued to the pattern of beaded buttons that ended just above her bottom. More satin continued from there a little more pooled than in front at the bottom. When she moved it all moved with her perfectly. Her hair was in an up doe large bun with defined large curls that sat just above her neck line. In it had been placed a few sprigs of babies breath.

"Do you like it?" Alicia says smiling pulling Grace in for a hug. Grace eyes her up and down. "Yes, Will's eyes are going to pop out of his head when he see's you! You're beautiful!"

'You are too. That dress looks good on you!" Alicia says admiring the dress Grace has on. "Turn so I can get a better look." Grace turns in a circle. Grace, Aubrey and Sara were wearing similar blue dresses. Knee length and fitted. They were sleeveless and the neckline on Graces hit just below the caller bone. Hers had wide blue satin that wrapped around her just below the breasts tied into a bow in the back. Aubrey and Sara's dresses had a more open v-neck, and had a thinner blue satin trim that wrapped around to their backs minus the bow.

"How are things outside?" Alicia asks. "Good, it's amazing out there." Grace notices Alicia turning her hands over in each other nervously. "Mom your not nervous are you?" Alicia stops moving her hands and looks at Grace. "I'm" she pauses. "I think I am." She'd had butterflies in her stomach ever since they'd come back to the house. She just wanted to do this now. She was tired of waiting. "Mom, its just Will. Relax, don't think about it."

"I know Grace, I just, I can't believe I'm getting married again." Just then the door opens and Veronica and Zach enter. They both take the sight of Alicia in. "Mom you look amazing!" Zach says walking over to his mother in his black tux under which lay a white shirt, a blue vest and tie. A cream tulip with a little blue thistle and green leaves made a boutonniere that sat on his lapel. He matched Will, Owen, Will's father and brother in law in attire. Alicia pulls Zach in for a hug. "You look good."

"Thanks mom."

"Its time to start in ten minutes Alicia." Veronica says looking at her watch. "Ok. I just want a minute with the kids, and then we'll come down. Tell Owen to get ready. He was the one who would be walking Alicia down the aisle.

After Veronica leaves Alicia turns to Zach and Grace. "Do you both have the rings?" She asks. They both nod. "Good. You both know I love you very much right?" They both smile and nod. "Yeah Mom." Zach says. "And you know that Will's cares a great deal for both of you?" She looks each of them in the eye. "Yeah" Grace answers. "My marrying him isn't going to change my relationship with you two at all, all right?" She can feel a lump in her throat forming. _Don't cry Alicia, there isn't time to fix the makeup. _She thinks to herself. They nod again. "We know mom, we like Will." Zach says. "And he makes you really happy." Grace adds. Alicia smiles, still trying to hold back the tears. "Ok, I'm very proud of both of you. " She pulls them both in for one more hug. "Ok, let's do this!" she says releasing them. Grace turns to walk towards the door. Zach pulls out a small box and envelope from his jacket. "Here" he says handing Alicia the items in his hands. "Will wanted me to give this too you. He said for you too open it before you came out.

Alicia just looks at the box for a minute. _"I have two things for you." _She recalls him saying earlier that morning. "All right I'll be down in a minute." She says. Zach and Grace turn and leave the room closing the door behind them. Her legs are feeling wobbly, she shouldn't feel so anxious she thinks. So she walks over to the large chair next to the window and sits down to open this surprise from him. She opens the box first. Inside lay a pearl bracelet held with a single infinity link in the middle. She takes it from the box. It was a perfect match to her the necklace he'd given her, although she wasn't wearing it for the wedding. Today wore a string of pearls around her neck. _He must have remembered me trying to decide what jewelry to wear today. _She thinks. The pearls in the necklace and the bracelet were very similar. She slips it onto her wrist, opens the envelope, and begins to read.

Meanwhile outside every one was in their seats. Grace took her place next to Aubrey, Sara and the Priest. Zach comes last taking his place next to Will, and Will's brother in law. Will stands anxiously in anticipation to see the only women he'd really ever loved walk down that isle. "How's your mom?" Will says turning to Zach trying to distract himself. "Good. She looks amazing! I'm sure she'll be right out with Owen." Will nods and turns back to the guests who were busy chatting. He hopes the butterflies in his stomach will calm once he sees her. He smiles as he surveys the crowd. Family, friends who'd come to celebrate with them. Others would be there later for the reception. But here now were the people who really mattered most to he and Alicia. Carey had his arm around Kalinda, Kurt had his arm around Diane. His parent's were watching him with broad smiles. The other close family members, and co workers who were there were busily engrossed in their conversations. But as the minutes seemed to tick by slowly he got more nervous. He looks down at his watch. Where were they? What was taking so long? Ten minutes past time to start. It wasn't like Alicia to be late, and she was just inside the house. "Zach I thought your mom was ready?" Will whispers to him. Zach's a little caught of guard, and turns to look at Grace who returns the look with questioning eyes. "She was. I gave her your note, and then we left. She said she'd be down in a minute." Some in the crowd notice Will's worried features and turn towards the house, as though that will make her appear.

By the time she'd finished reading tears were streaming down her cheeks, and she hadn't realized the time. A quiet knock came to the door, and then it openened slowly. She barely acknowledged Owen entering the room. He immediately sees the tears and rushes over to her. "Alicia what's wrong?" he says. She looks up at him coming back to reality. "Nothing Owen, absolutely nothing. I'm happy—really happy!" She says placing the letter back in the envelope. "Ok" he says hesitating. "Well there's a tall, dark handsome man outside who is probably wondering if you're having second thoughts just about now." Alicia looks horrified as she notices the time on the clock. "Owen why didn't you come get me sooner?" She snaps hurrying to stand up and smoothing her dress. "Wow" Owen says taking her full profile in. "You look really hot! Will won't be able to keep his hands off you!" he says She smiles. "Don't think that comment will rescue you from this!" She says starting to walk towards the door. "Alicia, you might want to do something about the slight mess those tears made! I mean it doesn't really look great with that dress!" She stops just as she gets to the door. He smiles knowing she hadn't thought about it after her tears and his interruption. She just puts her hands up and hurries to the bathroom. "Will is probably a nervous wreck by now." She says hurrying to fix the makeup. Less than five minutes later she hurries out and grabs her simple but elegant bouquet. It was made of long stemmed cream tulips, blue star, and green foliage, all held together with blue satin ribbon. She takes Owens arm and they head down the stairs together.

Five more minutes passed, and Zach starts to head down the few stairs in front of Will. "I'll go see what's taking so long." He starts to walk down the aisle, but then he sees them and stops. The music Will and Alicia had chosen starts to play, and Zach takes his place back next to Will. Everyone stands as Alicia and Owen get closer.


	28. The Wedding Part 2

**A/N I apologize for the delay. My sister in law had a baby over the weekend and I had four of her children added to my own for a few days! It didn't leave much time to write! As I sat adding and tweaking to the toasts today I realized that the ceremony itself was complete. So thanks to the kind and not so subtle pleas for more I've received over the past few days I decided to publish it. Reception still on it's way! The exchanging of rings part of this chapter came from an online wedding transcript and are not mine. Now enough of my drabble! **

**The Wedding Part 2**

As soon as he sees her the butterflies start to settle. The site of her takes his breath away. In reality not too far into their past he never thought this day would be possible, but here he was watching the love of his life walk down the isle to become his wife. He smiles as they lock eyes, and the music begins to play. As she gets closer, neither ones aware of anything but the fact that they are getting closer to each other. After following Adam and Grace down the isle Alicia and Owen step to the last step and she releases her grip on his arm. She hands Grace her bouquet and takes Will's hands into hers their eyes never leaving the other. "You look stunning!" he says stepping close enough to her to breathe her in.

"You look pretty good yourself!" she returns. "Thank you for this." She holds up her wrist so he can see the bracelet. "You're welcome!" He takes her hand back into his and they turn towards the priest.

The priest takes a few minutes to talk. They are both trying hard to take in all he's saying, but the feel of each other's touch, and the knowledge of what they are about to commit too is distracting. The Priest turns to Will "Now do you, William Paul Gardner take Alicia Cavanaugh to be your lawful wedded wife?"

"I do" he says without hesitation turning his gaze to hers.

The Priest turns to Alicia. "Do you, Alicia Cavanaugh, take William Paul Gardner to be your lawful wedded husband?

"I do" She continues to gaze into his eyes squeezing his hands.

"Good, then it's time to exchange vows." Alicia goes first. She turns her entire body to face him and smiles as her eyes meet his. This is more emotional for her than she thought it would be. She can feel the tears trying to creep up and threaten to spill as she begins.

"What do you say to the person who's saved your life more than once? No words can really express how I feel, but I'll try. Will it's taken a long time for me to allow my heart to trust and love again. A year ago I thought I'd lost almost everything. I was scared, and everything was spinning out of control, before I woke up-and after. But you were there. You've always been there." A tear trickles down her cheek as she holds his hands tighter. "Even in college you were there. You were there to cheer me up when we lost our mock trial. You were there to calm my nerves when I hadn't had enough sleep the day before finals. You were gone from my life for awhile. But the past six years you've been there for some of my happiest moments, and in my darkest hours. You've been a constant pulling me back to the light. Over the past year you stood by me. You helped bring me back to reality, literally." He smiles and nods his head.

"There were a million opportunities for you too walk away, but you stayed. You pushed me when I wanted to give up. You held me when my own two feet wouldn't support me. You held me tighter waking me from my worst nightmare. You believed in me—in us even when I doubted both. You've held my hand through thick and thin, and there's been a lot more thick in our relationship than thin." Everyone chuckles at that comment.

"You taught me to love and trust again. You've been the rock for me to build a life around again. At times you've been my biggest and most needed distraction. You've challenged me in ways no one ever has. From the moment I opened my eyes a year ago I just wanted a chance to love you, and I got one. I fall more in love with you every day. So today I vow to stay-to always be there for you, as you've always been for me. I promise to stand by you and support you as your wife, and partner. We aren't always going to agree, and I promise to frustrate and challenge you, which I'm already good at!" Another laugh from the audience. "I hope you'll do the same for me." He smiles and nods in agreement. "I promise to share with you all the beautiful and challenging moments of life. No matter what trials we encounter or hardships we endure together, I now know our love will never fade, and that we will always find strength in each other. From this day on I will live with you till the last second. Breathe with you till the last breath. I will spend an eternity loving you, caring for you, and showing you everyday that I hold you higher than the stars. All this and so much more to you, my best friend, love of my life, and soul mate."

As she finishes Sara hands her a tissue to dab away the few tears that had escaped from both of them. Will takes her hands into his again and gazes into her eyes as he says his vows.

"Alicia, my heart has been yours since the first time I saw you twenty something years ago." She bites her lip trying to hold back the tears. She knows this is true having just read a very heartfelt bit of information in the letter he wrote her. "I've loved you from the day we met. I used to think that being able to love you was the difficult part in our relationship, our lives filled with obstacles and bad timing, but I realized it wasn't loving you that was difficult. That came easier than anything for me. Loving you is like breathing for me, and each time I've watched you walk away, or worse come close to death, my breathing slowed. Breathing is a beautiful thing. Being able to just look into your eyes every day is a blessing, one I will never take for granted. This day one year ago was the best day of my life because my lungs were filled again. My breath, my heart and soul were returned to me. It's been said that some are destined to be together, but that it can take time, and we are living proof that miracle. You are living proof of the miracle of life. You make me a better person. You make me laugh, you make me smile. You know exactly how to push all my buttons, good and bad!" Another chuckle from the audience.

"Thank you so much for continuing to breathe life into me everyday. Today I promise to be that same breath for you-always. To love you endlessly, and to do everything in my power to make you happy. I vow to support you in the things you want to do and dream about. I promise to stand by you and support you in thick and thin as your husband." He pauses for a few seconds just briefly looking away then looks back. "I promise to _always_ be faithful to you, and worthy of the love you show me everyday. I promise to continue to grow with you by my side. Everything I have is yours till the end of time. I promise to be your love, your happiness, your life. To you my best friend, the other and much better half of my soul, I promise to love you always with every breathe, and beat of my heart, Even longer, till the end of time."

There was hardly a dry eye left once he'd finished. He releases her left hand. Holding tightly to her right they turn back to the Priest.

"Now let's exchange rings." The Priest removes the rings from the white satin pillow that Adam had walked down the isle. He then continues. "Take each other's hands." They turn to face each other once again. Will reaches for her left hand. "These are the hands of your best friend, full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day. As you promise to love each other today, tomorrow, and forever. these are the hands that will work alongside yours, as you build your future together. These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch, will comfort you like no other. These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief fills your mind. These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes; tears of sorrow, and as in today, tears of joy. These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it. And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged, will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch. Will, place the ring on Alicia's finger."

Will takes the ring from the Priest and slides it onto her finger, a broad smile spread across his lips. He looks back up to meet her eyes. "Now repeat after me."

"Alicia I give you this ring as a symbol of my commitment to you. It has no beginning and it has no end. May its presence on your hand always remind you of my eternal love."

She can't hold it back any longer. A few tears fall from her eyes as she takes his ring and places it on his finger. "Will I give you this ring as a symbol of my commitment to you. It has no beginning and it has no end. May its presence on your hand always remind you of my eternal love." He wants to lean down and kiss her right then he's so happy, but he restrains himself for another minute.

"Will and Alicia, may you live happily ever after. May all your days be blessed with love and friendship. May each day and night of your lives be a new beginning. By the power vested in me by the state of Maryland, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Will you may now kiss your beautiful wife!"

He immediately wraps his arms around her waist pulling her in close. She wraps her arms around his neck. He lowers his head to meet hers as their lips touch. There was clapping and cheering all around them, but they were engrossed in the moment feeling the smiles that set across both sets of lips as they touched. It was a deep passionate kiss, how they loved the taste of each other. He didn't want to release her. He wanted to kiss her for the rest of eternity, but after a minute she pulled away locking eyes with his once more before he released her taking her hand, and turning back to the audience. The music started up again and they walked hand in hand back down the isle together in a shower of cream rose petals.

**A/N One more thing! I'm stuck on the song for their first dance. I sadly have an entire playlist I could dedicate to these two, and can't make up my mind. So let me know if there is a song you think really works for them! **


	29. The Reception

**A/N In honor of tonight's show here you go! I couldn't decide on a song, so insert what ever song you like for these two. I got some good suggestions, and I thank those of you who submitted them, I actually really like all of the songs that were suggested. I'm just very indecisive on this one! **

**The Reception**

After the ceremony their professional photographer took some more photos, and continued to during the evening. Their hands rarely left each other the whole night. As they sat next to each other at the reception, Owen stands to give the first toast. Alicia turns to whisper in Will's ear. "I may need more to drink after this." He laughs quietly, and gently kisses her again. They turn their attention back to Owen.

"I've probably had to deal with these two and their complex, tangled, tortuous at times relationship longer than anyone in this room!"

"You didn't have to deal with it Owen, you chose too!" Alicia says rolling her eyes. Everyone laughs. "There are so many things I know about these two that I would _love _to share, but Alicia will disown me if I do!"

Will pipes up, "So will I!" laughter comes from the audience. "So I will leave most things unsaid! At some point along this crazy journey that most of us thought would never end, I saw something new in Alicia. When I found out about Will I thought it was unrequited desire, a totally physical thing she had for Will. Don't get me wrong it was definitely that!" Everyone laughs again. Alicia rolls her eyes. "But it was more. The more I talked with her I realized she was in love. I even told her so, and she of course denied it! But Alicia's eyes, as much as she may hate it, tell anyone who knows her the real truth. Her eyes are incapable of lying despite what her mouth may say, unless of course she's trying to woo a new client!" Everyone laughs, Owen turns to look at Alicia. "Alicia I'm going to tell you the same thing I told you five years ago, you're in love!" She rolls her eyes, and blushes, as Will lifts her left hand to show off her ring then kisses her again. "You would think that two intelligent people would be able to figure this out sooner than they did. But of course Will and Alicia were the last ones to figure it out! It's been obvious to most of us in this room for years. I mean these two have fallen in and out of whatever it was since they were law students together. I don't know about all of you, but I for one am relieved that I no longer have to wonder from day to day if these two are lover's or enemies! We will all sleep better knowing they are now permanently bound together!"

"You can say that again!" Diane calls from her table. Even Will and Alicia have to laugh at that comment.

"Will, take Alicia's hand and place your hand over hers." They both look at each other, as Will places his hand on hers. "Now, remember this moment and cherish it... because this will be the last time you'll ever have the upper hand!" Everyone, including Will and Alicia laugh. Will pulls his hand off hers quickly to tease her. "We can't let that happen!" Will jokes. Alicia grabs his hand and places it back on top of hers.

"I think they both have the upper hand today! In all seriousness now, I can't think of any other two people who were meant to be together as much as Will and Alicia. Any relationship that can endure as long as theirs is destined for a happy ending. Will I want to thank you for loving my sister, for your ability to bring a smile to her lips when no one else can, and for making her the happiest women in the world! Our father would be proud." Alicia tears up. Will puts his arm around her. "But he'd also tell you as I will that if you ever hurt her I'll be coming after you!" Will nods in acknowledgement as Alicia squeezes his hand. Owen holds up his glass, everyone follows suit. "To Will and Alicia who finally figured out that being together was better than being apart!" Glasses clash as they all take a sip, and Will leans in and kisses her again.

Grace stands next. "Since as Mom likes to point out, I am a stickler for tradition I guess I should go next as the maid of honor. I'll be quick. When I was little Mom usually had a smile across her lips. A smile that I came to realize as I grew was a sign that she was genuinely happy, it was contagious. She's always been able to cheer Zach and I up no matter what, she's always had a positive outlook on life, even when she had every right not too. But I don't think she realizes what an influence her smile has had on others. That smile had faded over the past years. It popped up periodically, but it was never the same as I had remembered it from my early years." Grace starts to tear up causing Alicia to tear up. Grace looks right at Will as she continues. "Will, she wears that smile every day again, and it's because of you." Alicia turns and looks at him with a broad smile tears excaping her eyes. He looks at her; she leans in and whispers, "Thank you" then kisses him.

"She's really happy! That's all that Zach and I have wanted for her, because she's the best Mom in the world! I hope you guys are always happy together!" Everyone clinks glasses again and Grace sits down.

Aubrey goes next. "It's my turn to worry!" Will whispers to Alicia. "Owen did fine, have a little faith in your sister!" Alicia whispers back.

"A few years ago Sara and I went to-take care of Will- after he was suspended from the law for a few months."

"More like pester me!" he says. This causes Alicia and everyone else to laugh again. "We were worried because work was Will's whole life even when he came home, which was rare. I mean we've seen him more in the past eight months than we had any of the previous four years. When he was home he was glued to his cell phone, and laptop nearly the whole time he was here." She glares over at her big brother. "I'm sorry, I promise to not work so much when I visit!"

"Anyway we noticed Will get all soft when he was on the phone with one particular person from work. We thought it was Kalinda!" Alicia burst out laughing along with others. "We never knew if it was Kalinda or not. But when Will called Alicia this last Christmas, Sara and I both knew he'd been talking to Alicia all those years ago because he had the same tone in his voice. Have you ever listened to Will talk to Alicia?" She says looking out at everyone. "If you've ever wondered what a man who's fallen head over heels for a women sounds like just listen to him!" More laughs from the audience. "Will we love you, but we love Alicia, maybe even more for bringing you back to us, and for showing you that there is more to life than your work. So here's to a life full of fewer work hours, and more time spent enjoying the things you both love together!"

Diane went next. "I'm still not sure why Will asked me to say a few words, maybe just to get back at me for the few unpleasant squabbles we've had over the years!" She turns and looks at Will. He raises his glass to her smiling. "I feel like a proud mother today! I mean no disrespect to your parent's who are here, and who raised you to be the outstanding adults you are now, but from the day Alicia walked into our office I've watched you're relationship grow just as a parent watches her child. I've felt all the emotions I think a parent would over their relationship. Joy, happiness, excitement, anger, disapproval, and the hardest thing, watching the life drain literally, and figuratively from two people I care a great deal about. I've had to intervene at points. Point out, mostly to Will, the hard facts of love and life, and sadly at one point the difference between doing something I knew he wanted, verses doing what was smart, and making the better decision. Thirteen months ago on the day Alicia was taken off of life support Will told me once she was gone he was leaving. He was never coming back. He was going to sever all ties to anything that would remind him of her." Alicia turns to Will stunned, he nods to her letting her know it was all true. "I had an idea up to that point, of his feelings for her. Talking to her is one thing!" She smiles over to Aubrey. "But have you ever watched him look at her? These two don't even have to talk to have a whole conversation. They thought they were being discreet with the looks that lasted a second too long, With the intentional brushes of shoulders, or touch of the hands that were meant to be seen as mistakes, or not seen at all! But I knew better!" Both Will and Alicia grin sheepishly.

"However what I hadn't realized until that day was how deep Alicia ran through his veins. To love, and be loved that deeply is something few of us will ever experience. As your friend I'm glad I had the opportunity to watch so closely the development of a relationship that I believe will out last time. You two have been through more in the past seven years than anyone should ever have too, and you've come out stronger for it. You made it, you finally had good timing! I wish you a lifetime filled with less chaos and trials, and more time to just live and love deeply." Everyone raises their glasses again.

Will's is the last to stand. "Come stand with me!" he says reaching down for Alicia's hand as he moves his chair back under the table. She smiles and takes his hand to follow him to the microphone.

"My wife and I," he pauses and looks at Alicia and chuckles a bit at a loss for words. "Wife! I'm going to have to get used to saying that! As I was saying, we would like to thank all of you for sharing today with us. We want to thank our parent's who helped make all of this happen. And a special thanks to each of you who've played large and small roles along the way to get us to today. I'm going to keep this short because you've all already heard plenty from me today, and quite frankly I'm looking forward to dancing with my wife for the first time ever! Every single other time I can recall Alicia and I being in the same place where there was dancing, like back in college, I never had enough nerve to ask her to dance!"

Alicia smiles broadly at him. She was looking forward to dancing with him as well. He moves closer to her and puts his arm around her. "So I have a quote for Alicia, and then I'll be done." He turns and gazes into her eyes again. She loves staring into his eyes it makes her heart melt, "It goes like this. "The couples that are meant to be, are the ones who go through everything that's designed to tear them apart and come out even stronger." For all we've been through, and for all we will go through together, know that I always have and always will love you." She moves in and kisses him. Everyone claps and cheers. Will turns and holds up his glass. "Here's to the best timing Alicia and I have ever had!" Everyone raises their glasses again followed by more cheering.

Everyone moves to the dance floor. Will takes Alicia into his arms placing one arm across her back, the other holding hers. As the music starts she moves in closer to him feeling the warmth of him next to her puts her at such ease. As the music starts they begin to dance she leans in and smiles kissing his warm lips. "We did it!" he says placing his forehead to hers. "We did!" She turns her head and rests her chin on his shoulder closing her eyes so as to just feel him and take in the music. "What was holding you up before the ceremony? Will asks gazing into her eyes. She turns her head towards his again and smiles up at him cocking her head to the side. "Somebody wrote me a beautiful love letter." At that moment he releases his hold on her back and spins her around once. Then pulls her back in close. "Oh yeah, a secret admirer I should be worried about?"

"No quite the opposite!" he looks down at her, "Someone who didn't think about the consequences of doing such a thing ten minutes before he was to get married." she says with loving irritation. "It's all your fault I was late. I had to re do half my makeup because of all the tears I shed reading that!" He chuckles. "I'm sorry!"

"You should be! You will suffer the consequences!" she says in a seductive tone. "I can't wait!" He leans over and kisses her again as they continue to move in sync to the music together. After the kiss she lays her head on his shoulder face turned into his neck. He gently rests his head on hers. Finally the women he'd wanted for half his life was in his arms to keep. They were in their own world enjoying the nearness of each other. "You really do look amazing!" he whispers in her ear. "Mmmm thank you" she whispers back. "Licia I love you"

"I love you too!" she says as the song ends and the clapping begins. They continue moving together as the next song starts and others join them. She would have preferred to stay like that in his arms for the rest of the evening, but others want a chance to dance with the happy couple. Even Zach takes a turn dancing with his Mom.

As the evening progresses they cut the cake. For a split second Will thinks about making a mess with it, but he decides against it. Smart on his part. Alicia throws the bouquet, and they mix and mingle with friends and family rarely letting their hands leave each other. They steal kisses whenever possible.

As the sun sets and things start to quiet a bit they are together dancing once again her head rested on him eyes closed. She had to admit she was tired. She loved every single moment of today, but it was starting to take its toll on her body. He can sense her resting more heavily against him. He moves his hand in a circular motion across her back. The sudden movement of his hand sends shock waves through her. She lifts her head and turns to kiss his lips again. This kiss a much more passionate one than they had shared the numerous other times during the reception. Pulling back a bit he says, "we should go soon!" running his hand more firmly over her back.

"We should! Where are we staying tonight?" she questions. "It's a surprise! It's about an hour drive." She shakes her head, "You and your surprises!" He leans his head down. "This is only the beginning of a lifetime of surprises!" This causes her to smile and kiss him again as the music ends and they announce their departure.

As they get near the car Alicia stops to hug Zach and Grace. "You know you can send us a text if you need anything right?" She says to the two. "Mom we will be fine!" She sighs, "I know, but just in case." They nod, and she hugs them once again. Will takes Alicia's hand and they walk down the middle of the crowd that stood to watch them leave. After Will opens the door for Alicia and she's about to get in, "Hey Will" Zach calls just a few feet away from them now. Alicia and Will both turn to look at him as the crowd quiets. "Yes Zach?" Will says. Alicia looks a little puzzled as she looks towards Will then to Zach. Zach has a pretty serious grin across his face both hands in his pockets. "Take care of my Mom!" Alicia's a little at loss for words. Will just smiles at her, and releases his hold on her hand moving back to Zach.

"Always, I promise" Then he embraces Zach into a hug. After releasing him he does the same to Grace. Causing a few tears to fall from Alicia. She hadn't doubted Will's liking to her kids, and this was proof. But at that moment she knew her son who at a young age nearly seven years earlier without ever saying anything had taken upon himself an unspoken responsibility. That was to watch out for her, and protect her as best he could when his father was gone, and he'd never stopped even after Peter had returned. Now Zach had just passed on the larger part of the responsibility to Will whom he obviously trusted. She moves back to the three and embracing her new family into a circle. "Ok, ok, you guys should go!" Zach says prying himself from his mother's arms. Alicia smiles once more at he and Grace, and can't help but hug them once more. "I love you both so much!" Zach looks over her shoulder to Will. "You may have to carry her back to the car!"

Will laughs. "Good idea!" Grace and Zach pull away from her as Will comes up behind her wrapping his arms around her lifting her and turning back towards the car. "Will put me down!" She says laughing. "No" he says carrying her back to the car. He gently sets her back down next to the car. She gives him a slight pout as she climbs inside. This only causes him to laugh more as he goes and gets in on the other side. They'd hired a limo for the night. He wanted to sit right next to Alicia on their way to their destination. 

Once they're off Alicia settles into his arms leaning against his chest and looking up at him.. "Thank you for being so good to the kids."

"You're welcome. I'm proud to be their step father!" he leans down and kisses her. It turns into a long lingering passionate kiss. They'd controlled their desire for each other all day, but now that they were alone there was no need to hold back any longer. "I could kiss you forever!" he says in between kisses. She smiles into the next one. "I could kiss you forever too!" His hands move along the laced detail of her dress. "I can't wait to get this off of you!"

"It's not much further is it?"

"Twenty or thirty minutes."

"Where is this secret place anyway?"

"It's in St. Michaels along the shore of the Miles River." He says kissing her again. "This must be some hotel to make it worth the long drive!" she says catching her breath from his lips moving along her neck. "It's not a hotel in the usual sense." He says continuing to kiss her neck. "It's a very large colonial mansion with all the amenities of a hotel, but very secluded along the back of the river."

"Sounds romantic!"

"Very, and we have a large suite with secluded patio that overlooks the river!"

"Are we going to have time to gaze out at the river if we're busy doing this?" She says seductively.

"We can gaze out at the river _while _doing this!" he responds. "But that's why I didn't want to leave for Italy until day after tomorrow. This place is amazing, and I wanted to spend some quiet intimate time with you before we get caught up in sightseeing!"

"Oh we'll have plenty of intimate time in Italy!" she says.

"I know, I just wanted a day for us to do nothing but be in each other's arms!"

"You've thought of everything haven't you?" she smiles to him.

"I've tried!"

Once they get to the Inn at Perry Cabin, they are greeted warmly and given the key to their suite. Once safely alone in the room Alicia removes his jacket, then tie and vest, as he continues to kiss her. She gets most of his buttons undone before he stops her. "I think you have a package to open Mrs. Gardner!" She smiles remembering the box he'd given her that morning. "You're right, but I don't know if I can wait that long Mr. Gardner." She reaches up to undo his last shirt button. He reaches for her hand stopping her. "Open the box! You promised!" She smiles, and moves to her suitcase and pulls out the box. "Should I go into the bathroom to open this, and put on whatever is in here?"

He sits on the edge of the bed and folds his arms. "No I think you should stay right there to open it!" He grins broadly at her. She can see the excited sparkle in his eyes. She unties the bow, and opens the box removing the tissue paper to find, she looks at him puzzled. He chuckles. "Will the box is empty?" He gets up and walks over to her placing his hands on her arms. "I know!" He leans in and kisses her neck moving up to her lips. "But I thought you," he puts his finger to her lips. "You're already wearing what I wanted to see you in and take off of you tonight!" He continues to move his hands to her back all the while placing soft kisses along her neck. She moans into him as he undoes each of the small pearled beaded buttons at her back moving his lips ever so close to her breasts. She's getting impatient. This slow subtle lingering time he's taking is driving her crazy, and she knows he's doing it on purpose.

As soon as the dress slips from her slim figure she takes control pushing him to the bed as she undoes his pants sliding them off of him then straddling him on the bed. "Taking control huh!" he says pulling her closer to him and flipping her over onto her back he removes her panties, and bra "I'm impatient Will!" Just then he enters her, and she moans. "So yes I thought I'd take control of the situation." She says becoming breathless as they start moving in rhythm with each other.

A few hours later as they sat together on a soft cushioned chaise out on their small patio watching the moon reflect off the water he pulls her in close. "I think I'm going to like this new reality of ours!" he says as she rests her head on his chest, relishing in the quiet calm of the night. "Me too" She whispers. "I'll love you forever." He whispers in her ear. "I'll love you longer!" she whispers back.


	30. A Mira-cle

**A Mira-cle**

A year after the wedding, as planned Will and Alicia moved their life to New York. They found a new apartment just right for them with fantastic views of the city. They're love only continued to grow.

The firm was doing well. They loved working with one another again. They worked hard, but the long hours had paid off. They were quickly gaining a good reputation in New York as good, ethical, tough, smart lawyers. After their first year in business they had no need to look for clients. The clients just came to them, and they were quickly becoming one of the best law firms in the city.

A stable married life was good for both of them. It kept them grounded, and focused. They loved every moment of it. Even the small squabbles they had, ended up fixing themselves with the good communication they vowed to always have, and a little make up sex to go along with it.

However nine weeks after their second anniversary, which they had spent in Europe, and just over a year since they'd come to New York. They would face the most challenging trial of their lives. One that would test their marriage to the brim

**Twenty six weeks later.**

Alicia licked the envelope and sealed it closed hoping its contents would never need to be read. Hoping that none of the other three letters she added this last one too would never need to be opened. But there was no guarantee the odds were against her. The letter she had just sealed up hopefully forever, read,

_My dear baby girl, _

_If you're reading this it can only mean one thing. That likely I was never allowed to hold you in my arms. If I ever was it would have only been for a very brief period. Know that that brief period would have been one of the best of my life. Know that then, and now, and from the first day I knew you existed, that I loved you, and have done everything I can to protect you. Know that I and your father always wanted you. We just never thought you were even a possibility. Your mere existence at this point at almost thirty four weeks old is a miracle. We almost lost you three times. But as your Dad has probably told you, you have your mother's will to live. _

_I don't know how old you'll be when your Dad will decide your old enough to read this, or where you'll be in life. My guess is that he's over protected you. Chances are you've gotten mad at him more than once for not letting you do something you really wanted only because he didn't feel it was safe for you, even if it was. Try to understand him. He means well, but I'm guessing he had a very difficult time losing me, and is going to do everything he can to make sure he never loses you. He's done, and I know will do everything he can to keep me here to help him raise you, but if I don't make it be patient with him. _

_He has a temper, don't try to argue with him when he's upset. Let him cool down, and then have a discussion with him. Your father is the best man I know. I love him more than you will ever understand, more than anyone will ever understand. _

_Make sure he tells you of our love's journey, and let's you read the letter he wrote me the day we were married. I would have loved to have had more time with him than this, but sometimes life throws you curve ball, and it turns out to be the hardest most beautiful thing in the world. Don't ever think that my not being with you is your fault. It's not, and never was. The day I was shot along with your father is the reason for the difficulties during this pregnancy. _

_I want you to grow to be strong and independent. Believe in yourself and your abilities. Pay attention and listen to the advice that your father and siblings give you. Follow their lead as well as the other good women in your life. Your Grandmother's, Aunts and Uncles, as well as the other women I've instructed your father to help raise you, are all good examples in their own ways. _

_The thing I want most for you in life is to just be happy. You need to work hard, and always do your best in life, but happiness is the most important thing. Something it took me a very long time to figure out. _

_Someday when a man has stolen your heart and you're faced with a decision to marry, make sure he loves you. Follow your heart. Make sure he treats you well every single day, and that he listens, actually listens, to what you say, and what your dreams are. Make sure you know you can tell him anything, go through anything, and that he is willing to stay by your side no matter what. Make sure he can make you feel safe, ease, excitement, and love all at the same time. Once you've checked all of those things off, look at your father when you and your chosen one are with him. You'll know by the smile on his face, and the gleam in his eye if he thinks it's a good match. He won't interfere no matter the decision, I've given him strict instructions on this matter, but your father has a way of knowing these things. _

_Your father will be home from work soon. He works hard for us. I hope he takes the time from work he'll need to be with you. But know that his long hours are only meant to make a good life for you. He loves you so much. He talks to you for hours some nights, and I know he'll do a wonderful job raising you. _

_I love you with all my heart. I promise to watch over you assuming that's a possibility after death. But always remember you were made with love. You are parts of two people who love each other very much. Always remember a part of me is in you, that I believe in you, and that I'll love you longer than my last breath. _

_With all my heart and love your Mom_

**Twenty six weeks earlier**

Alicia sat on the bed in the middle of the night. Will was soundly sleeping. She looked over at him in the dark dim light of their bedroom, her heart filling and breaking into pieces all at the same time. How could this happen? They'd taken the necessary precautions. There was only a .1% chance of pregnancy, add that to her age of now forty eight, and anyone would tell you a pregnancy would be a miracle. Her body was never meant to carry a child again, but here it was trying too anyway. As she sat there his words two years earlier come crashing at her like a ton of bricks. "Getting pregnant will kill you."

Tears start to flood from her eyes. How could she tell him, How would she tell Zach and Grace that likely she would be dead in the next ten months. And Will, _Will, _she thinks to herself, would be left, if they were lucky, to raise a child on his own. And the baby would be a constant reminder to him of her.

She'd already made up her mind and she hadn't even talked to him. She'd just taken the test ten minutes earlier. She would carry the child. Aborting it, or miscarriage would cause near as much blood loss as giving birth anyway. It wasn't really a choice. She'd be put on bed rest, likely for the entire pregnancy. She'd tried to be quiet with her tears, but he'd woken anyway. He always sensed when something was wrong, even if he was in a deep sleep. He turns over and looks at her bringing his hand to her face to wipe away the tears.

"Licia what's wrong?" She doesn't respond just cries more. He sits up and puts his arms around her bringing her head in to rest on his chest. "I'm sorry Will. I'm so sorry." she sobs. "Sorry for what? Licia what's wrong?"

She pulls away from him and gets out of bed and walks over to the large windows in their room. "Alicia" Will says getting out of bed, and following her. Once he reaches her he puts his arms around her turning her to face him. She avoids his gaze. He puts his hand under her chin lifting her head to make eye contact with her. "I'm pregnant" she says. He doesn't say anything for a few seconds letting her words sink in. His hand falls from her face. Fear like he'd only experienced once in his whole life floods him, then doubt. "What?" he says holding onto her now for support his knees feel wobbly. "But" he looks away into the night skyline before them. "You can't be." he lets go of her, and turns he starts pacing.

"Will" A flood of emotion comes over him, He always wanted a child, her child, but, he stops and looks into her eyes. "We can't keep it." That was the point when he turned his emotions off. It would hurt too much to feel. More tears stream from her eyes. "No Will" she pleads. "We can't. I won't. I'm carrying this child."

"No Alicia" he raises his voice. He walks back over to her putting his hands on her arms. "We already talked about this. You can't carry a baby." Her tears stop and her blood runs cold. "No we didn't talk about _this_." she says pointing down to her stomach. He looks down realizing what is now growing inside her. He shakes his head. "I'm not going to allow you do something that will..." He doesn't need to say it she knows and that's what hurts so much. This should have been a happy moment for them, but it was awful.

"Will there is nothing we can do at this point. If the baby miscarries, or we," She looks away. "I'll still bleed, a lot. There's no guarantee that it would make any difference. Please Will."

"It's not just the bleeding Alicia. What if your heart can't handle it, or your other organs?" He lets go of her. "No Alicia" he says pointing to her, then turns and walks out of the room. He sleeps on the couch, the next morning he rises early and leaves for work without her. Her heart breaks. This shouldn't tear them apart, this should be bringing them closer together, but she understands. She understands all to well.

They barely speak for two weeks at home and at work. They drove to work separately every day. She doesn't feel well, so goes home early most nights, and he stays late. After a week of sleeping on the couch he decides to sleep in the bed with her again, but not close. She made an appointment to see an expert in high risk pregnancies. She told him, but he didn't go with her.

The doctor confirmed her pregnancy test, with an ultrasound. Eleven weeks along. She did the math their anniversary. Which made this even more heart wrenching. To see the heartbeat of their child and not have him there made her feel very alone, and was even more heart wrenching. She took the ultrasound photo home, but didn't show it to him.

Two nights later she decided they had to do something. They couldn't go on the next six months not speaking, and she'd been given explicit instructions to not do anything stressful. Like Will had said they had no idea how her heart and lungs would react to pregnancy. It was up to her, the doctor said, she could try and work half days, but should under no circumstances work a full day, and was forbidden to go to court. She had to tell him. They had to at least figure out work. She had to pass some of her cases on to others. So she confronted him on this rainy night late in October. They ended up in a heated argument, and made no progress. As much as she wanted to carry this child she'd almost decided it would be better for them to terminate it like he wanted. This broke the last few pieces that were left of her heart. She went to bed crying into the pillow. She'd tell him in the morning. He stayed out on the couch with ESPN on to distract him.

The argument had made her blood pressure rise, it had been stressful and an hour after going to sleep she awakens to pain. Will was still out in the front room.

"Will" she calls loudly. No answer. Another contraction. "Will" She yells this time. He may be angry at her, but hearing her cry in pain for him causes him to immediately run to the bedroom turning on the light, he sees her one hand on the bedside table the other on her stomach as if hat will lessen the pain. She moves to the edge of the bed and stands, but then they both see it the small pool of blood on the sheets. Without even thinking he goes over to her, embraces her, "It's going to be ok." he says. Then he lifts her up and carries her to the car. They drive in silence both nervous and scared. Another contraction she cries out grabbing her stomach.  
>He turns and looks at her terrified. "What can I do?" he asks panic in his voice. "Nothing, just get us to the hospital." tears start to run from her eyes. "I'm probably miscarrying." The pain subsides as she closes her eyes and leans back in the seat. "We're almost there. It's going to be ok Alicia." he says trying to reassure her, as well as himself.<p>

They were grateful for the leather seats in the car. When they get to the hospital and he lifts her out of the car there's more blood. She's rushed back to a room and soon after the doctor is checking her. Will's right by her side holding her hand. "Everything looks allright." The doctor says looking up over the thin sheet that covered her bottom half. "What do you mean?" Will questions. "Well it means I need to do an ultrasound, but I think everything is ok. You've lost some blood Mrs. Gardner." Mrs. Gardner she still loved the sound of that. "But it might just be normal bleeding. The contractions however, are a concern." A few minutes later the doctor has the machine ready to go. They all have heir eyes glued to the screen.

After a few minutes the doctor's about to give them some bad news, but just as he gets ready to quit, the quiet sound of a heartbeat is heard. The doctor tries to find it again, this time with success. It's at that moment that the little being inside his wife takes hold of his heart. "Is that?" he says in awe staring at the screen next to Alicia. "It is." The doctor says. Alicia turns her gaze from the monitor to him. The evidence of anger and hurt in him over the past weeks had subsided some, and for the first time in two weeks she feels like she can breathe again. "That's amazing!" he says continuing to stare at the tiny heartbeat. Alicia can't help but smile as she continues to watch him. "We'd like to keep you here overnight Mrs. Gardner just to monitor things.

Later that night as Will sits by her side holding her hand. "Will you can go home if you want. I'm just going to sleep anyway." He looks at her almost hurt. "No, I'm not leaving the two most important people in my life here alone." He leans back in the uncomfortable chair next to her bed and closes his eyes. "Does that mean you want this baby?" she says hesitantly. A small smile crosses his lips. "I always wanted it Alicia. I'm just scared." he sighs. "I don't want to lose you, and my reaction to the, our baby, was a defense mechanism. I'm supposed to be able to protect you, and keep you safe. I can't protect you from this. I thought I could, but I can't. I'm not going to lie to you and say that I totally agree with this decision, but I'm not going to force you to do something you don't want. Will I love this child? Yes, I will, how could I not? I'm just going to hope that your body is stronger than everyone thinks it is. I'm sorry for the way I've been the past two weeks. I just, I don't know what I'll do without you."

He opens his eyes and turns to look at her. She looks down and shakes her head. "There's a chance I'll make it. We don't know how my body is going to react to this. It might be fine Will."

"I know, and that's why it's ok." He turns to face her and places his hand on her stomach. She smiles and places her hand over his. "Hi little one, it's your Dad. Try to be good to your Mom. We are both going to need her once you come out."

That turned out to be the first miracle of the pregnancy. The baby tried to miscarry two other times. Once at twenty weeks. After which Alicia was put on strict bed rest. The only work she was allowed to do was at home. They had another scare one night when she awoke, and could barely breathe. It turned out to be chest congestion from a cold. As she got closer with each passing week she could feel herself getting weaker. It worried her. She was tired all the time, despite the fact that she hardly did anything all day.

Everyone had brought her, books and magazines to read, Zach and Grace had some funny videos from school that they streamed to her every Sunday. Owen had even come to keep her company for a week. At thirty weeks they thought the baby was coming. It scared them both, and took nearly the rest of what was left out of her.

Despite his intense fear Will was wonderful, and had over time grown to love the child. He'd done everything he could to make her comfortable. Waiting on her hand and foot, teasing that he'd need a vacation once the baby came. He'd finally put those cooking skills he'd learned from his mother to good use, coming home at lunch to make her a meal, and making sure that she had something she could just throw in the microwave if needed at night. But he'd worked a lot less since that first trip to the ER. After her last near delivery Cary had come to New York to help with the case load, and they'd hired a few other associates. After their last trip to the hospital Will reduced his hours to half days. He wanted to spend as much time with her as he could just in case.

At thirty two weeks she started to gain some of her strength back. She found a little more strength, a little respite for she and Will. They picked out things online for the nursery, and Will had willingly, but hesitantly put it all together.

It was at thirty three weeks that her real fear started to set in, and the point at which she decided she'd better write the letters. Finally accepting the fact that she may not be around to help raise this baby that made her belly swell so much she wrote one for Grace, Zach and the baby if she weren't there for their graduations, and weddings, and births of their own children. She wrote a letter to Will filled with her love for him, and plenty of advice for raising his daughter, as well as a list of women she wanted her daughter to spend time with so she'd be well rounded.

At thirty four weeks she went to bed feeling awful, but had finally gotten to sleep. A few hours later she was sleeping peacefully embraced in his arms one around her stomach hand placed gently on the baby. But she was awoken with a severe contraction. She cried out as the pain overtook her body. Will woke immediately. "Alicia what's wrong?" his heart was racing another contraction. She cries out again grabbing her stomach and his hand for support. "I'm in labor Will." she says as the contraction subsides. "Are you sure?" he says getting out of bed and pulling on his clothes as quickly as possible. "Are you sure?" She glares at him. "Trust me. I've done this before, this is labor. This is not like the other times." Another contraction. He looks at the clock on the bedside table. It had only been five minutes. "Ok we need to get to the hospital." he says pulling on his shoes. Alicia was sitting up on the edge of the bed as he came over to take her hand and help her to the car.

He holds out his hand for her to take, but she doesn't move. A wave of intense fear has overtaken her. She blocks everything out. "Alicia" he bends down in front of her to look into her eyes, but her eyes don't register anything. "Alicia" he says again, putting his arms around her. His touch brings her back to reality, and she looks into his eyes as tears start to brim from hers. "I'm scared Will. I don't want to die." Tears start to form in his eyes. "You're not going to die. You've made it this far, your strong. It's going to be ok." he says to comfort her, but he knows the risk of something going wrong during birth is high. They both know it. She grabs his hand as another contraction hit, he holds her until it passes. "Look at me" he says. She looks into his eyes. "The hospital is ready, they know all the risks, and they are prepared for everything. But we need to get there so that they can take care of anything that goes wrong. Ok?" She nods her head and opens the drawer next to her pulling the four envelopes from it. "What's that Licia?" he was now sitting next to her on the bed. "This is just incase… There's one for you, one for Zach and Grace, and one for the baby." More tears fall from both of them. He's about to burst, he can't bare this. He leans in and kisses her salty lips. "Put those back in the drawer. We," he puts his hand on her stomach, "aren't going to ever have to open them." She puts them away, and takes his hand for support while standing. They get to the front door and another contraction hits. This one is stronger than the others. He holds onto her until it passes. "I wish I could do this for you." he says as they leave the apartment. "Me too!" she says forcing a small smile across her lips. "I'd forgotten how incredibly painful this is!"

Will had called the hospital on their way so the staff was ready when they arrived. After much debate months earlier, it was decided that Alicia should have a vaginal birth. There was far more blood loss with a C-section. Once they had her comfortable things were moving smoothly, they had an OR ready just in case. About an hour in, things started to go wrong. For some reason Alicia's oxygen levels plummeted, and they had to give her a mask, the babies heart rate slowed to dangerous levels. It was determined that her uterus had ruptured and they had to do an emergency C-section. Because of her low oxygen she kept falling in and out of consciousness. Will was terrified, but glad he could stay with her the whole time. Once in the OR she awoke for a few minutes. "What's happening?" she asks Will, her voice trembling. "They have to do a C-section" he tells her. "Will" she's in tears. "Alicia it's going to be ok." he says only half believing his own words. "I love you" she says. "I love you too." Her eyes close again as she slips into unconsciousness again.

A few minutes later the room is filled with the sound of their crying infant. Will had watched as they had pulled her from her mother's stomach. She was beautiful, and already looked just like Alicia with a full head of dark brown hair. The nurses took her weighed her, and cleaned her up. She was having trouble breathing, _their curse,_ Will thought to himself as they rushed her to the Nicu. The doctors full attention was on Alicia. As expected she bled, and hemorrhaged. They had Will leave the room while they treated her. The next twenty minutes were the longest, worst in his whole life. His wife was fighting for her life once again, and so was this new life that had captured his heart. The thought of losing either one, or both made him want to melt into the walls and disappear.

The doctor finally appeared and sat down next to him. "We stopped the bleeding. He pulls the mask from his face, and smiles. She made it! She's going to be ok." Relief overtakes Will and he lets out a huge breath that turned into crying. He didn't care who saw him. The mother of his child would be there to help him raise her, if the child lived. "Thank you. Thank you so much." The doctor smiles. "You are very welcome. Your wife has a strong desire to live. I've only ever seen a few other births with the blood loss, and other complications she had." Will turns and looks at him. "I'm not going to lie, we have to watch her very carefully over the next week, it's a miracle she made it." Words that he'd heard one to many times over the course of the last three years.

"Can I see her?"

"In a few minutes. We're trying to get some more blood back into her and she's still asleep. Go check on that beauty in the nicu and when you come back you can see her."

When he got to the nicu he felt out of place. He wished Alicia was with him. This was all so new. After getting the baby to the nicu she had improved dramatically. She was small at four pounds twelve ounces, and seventeen nches long, but she was breathing on her own for now which meant her lungs had probably fully developed. She was still hooked up to monitors, but the nurses asked if he wanted to hold her. "Yes" he said looking at her with a new kind of love filling his heart.

He sat in the chair next to her bed and they wrapped her up and placed her in his arms. He couldn't keep his eyes off of her. "What's her name?" one of the nurses asks. "She doesn't have one yet. Her mother and I couldn't agree on one!"

"Well from what we've heard that little one is a miracle!" Will smiles and nods his head. "She is indeed."

An hour later he was back in Alicia's room resting as best he could. It was nearly five in the morning at that point. Alicia had continued to sleep after everything, but finally started to stir. She opens her eyes feeling weak but is glad to see Will right there next to her. "Will" He sits up turning to her, and then moves in close enough to kiss her. "Hey, how are you?" he says gently brushing the few stray strands of hair from her face. Alicia looks around the room. "Really weak, but Will... did she make it?" she says with fear in her voice. He grins at her. "Yes, and she looks just like you!" Alicia brings her hand to heart. "She made it?" she says in tears. "Yes!"

"I want to see her."

"She's in the nicu. She was having trouble breathing, but she seems fine now. She's having a hard time keeping her body temperature up so they want to keep her there. I'll take you to see her once the doctors think your stable enough. Overwhelmed by the news and the fact that she was actually there to see their new little one she continues to cry. Will embraces her for a few minutes letting her tears of relief pool onto him.

"We need to give her a name Will." She says very seriously a few minutes later. They had had more than one debate over the topic once they knew it was a girl. "I found two." he says, "and I think you'll like them."

"Ok what are they?" she says with a slight chuckle.

"Mireille, which means miracle. And Eva, which means life." She lets the two names sink in for a minute, then smiles at him. "I like both. They're beautiful. So which one do we use?"

"I think we should use both. Eva Mireille Gardner. Since her life and your life are both miracles at this point.

Two weeks later Alicia and Eva were released from the hospital. The baby was doing quite well. Alicia was doing well, but it would take some time for her body to recover. Knowing how important it was for Alicia to rest Will had taken on the responsibility of the midnight feedings. Early one morning, Alicia realized he hadn't come back to bed, and it was an hour past her four am feeding. She walked over to the nursery. When she enters the room she finds Will sound asleep in the large oversized plush rocker and ottoman they'd bought, Mira, as she'd been nicknamed was swaddled and sleeping soundly in his arms. Alicia goes over to them and gently lifts her from his arms she starts to fuss as soon as her mother had removed her from her comfortable position. Her small cries turn into wails, which wakes Will. "What did you do to her?" he teases. "Nothing I just thought she should sleep in her own bed and she probably needs to eat. Alicia rocks her trying to calm her. "I'll make her a bottle." Will says getting up. As soon as Mira heard her father's voice she quieted, but after he left the room she starts wailing again. She cries until he returns. She continues to fuss as Alicia tries to feed her. "Here let me try." He offers taking her from Alicia moving out to the living room to sit on the couch. The baby immediately quieted when Will took her. Alicia shakes her head as she sits next to him. "She already has you wrapped around her finger." She says laying her head on his shoulder. He chuckles. "You're going to make a great Dad!" She says closing her eyes. He just smiles sitting in the quiet with the two people he loves the most in the world.

A few months after they had come home Alicia was cleaning and came upon the letters she'd written those months earlier. She thinks of tossing them, but then decides not too. She reaches into the closet and pulls out the box she had with a few things from Will in it, including the magazine from all those years back that he had insisted on keeping, the letter he'd written her on their wedding day, and another he'd written her on their first anniversary. She gently lays the four letters in the box closing the lid and putting it back up on the shelf. The letters would remain there sealed until one day forty two years into the future.

**A/N I didn't see that one coming either! I had planned on chapter 30 being the final chapter for this story, but the whole baby thing came to mind as I was writing a completely different version of chapter 30 yesterday. So that chapter, the final chapter will be next. Your input is always welcome, and thank you so much to all of you who have stuck with this! You all have guategal to thank for not allowing me to leave you hanging until the next chapter to find out whether or not Alicia was going to live through this! **


	31. Memories

**A/N Surprise! This is not the last chapter. I have literally re written every single part of this three times, and haven't gotten to my ending yet. Hence the delay in publishing. I think there is only one more chapter after this, but who knows. I'm working on the sequel in my head which is part of why this chapter took the turn it did. I'll be interested to see what you all think. **

**New York Times**

**August 14, 2060**

**No foul Play suspected in deaths of two New York Attorneys**

_Retired New York Attorneys Alicia Gardner and her husband William Gardner known for their extensive charitable work in the U.S. and overseas, as well as founders of Gardner, Gardner and Agos, one of the countries leading law firms, were found dead last week at their residence in the Hamptons. Autopsy reports show that the two died from natural causes, and that original suspicions of foul play, or suicide are all false. There was a question of suicide since the two were found dead together, with Mr. Ganders arms wrapped around his wife. But reports show that Mrs. Gardner passed on from heart failure just minutes before her husband from similar causes.  
><em>

_We were told that their relationship and marriages is one of an enduring love story usually only seen in movies. Their daughter Mira surmises that her father's heart stopped just minutes after his wife's because he couldn't bear to be without her, and had promised her on their wedding day forty five years ago that he would never leave her. They are survived by three children and their spouses, nine grandchildren and three great grandchildren.  
><em>

_**/**_

Mira sat on her parent's bed in the vacation home turned permanent residence ten years earlier. Will and Alicia had purchased the home when she was a teen. Now as she sat scanning the room, she realized how everything about the room screamed Alicia. It was the one room in the house where her mother could keep everything in its place and in order with family running around. Mira's husband, and her three young children ages ten, seven and four were out in the yard enjoying the warm summer morning. She'd just finished reading the news article, one of several that started appearing the week prior after she'd found her parent's just a week prior. She'd been rolling her eyes all week, just like Alicia used to, when reports of foul play and suicide had come out. She knew full well her mother's health was declining even if Alicia wouldn't admit it. She also knew that her father would be incapable of living without her mother. She'd been relieved when she found the two together. She didn't know if she could handle seeing the heartbreak in either of them, had one lived. Will had always told her and Alicia that he planned on passing on whenever Alicia did. Alicia thought it was sweet, and said the same to him, but had never really believed it..

Mira had been the first to arrive at the vacation home. The funeral had been the previous day. That week was to have been spent as their yearly family get together in the Hamptons. Mira had always stayed close to home living in, and raising her family in New York, but Grace and Zach had both lived out of state so once a year they had a big family gathering at the house, and they intended to keep that tradition.

As she sat there reminiscing about all the nights she'd spent right there talking to her parents till they insisted she go to bed, she spotted something she'd never noticed before sitting on a shelf on the book case that sat in the corner. It was an old white file box with some worn edges. She went and removed it from the shelf and moved back to the bed, opening the lid to see what was inside. At the top lay an envelope in Alicia's handwriting with Will's name on it. Mira opened the letter. It had been dated just a little over two weeks earlier. .

_Will, _

_Hopefully it didn't take to long for you to find this. I left it out in the room so it would be more easily spotted. My body is weakening, I can feel it. I'm slowing down. I know you can sense it as I do, but this time it's different from all the others. It could be the repercussions of things all those years ago, but I think it has more to do with old age than anything else. There's nothing we can do to stop this. _

_Please don't be sad, or blame yourself. We've had a good long life together, longer than I ever expected. So like you've always told me "it's going to be ok", I'm telling you the same this time. You'll be ok. I know you don't think you will, you've told me a million times over the course of our marriage that you can't live without me, but you can. We've been so lucky to have had as many years together as we have. _

_We aren't going to make it to fifty years like you once surmised, but we came close! Next week we'll celebrate our forty fifth anniversary. Forty five of the best years of my life. It will be the first anniversary since Mira was a baby that we won't be venturing out of state to celebrate. I don't mind. I find being close to home these last few months very comforting. _

_This box contains all the letters you wrote to me over the years, as well as other items that have meaning to only you and I. Hopefully this will cheer you up some. It's up to you if you would like to share this with the children. I've included a list of its contents, dates and a brief note for some items. That will be more useful for the kids than you, as you can probably remember all the instances of the items in the box. I've had this tucked in our closet since the day we moved into our apartment in Chicago together. I found it as I was cleaning out the storage unit from my apartment all those years ago. It had been full of my things from Georgetown. Things that I'd intended to show Zach and Grace at some point. Things that I did at some point show to them and Mira. But it also held some things that were just between us. Things that I'd forgotten I had. It was at that point that I turned it into a box for just you and I. I probably should have traded it for a more sturdy one at some point, but never did. I wanted to keep some of these memories just between us. A secret if you will. Some of the items in this box I hold most dear, proof of our love from good times, and bad. I guess I felt if some things were boxed up my love for you could live on even once I was gone, since my brush with death has come and gone more than we would have liked over the years. Now I give these memories to you. _

_Know that I love you more today than I did yesterday, and every day before that. You lived up to every single vow and promise you made to me forty five years ago. You stood by me, and literally held my hand through everything! Our marriage has surpassed everything I ever thought a good marriage could be. You were right, we are soul mates. We were always meant to be together, I know you've always believed that, and I can say without a doubt that I believe it too. I can't imagine my life without you. I am sorry you're living your life without me now. Remember I know what that is like, but I'm so grateful that from the day we were married I've never slipped back into that reality. _

_I'm scared Will. I'm scared to die. I know that the kids believe there is something after death, heaven if you will. I know you believe even if you won't admit it. Now after all these years I'm hoping there is something. I don't want to not exist even if in some other form. But I've never believed, and it scares me. If by some chance there is something after death, know that I'll wait for you. I'll wait for you forever if I have too, just to have the part of me that is in you returned to where it belongs. _

_Please tell everyone how much I love them, tell Zach, Grace and Mira that they are the three best things, next to you, that ever happened to me. We will never settle the argument over whose child Mira is, mine or yours. But I will always contest yours because everyday that I see her, or talk to her she remind me of you. _

_I love you so much. Don't ever forget that you're my everything, my life, the one who's kept me awake and alive for so long. I can't express in words the love I feel for you now, but know that you hold my heart forever. _

_With all my love, Alicia _

Mira was the spitting image of Alicia, but she had Will's eyes the deepest darkest brown. Will used to tease Alicia there wasn't an ounce of him in her when she disobeyed, or did something he didn't approve of. "Look" he'd tease, "She doesn't even look like me! That child is all yours!" Then he'd kiss her. "Ah yes," Alicia would reply, "but she has your eyes, and all of your likes and mannerisms. She may look like me, but she acts just like you!" He'd pull back a bit and smile, "So this is my fault?" Alicia would smile and shake her head. "No this is Mira's fault, and she'll suffer the consequences, but this is what happened when we tried to make one person out of the two of us! We got opinionated, strong willed, and independent!" He moves back in close to her putting his arms around her. "Don't forget to add beautiful to that list!" And he'd kiss her again.

**/**

That night Grace, Zach, Mira and their spouses sat together in the living room like they had so many times before. With one noted exception the lack of Will and Alicia with them. Mira decided it was the perfect occasion to show them the box. After she'd read the letter from Alicia she'd put the lid back on and hadn't looked through the boxes contents. Mira pulled the letter from Alicia to Will out first, and read it to everyone else. She laid Alicia's list describing the boxes contents on the coffee table so they could refer to it as they pulled the few items from the box.

The first item that was pulled was a very old Georgetown sweatshirt. "That looks like the one Dad and I bought for Mom when he took me to tour the University." Mira said. Grace grabbed Alicia's notes. "It just says Georgetown sweatshirt you leant me after kissing me for the very first time. Remember the pouring rain? We were soaked. I obviously never returned it! I wore that thing a hundred times over the next few years. I even wore it when I was pregnant with Zach, it was comfortable, and large enough to fit my growing belly.

"Hey I think there's a picture of her in it in the album from when I was a baby." Zach says. He goes over to the shelf and pulls the album. After thumbing through a few pages he finds the picture. He pulls it out and looks at the inscription on the back. Six months pregnant!

The next item pulled was a baseball. "It says this is the baseball that Will gave mom after pitching his one and only no hitter game. He told her it would bring her good luck." Zach stops reading and shakes his head. "It also says it was the last game he pitched at Georgetown. He was injured in the first inning of the next game, and had to quit the team. Mom told him he should have kept the baseball surmising it had brought her an A on a midterm, but would have been put to better use keeping Will from his injury." Everyone laughs at that.

There was a pile of photos held together by a rubber band, they were all of Alicia and Will at Georgetown. There was a card Will had given her on graduation wishing her luck at her new job in Chicago. The last line read, "Don't forget us little people when you're running your own firm. Always follow your dreams Alicia, know that I'll always believe in you, you deserve the best this life can bring. Will

The next item they pulled was a Stern, Lockhart, and Gardner business card with Will's name on it. On the back was a phone number scribbled in pen. "This is the card you wrote your cell number on that first time we saw each other again after Peter went to prison. The card you gave me on a chance meeting that brought us back together after so many years. That wasn't a chance meeting. That was our souls trying to find each other again."

They pulled the old magazine with Will in it. from the box. The notes discussed its meaning. Everyone got a good laugh at the fact that Alicia even had it, and had kept it all those years.

The next item they pulled was a small box that held a pair of diamond earrings.. "I've never seen those before." Grace says. "I have" Mira said. "Mom only wore them a few times over the years when they went out."

"So why are they in here?" Grace says pulling them from the box, and admiring. "I don't know. They are beautiful though. I asked her once where she got them, and she told me Dad had given them to her a long time ago, but she didn't elaborate on it." Zach reads the notes associated with the earrings.

"I'm putting these back in the box now because of their significance to our relationship. You will recall the instance you gave them to me as the first time we were in New York together. You scared me half to death when you pulled the box out. You said it didn't mean anything at the time, that you just wanted to get me something, and that New York was a safe place to give me something. I accepted hesitantly as you remember. I always knew they meant more to you, but at the time I couldn't let it interfere which is why I never wore them after that weekend until after we were married. I've also put the necklace you gave me the second time we came to New York, and its matching bracelet you gave me on our wedding day. The girls can decide which one gets what. Make sure they give one to Rachel she is just like a daughter to me, and she's been very good to Zach."

The next item a manila envelope gets pulled from the box. Inside are some ultra sound photos, and four sealed envelopes. "What are those?" Mira asks. Grace studies them for a minute. "I don't know. There's one for Will, Zach, me, and..." She holds up the last one. "This one must be for you." She says handing it to Mira. "Mom must have written these before you were born. They all open their letters. All of them were dated March 14, 2017, a week before Mira was born. Mira picks up the accompanying notes this time.

"Will these are the letters you told me the night Mira was born you'd never open, but I kept them just in case. I think they could be of some comfort right now. The ultrasound photos I never showed to you. I never needed too. We had new ones two weeks after I got these. These are the first ultrasound pictures of Mira. They were taken a few days after I told you I was pregnant. I kept them as a reminder to me of just how solid our marriage really is. Those first few weeks, and the few instances during the next six months could have ruined us, but they didn't, they just made our relationship stronger. I know deciding to keep Mira was the hardest thing you've ever had to do, and I'm so grateful. I can't imagine our lives without her, as I know you feel the same."

The next item they pulled out was two plane tickets. One had Will's name on it, the other Alicia's. They held the same date, but different destination. Zach reads the notes. "The plane tickets you'll recognize as mine to Chicago where I had planned on running too and yours to D.C. that you bought that day just to get through security to save our marriage. That was the only time in our forty five years that I thought it might end, and my deciding to run back to Chicago, was the hardest thing I'd ever tried to do. We were both hurt, and trust had been lost on both parts. I didn't really want to go, and I was so glad when I saw you running down the airport corridor right before I was to board that plane. I have never doubted our marriage since, even when we've argued or disagreed and it took a few days for things to cool down."

Both Grace and Zach turn to Mira, "I remember that." She says. "I was only twelve. Mom and Dad had both been working too much, and you know how they are when they've had little sleep for two weeks, and no date night!" Everyone nods their heads in agreement. "Mom thought Dad was being a little to friendly if you will, with the female co-council he was working with, and Dad thought the same of Mom's male co council. It turned into a whole lot of blame on both parts over nothing. They fought about everything from the direction the firm should go, it was right after Diane had been appointed a Judge, to what middle school they thought I should attend the following year. They fought for about a month. Whenever they were at home they tried to be civil in front of me, but after I went to bed if they were both home, which was hardly ever during that time, they argued and argued. One argument became the starting point for another. Then one day it stopped, they didn't talk to each other at all for about a week, which was easy because Mom came home early, and Dad stayed late. I had spring break coming up, it hit during my birthday that year. Mom told me she and I were going to visit Grandma Veronica, and Owen for my birthday. I didn't realize until Dad came running down the corridor that day that Mom had intended on staying in Chicago. Dad apologized a million times, and begged her not to go. It actually made a bit of a scene, Mom was so embarrassed! She apologized as well, but told dad she needed to think things over. We still flew to Chicago, but she left me there with Grandma and Owen and flew back home that night. When I came home a week later things were back to normal. I don't know what they had to do to fix things during that week, but whatever it was it worked."

"Wow, the things you learn thirty years later." Grace says reaching into the box once again.

The next item pulled was a thin portfolio with some photos, and pressed flowers. "I know you've seen this, you helped me add a photo or two each year. Our anniversary album. It was a good idea you had on our first anniversary that we take time off from work each year to celebrate and get away. Here are our favorite photos of us in the various places we traveled over the years to celebrate that occasion. Along with a few of the various flower petals from the bouquets you gave me each year. I think my favorites are the ones from our trip back to Italy for our twentieth anniversary. The Amalfi coast will forever be the most memorable place for me we ever went, as it was beautiful, and the place we really started our life's journey together. That's also why I insisted we go back ten years ago."

The next item some small smooth seashells. "The sea shells from our trip to the British Virgin Islands. Splurging on that private beach front resort for four days was well worth the money. Thank you for that surprise and for pulling me kicking and screaming from work to go. I really did need the break. You should probably leave out the details of that vacation to the kids! I mean we had our own private piece of paradise for four days. What else were we going to do?!" Everyone laughs, they can all imagine. "You know that is one thing I have to say about your parent's." Mira's husband says. "They emanated love, and weren't afraid to show it either. They still held hands all these years later, and Will still stole a kiss from your mom whenever he could." 


	32. Love Letters

**A/N Well this is it, the final chapter. Thanks so much to all you readers for hanging in there with me! I hope this chapter isn't too hard to follow as it has a few flashbacks in it. The La Strada restaurant mentioned here is a real restaurant in the mentioned city. As always I love feedback!**

**Love Letters**

The last item to be pulled from Alicia's box was a bundle of cards and letters. Grace removed the rubber band that held the small bundle together. Each was opened and read. Alicia had dated each card, most of which were anniversary cards exchanged over the years between her and Will. There were also a few letters, all in Will's handwriting. They consisted of a few he'd written on significant anniversaries like their tenth, twenty fifth, thirty and fortieth. There was a letter he'd written her after he'd been gone from home for three weeks setting up their LA, San Francisco and Seattle branches of the firm. After the group read that one it was clear he missed her in more than one way, and he thought if would be fun to surprise her with a letter rather than a call or an email. The last letter opened was dated August 8, 2015.

"That must be the letter Will gave me to give to mom before they got married." Zach says. Grace smiles, "You mean the one that was supposedly the reason for the wedding delay?" Zach laughs, "Yes, she gave him a hard time about that for years!"

"Well mom never liked being late, and she especially didn't like being late for her own wedding!" Grace says smiling. She carefully opens the envelope and unfolds the letter as she does another envelope falls onto her lap. "What's that?" Mira asks. Grace picks the envelope up. "I don't know, let's read and find out."  
><em><br>Alicia sat down on the oversized chair carefully making sure not to wrinkle her wedding dress. The bright afternoon sun filtered through the window shining down on her. It was quiet, quiet she hadn't had in weeks. She gazed out the window at the lush green trees out to the part of the yard where soon she'd marry Will. She thought for a moment how far they'd come in just a year. Yet it wasn't a sudden thing, or anything new, it was just part of their pattern. She'd already placed the pearl bracelet on her wrist. She opened the envelope and unfolded the letter, as she did another sealed smaller envelope fell to her lap. She began to read._

_My dearest Alicia,  
>I don't even know where to start I'm so full of emotion right now. I will never be able to fully put into words how I feel about you, and how you've made me the happiest man on earth. I'm a better person because of you. I always have been. I know you love me, and I know that today means as much to you as it does to me. But I also know you're still nervous about marrying again, and quite frankly I'd be a little concerned if you weren't. But Alicia you have to know that I truly have loved you since our days at Georgetown, and always will love you. A wise woman once told me that a soul mate is when two people have loved each other longer than they can remember. That sometimes the two would find each other, and drift back apart through out life but in the end the two would find each other and love each other beyond their last breaths. She was right.<em>

_While I was here over Christmas I was going through some old things and came across the letter I've enclosed with this one. It's a letter I wrote to you a few months after we graduated. I'd forgotten I'd even written it. As you read it you'll realize as I had thought at the time that I didn't think you'd ever read it, especially after all that happened in the few months after graduation that inevitably led me to backpacking in Italy where I wrote this. Now if you will, read the other letter before finishing this one. _

_Already near tears she looks up from the letter remembering the eight months prior to graduation and the few months after. She and Peter had met at a college game night. A dating game. Peter had been a TA for a few classes she was in. He was TAing just for that semester before he started his new job in Chicago after the holidays. So when he introduced himself to her that night a few weeks before winter break she already recognized him. Now pondering it she remembered Will was to have met her there, but he got stuck working late on a final paper he'd procrastinated on, thinking he could do it quickly but ending up spending the good part of the night finishing it. She and Peter both being from Chicago had caused Peter to ask her out while she was home over the break. Pizza and a Bull's basketball game. She wasn't really into basketball, but Peter was good looking, and had a real job. She'd had a better time on the date than she'd expected, she and Peter spent the last week of her break together. She'd even ended up sleeping with him on New Year's Eve. Something she'd never intended to do. She'd never been the type to give her self away so easily. Two days later she went back to school, and to her best friend. _

_She now remembered Will saying she seemed different when she got back, but at the time she just brushed it off. Now she realized that it had been at that point that she started to slowly break her relationship with Will, and move closer to Peter. She had decided to go home for spring break. Peter had called and asked if she would. She agreed, and just hours later Will had asked her to spend the break with him. At the time he put on a brave face and said it was fine. They had never defined their relationship. They never had to. They were best friends, they hung out together, they studied together, they slept with each other occasionally. But because things were always so easy and casual between the two they never tried to define themselves. Now thinking through it all she should have seen the disappointment in him when she told him she already had plans for the break._

_Then graduation came. She and Will and a few other friends celebrated with the few family members that had come. Will had asked her out for the next night said he a surprise for her, but Peter surprised her by showing up the next day, and the three had spent an awkward evening together. She never knew what the surprise was. A week later it was time to go start their adult lives. She had a job in Chicago, and Will had one in Baltimore. Hers started immediately his started the following September after taking the Maryland Bar in July. She and Peter continued to date. She and Will continued to call one another on weekends comparing bar prep materials, and just talking like they always had. But as the bar got closer for both of them they had less time to talk, and her relationship with Peter was getting more serious. _

_ They both took the bar exam for their respective states the same week in July. The day after it was over Peter proposed and she accepted. The next day Will called to see how the exam had gone. They chatted for awhile and then she told him about the engagement. He had told her how happy he was for her, she thought now he had probably lied, but at the time he hid that well. He told her he was leaving for Italy at the beginning of August for a month. She remembers feeling slightly jealous of him one for the fact that he had an entire month more before starting work, secondly because she had always wanted to go to Italy and Will knew it. She didn't realize as she hung up the phone that day that that would be the last time she'd talk to him for fifteen years. She'd tried to call a few times in the months before the wedding, and he had tried calling her both leaving messages, but buried in work they both never got around to calling the other back. The wedding had been planned for the following May, but when she got pregnant with Zach she insisted they move it to March. She sent Will an invitation he had sent a gift with a card regretting he couldn't be there. Bad timing all of it. _

_She didn't regret the way things had happened. The first many years of her marriage had been good. She wondered now how things would have turned out if it had been Will who had proposed instead of Peter. She opens the smaller envelope and begins to read. _

_Alicia, _

_Italy is amazing just like you thought it would be, and hiking the Amalfi coast was the way to go. I'm sitting on the terrace of a restaurant called La Strada it's carved into the rocks of the hillside and overlooks the Mediterranean. It's breathtaking, and as I've come to find out Praiano the town where this restaurant happens to be is missed by most travelers headed to either of the larger towns on either side of it. It has quaint hotels, great restaurants, and quiet beaches. It would be the perfect spot for a romantic holiday. Which is probably what drew my mind to you, other than my recollection of the night you spent telling me all about the places you'd love to visit in this country. _

_I doubt you'll ever read this. I don't intend to send it to you. Like I mentioned so much of this place, and the places I've been here in Italy remind me of you. Maybe it's just the way I've felt here. Happy, calm, at ease, that's how you always made me feel. I realized a little too late that I'd fallen in love with you my best friend. That wasn't supposed to happen, but it did. I always thought we'd just be good friends, but over the course of law school I found myself not wanting to spend time with anyone else. I didn't need too. You were the one who brought out the best in me. You're the one who made me smile, made me happy and put me at ease. You're also the one who could push all my buttons good and bad. I didn't mean to find a place in my soul for someone so early in life, but I realize now that part of you has always been there. I am so grateful to have had the chance to experience life with you in it. To have had the chance to talk for hours or sit in comfortable silence dreaming with you. To have laughed with you over the craziness of life as a law student, and to have held you when you just needed someone to say it was ok to not be ok. I don't know what the future holds for us. Even good friendships over distance have a tendency to fall away, and with this new commitment of yours and the miles between us I don't know how things will end up. I do know that when you've committed your heart to something like this new engagement that there's no turning back, no changing your mind, and I love you more for your fierce commitment to things that really matter to you. I'm not hurt or sad, I'm happy for you, and hope you always will be happy._

_Know this, that you will always have a place in my heart. There will always be a quiet place for our friendship to rest. And if some day because of circumstances beyond our control we find ourselves in a situation where I would be permitted a second chance to love you outside of my dreams I'll take it and my missing piece will be back where it belongs. That day will probably never come, and that's ok. Just know that you will always be loved by me._

_Will_

_To say she was surprised at this letter he'd written so many years ago was an understatement. She folded the piece of paper back up and placed it back in its envelope. Then read the rest of his other letter. _

_I took my second chance, forgetting that all those years ago I said I would. Alicia we were always supposed to be together. It was never supposed to be easy, the best things in life sometimes take years to gain, but in the end it's worth all the time effort and heartache it took to be together. I don't think you and I had bad timing anymore, I think that most of those times were just preparation to get us to today. You were ready to marry all those years ago, and I wasn't. I had to come a long way and experience a lot more, I had to grow up if you will, get my head on straight. You and I had to happen at the right time. Now is the right time. I'm just glad that now I can spend the rest of my life with the person I love more than life itself, and I do love you more than life itself. I will always love you. I will love you forever. I will love you every single moment of forever. Don't ever forget that. Remember that when we are in total bliss like today it's exactly where we're supposed to be. And when arguments threaten to tear us apart I will do everything in my power to keep us together because this means so much to me. And if someday you're alone because heaven forbid I die before you, all you have to do is sit still, and know that I'm with you. Part of me has and always will be with you. You'll never be alone again._

_My soul will always belong to you, Will_

_A tear spilt onto the paper as she finished reading. She couldn't help it. It was an emotional day and she couldn't hold back the emotions she felt for him. She new this was the time and the place meant for them, and she would finally put her heart at rest with his. _

_A week after the wedding overlooking the Mediterranean Will sat holding her hand in the same restaurant he'd written the letter at all those years ago. He reveled in watching her take in the scene he'd known she wanted to see for so long. "Who was the wise woman that told you about soul mates?" She asks. Sipping on some wine nestled right next to him at their table. He smiles and squeezes her tighter. "It was an elderly Italian woman who sat at the table next to me in this restaurant all those years ago. After I finished writing the letter she turned to me and asked if it was a love letter. I told her it was but that the woman it was written too had recently been engaged to a different man. "Ah but you love this woman?" she asked. "I told her yes, but that I'd lost my chance to tell the woman I loved her, and that I didn't intend to interfere. She said, "you will get another chance. I see it in your eyes the way you love this woman." Then she told me she had recently lost her husband of fifty years and told me her thoughts on soul mates. I remembered what she said, but laid it rest in the back of my head. I was twenty five, and she was… well she was really old. I didn't give it much clout." They sit in silence as the sun set of in the horizon. "Thank you for bringing me here?" she said gently kissing him. "It was never my idea Licia, it's always been yours." _

/

Grace folded the letter back up and placed it in its envelope. Everyone sat quietly for a few minutes. "Do you think they are together now?" Mira asks not really to anyone of them in particular. "I do" Grace says. "Their souls will always be together." And with that everyone quietly gets up and heads to bed.

_Will climbed into bed next to Alicia and wrapped his arm around her just like he'd done nearly every night the past forty five years. "Your quiet tonight." he whispers in her ear. She turns slowly so she can look at him. "Do you really think there is something after death?" He ponders her question for a minute before responding staring into her hazel eyes then smiles. "I honestly don't know. So many say there is, and so many believe there isn't. Do I want to believe that our souls will live on after our bodies are too old to live? Yes. But I don't know for certain. Do I believe in miracles and that there is some greater force if you, will stepping in when necessary? You have come to close to death a few too many times for me to completely rule that out." She interrupts him. "Oh come on the only times I came close were after the coma, and when Mira was born. The few other times I got really sick all I needed were some good drugs to pull me out of it." She rolls her eyes and he chuckles. "What's so funny?"_

_"You still have the best eye roll of anyone I know." he leans over and kisses her. As far as she knew she was right, but Will had kept the fact that she had technically died from pneumonia all those years ago from her and everyone else. And there had been a few other scary moments during their marriage. The fact was that when she'd gotten sick those few times she hadn't realized how ill she'd been, or how terrified he'd been left for a day or two each time hoping she'd pull through._

_"Licia why the question?" he asks resting his head back on the pillow. "I don't feel well Will. I've been so tired the past week."_

_"You've pushed too hard with the anniversary, and the kids coming in two weeks. You need to rest."_

_A few tears fill her eyes. "I have rested. I barely made it through lunch with Mira a few days ago. This is different Will. I've never felt like this." He didn't want to admit it, but somehow he knew she was right. He'd watched her over the past few weeks everything had been difficult for her. This scared him because he once again didn't know how to protect her from this. He knew there wasn't anything any doctor could do this time. So he held her tighter and wiped the stray tear from her cheek. "Remember what I told you the day we were married?"_

_"That you'd always stay with me?" she says relaxing into his warm embrace. "No in the letter I wrote." She thinks for a minute. "Yes, that you'd love me forever every single moment of forever."_

_"Yes, so don't worry. You don't have anything to worry about Licia. Even if there isn't anything after death there will still my love, my heart my soul holding onto you. That will never die. Part of me and part of you will always be together. It may not be tangible but it will exist, it always has like I said from the day I set eyes on you. She sighs, "You promise?" He gently takes her chin and lifts it so her eyes can see his. "I promise, but listen if there is something after death promise me you'll wait for me okay?" She smiles, "I won't have to, your coming with me remember?" He smiles back at her, "good point" Then he leans in and kisses her again._

_The next day she didn't get out of bed, she was too tired, and slept on and off most of the day. Will stayed with her. He brought her meals to the bed, held her when she was awake, talking to her like they always did. He sat next to her reading, or watching something while she slept. As the day went on he too started feeling his body tire. He was sure it was from the loss he knew was soon to come, and late that night as he lay awake holding her in his arms she slipped away. The sorrow he felt was unbearable as tears streamed down his face he kissed her forehead like he'd done every night for so many years for the last time. He called Mira to tell her, all he could get out was, "Your Mother" more tears. "It's ok Dad I knew she was close. I'll come." After a few minutes he hung up the phone, and fell slowly into an eternal sleep with her._

_Alicia slowly opened her eyes. She felt well. She hadn't felt this well for years to be honest. Taking in her surroundings she became a bit frightened. It was beautiful everything seemed so clear and bright, peaceful, but she couldn't place it. Figuring it was a dream she stood there for a minute not knowing what to do. She could see people coming towards her in the distance, but then she felt a hand grasp hers. She turned to see the person who'd taken her hand. _

"_Will?" He smiled at her. "Yes" _

"_You don't look like yourself. You're younger again." _

"_So are you!" _

"_Where are we? Is this a dream?" _

"_No Licia this is what life after death looks like." _

"_You mean we?" he nods his head. "Will I was so scared there would be nohting." _

"_I know, but I'm right here, you don't have to be scared. I told you I'd come with you!" he says smiling down at her. He pulls her close to him and presses his lips to hers. A minute later she looks out beyond them again. "What do we do now?" _

"_I don't know, but whatever it is we'll figure it out and we'll do it together forever."  
><em> 


End file.
